With friends, yay or nay?

[Zenn720 15]

So we’ve just started, had our first experience and it was fantastic. I (him) had some performance anxiety and was only able to full swap a little, while she was able to be with him for an extended period of time. It was awesome, just some people we met off one of the well known sites.

She wants to basically have sex toys with a pulse, I’m ok with that but would like to know at least a bit about the other couple first (obviously boundaries, but hobbies, music preferences and things like that, I think would help my anxiety.

 

We said from the start it’s be kind of like a secret life, and not to involve our friends, especially old friends because it could jeopardize our friendship and has a higher likelihood of catching feelings. Now the feelings part is not much of a concern (if it was we wouldn’t be swinging), but losing friends over sex isn’t something we care to risk

 

Now, having said ALL that, our old friends hit us up. They’ve had one experience so far where the husband watched our two friends with his wife. They didn’t enjoy it much but want to continue and have asked us if we’d like to sort swap with them.

My wife and I said from the start that our boundaries would change as we gained more experience, but we’re nit quite sure about this one.

The couple in question are a great fit for us except for being friends and only being soft swap.

I’m thinking maybe it’d help me get over any lingering performance anxiety, and it could be a fun addition to our friendship, I don’t think she’s on the same page

 

SO, what’s everyone think? Pros? Cons? Experience?

We’ve only just started talking about it, but I’m real cognitively dissonant about it

[Guest]

We would definitely do it with friends and have. Some we would love to go to bed with, and some I just don't have any sexual interest.

[JandKinBoise 858]

Historically speaking from years of reading posts about this very common subject: It's fine to have a sexual relationship with friends. The closeness of the friendship is the real question. This friendship will most likely not continue for very long. Sex changes relationships and brings out personality aspects previously hidden. If you see these friends at weekly or monthly gatherings, you get together for activities, you have a long and personal history, I would not pursue this relationship past it's current point.

As new swingers, you can look at this as a comfortable way to enjoy group sex. And you would be right. Just be aware of above statement. There are many tools available to score the sex toy with a heartbeat. Meet a new couple, become comfortable, then swap is my suggestion.

[adamgunn 1,460]

The question you need to ask is, "If it all goes badly, are we willing to lose these friends?"

 

Sure, if it all goes right it's fantastic, but what if a bout of jealousy breaks out? Or many other problems. You're playing with a stick of dynamite, don't be surprised if it goes off. And don't say we didn't warn you.

[tkntd 59]

Our first experience was with good friends, and it was so good - if unexpected lol. For us, it gives a sense of safety, respect, and trust none of us would find anywhere else. Plus, it lets us work out the sexual tension that I had to admit had been there for years ?

Edited January 30, 2021 by tkntd

[couplers 4,654]

12 hours ago, tkntd said:

friends... gives a sense of safety, respect, and trust

When I became confident enough to let hubby start having sex with other women (while I already had a boyfriend for two years), I recruited among my friends and acquaintances for those reasons.  Sex talk among the girls came up often, and if any of them made a positive comment about my husband (and almost all of them did), I would say that hubby finds you attractive too (whether he had said anything or not) and that it could be arranged.  You would be doing me a favor...  Women like screwing married men, even when the wife knows and approves.

 

It was empowering for my husband to let me have a boyfriend; it was further empowering for me to tell, not ask but tell, hubby that he was going to have sex with a women that I had selected.  He never complained though, so I guess I wasn't exploiting him.

Edited January 31, 2021 by couplers

[Anon321 523]

It's a definite yay for us.  I think the safety benefit is a big one and I feel better knowing my GF is with one of my friends rather than someone I never met.  It also makes getting together with friends more fun and takes the pressure away from having to hide anything.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

First: Search is your friend. This question comes up very often. Just FYI.

 

Second: We are from the nay camp on this. In order to be successful with swinging, you need to have a great (not just good) relationship with your partner. Love, communication, trust in abundance. Then you need to find another couple that has the same and wants the same things you two are looking for (being anything from same room sex to full swap and everything in between). Finding this is not easy to find and will take some time and effort depending on what you are looking for.

 

The bigger question about swinging with friends is finding friends that are 'ready' (have that great relationship) that are willing to consider this. Even if you think you have found the perfect friends who you are SURE wouldn't be shocked or offended at the idea (if you have used search by now, there is more than one thread that tells about how one couple thought their friends were wanting to swing...the flirting, hints and innuendos were all there,  only to find out that when approached they were shocked that anyone would even THINK of swapping), you can't be sure until you have crossed this bridge. Even if you successfully navigate this hurdle, you don't know if their relationship is strong enough to last (Ms Gold and her ex started swinging to 'save' their failing relationship...it didn't). If that happens, are you ready for all of your other friends, co workers and family to find out the things that you do in the bedroom...including letting others have sex with your partner while you do the same? The risk/reward is very high here. Since most swingers are looking to keep their private lives private, telling your friends seems to go against this and one misstep is all it takes.

 

We prefer to find other swingers and turn them into friends other than going at the the other way around. Safer (but still not entirely safe) than trying to turn friends into swingers in our minds.