Whose idea was it to start swinging?

[hotclubcpl4u 15]

 

In a couple situation, was it the female partner's idea to explore swinging, or the male's? And which partner was the more adventurous?

[ILcouple 15]

I *her* brought up the idea, shocked the b/f big time and as far as more adventurous goes that is me again

 

They say I'm borderline pervert and I tend to agree.

 

Hope you all have a nice day.

 

Kisses Rachel

[TNT 1,155]

Hmmm,I guess we are odd balls, neither one of us brought it up first.

 

I just happened to be off one day and was clicking around on the computer, when my husband got home from work (he was working midnights at the time). He said he had a web site to check out that a friend at work had given him. He had no idea what it was about, the friend just told him to check it out.

 

Well...we went to the web site and it was for a local Social. There were links to other sites and all were full of information.

 

We spent the whole day exploring the Lifestyle on the internet, talking and discussing it. A few weeks later we decided to check out the Social and have been hooked ever since.

 

As far as who is more adverturous...it's pretty much a tie there also, one of us will suggest something and the other one will say OK, lets give it a try.

 

Teresa

[sexypairca 41]

He brought up swinging initially, I was not interested at the time. A couple of years later he brought it up again and I was the one making arangements to go to our first club. I guess that gives hope to all the guys that get shot down. You never know.

 

"A" the wife

[MiCpl 55]

Not sure who's idea it was initially. It was just something that came about. But even before we got married he had been buying swinger mags. We had some friends that he had swung with as a single too. For me tho, I was definatley open to the idea as the idea of "settling down" had never really been appealing to me even tho I did figure I would do it and had decided to do it since I was married. Not sure who brought it up first tho.

 

I(the female half) am definately the more adventurous of the two of us. He is very quiet and reserved. If a woman wants to play with him she pretty much has to make the first move unless it's someone he's played with before. I tend to be the one to set a lot of things up, although he occasionally does set up meetings with new (hopeful) playmates.

[babycakes3216900 15]

Would like to take a poll, Which partner suggested this lifestyle? Male or Female, just curious.....

[frisson 16]

Would like to take a poll, Which partner suggested this lifestyle? Male or Female, just curious.....

 

A little bit of both.

 

Our F half opened up the whole topic when she 'fessed up to some pretty hot fantasies.

 

Our M half then picked up on it and suggested that we look into swinging as a way to satify that itch.

[sexypairca 41]

For us, hubby brought it up a couple of times, but I thought that the timing was off because we were still having our family. Once we knew for sure that our family was complete, I was good to go . And here we are!

 

"A" the wife

[sccple29073 15]

Well i guess it was a little bit of both..mentioned to hubby that i have always been bi-curious and that got him open do the idea and more :-p

[OhioCouple 41]

My better half says that I (Lori) am the one who took the initiation. Although, when we started exploring the lifestyle more, we both were equally involved.

 

Lori

[Brian and Jo 344]

For us the decision to try out the swinging lifestyle was taken jointly after a lengthy discussion about where we were heading in our marriage. As we have posted before we had been married for about 15 years, were both seeking and finding some variety in our sex lives and were gradually drifting apart. I think I was the one who suggested that we pursue our interest in having other sexual partners together as a couple and Jo readily agreed. It was probably the best decision we have ever made because we are still together 25 years later and have enjoyed a wide range of partners and experiences which have enhanced our enjoyment of each other.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I have no idea who mentioned it as a reality first. I don't think it ever really was particularly brought up by one or the other. It just kind of happened. The first time I remember really talking about it was after a couple contacted us online (before we started swinging) and brought up the idea to us. At the time we weren't really ready, but later after we got into the lifestyle we did end up connecting with them again and well....

[sexy_toronto_couple 15]

I think my husband mentioned the idea one night in bed after great sex, and I just kinda "jumped all over it", so to speak!

xo

N.

[haswa 15]

Over the years we had both shared fantasies of multiple partner and group sex. Then, 2 years ago we were in Amsterdam on business for 2 weeks and decided to go "observe" a couples-only night at a top-rated swingers club nearby. Well, after watching just one large group scene for a few minutes, we were just overcome with the sights, sounds, smells, and sensations - so we just joined in and never looked back.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

It seems like while most people assume it's the hubby who brings up the idea of swinging, more and more we are seeing couples where it was the woman's idea.

 

So whose idea was it?

[SwingerSet 15]

Well, we didn't really decide to swing, it just kinda happened one night. We were playing cards with friends, one thing led to another and we ended up playing strip poker, (still our favorite game) after we had played for awhile things got hot and we ended up having sex with our spouses in the same room as our friends. We sat up talking with them for hours, then after they left we spent the rest of the night having sex. The next day we talked about what had happened and we decided to try and do it again, we haven't stopped yet although we have taken it much further.

[TeamSoBe 36]

Our story is kind of similar. We were at some party with friends where one of us kissed somebody, it was so long ago that I really don't even remember who it was or which of us it was. At another party further down the road I (male half here) seduced a cute girl and got her naked in a bedroom and ended up going down on her. At another party after that a male friend of mine and I found a back room and had a threesome with my future wife. It's really hard to say who was driving the whole thing, we're apparently both sex fiends.

 

Our first wedding anniversary was this week, October 10th. We were sitting around after dinner basking in the glow of each other and our Opus One, and we started talking about the swinging thing. I wanted to make sure that we're on the same page, and that she isn't being coerced or anything. Turns out that she was afraid that she was coercing me, since she tends to get more partners since she's female and all. We definitely seem to be on the same page.

 

It's really hard to tell with us who is the engine and who is the throttle. I think that we take turns in those roles. We really do see ourselves as a team.

[Roxysbayou 20]

We kind of decided together. An event lead to my opening up about my bi-sexuality, which brought up the idea of a FFM. But when that wasn't happening, we slowy began to progress into other things. And here we are.

[smoothmoves 16]

It was actually Ms smoothmoves idea. She had met some friends online who kept wanting her to go to a swing club with them. She kept asking me, and for some reason (I still haven't figured out why), I didn't want to go. I had never had any experience swinging, but she had years ago. She finally convinced me to go, with the help of a couple of her fine looking friends. I was like a kid in a candy store. The whole evening was like an adventure in an Adult Fantasyland. After that, I was hooked. We've never had more fun in our 27 years together, and our marriage now is much stronger than it's ever been.

[Brit_Pair 62]

Our story's similar to Roxy's. It was Mrs B who opened up about her bi-curiosity, but it was my suggestion that we consider trying to make it a reality.

 

There probably aren't that many men out there who haven't thought at some time about their wife/girlfriend/partner being intimate with another woman. However, until Mrs B made that admission, I'd only ever thought about it as an idle fantasy. It was never an obsession for me.

 

But I'm more than happy to have been a part of it becoming a reality!

 

[OhioCouple 41]

We both did a lot of "what if's" while watching porn, nothing of a serious nature though. We had no clue that there was a term called 'swinging' and just pretty much figured that those that had sex with others were in the porn industry. We used to constantly get pop-up random IM's on our AIM that alluded to the fact of someone seeking sex. At that point I think it was the hubby that said, "Hey, wouldn't that be fun to try once?" I wasn't receptive and he dropped it.

 

Eventually, after snooping around the web, I stumbled on this site and realized that *normal* people share pleasures with others and retain a sound marriage! I brought it up to him (which shocked him) and the rest is history.......

 

So we are both equal partners in crime!

[lersur 17]

It was our idea. We had talked about it as a fantasy for a long time. But what really got us talking about it was a friend of ours told us about a threesome she had with a guy and another woman. My wife admitted that she was bi curious and admitted it would be fun to give it a try. We have had one encounter so for, but hope for more. We really enjoyed and feel it as brought us closer.

[thump29 16]

We made the decision together. It all started when another couple introduced us in this lifestyle. We are always looking to spice things up and added a little extra excitement to our relationship so we decided this was for us.

[Weezie 16]

Yea, I guess it is a couple descision. Both have to agree. My husband orginally brought up the idea. I fought it for about a year. Then I found my old high school boyfriend on the internet. After about a month of chatting online with him and his present girlfriend, we discovered they were in the lifestyle. I guess it finally hit me that real people DO actually do this. I finally agreed to go to a local club. I realized that it wasn't just my husband wanting a little on the side. And if he was getting any on the side I had to consent to it and would be present. I soon realized other men find me very desirable, which is great for my self confidence. Very soon I discovered that I had repressed my liking for certain other females. It's done wonders for our sex and social life!

[geeman 15]

We decided together. We started by talking about our fantasies, then decided to act on them. We felt uncomfortable trying to find someone else, and ended up going to a club. Started at soft swing - moved on from there.

[bear_n_bunny 43]

It's hard for me to put a finger on just who's idea it was, but I pursued the matter. My sweet hubby had previous swinging experience, mainly house parties. His stories were a big turn on for me, and I was just jumping out of skin with curiosity.

 

For months I don't think he took my interest seriously, that is until I opened an account for couple seeking couple. His fear had been that I was fiegning interest because I thought it was what he wanted. Since then he's done a great job of managing just how complicated all this meet and greet business can be. I doubt I'd ever be brave enough to do more than think about swinging if I didn't have by my side.

[bbcpl4cpl 17]

I'd say that the blame lies with me. Of course, I told hubby up front that I was bi and that I would love to be with another woman and he could either watch or if she was willing, he could participate. Well we had a discussion with one of his female friends about it but she kind of laughed it off.

 

From there it moved to some discussions of whether I could meet a woman and be with her separate from him. This was fine as long as he knew who I was going to be with. That never happened either. I came close to meeting one woman off the internet but she stood me up! BAH!

 

I mentioned couples once or twice and he kind of said ..."maybe" don't know type of thing. Then one day this past March it just was an opportunity that expressed itself and things just happened. Ever since then is history.

 

Love,

 

Tigress xx

[azwildcat 15]

i'd have to admitt to this one i was the one who brought it up by confessing to my hubby that i was bi, he was shocked at first but in time liked the idea. then came the big shocker asking to go to a swingers club , he was shocked but was also like a kid in a candy store , now we both just can't get enough.

[biblonde 22]

Ours was a game of what is your fantasy and tell the truth!! And no one could get mad at the other since it was "not real". We got to talking and i fessed up what i wanted to do and offered to allow another woman into our bed...one thing lead to another in talk and next thing you know we are swinging!! Never with the single female yet only couples. Was the BEST game we have ever played!!! and he about fell on the floor (of a restaurant) When i whispered in his ear.......do you want to add a woman to our bed for you??? or is it more to watch your wife with her! He had to ask a couple times to make sure that he heard right since i had always said "hell No"....lol lol What can i say i got brave! and good thing!

 

that is how we got started and have loved every minute from all the great to some of the bad. The bad gives us something to learn from. The good is well.......m'mmmmmmm

[Elusive BiFem 70]

I'm single and voted as such; however, I think it does matter. As I've mentioned in other posts, it is something that is often hard for a female to come to grips with...the idea that she would might be bisexual and also the idea that she might enjoy sex with 2 or more people. Most of us were raised with the love, honor, and cherish thing forever...monogamy...all that stuff. And moreover, we don't have anyone to discuss these "strange" thoughts with. The realizations that we might enjoy same sex or multiple partner sex can be a difficult process to work through.

 

My thoughts...EBF

[Botcpl 15]

She did, sort of. We were at the bar with a bunch of sailing friends and my wife announces she wants to find me a thirty year old (girl) for my birthday! Lot of laughter and I answer, "I'll settle for a forty or fifty year old. Better yet, two twenty-fives"

 

That started the talking and the looking and all that other stuff.

[mrbandsatl 18]

I think I originally brought the idea up but it became a part of our fantasy discussions because she was fascinated and turned on by it.

 

I remember being somewhat shocked when she agreed to actually go through with our first meeting. We started off soft but progressed through each stage more by her urging than mine.

 

Our first full swap was at her request but our first group party was at mine...

 

Share and share alike we always say!

[hmr 25]

It all started during a short vacation. In the summer our kids go to camp. We always took this opportunity to take a few days off and go away together.

 

We had watched "Sex in the City" the night before, as well as had some incredible sex ourselves. During the night she had an incredible dream involving me, her and Mr. Big (Chris Noth). To say she was wet was an understatement, there was a puddle where she had slept!!

 

As usual , prior to this, she would not tell me at first due to total embarrasment. When she finally did spill the beans, I asked her if this was something she would be interested in. Then came the word I have found to be the key for most newbies....... it was Intrigueing.

 

Well, at first, we did many other things. A little flashing, some sex in the car, but it was not what shew was really wanting.

 

Then we picked someone up in a bar!! That was our first(MMF) I guess you could say the rest is history because now we have a t-shirt;)

 

BTW, vote for us on avitar (Hey it is election season and a little get out the vote never hurts!!)

 

mr. hmr.

[frenzb4sex 15]

Actually, Julie, while this is a great question, the click whore that I am cannot place a vote!!! AHHHHHHH!! Calgon take me away!!!!

 

Actually, it was neither that really got the ball rolling--it was our next door neighbors! They had recently moved in, we became fast friends, and they dropped the "bomb" about them being in the lifestyle one night.

 

We talked about it and how interesting it sounded. Interest turned to curiosity, curiosity turned to pillow talk, and pillow talk turned into reality when they initiated us into everything. It was a great relationship where we swung with them for a couple of years on and off. For those of you salivating over the idea of having next door neighbors being swingers, believe me, it's not all that it's cracked up to be--in fact, it's more stressful at times than anything else......But I digress...

 

So, mark me down for NONE OF THE ABOVE!!!

 

Tim

[VegasLee 1,486]

when Laura and I first started seeing each other we broke up twice. What she calls days that I "put on my stupid hat." I will admit it was me. I did something that you should never do in life or in the Lifestyle. I assumed things about her.

 

I have been in or around the lifestyle in some form most of my adult life. When I met her she was a pre school teacher. After seeing her for awhile I assumed that she would never want to be part of the lifestyle even though we had a great sex life together.

 

During a conversation when I had my "stupid hat" on I brought out that the reason we should not be together is because of the lifestyle I lead and I just knew she would be no part of it. I WAS SO WRONG!

 

The next saturday night after our talk we went to a swing club. We had agreed that we would go together three times to see if she could deal with it. The first night we hung out, got in the hot tub, messed around some infront of others but nothing else. I once again assumed that she would not want to go back. On Wed. night she called me and asked if we could go again on Saturday night.

 

We went back on Saturday night and she partied her heart out. (ok.. not her heart but you get the idea). The rest is history. Years later we still go to a club once a week, we hold our own parties and go to others all the time.

 

Moral of the story here. "Practice what you preach". I was the most open person in the world but I assumed instead of talking to me partner. Don't put on the "stupid hat" and possibly lose the best thing in your life.

 

[Alura 2,775]

I remember the subject came up in passing on our first date. We talked about almost everything, including communication, marriage, and jealousy. I remember remarking, "It seems to me the swingers have the jealousy thing figured out, otherwise they couldn't do what they do."

 

"You have to understand the difference between 'making love' and 'recreational sex'" Mrs. Alura replied.

 

I don't remember how the conversation changed subjects, but it did and before the night was over we were making love, not having recreational sex on her living room floor.

 

The next evening we were back in the same restaurant talking just as intently. There was a man who had been there the night before. I've always wondered if he'd been eavesdropping. When you're speaking English in a room full of Germans, sometimes you speak louder than you would otherwise, assuming no one will understand anyway. He approached us and said, "You're Americans, aren't you?" We started talking and before long he invited us to his apartment to meet his wife.

 

We drank some wine, chatted, and eventually they told us of a game they liked to play called "Rain." Soon, we were all four naked on their bed and I was "It." Lying face down, the man was talking in a soothing voice, "Imagine yourself in a quiet clearing. It's warm and there's a soft rain falling." At this point the other three started lightly touching the back of my body as he talked on and on. I was told to turn over and the touching continued, avoiding my genitals. A highlight was when the lady gathered her waist-length hair and used it to brush my body from my neck to my toes.

 

Everybody got to be "it" with Mrs. Alura being last. They never actually suggested sex but it became apparent that could happen. This was our second evening together and neither of us was comfortable playing without discussing it at length so we told our hosts we needed to go, and did.

 

It's tough to discuss subjects pertaining to marriage when you've known each other forty-eight hours or less, but we did.

 

"How would you have felt had we had sex with them?" I asked.

 

"It sounds like fun to me!" she replied. "I would have followed your lead and enjoyed it if it had happened. But I think it's good we left. We needed to talk. Still, there's a big difference between making love and fucking. It wouldn't have affected us."

 

"Did you just tell me you think we're in love?"

 

"Maybe." She smiled. "I'm having some trouble with the idea. We just met."

 

"Yeah, I know... But I've been with women for years and never felt I knew them as well as I know you now. It was that conversation last night in the restaurant, and then the love making."

 

"Did you just tell me you think we're in love?" she asked.

 

"I'm reasonably sure of it," I replied. "I've never been able to talk to any woman the way I can with you, and the love making last night was not fucking."

 

"Yeah," she said.

 

Mr. Alura

[redddd3715 15]

I (male) bought it up. I would send some of the "swinger stories" from this site to my ex-girlfriend via email. I would title them your fantasy and things of that nature. She loved them and would comment on them after she read them.

 

One time in bed, she ask me if I had any fantasies. After she pulled my fantasy out of me, I said anal sex. I then ask her if she had a fantasy. She did not. So, I signed up at Mon-Chalet's website in Denver to meet with couples. If figured she would be ok with it because I would joke once in a while with her about having two men at the same time. She would always say sure.

 

A year later we were swinging with two other wonderful couples.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I should have thought more on the options... my answer would be "it was so long ago I don't remember".

 

I'm not sure what came first the discussions with my ex about my past sexual experiences and seeing how it turned him on..... me finding that he already had a subscription to a local swinger mag (and had had a 3some with another couple we knew).... OR being contacted by a couple on AOL who were swingers.

 

But I can tell you that the combination of these 3 things was what eventually led us into swinging and that it was a joint interest.

[Chicup 42]

I'm really surprised how many women brought it up.

 

My thought has always been its normally started by the males and then the females REALLY get into it, sometimes more then the men, after.

[TomF_22033 17]

 

Have to say since I'm not currently invovled with anyone SINGLE. But I'm not in any hurry to worry about it. I figure when the time is right things will happen.

 

Plus a few of my lady friends are open to meeting up with another couple or male so it's just a matter of timing and others being comfortable with either a single male or a non-commited "couple".

[jdf7379 17]

It was my (D) idea and fantasy at first, however it didn't take (J) long to get on board.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

It just goes to show that you shouldn't make assumptions. The numbers may change but at the moment there is not much of a difference between the He and She numbers, it's pretty close to even.

[Guest silverlover]

Well I have to admit it was me (male half). I suggested it years ago in the late 60's. At that time I got shot down in flames with a very adamant "NO WAY". Still I had hopes something would give over time. Time it did take, I found the courage to approach it once more and got a yes. This was much later in the 80's and included our best friends of 9 years. Actually it all began with the other husband and I discussing the fact of swapping that led us to approach the wives about it. In a matter of weeks we were screwing our brains out to each others delight. So you never know what a women is actually thinking when she says no.

 

Different strokes for different folks )

[nwazscore 15]

It was me (the woman) who had brought it up initially. I began telling my SO about fantasies I'd had from the time I became sexually aware about being with another woman. I just felt comfortable enough to express this to him. I could tell he was very turned on, and we just talked about it in the beginning and during sex we used the descriptions to get each other all hot and horny. We talked a little about getting into swinging. He had been to one club with his ex-wife but it didn't go so well...

 

Anyhoo, we talked and we both started investigating it further on-line (we lived separately then). While in a nearby resort town on a weekend vacation, we happened to meet up with a couple from California. Somehow the swinging thing came up, and we all ended up naked in a hotel room that night. I loved it! The next morning, my bf and I made such passionate love (by ourselves in our own hotel room).

 

The rest as they say is history. I still tend to be a little nervous and shy about meeting a new person or couple, but when it all comes together (no pun intended), it's wonderful!

[BradAndJanet 70]

We don't remember, really, who first brought 'it' up. Like one famous cigar smoker once said, it depends on the definition of 'it'.

 

She had always confessed a desire to 'do' my long time friend, and for a long time we had used that fantasy in our sex talk. As he was really unavailable, we began to talk about 'if only' we could find someone else, thinking it was unattainable. It wasn't until then that we found out it might not be

 

Since I'm the one that found the board, I guess you could say that I was the first to bring 'it' up. But, there was a willing audience...

[NotsoNew 17]

He brought it up. At first, I really wasn't too sure. All the regular concerns. He found this website and we started to read it. After that, we went to some strip clubs together and some off-premise clubs. Met a great couple on SLS and the rest is history...

[txbbbiw 15]

He brought it up, definetely. I was once the good girl who was repulsed by the thought of sex before marriage, let alone swinging. Let's just say i've changed my views somewhat. He, on the other hand, was raised by his dirty old man of a father and is now just like him!

[bccpl77 15]

Niether on of us brought it up. The first time was initiated by the female of a couple of friends of ours. We were both taken by surprise but I think we both knew each other would be OK with it. Wasn't the best experience but without it we would probably still be vanilla.

 

PS I didn't vote because we don't really fall under any of those categories.

[leftcoastcouple 32]

Oddly enough, she brought it up...but I pursued it.

 

As I've related in other threads, we've had a few encounters in the past (MMF, plus playing alone with permission with other partners), but those took place years ago, when we were still young, crazy and unsure of ourselves. And, they were based strictly on me bringing it up, because she was WAY too sexually conservative at that point to even think of it if I hadn't. Wow, that seems like a lifetime ago.

 

Once we settled down and had a family, the topic of sex outside of our marriage became little more than an occasional joke about me wanting a threesome (Some things never change!), one or the other of us having the hots for someone, or reflections over our past experiences.

 

Flash forward to last summer, when suspicions that friends of ours were swinging were confirmed through various means. With a real-life example to relate to, we discussed the topic with much titillation. Then, more curious than ever, I went looking for information, stumbled upon this site, began reading, and ultimately came to see swinging in a whole new light, breaking my 70s-era "wife-swapping" stereotypes.

 

With this new perspective, I brought the subject up with her one night when we'd had a few drinks and were particularly relaxed. Not sensing the usual resistance, I asked her to explore her feelings, because it was clear she'd never given the topic enough thought to understand them herself.

 

Not even knowing where to start, she asked me to come up with a list of topics to think about, which I did by relying upon this site and a couple of books. These led to further discussions that ultimately helped her realize that she, too, found the prospect of swinging exciting, and that realization led to even further discussions--and the shared conclusion that we were both motivated and ready to take the plunge, for all the right reasons.

 

Having gone through this process, I understand why so many folks here recommend talking at such length up front with your partner. Besides being a lot of fun (!), doing so helped us explore our comfort levels, interests, motivations, concerns, etc., both as individuals and, more importantly, as a couple. Hell, she even surprised both of us with some of her answers, such as stating a preference (at least on a conceptual level) for separate-room play, which she felt would allow her to cut loose without feeling self-conscious. So much for conservatism!

 

Best of all, the honesty and openness that resulted from those conversations not only put us in a good place for when we play, it spilled over into other areas of our relationship, improving our overall communication and making us feel closer than ever.

 

Now all that's left is taking off the clothes and having some fun!

[passion8 16]

Okay so we started talking about it while spending hours decorating our place, we were talking about the sexy way the girls are dressed in the MTV videos and how it's not comfortable to go to vanilla clubs dressed like that . So I (the male) suggested going to an Erotic Disco (swingers club) I'd read about on the net. No persuasion needed, a quick look at their website and it was agreed we'd go and check it out. It was only after we went and she had her first bisexual experience and she couldn't wait to tell her friend about it, that I realized she'd been having her own thoughts without sharing them with me!