Talked about swinging last night....went really well!!

[Emt 91]

Last night, my wife and I spoke at length about swinging. We both discussed our thoughts, desires, and rules/boundaries. To my surprise, we matched up perfectly and are on the exact same page! We agreed to take it slow and just feel things out initially but are both open to soft and full swaps only in same room with condoms for penetration being required. She also said she doesn't want other males cumming in her mouth and I explained she needed to be up front about that.

 

We also watched an episode of the Playboy Swing reality show, together, which REALLY turned us on. We had some of the best sex we had in a while after watching that, talking about swinging, and imagining ourselves doing it. Who's to say what actually happens the first time I see my wife penetrated or the first time she watches me with another woman. But so far, so good. We'll also be constantly checking in and communicating before, during, and after we do anything.

 

We both agreed we are going to drop a little weight before trying it. I'm 5'8" ~205 and she's 5'10" ~240.

 

I'm going to keep learning here and trying to start dialogue with local clubs so we can familiarize ourselves.

[CB&DD 218]

Nice, sounds like you two are off to a good start. Good luck and enjoy the adventure.

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

Sounds like an excellent plan. Regarding planned weight loss--the decision to swing is often accompanied by a lot of 'lifestyle decisions'--grooming, fitness, wardrobe, weight change and so on. One of the most important steps in setting achievable-yet-stretch goals and encouraging each other along the way. This will vary for every couple, and yet working through these decisions and towards goals was an important step for us--and for others.

[njbm 2,872]

I am currently on Jenny Craig. Lost 4 lbs. the first week.Not a difficult diet. Just follow directions. Having a better weight helps attract people and it helps performance and agility.

 

We saw the comedian Martin Short recently. He said he’s been on Jenny Craig more often than Mr. Craig.

[ViSexual 1,008]

You are smart to take it slowly. Once you've crossed the line you just can't go back. Now, nothing wrong with crossing the line but the talk, as you already know, is sure sexy too. As you're finding out, opening up a marriage to the possibility of others, turns a spouse into also a best friend.

[Emt 91]

Sounds like an excellent plan. Regarding planned weight loss--the decision to swing is often accompanied by a lot of 'lifestyle decisions'--grooming, fitness, wardrobe, weight change and so on. One of the most important steps in setting achievable-yet-stretch goals and encouraging each other along the way. This will vary for every couple, and yet working through these decisions and towards goals was an important step for us--and for others.

 

This is my hope, that we'll make positive changes for ourselves that are LONG overdue, but have been delayed previously due to life stressors. We are now at a point where we can splurge on the fun stuff without it affecting much.

 

Still curious to see what the local clubs are about and how people dress/present themselves. We shall see!

 

Thanks!

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

Take your time, enjoy the journey and not just the destination, stick to your rules and limits, and go for it!

[bbarnsworth 2,640]

It sounds very much like you're on the right path. The way you are starting out sounds very similar to the way many couples that had success in the lifestyle started out, including our own.

 

Keep discussion open, honest, and non-judgmental. Everything is fair play. Always remember that you need to move at the pace of the slower of the two of you in going into the lifestyle. Each person is different, and one partner might be so excited they want to swing this weekend, while the other might want to take some months to mentally sort through it. You sound like you're on the same page. Make sure it stays that way.

 

If you keep on as you are, and keep those lines of communication completely open, I think you will find the first time filled with nerves, but in a good way. Speaking as a guy, I think you will find it incredibly erotic and very satisfying watch your wife having sex with another man. Hopefully your wife will feel likewise about you with another woman.

 

It's a good idea to lose weight in general, but keep in mind your own impressions of yourselves are very often wrong. People getting into lifestyle (forgive me ladies), especially women, have sometimes intense self doubt about their appearance, as if no one will find them attractive. Unless you're just hideous and/or have done nothing to put your best foot forward, then you will find couples to play with. That's the thing; act like you have self respect with your manner of dress, how you present yourself, how you eat. Others will pick up on it. This is true in life in general, and true in swinging. As a guy, if I were looking at two identical twins, and purely from a visual aspect, I would be far more drawn to the one in a dress, heels, hair nicely done, than the one in beaten up sneakers, dirty jeans, and unkempt hair.

[Emt 91]

It sounds very much like you're on the right path. The way you are starting out sounds very similar to the way many couples that had success in the lifestyle started out, including our own.

 

Keep discussion open, honest, and non-judgmental. Everything is fair play. Always remember that you need to move at the pace of the slower of the two of you in going into the lifestyle. Each person is different, and one partner might be so excited they want to swing this weekend, while the other might want to take some months to mentally sort through it. You sound like you're on the same page. Make sure it stays that way.

 

If you keep on as you are, and keep those lines of communication completely open, I think you will find the first time filled with nerves, but in a good way. Speaking as a guy, I think you will find it incredibly erotic and very satisfying watch your wife having sex with another man. Hopefully your wife will feel likewise about you with another woman.

 

It's a good idea to lose weight in general, but keep in mind your own impressions of yourselves are very often wrong. People getting into lifestyle (forgive me ladies), especially women, have sometimes intense self doubt about their appearance, as if no one will find them attractive. Unless you're just hideous and/or have done nothing to put your best foot forward, then you will find couples to play with. That's the thing; act like you have self respect with your manner of dress, how you present yourself, how you eat. Others will pick up on it. This is true in life in general, and true in swinging. As a guy, if I were looking at two identical twins, and purely from a visual aspect, I would be far more drawn to the one in a dress, heels, hair nicely done, than the one in beaten up sneakers, dirty jeans, and unkempt hair.

 

Thanks for sharing.

 

Yes, we are definitely steam rolling right ahead with excellent honest and open communication. Once we get in a few more overnights with our son at grandma's house, then we'll feel comfortable going away until early the next morning or spending the night in a hotel by ourselves.

 

I see what you mean about being hard on ourselves. We went to IKEA today and my wife and I were looking around at the other couples. I think we look good and I'm confident we'll find another couple to chat and hopefully play with.

[dazanconfsd 84]

We tried after just 2 weeks of talking about it. Did just about everything wrong you could do. Our very stable and loving relationship took a hit, this is something she has wanted for a long time and just brought it to my attention. She said it was done, never again, etc. I told her I wanted to try it with her and talked it over. After 6 or 8 weeks of full discussions, what went wrong, how we feel, what we want and expect, what to do, not to do, safe touch, safe words, and so on, we tried again. We have 2 couples we play with regularly, one of them we hang out with as friends now, without playing as well(not everyone's cup of tea, but we enjoy it and the friendship) Everything has gone smooth, and with the help of others here, our communication is excellent (thank you GoldCoCouple for the advice) so when there is a "bump" we bring it up after the experience and adjust our rules and boundaries. Make sure you both know what you are getting into and the first time, at least for us, is not what you expect. Hell, sometimes with our regulars it isn't what we expected, we just make a point to have fun and keep to our rules. Best of luck!

Mr. Dazed

[Emt 91]

We tried after just 2 weeks of talking about it. Did just about everything wrong you could do. Our very stable and loving relationship took a hit, this is something she has wanted for a long time and just brought it to my attention. She said it was done, never again, etc. I told her I wanted to try it with her and talked it over. After 6 or 8 weeks of full discussions, what went wrong, how we feel, what we want and expect, what to do, not to do, safe touch, safe words, and so on, we tried again. We have 2 couples we play with regularly, one of them we hang out with as friends now, without playing as well(not everyone's cup of tea, but we enjoy it and the friendship) Everything has gone smooth, and with the help of others here, our communication is excellent (thank you GoldCoCouple for the advice) so when there is a "bump" we bring it up after the experience and adjust our rules and boundaries. Make sure you both know what you are getting into and the first time, at least for us, is not what you expect. Hell, sometimes with our regulars it isn't what we expected, we just make a point to have fun and keep to our rules. Best of luck!

Mr. Dazed

 

I appreciate you sharing your experience with us! We're pretty confident in our relationship and the foundation it's built on. But who's to say what happens that first time I see my wife penetrated or her response to me having sex with a woman we just met. But without that initial experience, we can't grow. So I can understand how you were able to grow from that struggle.

 

We definitely would love to develop friendships. Not sure how quickly that happens in the lifestyle but we'll find out!!

 

Thanks again!!

[MrandMrsA 76]

Do you listen to podcasts? I highly recommend the "We Gotta Thing" podcast. Kind of a how to about swinging and relationships in general. It has sparked many hours of conversation between me and SO.

[Emt 91]

I wanted to give another update. My wife and I are seriously increasing our dialogue about the LS and peeling back previous limitations on a consistent basis. Today it was gang-bangs. While I have no clue how the logistics work at a party/club, I asked her how she felt about me participating in one if invited. She encouraged it! I stopped at that point to check in with her about how she really felt and assured her it was safe to share concerns/discomfort. Nope! She said she loves all the things we've been talking about doing! We hugged each other and both shared how happy we were that the desires and dialogue have been so positive!

 

No clue how things will actually unfold in person, but we're gonna start crossing some bridges when we come to them, that's for damned sure!!

 

EDIT: We also set up a joint email account for the LS. We've had a joint checking for years, but an email we both monitor....for social and sexual purposes...this is new.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

I think it's about time to set up a trip to a club...not for anything to happen, just to watch. I think you'll both have a great time. Keep leaving updates!

[lovefest04 699]

EMT

 

EDIT: We also set up a joint email account for the LS. We've had a joint checking for years, but an email we both monitor....for social and sexual purposes...this is new.

 

That never occurred to me. I think this is a great idea. Thanks.

[Emt 91]

I think it's about time to set up a trip to a club...not for anything to happen, just to watch. I think you'll both have a great time. Keep leaving updates!

 

Unfortunately we have a VERY busy life. We've scheduled our club visit for May 4th.

 

However, this weekend I suggested dinner out, she suggested a strip club for dessert. So that works to wet the appetite a bit.

[Emt 91]

EMT

 

EDIT: We also set up a joint email account for the LS. We've had a joint checking for years, but an email we both monitor....for social and sexual purposes...this is new.

 

That never occurred to me. I think this is a great idea. Thanks.

 

Well we agreed to be 100% open and have no secrets...this helps to ensure that. Plus there's both of us checking it so whoever emails us gets a prompter response.

[MrandMrsA 76]

We've scheduled our club visit for May 4th.

 

May the fourth be with you. ?

[Emt 91]

May the fourth be with you.

 

Not sure if this is a universal club/party theme in the LS but yes...that's actually the theme of the night according to the club owner. Neither of us are Star Wars fans although my son is a fan. Maybe we'll carry around a couple of expandable light sabers and fight each other on the dance floor.

[adamgunn 1,460]

A Princess Leia costume could be good - and the cinnamon buns could be used as a snack after sex!

[Emt 91]

A Princess Leia costume could be good - and the cinnamon buns could be used as a snack after sex!

 

I just talked to the club owner. She said about have the people dress up and it's one of the biggest parties they throw so we're fine not to dress up. I like knowing it'll be a big party though... increases the likelihood of us finding people we can connect with. Not exactly sure how the approach works. But I figure we'll see people we find attractive, go over and talk to them, if we hit it off keep going and if not move on to another couple after 5-10min of chatting.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

A little glow in the dark paint and may the schwartz be with you!

 

https://zippy.gfycat.com/VengefulBowedDunlin.webm

[njbm 2,872]

Make sure that your light saber works. I bought generic Viagra for $3 a pill (100mg) yesterday. 50mg is enough for me, so I will use a pill splitter.

[adamgunn 1,460]

"I like knowing it'll be a big party though... increases the likelihood of us finding people we can connect with"

 

Actually, it might have the opposite effect. There will be so many people, so much excitement that you may have trouble winnowing the chaff. Not to worry though, go, have fun, it will be what it will be. Don't overthink.

[Emt 91]

Make sure that your light saber works. I bought generic Viagra for $3 a pill (100mg) yesterday. 50mg is enough for me, so I will use a pill splitter.

 

I have a fresh bottle of 30 100mg.

 

I'm actually testing a half of one tomorrow night because, while I'm in my mid-30's now...I haven't taken any since I was in my early 20's. Want to see if I still just get a stiff cock and stuffy nose. If so, we're good to go!

 

And definitely use GoodRX for scrips. That was even cheaper than my insurance. I got the bottle of 30 for under $40.

 

Thanks!

[Emt 91]

"I like knowing it'll be a big party though... increases the likelihood of us finding people we can connect with"

 

Actually, it might have the opposite effect. There will be so many people, so much excitement that you may have trouble winnowing the chaff. Not to worry though, go, have fun, it will be what it will be. Don't overthink.

 

Don't overthink?? That's like telling water not to be wet.

 

But yes, we're going to have a great time! And unlike a normal club where people mainly want to dance, there's another end game at work here. So I don't imagine it'll be a massive, rave-like setting...people are going to need to chat. We're going to get there right before it opens to meet/chat with the owner so it's not like we're going to walk into a sea of people anyway.

 

Thanks though.

[Emt 91]

Another update...

 

We had our date night last night. Dinner was excellent! However, the strip club absolutely positively SUCKED!! To put it in perspective, this is the very first time in the many we've gone that it sucked. Normally we go and then get all riled up and then leave when we're ready to tear each other apart...then we do. This time was very different. It started out okay but neither one of us felt that any of the dancers were attractive. There was one that I liked but she was only circulating the crowd. She was larger, big boobs, big butt, thicker mid-section and gorgeous hair, face and eyes. But she didn't come near us and her personality when I approached her was not warm or engaging at all. We're going to check in about it tonight.

 

I know for me, I did NOT like that there was no possibility of anything other than looking happening. And I know that's the purpose of the club. But for the first time, it did nothing to arouse me. Felt like a waste of time and was boring. I kept checking my watch.

 

Now we did go home and absolutely devoured each other!! So it really was the experience that was the turn-off, not any level of awkwardness or difference with each other. I know last night my wife agreed that the dancers just didn't do anything for her.

 

Not sure if this is a normal experience for those in the LS and how they view strip clubs....anyone able to share their view/experience here??

 

EDIT: We just processed about last night. She agreed that the dancers and environment just didn't do anything for her and she didn't like the limitation that it was look but don't touch and that the dancers that did talk to us were only doing it in the hopes of being paid rather than true mutual interest/attraction. So it seems like the pursuit of the LS and the possibilities it affords has kinda ruined strip clubs for us. We're not complaining...just letting go of what our previous ceiling was I suppose. On to bigger and better things!!

[adamgunn 1,460]

EMT, congratulations, you're growing.

 

You're looking forward to being watched by others, touched by others, perhaps intimate with others. The staid environs of a strip club now look conservative to you. You're getting there!

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

Next step is a club. Knowing that you can have sex while others watch or watch others having sex is a big turn on. Knowing that you can ask others if they want to join in or that others may ask you to join in is even better. Best thing is knowing you don't have to do anything you both don't want to do is the best. Start planning now!

[Emt 91]

EMT, congratulations, you're growing.

 

You're looking forward to being watched by others, touched by others, perhaps intimate with others. The staid environs of a strip club now look conservative to you. You're getting there!

 

Thanks for that! And yes, hit the nail on the head. Look but no possibility of touch and zero connection now equals boring! I'm glad this is seen a progress. I certainly hope so and we both can't wait to get to that club!!

[Emt 91]

Next step is a club. Knowing that you can have sex while others watch or watch others having sex is a big turn on. Knowing that you can ask others if they want to join in or that others may ask you to join in is even better. Best thing is knowing you don't have to do anything you both don't want to do is the best. Start planning now!

 

Next step is absolutely a club...well, with the caveat that we don't get further immersed into SLS and actually have our first experience through there. In regard to planning, we did that either last night or the night before. We talked about all the combinations of arrangements we're really excited to try. Things like being double penetrated, two female bj, watching each other with other partner(s), etc. The conversation itself was arousing!

 

Thanks!

[Milfcub 15]

Before we try a party wed love to have a few couples join us for a few drinks while the ladies try on langerie then we all walk around completely naked. We love to be naked and think having a couple or 2 join us would be fun. We can shower together.

[tbone1 79]

If you guys like being naked, you should check out Hedonism 2 in Negril Jamaica. Except for the lobby, dining area & restaurants, and gym, the entire resort is clothing-optional, and at the nude beach, pool, and hot tub is nudity required. There is no pressure at Hedo to do anything you don't want to, No Means No, almost everyone is friendly and respectful. However, if you want to play with your wife or your new friends, you can play by the pool or hot tub, plus there is a small playroom behind the nude hot tub, and a large playroom open in the evenings. Jamaica has a great climate, the staff there is wonderful, there are all kinds of things to do from just sitting the beach reading, to participating in various games by the pool, to water sports like scuba, kayaking, etc. While it is not inexpensive to go to Hedo, everything is included in one price, all food and alcohol, all activities, water sports, etc. You will meet great people from all over, and may have the best vacation of you life. There is a reason why Hedo has an incredible amount of return guests. Usually the least expensive way to book is through a group. You can see which groups are going when on the Hedo website. Find one that interests you that is going the dates you want to go, and contact them. We love Jon's Fluffernutters (fluffernutters.com), and Rachals Rascals, but there are lots of great groups. Good luck!

[Numex 2,420]

... Once you've crossed the line you just can't go back...

This is something often said here that I believe is untrue.

 

We started with my wife getting together with old lovers to see if she wanted to have sex with them again. We agreed that if one of us didn't like it we would just go back to monogamy, no recriminations either way.

 

Instead of going back, we moved forward to me joining for MFMs, couples swaps, even alone play. My wife and I didn't have any rules to begin with, but if we did something one of us didn't like we talked about it and either modified what was being done or just didn't do that again.

 

We've done things together that we've regretted (none of them swinging), so we don't do that thing again. But from the perspective of our relationship, we did "go back."

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

So what you are saying is in regard to swinging, you can never go back

[Numex 2,420]

So what you are saying is in regard to swinging, you can never go back

?? Sorry, but I don't understand, even the laughy face. I'm saying that my wife and I have agreed that if any aspect of having sex with other people isn't working, we stop and there will be no recriminations.