Swinging with Friends - A Risk/Reward Analysis

[the Nomads 78]

In reading yet another thread on swinging with friends I figured I would ask my questions on the subject but try and cover the items that seem to be missing from the discussion. While we haven't had a connection with existing friends it seems the general thought has been that the risk probably outweighs the reward. The risks are obvious. Loss of a good friendship, possible impact to your vanilla life including other friends, family, career. That being said I've also read stories regarding strangers that end up finding their way into couples vanilla lives with results being across the spectrum from becoming best friends to absolutely wrecking lives and relationships.

 

So the questions:

 

For those of you with successful swinging relationships with friends is there an upside vs meeting a stranger couple out at a club? In other words is there an increase in the reward that counters the risk?

 

Is there not a similar risk to bringing people from your swinging life into your vanilla life? In this day and age of information it is very difficult to hide.

 

For those that have decided to pursue friends who show interest in the lifestyle what are some ways to mitigate some of the risks?

 

 

Mr. Nomad

[Chris&Suzanne 204]

We have swung with friends in the past and had zero issues. Maybe because our family knows what we do.

[PSULioness 859]

The great upside is you already like people you are friends with. What better thing is there than to enjoy more with them. Shouldn’t you have something in common with someone you are going to be intimate with. I/we started with college friends of mine. The safety was they lived hours away. They have introduced us to new couples. There is an excitement to new people but the attraction is at first just physical. Currently the people we play with the most are my husband’s best friend and now we are including my best friend. So far, so good.

[adamgunn 1,461]

Nomads, I'll take a swing at one of your questions, "Is there not a similar risk to bringing people from your swinging life into your vanilla life? In this day and age of information it is very difficult to hide."

 

We had a great relationship with a couple, and after a couple of months of seeing them we went over to their house for a vanilla dinner with other of their friends. They turned into great vanilla friends as well as LifeStyle friends.

 

I don't think the risks are the same. For our couple they desired to be discreet, and so did we. As such, we knew they wouldn't out us, and they seemed sure we wouldn't out them. It worked out well.

[the Nomads 78]

Nomads, I'll take a swing at one of your questions, "Is there not a similar risk to bringing people from your swinging life into your vanilla life? In this day and age of information it is very difficult to hide."

 

We had a great relationship with a couple, and after a couple of months of seeing them we went over to their house for a vanilla dinner with other of their friends. They turned into great vanilla friends as well as LifeStyle friends.

 

I don't think the risks are the same. For our couple they desired to be discreet, and so did we. As such, we knew they wouldn't out us, and they seemed sure we wouldn't out them. It worked out well.

 

I guess I am looking at the risks of swinging with friends applying to a stranger couple you pick up at a club. If they can find you in the real world it runs many of the same risks such as it spilling into work, family life, etc. I'm beginning to think that in the end it comes down to vetting people as much as you can based on the how open you are. If we were to swing with friends I think it would definitely require them being very familiar with the lifestyle and the level of trust and communication that is requires. I think the conversations would need to be much more indepth than those of a club couple.

 

Mr. Nomad

[adamgunn 1,461]

Mr. Nomad, yes, you're right. To your point about swinging with friends, I simply don't know how you would verify the level of "trust and communication" you need before outing yourself. As a result, it just seems safer to me never to open that particular Pandora's box.

 

With people I meet in the LifeStyle, I have a belief that they don't wish to be outed anymore than I do. Plus, caution is understood as a integral part of the LifeStyle. I trusted them not to out me, and I've never been disappointed.

[the Nomads 78]

Mr. Nomad, yes, you're right. To your point about swinging with friends, I simply don't know how you would verify the level of "trust and communication" you need before outing yourself. As a result, it just seems safer to me never to open that particular Pandora's box.

 

With people I meet in the LifeStyle, I have a belief that they don't wish to be outed anymore than I do. Plus, caution is understood as a integral part of the LifeStyle. I trusted them not to out me, and I've never been disappointed.

 

That clears several things up for me. I guess it comes down to how well you know your friends and their sexual preferences and ideas. Even then there is still an unknown but you have more data to judge the direction.

[Guest]

The truth is, swinging with friends is like rolling a dice.

 

In a small amount of cases (Maybe 10%) couples have decided to swing with their friends and have built a fantastic and fun situation.

 

Sadly however in the vast majority of cases (Perhaps 90% or more) couples have decided to play with friends and watched it unfold into total disaster which not only destroys the friendship but often damages the relationship / hurts your vanilla life / costs you various friendships / and at times things can get even worse, for example police can become involved / family members can become involved / violence can break out / your work mates or even bosses can find out / child care or social services can be informed / maybe even your children's school can be informed, ECT.

 

Playing with Friends VS Playing with Strangers:

 

In my opinion the key difference between playing with someone you call a friend, compared to a stranger you have just met is simply that a FRIEND already knows WAY TOO MUCH about your lives, and sadly this aspect can go terribly wrong on numerous levels. Lets look at some of the general factors:

 

1: Friends: The FRIEND you chose to play with often knows your other friends, if for whatever reason the friend you have chosen freaks out / becomes nasty / becomes pushy / starts getting jealous / has some kind of internal issues then what is stopping them telling half the friends you know about your secret sex lives? On the flip side a stranger doesn't know your friends and can not tell them anything.

 

2: Family: The FRIEND you chose to play with sometimes knows your other family members and again if this friend turns problematic then what is stopping them from telling half your family members about your secret sexual activities, where as obviously a stranger doesn't know your family members meaning they can not tell them.

 

3: Work: The FRIEND you pick to play with usually will know where you work and this creates various major problems, firstly if this friend does become hostile they can not only tell your work mates / write nasty letters to your managers / even send in naked pictures you have shared with them to your workplace. But also the simple fact this FRIEND knows your working patterns and routines can cause a serious security and even safety breach, and believe me its not fun when this happens, for example:

 

- Lets say your FRIEND becomes very jealous and decides they want to steal your partner away. Maybe this friend wants to steal your wife, maybe this friends wants to steal your husband or attempt to drag them into a hidden affair. Well great because this friend knows the hours you work / they know when your partner is in the house alone / they know exactly when to make their move.

 

- Lets say this FRIEND has some kind of serious mental breakdown or has hidden issues that you never knew anything about, issues such as extreme jealousy / sexual obsession / sexually violent, but again this friend knows when your at work and can easily attend your house. In a very extreme example you could come home from work to find this person has smashed into your home and raped your partner, or even worse.

 

4: Life: This FRIEND that you chose to play with basically knows TOO MUCH about your life in general, they often know where you work / what hobbies you have / where you hang out / what car you drive / what your working hours are / where your partner works / what school your children attend / where your other friends live / where your family lives. In some cases a friend almost has an open book to your life and this can cause extremely serious problems if things do go wrong, where as obviously a stranger doesn't know these things about your life giving you more control over the information you hand out.

 

 

Lets say for example you met a stranger and began getting to know them a little....

 

- Okay do you need to give this stranger your real last name within days of meeting them?

 

- Do you need to give this total stranger your home address within seconds of knowing them?

 

- Do you need to tell this total stranger where you and your wife work within a matter of minutes?

 

- Do you need to tell this stranger your entire family history within a few weeks of knowing them?

 

This leave YOU in control of what this stranger does / doesn't know about you as a couple, and that simple factor can act as a shield in case things do go wrong. If you meet this stranger and they turn out to be a nasty person / stalker / violent / aggressive then you can simply cut ties to them and vanish away without much comeback, sadly however if a FRIEND turns nasty its much harder to just back away as they already know a lot of things about your life.

 

 

In the early years of exploring this lifestyle I decided to play with several friends and both times it turned into total disaster for our lives.

 

I mean sure I'd assumed that playing with a FRIEND would be easier / safer / nicer / more relaxed / more fun / that surly a friend would treat us with safety and respect / that we could trust a friend, but HONESTLY nothing was further from the truth and both friends I played with ended up causing massive amounts of damage to our lives.

 

For people reading this thread I'm happy to explain what happened to give you a real life example of how this can go wrong.

 

1: Friend One: You could say at the time this guy was our best friend and we actually hung around with him at least 4 or 5 times per week. He was clean, single, and we had known him for well over a decade, in fact at the time he was my most trusted male friend.

 

I'd always wanted to try MMF threesomes and after some discussion me and my girlfriend decided to privately ask our friend if he would like to join us in a secret but friendly MFM situation where behind the scenes me and him could have fucked my girlfriend all over whenever we liked basically. This would be a straight MFM situation and taking into account we spent about 80% of the week hanging around together anyway, plus the fact he was clean and single it all seemed ideal.

 

We sat and discussed things with our friend for several days and not only laid out our rules as a couple / our boundaries / and discussed the situation in detail, but we also made our friend promise to keep it a secret and not to tell another soul. Honestly it was a REALLY GOOD DEAL!!!! We not only offered this guy our total trust and friendship but basically he could fuck my girlfriend as well, that if he had followed our rules he could have had no strings sex with a slim attractive girl without any drama needed.

 

Several days later we all ended up in bed and the first experience went really well, we had a straight MFM threesome and we both tuck it in turns fucking my girlfriend, after which we hung out, laughed, chatted, drank a few beers and everything seemed great. The next day we got a message from him asking if he could come over and perhaps have another threesome? We was very excited by the prospect and said yes seeing him arrive a few hours later, and sadly this is where everything changed.

 

Getting in bed with out FRIEND we all undressed and was getting ready to explore together when suddenly my friend said he wanted ANAL SEX with my girlfriend? We had already explained that my girlfriend doesn't like, and doesn't want anal sex. However this friend then tried to blackmail us and said "Unless I can fuck her in the ass then I'm not having a threesome with you again" He tried putting us on the spot and said if we want a threesome again then he gets to bare back my girlfriends bum.

 

We said "No Thanks" and explained again that my girlfriend simply doesn't want anal sex. I mean sure she was happy to give us oral sex / happy to give us hand jobs / happy to give us as much pussy sex as we wanted, but she didn't want anal sex. This man said "Fine then, guess we are not having a threesome then" seeing us all getting dressed and him leaving in a huff shortly after. Me and my girlfriend felt really upset about the entire thing and felt he had tried to blackmail us and was totally ignoring our boundaries, and with that in mind we decided not to explore with him again.

 

Was that the end of the story? Sadly NO IT WASN'T, in fact what this man did over the following months was truly pathetic / scary / dangerous / and was nearly enough to destroy our entire relaitonship. In fact after having sex with my girlfriend just once this guy had become totally obsessed with her and over the coming months would unleash a terrifying and brutal stalking campaign against my girlfriend, one that ended in violence / threats / and even police involvement.

 

We had decided not to play with him again and thought the subject was now closed, he had made it perfectly clear that unless he was allowed anal sex with my girlfriend he wouldn't have a threesome with us again so we happily draw a line under the subject and was prepared to just move on. Several days later I left the house for work and perhaps a few hours after leaving for work my girlfriend (sitting in the house alone) heard a knock on the door, not really thinking much about it she swung open the door to find this guy standing there and he spent the next 10 minutes standing on our doorstep for all the neighbours to see and hear and proceeded to ask my girlfriend for a full on sexual affair and asked my girlfriend to let him into our home for sex whilst I was at work.

 

My girlfriend politely said "No Thanks" and clearly explained that she wasn't interested in having sex with him alone and was my girlfriend, this man then became fairly forceful and spent several minutes trying to convince my girlfriend to have sex with him behind my back until my girlfriend finally closed the door in his face. On arriving home my girlfriend told me about the incident and I message my friend and very kindly explained that my girlfriend does NOT want to have sex with him alone, that he is not to approach my house or girlfriend again whilst I'm at work, and explained again that we had offered him a perfectly good threesome friendship.

 

I assumed he would now stay away from my house a girlfriend but sadly I was very wrong indeed, in fact maybe a week later I again woke up and left for work and sometime later my girlfriend heard a knock at the door. Looking out of the window before opening the door she could see this guy had returned and what followed was him spending 10 minutes shouting through the window trying to convince my girlfriend to open the door and let him inside the house for sex.

 

"Let me in?"

"Come on just let me in I just want to talk"

"LET ME IN!!!!"

"Look I just want to fuck you no one will get hurt"

"Open the door now so we can talk properly"

 

By this stage my girlfriend was actually shaking so she closed the curtains and ran upstairs to lock herself away in our bedroom where she called me at work and told me what was happening.

 

Needless to say I went crazy and called this man and made it 100% clear that he is not ever to come to our home again, that he is to stay away, that he is stalking my girlfriend and harassing her, and that if it persisted we would call the police.

 

We didn't even hear a reply from him and for maybe a week or two all fell quiet, we assumed the threat of police action had scared him away. Sometime later I again woke up and headed off to work when suddenly my girlfriend heard stones been thrown at our bedroom window. Opening the window to see what was happening she noticed this man standing in our back garden where he then spent another 10 minutes shouting up at our bedroom window asking my girlfriend for sex and trying to speak her into unlocking the door.

 

This time I truly went crazy and called this man and basically said if he ever comes near our home again I will kick the living shit out of him, I not only told this guy that we were contacting the police that night but also made very clear threats to protect my girlfriend and home if he set foot on our land again.

 

Like before all fell quiet and we assumed this idiot man had finally got the message. It was perhaps several weeks later that my girlfriend was standing at work when suddenly out of nowhere this man just walked into her workplace and began heading straight towards her. My girlfriend totally panicked and ran as quickly as she could to the mangers office and locked herself inside the safe room. This man then spent 5 minutes trying to convince my girlfriend managers to get her out of the office because he wanted to speak with her. He was asked to leave the premises several times before he finally left.

 

My girlfriend actually broke down in tears at work and faced a workplace investigation about why this random sex crazed man was storming into the workplace looking for her. That evening my girlfriend work had to call a taxi straight to the door seeing my girlfriend escorted out of the building by several staff members and placed directly into the taxi home. When she arrived home we had arranged family to be there waiting so she walked straight out of the taxi into the house .

 

I again messaged this man and let out brutal threats and promises the police had been informed (at this stage we were bluffing we had not called the police) however we was hoping the threats would make him back away and get the message. Just like behalf all fell quiet for a few weeks until one day my girlfriend left the house for work and as she walked up the road this man suddenly came charging over the road towards her. This guy was now stalking our home and had hidden over the road waiting for my girlfriend to leave the house for work.

 

Luckily my girlfriend spotted him charging towards her and she managed to run screaming into a neighbours garden, and luckily the family who lived there noticed the commotion and quickly let my girlfriend into there house and slammed the door shut on this crazy man who was in pursuit. I honestly do believe that if this man had managed to get his hands on my girlfriend then he would have raped her, he wouldn't have let her go until she agreed to sex, he was totally out of his mind.

 

From that point my girlfriend didn't travel anywhere alone and over the coming months we spent a small fortune in taxi fares getting my girlfriend to work and back. My girlfriend was terrified to even leave the house, she spent half the day scared to death at work, was scared to even answer our front door at home, the poor girl became a prisoner and burst out into tears various times.

 

Like before all went quiet until this guy again turned up at my house several hours after I'd left for work. It was at this point I'd had enough and calling an emergency meeting with my manager I explained that a crazy guy was stalking my girlfriend and kindly asked my manager for a week off for personal reasons. Thankfully my manager agreed and gave me a week off work.

 

I still remember on my first day off work I sat in our front bedroom and from behind closed window nets I sat in the darkened room waiting for this guy to turn up knocking on the door. I must have sat there for some hours until finally it seemed he wasn't turning up that day. The next day I again woke up early just like I did for work and again rather than heading out to work I simply sat in the darkened room looking out over our street waiting for him to arrive. Usually by that time I'd have left for work and it seemed he was turning up at our home a few hours after I'd left, but again he didn't turn up.

 

The third morning came and again I woke up early, and again rather than heading out to work as usual I sat in the darkened room watching out street waiting for this idiot man to appear, I guess about 2 or 3 hours must have passed and can remember sitting there holding a half drunk cold cup of tea, in fact I was just about to give up for the day and assumed this guy wasn't going to turn up again. I can still remember sitting there and I was just about to get up and call it a day when suddenly I noticed a flash of movement over the road.

 

Quickly focusing my eyes I just managed to notice this guy walking into the bushes across the road from my house. I was stud there totally speechless, this guy was hiding in the bushes over the road from my house and was stalking our entire home, like some predator he was hiding in the bushes waiting for his moment to strike. What happened next however will stay with me for life.

 

I watched this man walk into the bushes and stand looking at our house when suddenly he bent down and vanished out of sight? I stud there totally speechless and confused? I mean why had he bent down, I mean surly the entire idea of stalking someones house is actually to watch the house. Several seconds passed when suddenly his head popped up from behind the bushes, and within a matter of seconds his head began to bop up and down. I thought, what the hell is he doing?

 

Then it dawned on me, he was actually bent down behind the bushes looking at my house and masturbating.

 

I still remember to this day I simply dropped the half drunk cup of tea out of my hand, and honestly before that cup of tea even hit the floor I was half way down the stairs. Like a raging bull I just charged straight over the road and like some crazed maniac I just dived straight over the bushes and basically landed directly onto this idiot man. Hurting over the bushes I was met bu this totally insane idiot sitting there with his cock in hand masturbating himself as he looked at my house.

 

I totally lost the plot and gave this man a severe beating, in fact he was desperately trying to pull up his trousers and I was punching him / kicking him / giving him a right beating. I tuck him totally by surprise and gave him the beating of his life. The thin little rat suddenly managed to find his feet before quickly running away. He ran maybe 50ft away from me before spinning round and hurling threats and abuse towards me. I could already see blood coming from his nose and black eyes forming, he had just had a real kicking.

 

He stud there hurling abuse at me and threatening to get me arrested for assault. With that in mind I gave chase seeing him scarper off up the road. During which he was not only screaming abuse at me but also shouted several times for the entire street to hear how we had a threesome and that means he is now allowed to have sex with my girlfriend whenever he likes on his terms. He also threatened to tell my parents and our friends about our perverted threesome fantasies and slung various other bits of abuse in my direction. Luckily for him he could outrun me!

 

I retreated into the house and maybe several hours later the police turned up at our home. By all accounts this freshly beaten up man had headed to the local police station and accused me of assault. The police arrived with the full intention of arresting me, that was until I explained the entire situation to them. I explained how he had been stalking our home, how he had approached by girlfriends workplace, how he had charged after her on the street to the point she had to flee inside a neighbours house, I even explained how just several hours before he had been hiding over the road in the bushes masturbating as he watched out home and planned to make another attempt towards my girlfriend.

 

I'm still unsure why but the police looked at each other and think they could tell I was been honest and they decided not to arrest me but instead returned to the beat up stalker bastard and freaky bush masturbating person and gave him an official harassment notice and banned him from coming anywhere near our home again. That idiot man never bothered us again after that point but I assure you the next 6 months of my girlfriends life was a living hell.

 

She was scared to leave the house alone / scared to even walk down the street / scared to even attend work / I have 0% doubts in my mind that my girlfriend had been inches away from been brutally assaulted and raped by this man. It tuck a good 6 months of not hearing from this man before my girlfriend even began to settle down again. Honestly every time someone knocked at our door my girlfriend would jump and scurry to my side thinking it was him again. Can you imagine living in your own home and been scared to even answer the door to the postman, living in your own home and jumping in fear anytime someone knocks on the door. It was truly awful.

 

That incident also damaged our relationship to a heavy extent, it had actually taken us several years worth of talking to build up to a point of been ready to try a threesome, and that one idiot guy ruined several years worth of work in a matter of days. From that point my girlfriend refused to try swinging again and it tuck her several more years to even begin considering the idea again.

 

The point however is this guy was a FRIEND. We had known him for many years, we had spent much of our childhoods hanging around with this guy, we believed he was a nice person worthy of our trust. We spent many hours saying things like....

 

- It would be safer with a friend.

- We can trust him as a friend.

- He wouldn't break our rules.

- He would respect us as a couple.

- Doing it with a friend would be the perfect situation.

 

 

But honestly all of that turned out to be total rubbish, in fact this guy knew way TOO MUCH about our lives which had made him very deadly indeed. If we had met a stranger then we could have used a hotel room at first so he wouldn't have known where we lived. If we had a met stranger he wouldn't have known my working hours / wouldn't have known where my girlfriend worked / wouldn't have even known our real last names / we could have actually kept ourselves a lot safer by simply meeting a stranger and not trying to trust a friend with our lives.

 

 

2: Friend Two: This was perhaps 3 or 4 years later but after some time away from swinging my girlfriend slowly came back round to the idea and we were basically convinced that swinging could work but we had simply picked the wrong friend.

 

You think we would have learnt our lesson, but instead we diced to pick another close male friend to again attempt a MFM threesome with, and this time we was 100% sure we had made the right choice. The guy in question could easily be described as the most passive / friendly / generous guy you could ever meet. We had known him for a long number of years and even my girlfriend trusted him with her life. He was a great guy and was a kind on considerate person who had always been trustworthy and treated us with friendship and respect.

 

He was also single and a private sexual friendship with him seemed to be ideal, that again it was a really good deal for him. Not only did he have our trust and friendship but in private we could have both taken my girlfriend home and given her a dam good fucking. Even my girlfriend was 100% sure that this guy was the one, that this guy would give us no hassle at all, that he would respect us in every way possible.

 

So what happened? Well we spoke to this friend about the idea of having a MFM threesome and he eagerly agreed. We again explained what was on offer / explained out rules / our need for privacy and discretion and sometime later we ended up in bed together. What followed was a TOTAL FLOP!!!!

 

My girlfriend at the time was not only spotlessly clean and attractive but she had a very sexy size 6 body and was even good in bed. However despite her best efforts this guy didn't get erect even once during our attempted threesome. We actually spent about two hours trying to get him hard. My girlfriend must have spent 30 minutes sucking his dick and all the way through he stayed 100% limp. My girlfriend even agreed to spend 30 minutes with him alone in the bedroom to see if 1 on 1 play would make him feel more comfy, but again this guy would NOT get hard at all, not even for 1 second.

 

In the end we had no choice but to give up on the attempted threesome and planned to try again at a later date. I mean we understand that it can be nerve racking at first but we decided to press on. I mean if this guy had needed 5 attempts before he felt comfy enough to get hard then so be it. If he had needed 10 or even 15 attempts to get hard then okay he was a great friend and we would have given him that chance .

 

So what happened?

 

Well after calling it a day on our failed threesome attempt that guy left for the night, and within the space of the following week he actually went around and told every single friend we had that he had slept with my girlfriend, that he had sex with my girlfriend in a threesome.

 

What followed was totally awful because at the time we had a large group of friends and would all head out nightclubbing together, so several week later we attended our local nightclub to see all of our friends and was basically met by every friend we had and half a nightclub of people who knew we had a threesome with another guy. Honestly people we had never even met was coming up to us and saying we had a threesome with the guy we knew.

 

Honestly this sad desperate guy who couldn't even get hard for 1 second was so desperate to prove to the world that he could have sex / that he didn't have erectile dysfunction / that he was a functioning male that he marched around telling everyone he met that he had banged my sexy girlfriend with her size 6 body.

 

Within the space of a few weeks that guy totally 100% crippled our social lives. Suddenly all our female friends looked at my girlfriend as a dirty whore / sexual deviant / cock hungry slapper. Where every male friend we had now classed me as a in the closest "Gay Boy" who wanted other men to fuck him and his girlfriend.

 

Honestly we actually lost an awful lot of friends because of that incident, suddenly friends stopped calling / stopped answering text messages / stop inviting us out.

 

The female friends would think: "Shit I better not let them near my boyfriend or else they will ask him for a threesome"

 

The male friends would think: "Shit I better not let them near my girlfriend or else they will try and steal her for a threesome romp, or ask if they can fuck me in some gay threesome"

 

Within the space of weeks we had become a laughing stock, we had become the weird perverted gay couple who wanted to have sex with other guys. Before that point my friends had looked at me as a fun guy who was straight. They had looked at me as "One of the Lads" and no all of a sudden they looked at me as lying gay bum boy who wanted to see other men's dicks.

 

But again if we had a met a stranger then that stranger wouldn't have known all our friends and couldn't have damaged us in that regard.

 

Funny really because some years later it came to light that the guy we had tried a threesome with was no getting treatment for severe erectile dysfunction, I mean in reality he never even had sex with my girlfriend, he couldn't even get his dick hard for 1 second never mind get it hard enough to stick in her pussy. So in reality this guy never even had sex with my girlfriend but did enough damage to wipe out about 90% of our social lives and make us feel like an embarrassed laughing stock.

 

I mean now as it stands that happened like 20 years ago or something and still the few friends who do still remain from that time have never forgotten, behind the scenes those friends still class me as some perverted lying gay boy who wants other men's dicks, the hurt he created has been enough to last the rest of my life!

 

 

OVERALL:

 

 

In my experience of playing with friends its fair to say that you can never tell.

 

This friend could be the best / most honest / most genuine / and nicest person you have every met in your life. THEN from the second you have sex (or even try to have sex with them) it can all change in a heart beat. With no warning, with no fault of your own this person you have known and trusted for years can turn into a crazy sex obsessed stalker or dangerous liar who flattens your life.

 

Sex does change the entire dynamics of a friendship and you can never tell which way its going to go until its to late.

 

I also think when you do decide to have sex with a friend you suddenly begin to find out an awful lot about them that you didn't know at all.

 

Lets look a few basic examples using men:

 

Your male friend is a super nice guy, he is clean / handsome / fun / has always respected you / has never betrayed your trust and you decide to have a threesome with him.

 

You get in bed ready for some sex and:

 

- You suddenly find out your friend is a total 100% anal sex obsessed person, that all he wants and cares about is anal sex, anal sex, anal sex.

 

- You suddenly find out that actually under the sheets your friend isn't actually that clean, they have a cheesy smelling penis and masses of overgrown pubic hair with food crumbs stuck inside.

 

- Your great friend is actually harbouring a serious case of erectile dysfunction and can not get hard for you or anyone else for that matter.

 

- You friend actually becomes seriously unstable when you involve sex into the mix, that actually behind the scenes you suddenly find out he is obsessive / possessive / jealous / stalker type.

 

- You agree to a threesome with this friend and suddenly find out the only way he will get aroused is if he can dress as a women and use a dildo up his bum.

 

- You agree to a threesome with this friend and suddenly find out the only thing that turns him on his dressing up in full leather gimp masks and hardcore bondage sex.

 

 

In many respects SEX is a dangerous gamble, you only to have to look a various new storied from around the world.

 

In some stories a wife make a single error in judgement and has a 1 night drunken affair with a male friend, the following week that same male friend has become so angry when the women doesn't want to continue having sex that he stabs her to death.

 

In some cases men have become so jealous at even thinking their wife is having an affair that they have beat a totally innocent women to death just because of their jealousy and sexual possessiveness.

 

 

I remember in my younger years there was one girl that I really did fancy, in my eyes she was the perfect women, she was sexy / open minded / funny / horny and the only thing that stopped me been with her was the fact she was dating one of my old friends. She wanted me, I wanted her, but she was with one of my best friends and the chance never arouse for us to be together. I use to dream about her, I wanted to run away with her so badly and dreamed of day where me and her would be together and never look back.

 

Some years past and I found myself in a difficult situation and ended up crashing on her sofa for a few months, and how my eyes were opened. It was only when I got closer to her that I discovered she was actually a horrible person. She was a liar / user / cheater / and a dirty women, and I don't mean dirty in a good way, I mean her actual hygiene was awful. I mean sure when she dressed up for a weekend on the town she was spotlessly clean and highly attractive, then during the week she was a lazy mess who hardly even bothered showering at all and had a filthy home.

 

For many years I'd viewed her as my dream girl and within a few months crashing on her sofa I suddenly witnessed a very different side to her. That basically you don't actually know a FRIEND until they let you in and then all sorts of horror and surprises can come spilling out.

 

The main difference between a friend and a stranger is if things do go wrong then a stranger doesn't know a lot about your lives and you can walk away and vanish.

 

The examples I have given are a prime example, I mean how can a stranger stalk us if they don't know where we live, if they don't know our real last names, if we don't tell them where we work.

 

I guess in my eyes there is a real ugly side to some people and you often don't see that side until you do become closer to that person. With a stranger its much easier to walk away from that drama.

 

I also think some people honestly do FREAK OUT when you involve sex.

 

Within my life I have known various guys who are seemingly clean hard working people, yet every time they get involved in a romantic relaitonship they turn into some paranoid / controlling / obsessed idiot who views the new women in their life as their sexual property. I have known guys who begin dating women and within a matter of weeks they are facing serious drama / tantrums / accusations / control / even anger and aggression. You involve sex in the mix and some people simply flip out, and that includes women as well.

 

If a stranger does that you can simply hit delete / block / ignore.

 

If a friend does that your kind of strapped in for the long haul and they can reach out and damage your life in countless ways.

 

In my experience I'd never play with a "FRIEND" again.

 

The much better option is simply to meet a stranger you like and assess how things go.

 

If things go really well then you can become friends with that person, whilst all along keeping them away from your other friends / keeping them away from your family / not letting them know super personal details such as your working hours or work location ECT.

[Married63 21]

I guess I’m old fashioned, if I share with a couple ... they become ltr friends ...some share vanilla fun and erotic fun ... it’s being friends and being friendly that helps make erotic times memorable...

I have fishing buddies that share their wives with me ... I have friendships with couples that only want to keep things as special friends ... I think couples that swing are better at relationships than most vanilla couples ... also they seem much happier ...

Friends ongoing ... is the best relationship... vanilla & mature

[Chris&Suzanne 204]

Sun&Moon Sounds like you had a bad experience(s), which really sucks. I'm sure your post will make people think twice. Glad you spent some time posting this.