When the club is filled with flawless hard-bodies??

[Emt 91]

My wife and I are slightly overweight. I'm 5'8 215 (as of this morning) and she is 5'10" and ~240. I'll easily get down below 200lbs. by the time we hit a club. I know she'll improve as well. We are both dieting and have been successful in the past, but neither of us will ever have a 6-pack. I'm a naturally outgoing person who can chat it up with damn near anyone about anything! She's the same way.

 

However, our biggest concern is getting to a club and being surrounded by people who are absolutely gorgeous/gym rats well-seasoned in the lifestyle that we won't compare to. At that point it doesn't really matter how confident and comfortable we are with our bodies if everyone avoids us based on looks.

 

I've read at length that being concerned whether anyone will want to talk to and/or play with 1st timers is super common. But is there any truth to such situations happening and the evening being a bust (as it involves the hopes of socializing with others) from the time a couple walks through the door? Or do I need to give swingers some credit and just trust that someone will be open to at least chatting?

 

Something else I'm curious about...are beginners appealing and spark curiosity in seasoned swingers or do we need to work at it? Any tips?

 

Thanks!

[adamgunn 1,461]

You've answered your own question as far as advice from us goes: "I've read at length that being concerned whether anyone will want to talk to and/or play with 1st timers is super common." If you've read the responses, you know our attitude is if you go in with a pleasant demeanor you'll be accepted by some, at least.

 

All the advice you're going to get to us means nothing until you're actually willing to walk through the door. . .

[Bluespruce1 707]

I can honestly say in 10+ years of swinging, I have never seen that place. Any place we have been there are all types of body shapes and sizes. This goes for the nude beaches and resorts as well. We love our imperfections and expect the same. We obviously have high standards when it comes to cleanliness and grooming. We don’t even get hung up on clothing - easy to put a turd in a nice wrapper! While physical attraction plays a significant role in our choice of partners, attitude and personality go a long way especially if it’s going to extend beyond one night.

[TwoFunTexans 103]

People come in all shapes and sizes and I've seen all types of people having fun at ls events. Do your best to be appealing and have your smile ready and you shouldn't have an issue chatting someone up. As far as being new, if you're in a club and willing to play that shouldn't be an issue. If you are new and reaching out on a website that could be a different story.

[Emt 91]

I can honestly say in 10+ years of swinging, I have never seen that place.

 

Problem is....I have. Let me explain.

 

About 10 years back my wife and I went through this before. Only we were already having sex with her girlfriends instead of doing full swaps, going to ls parties/clubs, etc. Well I got ballsy enough to the point that I started chatting with the organizers of an exclusive group in the same area we are now looking to go (Philadelphia). It was a club that was selective on who they let in and required pictures for approval/invitation. Some from the Philly area may know who/what I'm referencing as the club still exists today. Anyway, after talking to them for a while I sent them a pic of my wife and I and didn't hear back. Then I tried following up multiple times...still no response. So essentially we were excluded solely on our looks. It was for a Halloween party. And every year since I think about that experience...in passing at this point. But that was really crushing to not be accepted!

 

Now we've moved on and on so many levels are really happy and successful. But that is where our fear of rejection comes from at the swinger level.

[ViSexual 1,008]

I'm guessing that a place like that would be full of mirrors, like the gyms those people go to. Now, nothing wrong with being in love with your own looks but don't expect me to be one of your admirers. I tend to admire folks who are interested in other people too. You sound like a cool couple and I think you'll find plenty of friends in the lifestyle.

[dazanconfsd 84]

I kind of wish you guys were in the area. We have been playing, quite a bit, for a couple months now and aren't too dissimilar to you in height/weight. We haven't been to a club, but going with people in similar circumstances would surely ease the stress.

 

*Edit* I am capable of getting a 6 pack, but the popular consensus among our playmates, and my wife, is always "no" for various reasons. So I keep a little weight on me

[Guest]

We’ve not found this place of hard bodies of which you speak. I would say proportionately maybe you don’t have as many obese people at a swingers club as you would have at a public beach or pool but certainly there are all shapes, sizes and in most cases, ages. Go forth, and flaunt your bodies. And, always remember that sex is kind of like money, if you’re willing to just give it away, someone there will be more than likely to have some.

[Emt 91]

Thank you all for the replies/kind words. It seems like our previous experience was really atypical and not the norm. That's great to know!! Makes me more confident that we'll enjoy ourselves.

 

Thanks again!

[Guest]

This is the biggest mistake new people make...placing too much importance on appearance and having a grocery list of requirements. I know some are saying, "Just do it." It's good advice. In our years of experience, we know that appearance has absolutely nothing to do with how good the sex is, or how the connection will work out. OF course you might have some visual expectations and I do have a certain type I prefer but, you will be surprised with some of your partners if you have some false expectations. For example:

 

We dated a couple for the first time, had them to our home, talked for maybe 30 minutes, and they wanted to go to bed. My husband was super excited leading up to the date. She was a Farah Fawcett clone. Yeah he had the poster. In bed, she laid stiff like a board with her legs barely apart and stuck to the bed. He tried and tried to get her to open up and all she did was make little grunting noises. She didn't even put her arms around him. He gave up in disgust and took her to the patio and made drinks. Meanwhile, her husband fucked the shit out of me, came twice, and when laying in bed he wanted to do it some more, but thought his wife might get upset. He said I was the best lay he ever had...ya think?

 

My husband later said that she was as dumb as a rock, the worst lay he ever had, and that she had been clearly getting through life on her good looks.

 

I have had 10's also by appearance standards and they had no idea how to satisfy a woman. We dated one couple twice and the guy would last 90 seconds and then tell me, as matter of factly, that he had to cum. He'd pull out, crush my legs back onto me and spray his sperm on my tits. Perfect. He was a very handsome and fit man. His wife fucked like a crazy woman...I wonder why???

 

My advice is to beware of profiles that state they are very sexy and super fit. Beware of couples that put on a fitness exhibition in public. They are most likely more concerned about getting attention than giving pleasure. And out of the clubs we have attended, there haven't been a herd of body builders and super models. You're over thinking it babe.

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

Listen: I will pay your admission to the club if you go there and it is full of sexy hard bodies and Farrah Fawcett clones (unless your 'standards' are extremely low.). Some 'special events' and house parties (that usually require photos) do limit attendance to beautiful people only, but they are the HUGE EXCEPTION to the swinging rule. A visit to a swingers club will look more like what you would see on a trip to the market...just with less lighting and clothes...and people having sex in the isles. Not only will you be fine with how 'normal' the attendees are, you will probably find out that you two look just fine...there will always be others that 'look' better, but by no means will you be looking like Quasimodo in a sea of pretty. If you do a search you will see that most (as in I don't recall anyone saying otherwise but I'm leaving a small chance of the impossible here) people that have gone to clubs found themselves thinking better of how they appeared. You will not be the least attractive person there, and even if you were, you will find that personality also adds value. Whenever we are looking for couples to date, we don't use the photos as the only criteria since nobody has been able to invent a camera that can capture a persons personality. Go, with nothing planned or expected than having a fun date out with your SO, and then tell me I was wrong...

[Emt 91]

This is the biggest mistake new people make...placing too much importance on appearance and having a grocery list of requirements. I know some are saying, "Just do it." It's good advice. In our years of experience, we know that appearance has absolutely nothing to do with how good the sex is, or how the connection will work out. OF course you might have some visual expectations and I do have a certain type I prefer but, you will be surprised with some of your partners if you have some false expectations. For example:

 

We dated a couple for the first time, had them to our home, talked for maybe 30 minutes, and they wanted to go to bed. My husband was super excited leading up to the date. She was a Farah Fawcett clone. Yeah he had the poster. In bed, she laid stiff like a board with her legs barely apart and stuck to the bed. He tried and tried to get her to open up and all she did was make little grunting noises. She didn't even put her arms around him. He gave up in disgust and took her to the patio and made drinks. Meanwhile, her husband fucked the shit out of me, came twice, and when laying in bed he wanted to do it some more, but thought his wife might get upset. He said I was the best lay he ever had...ya think?

 

My husband later said that she was as dumb as a rock, the worst lay he ever had, and that she had been clearly getting through life on her good looks.

 

I have had 10's also by appearance standards and they had no idea how to satisfy a woman. We dated one couple twice and the guy would last 90 seconds and then tell me, as matter of factly, that he had to cum. He'd pull out, crush my legs back onto me and spray his sperm on my tits. Perfect. He was a very handsome and fit man. His wife fucked like a crazy woman...I wonder why???

 

My advice is to beware of profiles that state they are very sexy and super fit. Beware of couples that put on a fitness exhibition in public. They are most likely more concerned about getting attention than giving pleasure. And out of the clubs we have attended, there haven't been a herd of body builders and super models. You're over thinking it babe.

 

 

Ok, now hard bodies aside... if I encounter someone like this that's sort of my home turf, being a sex therapist (and educator), would it be ok to try and help them? In that case I might have given her a massage and just generally helped her to relax a bit. ...or do we just endure the unpleasant experience and/or stop and go do something else. Just not sure if it'd be helpful/welcome or offensive. I know the individuals and couples who are clients love it, but then again, I'm not having sex with them so it's fully clothed in an office. Naked usually equates to FAR more sensitive and vulnerable.

 

Thoughts?

 

Thanks!

[Emt 91]

Listen: I will pay your admission to the club if you go there and it is full of sexy hard bodies and Farrah Fawcett clones (unless your 'standards' are extremely low.). Some 'special events' and house parties (that usually require photos) do limit attendance to beautiful people only, but they are the HUGE EXCEPTION to the swinging rule. A visit to a swingers club will look more like what you would see on a trip to the market...just with less lighting and clothes...and people having sex in the isles. Not only will you be fine with how 'normal' the attendees are, you will probably find out that you two look just fine...there will always be others that 'look' better, but by no means will you be looking like Quasimodo in a sea of pretty. If you do a search you will see that most (as in I don't recall anyone saying otherwise but I'm leaving a small chance of the impossible here) people that have gone to clubs found themselves thinking better of how they appeared. You will not be the least attractive person there, and even if you were, you will find that personality also adds value. Whenever we are looking for couples to date, we don't use the photos as the only criteria since nobody has been able to invent a camera that can capture a persons personality. Go, with nothing planned or expected than having a fun date out with your SO, and then tell me I was wrong...

 

DEAL!! And as far as the same people at the market...roger that. I often look around and am curious who else might be open to swapping. But I generally think about sex most of the day and am comfortably rewarded for it.

 

Thanks!

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

I'll be waiting for your receipt and proof of visit (or you saying how I was SO right...that never gets old). We play the game of imagining what people look like under their clothes at the same time we are wondering if they would swing.

[agreatguy 269]

EMT, You're way overthinking this.

Relax, go and have fun.

Walk in like you own the damn place.

Introduce yourselves and if there is no chemistry move on to the next couple. The last one wasn't worth your time. Get that in your head and use it to replace all the negative energy you appear to be wanting to go in with. Stop with the scenarios and the expectations! It's not going to happen the way you think it is. It never does.

 

Confidence is sexy.

Laughter attracts people because they want in on the fun.

Physical beauty is skin deep. Those who can't or won't look past the outer facade aren't worth your time either.

 

There are far more people just like you than there are hard bodies and snobs.

It's not nearly as complicated as you have made it out to be in your head.

[Emt 91]

EMT, You're way overthinking this.

Relax, go and have fun.

Walk in like you own the damn place.

Introduce yourselves and if there is no chemistry move on to the next couple. The last one wasn't worth your time. Get that in your head and use it to replace all the negative energy you appear to be wanting to go in with. Stop with the scenarios and the expectations! It's not going to happen the way you think it is. It never does.

 

Confidence is sexy.

Laughter attracts people because they want in on the fun.

Physical beauty is skin deep. Those who can't or won't look past the outer facade aren't worth your time either.

 

There are far more people just like you than there are hard bodies and snobs.

It's not nearly as complicated as you have made it out to be in your head.

 

 

Right, I got that I need to just go and do it and that it's not all chiseled abs, but did you see my reply to FullSwapCLT? At this point I'm just asking if it's polite or rude to try and communicate/help someone who's clearly tense or struggling sexually?

 

In our sex life we do it all the time with position or technique. Just not sure if swingers are the same or if it'd come off as offensive.

 

Thanks

[agreatguy 269]

Right, I got that I need to just go and do it and that it's not all chiseled abs, but did you see my reply to FullSwapCLT? At this point I'm just asking if it's polite or rude to try and communicate/help someone who's clearly tense or struggling sexually?

 

In our sex life we do it all the time with position or technique. Just not sure if swingers are the same or if it'd come off as offensive.

 

Thanks

 

Sorry I didn't mention it specifically but that's the part I was referring to when I said you are overthinking it. You're making up a scenario based on someone else's experience and trying to react to it. Will it happen? Sure it will but it won't happen the way you expect it to happen so planning how to react is overthinking it. The only plan you need to have is how you will react when your partner's feelings about a particular situation are different from yours.

 

To answer your question, I think unsolicited advice or some kind of attempt to analyze why we are feeling the way we are feeling would come off as intrusive to us. That's something my wife and I would need to discuss alone first. If we couldn't figure it out we might seek counseling. The last thing we'd want is some kind of impromptu attempt at analyzing what's going on between the two of us before we even have a chance to digest what happened and certainly not ever from someone we were trying to be sexually involved with.

[Emt 91]

Sorry I didn't mention it specifically but that's the part I was referring to when I said you are overthinking it. You're making up a scenario based on someone else's experience and trying to react to it. Will it happen? Sure it will but it won't happen the way you expect it to happen so planning how to react is overthinking it. The only plan you need to have is how you will react when your partner's feelings about a particular situation are different from yours.

 

To answer your question, I think unsolicited advice or some kind of attempt to analyze why we are feeling the way we are feeling would come off as intrusive to us. That's something my wife and I would need to discuss alone first. If we couldn't figure it out we might seek counseling. The last thing we'd want is some kind of impromptu attempt at analyzing what's going on between the two of us before we even have a chance to digest what happened and certainly not ever from someone we were trying to be sexually involved with.

 

Fair enough, I appreciate the feedback.

 

Thanks!