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We’ve talked about sharing on and off over the years - I have a recurring fantasy of watching her with someone else (yeah another one of those guys :) ) - but it’s always been a hard no in her part. That’s fine, it’s a fantasy, and I’m not pushing it.

 

She’s not one to share her fantasies, she claims she doesn’t have any, but on a rare occasion she’ll drop a shocker on me - like where did that come from? The latest, more surprising than shocking, was about wanting to go to a club where there are sexy dancers to watch - “like a strip club?” I asked? “No, No just sexy not trashy - think gogo not stripper”. Ok, but she goes on and describes that the club also has private back rooms where the couple can get intimate with each other. “I think you just described a swingers club”. “Eww no, not that, just a place to dance sensually with each other then have sex” - “you can do exactly that at a swingers club, you don’t need to swing” - “hmmm....”

 

Further discussions had mixed results depending on state of arousal but any mention of swinging is met with “eww, no!”.

 

I know I shouldn’t be asking an Internet forum what my wife is thinking but can any of you relate to this (from either end) and offer any advice or thoughts? I know the main advice will to talk to her but I don’t want to press it hard or seem obsessed. Her philosophy with the kids is raise an issue or drop an idea then give them time to process and come around rather than force it and risk them shutting down. It usually works with her too...

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I think since she has described a swing club, take a chance and bring her. They are so different than what people imagine. She might actually enjoy it, especially if there is no pressure from you to do anything more than take a look.

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It's no different than Desire. Plenty of the couples that go to Desire have zero interest in swinging. They love the sexy vibe, etc.

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Thanks. I think she’d be ok if we actually went but getting past the stigma will take some work. She’s imagining creepy sweaty guys with comb-overs I think. I once read a good mainstream media article about a reporter’s visit to a club that made it sound very normal but I can’t seem to find it. I could point her to this site where everyone seems great but that’s like diving in the deep end.

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I have to add...today she went for a video shoot to promote a conference and got her hair and makeup done amazingly. She looked so beautiful and sexy I just want to do this even more if that makes sense

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It does make sense. Like you, I loved watching my wife with other guys. For me, it's about her throwing caution to the wind and letting go. That's always been the times I found her the sexiest.

 

If you do some exploring, you'll find places that are very swinger friendly but not advertised as swinger, or lifestyle, venues. And there are some very nice, upscale, places that she would probably love.

 

I think she's probably a candidate. You just need to show her that it's not just a vulgar environment.

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The seed has been planted, now wait for it to grow some. In the mean time, find a swingers club so if it comes to past, you already are prepared. Good luck.

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I agree seed planted.Now be patient. It sounds like she is interested. If you allow it to bloom on its own a year from now, or so, you may have trouble keeping up.

My wife spent that time slowly realizing that I really meant it and that she was safe wading in.

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The first step is always the hardest. Once she actually visits a lifestyle club she will be pleasantly surprised. I, too, had a very creepy mental image of what i would see. Many clubs are quite beautiful and upscale. It only took a few minutes for me to realize how comfortable the club actually felt. People are friendly and really not creepy!

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