Single men finding other partners for sex

[Jane1902 476]

Lately I have come across some single men with a bit of an attitude in announcing themselves as swingers and hence they should have an easy time finding people to have sex with. My question for single men active in the lifestyle is it easier to find partners for sex via swinger sites, parties and clubs or through other vanilla sites, hook up apps and bars?

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

Single men in the lifestyle are like cheeseburgers at McDonalds...they're everywhere! And as a result they have a tendency of being VERY aggressive (which is why they are usually not thought of very highly). Single men usually are most successful if they are classy and mature and DON'T send dick pix to anyone. The problem is they usually don't have much patience and turn to being aggressive which alienates them from people looking for them. I'm guessing that they hove better luck at swingers parties (the ones that allow single men). Vanilla sites, hook up apps and bars seems to be fishing with the wrong bait...in the wrong pond. You generally won't find swingers that way.

[Alura 2,774]

Laura and I considered single men in swinging (we called it Spouse Sharing) to be like a person who might take a bus to a race track where the Porsche club was having a meet. Because of his superlative driving skills (and large hands) he could make our cars perform far better than we could.

 

Buy a car and come see us then, Cowhand!

[Ozzie+Harriet 84]

Lately I have come across some single men with a bit of an attitude in announcing themselves as swingers and hence they should have an easy time finding people to have sex with. My question for single men active in the lifestyle is it easier to find partners for sex via swinger sites, parties and clubs or through other vanilla sites, hook up apps and bars?

 

This is kind of long, but it addresses your question from personal experience on both sides of the fence.

 

Prior to meeting Harriet, I participated a little in the lifestyle as a single male and I met Harriet online via a vanilla dating site, so I think I can answer this from experience. (I met Harriet prior to the surge in hookup apps, so I can't attest to anything either way about things like tinder.)

 

Plain vanilla sex via a dating site is certainly easier to obtain than sex of any sort via a swinger site, although it's by no means as easy as the accusation of "hook up site" aimed at dating sites might suggest.

 

Also, getting as far as a conversation seems to work in exactly opposite ways with dating sites and swinger sites. On dating sites, I was able to get replies to messages rather easily just by writing well and spelling words correctly and having a sort of off the wall, but funny message. (To prove this point to someone, I showed him that I could do this without having a photo. I'm rather average looking, so looks had nothing to do with it beyond being acceptable.)

 

Writing to a couple on a swinger site doesn't work the same way at all. First, as a single male, you have no idea which half of the couple you will be communicating with and even excluding anything that might be at all sexually suggestive, men and women communicate differently. You are basically stuck writing something rather dry that indicates you have read their profile, etc. In the end, what worked best on sls was to wait to be contacted instead of contacting couples (except for the people posting ads looking for things on specific days).

 

Finding someone for a relationship that involves swinging is a conundrum. It's hit and miss on a dating site and the few single women on sls didn't seem to be looking to date men so much as to meet couples or to engage in some other type of frolicking that didn't involve the phrase "long term." I didn't know Harriet (whom I met on a vanilla site) had done this before or was interested in it for the first year or so. I was sort of ambivalent about whether or not someone I met would have be interested in a lifestyle relationship, so while it was fortuitous, it wasn't the first thing that came up.

 

I never found bars to be a useful place to find sex, so comparing the prospect of a sexul encounter via a bar and via a swinger site comes down to hopeless vs. possible. (However, I'm an introvert and don't really like talking to random people in public places, so that might have more to do with me than the setting.) For hookups alone, I'd say that small parties where I knew at least some of the people were the easiest.

 

I'd say that any single male who thinks a great way to get laid is via a swinger site is in for a rude awakening unless he is hot and hung like a horse, has a great personality, is charming and polite to a fault, or about 1 in 10,000 guys who would make that attempt. Of course, such a person would find it just as easy anywhere else. The only reason a single guy should be on a swing site is because he wants to have the kind of encounters that he can't have with just one other person, e.g. threesomes, etc.

 

I think there is a place for single guys in the lifestyle, but just getting laid is not it.