Our first experience full swap

[Pdxcpl1 21]

My wife and I have been married for ten years and dabbled in the LS back in 2016 but nothing much more than visiting clubs, having sex in front of others. The past couple of months we have been actively considering diving back in and recently met a couple for our first date. We had been chatting with this couple for a couple of weeks and knew there was some level of chemistry already happening. During this time, my SO and I were discussing our boundaries, which seemed to be changing by the day. After setting up our date, we decided we would open ourselves up to the possibility of a full swap, but know that if either of us has any issues that we would stop. Once we decided that, it seemed to take away much of the nervousness of crossing a boundary and then just left us with the question of whether we could actually take things to a full swap yet.

 

The hours leading up to the date were full of nervousness, which I hear is normal. We met them (J hubby and B wife) over dinner and drinks and the chemistry seemed to be great. My wife and I whispered to one another that we liked them. Now the big question in our minds was how do we move forward, haha. This couple was experienced in the LS and we discussed our nervousness and they did a great job of calming us down and making us feel comfortable. They invited us to their hotel room where we all sat and talked for a bit. Unfortunately, the other woman (B) drank too much and was getting quite tired. So nothing seemed to be happening. My wife; however, suggested that she give her a massage and that’s where things heated up. The ladies were having fun and motioned for us guys to get on the bed, which led to me laying next to B and J laying next to my wife. The scene was surreal and we were getting pretty turned on. I couldn’t believe I was watching my wife do the things she does with me and it wasn’t bothering me, it made me feel even more appreciative of her and it made me want her badly all at the same time. We all had a lot of foreplay happening and it felt as if it was about time to make a decision.

 

On a side note, I’m not used to wearing a condom so this made me uncomfortable even thinking about it, but I knew this was part of our rules we decided going into the LS. Just as I reached for my condom, the other guy (J) asked my wife if they could do it yet. As I was trying to get my condom on, I could feel performance anxiety kicking into high gear and I lost my erection...embarrassing to admit. I asked B for a little help, but she didn’t seem very interested in lending a hand. My wife was wonderful enough to remove herself from the other man and come lay by me to help. B went back to J and we all ended up having wonderful sex with our SO’s.

 

My wife and I felt somewhat obligated to return to our previous partners and asked J and B, but B declined and said she was too tired. We decided it was time to go and give them space. I felt great about everything that happened up until my performance anxiety hit. I also felt like B was taking it personally, which made me feel horrible.

 

We have since kept in touch with this couple and they have asked us for another date this weekend. My wife tells me she is open to another date, but understands if I don’t want to because of how things ended last time. So, I’m not sure how to move forward. I like this couple, but honestly don’t want a repeat of last time. I personally felt an attraction to B but her drunken state was unattractive because she wasn’t very reciprocal.

 

Any ideas or advice for this newbie couple?

[Emt 91]

My wife and I have been married for ten years and dabbled in the LS back in 2016 but nothing much more than visiting clubs, having sex in front of others. The past couple of months we have been actively considering diving back in and recently met a couple for our first date. We had been chatting with this couple for a couple of weeks and knew there was some level of chemistry already happening. During this time, my SO and I were discussing our boundaries, which seemed to be changing by the day. After setting up our date, we decided we would open ourselves up to the possibility of a full swap, but know that if either of us has any issues that we would stop. Once we decided that, it seemed to take away much of the nervousness of crossing a boundary and then just left us with the question of whether we could actually take things to a full swap yet.

The hours leading up to the date were full of nervousness, which I hear is normal. We met them (J hubby and B wife) over dinner and drinks and the chemistry seemed to be great. My wife and I whispered to one another that we liked them. Now the big question in our minds was how do we move forward, haha. This couple was experienced in the LS and we discussed our nervousness and they did a great job of calming us down and making us feel comfortable. They invited us to their hotel room where we all sat and talked for a bit. Unfortunately, the other woman (B) drank too much and was getting quite tired. So nothing seemed to be happening. My wife; however, suggested that she give her a massage and that’s where things heated up. The ladies were having fun and motioned for us guys to get on the bed, which led to me laying next to B and J laying next to my wife. The scene was surreal and we were getting pretty turned on. I couldn’t believe I was watching my wife do the things she does with me and it wasn’t bothering me, it made me feel even more appreciative of her and it made me want her badly all at the same time. We all had a lot of foreplay happening and it felt as if it was about time to make a decision.

On a side note, I’m not used to wearing a condom so this made me uncomfortable even thinking about it, but I knew this was part of our rules we decided going into the LS. Just as I reached for my condom, the other guy (J) asked my wife if they could do it yet. As I was trying to get my condom on, I could feel performance anxiety kicking into high gear and I lost my erection...embarrassing to admit. I asked B for a little help, but she didn’t seem very interested in lending a hand. My wife was wonderful enough to remove herself from the other man and come lay by me to help. B went back to J and we all ended up having wonderful sex with our SO’s.

My wife and I felt somewhat obligated to return to our previous partners and asked J and B, but B declined and said she was too tired. We decided it was time to go and give them space. I felt great about everything that happened up until my performance anxiety hit. I also felt like B was taking it personally, which made me feel horrible.

We have since kept in touch with this couple and they have asked us for another date this weekend. My wife tells me she is open to another date, but understands if I don’t want to because of how things ended last time. So, I’m not sure how to move forward. I like this couple, but honestly don’t want a repeat of last time. I personally felt an attraction to B but her drunken state was unattractive because she wasn’t very reciprocal.

Any ideas or advice for this newbie couple?

 

When sober, did you and the other gal have healthy communication and a level of chemistry that led you to believe she'd be supportive/accommodating during sex? If so, then it could have been the alcohol. Either way, maybe have some dialogue about last time to see what she thinks and felt.

 

Given your struggle last time and her resulting response combined with your current concerns, there's a good chance this will repeat itself next time. However, if you work things out and take the pressure off... it will help to decrease that likelihood.

[Pdxcpl1 21]

EMT - yes, she was engaged fully and communicating well with everyone until she had too much. I agree a repeat could happen, but we need to have an open discussion about her being sober next time.

[adamgunn 1,460]

More than a couple of drinks and swinging oftentimes leads to disappointment. I'm so sorry that this happened with your first time.

[Pdxcpl1 21]

Overall, the experience was exciting, but the extra drinks she had dampened the experience for sure. We are meeting other couples but have yet to have another swap. My wife said she only wants us to meet this couple again if I’m excited about being with them again. I told her that I am excited about the prospect, but want to make sure this lady can control her intake before playing. We are chatting with the couple about plans and they mentioned next time only having a couple of drinks, which sounds much better.

[Emt 91]

EMT - yes, she was engaged fully and communicating well with everyone until she had too much. I agree a repeat could happen, but we need to have an open discussion about her being sober next time.

 

It sounds like the alcohol is what screwed things up. Like I said, if you can have dialogue and connect about the concerns ... hopefully she'll be receptive to not getting plastered quite so much. And from your latest reply it sounds like they are already thinking about moderation and on board.

[Pdxcpl1 21]

Yes, it sounds like they are on board for moderation. I will post an update if we decide to meet again. Thanks for the great input.