Swinging in an open marriage

[ornette 25]

My wife and I have decided that we wanted to pursue an open marriage and felt that swinging would be a good start. After a bad first experience (she backed out at the last moment and he didn't want to use protection even though it was a rule we setup when we started) we are ready to get back out there. I was wondering if any seasoned open relationship folks would have any tips or information for a couple just starting out?

[cplnuswing 4,713]

What does open marriage mean to you guys? There are many different degrees to term, so kind of hard to give a good answer without knowing what you have in mind.

 

I do agree that a couple needs to prove to themselves and each other that they can swing together without any issue before taking things even further.

 

I would caution though about having a specific end goal in mind. In swinging, when you start trying to make something happen instead of just going with the flow and letting things develop on their own, that's usually when things don't work out as well as you had hoped.

[ornette 25]

When we first decided to open our marriage up we decided that we wanted to explore a fun, exiting, and nurturing lifestyle as a couple as well as individuals. She is allowed to have her adventures on her own and I'm allowed mine. If that helps.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

So basically you both will have a standing hall pass to have sex with anyone anytime? Have you set any rules and boundaries on that yet? I think it's important to have at least talked about what those should be. Too many rules can sort of defeat the purpose, but too few can result in you finding yourselves in a position where you've not thought about yet and not sure how to proceed. It's almost a given that will happen eventually, and it only takes things going really wrong once to cause big problems.

[ornette 25]

Yeah of course. Protection protection protection birth control as well as condoms plus I'm getting the snip, we check in with each other beforehand, no inviting friends to the party, set up hard nos/sex rules beforehand, and no sex the first date.