Connecting with strangers in public?

[Emt 91]

Today my wife came home from the supermarket and said that she and a blonde she found really attractive kept locking eyes and smiling at each other. Up until now, she/we've only had sex with her friends.

 

But I'm curious what your experience has been approaching and connecting with total strangers in public? Not at a bar or a club but just out and about. Has this ever worked out well for you?

 

Thanks!

[Alura 2,774]

Laura and I met some couples "out and about," in-line at a fast pizza place, during intermission at a ballet, a rodeo. The first was a one-time thing but the latter two were long-term playmates.

 

Just keep your eyes open and watch body-language.

 

If the body-language has been good, and you never expect to see them again, there is nothing lost if YOUR WIFE asks, "How do y'all feel about mate sharing?"

[Guest]

Oh it works for threesomes. I was at the Publix supermarket and I noticed a man going out of his way to check me out. He eventually approached me, and was very polite. He said that he just had to tell me he liked the way I dressed and had beautiful legs. I thanked him and showed him my ring. He was married also. I told him that even though I was married it might be his lucky day, and I just held up my finger and called my husband on my cell phone. He got the idea by listening that at least I was a hot wife. I had him follow me home, and we even put his ice cream in our freezer. Well, it wasn't much of a threesome...he was in a hurry and clearly had a wife waiting for him. He was a very excited man. I let him use me quickly, and he left thanking the both of us. He was very grateful and said that it had always been a fantasy. And he forgot his ice cream!

 

We have met a couple that had just by accident, been traveling around a RV show. We ended up touring the RVs about the same time. My husband and I were being a little fresh, and from commenting that a bed would easily fit 4 people, and asking the other couple if they wanted to get on it, the ice had been broken to be a little more flirtatious. No dates were made or even any talk about swapping. I traded emails with her and we have been talking and planning a trip in early summer to Charleston. She brought the swapping up in a clever way. She explained how they were going to have guardianship of 2 grand children and they would be with them. Other than the whole situation being very difficult for the children, she said that they had been planning on enjoying adult fun and had been wanting to bed swap with their friends in Florida and when we had mentioned 4 people in the bed, she was hoping that I wasn't offended by the idea but, it wasn't required to go camping together. She also said that it would be impossible with the grand kids at this point. I explained our situation and that there were ways we might be able to swap in public situations by just doing it separately while the kids are diverted to some activity. We had done that before. So, it looks like we will meet them on a trip soon and see what happens.

[Emt 91]

Laura and I met some couples "out and about," in-line at a fast pizza place, during intermission at a ballet, a rodeo. The first was a one-time thing but the latter two were long-term playmates.

 

Just keep your eyes open and watch body-language.

 

If the body-language has been good, and you never expect to see them again, there is nothing lost if YOUR WIFE asks, "How do y'all feel about mate sharing?"

 

I like the idea of being up front about it. And you have a point about nothing being lost. But in a local store, I think it'd be good for us to say hello or something else first to make sure we're not forgetting this is maybe a person from our church or kid's school... This actually happened to me shortly after posting this question. Someone at the store said hello to me but I didn't immediately recognize her. So I said hello back and we both kept walking. Then it clicked...parent from my kid's class. Would have absolutely sucked to have said "hey, how do you feel about swapping partners?"

 

I think I'd want to use something other than "mate sharing". Sounds a little too clinical/academic.

 

Thanks!

[Alura 2,774]

I like the idea of being up front about it. And you have a point about nothing being lost. But in a local store, I think it'd be good for us to say hello or something else first to make sure we're not forgetting this is maybe a person from our church or kid's school... This actually happened to me shortly after posting this question. Someone at the store said hello to me but I didn't know her. So I said hello back and we both kept walking. Then it clicked...parent from my kid's class. Would have absolutely sucked to have said "hey, how do you feel about swapping partners?"

 

I think I'd want to use something other than "mate sharing". Sounds a little too clinical/academic.

 

Thanks!

 

Thanks for the reply, EMT! You definitely should use your own words. "Y'all wanna swap spouses and fuck?" might be a bit abrupt, though.

 

I would be remiss if I didn't relate our sole bad experience.

We were staying in a hotel in Amarillo, Texas, when we met an attractive California couple at the swimming pool and invited them to dinner at The Big Texan, one of the few places I know where one can order bison or rattlesnake.

 

They were friendly, didn't object when Laura arranged the seating with her next to him and his wife next to me. We laughed, joked and exchanged suggestive body language. When Laura unleashed the Big Question, however, the woman clammed up and didn't say another word. We made the drive back to the hotel in silence and never saw them again.

 

Alura

[Emt 91]

Thanks for the reply, EMT! You definitely should use your own words. "Y'all wanna swap spouses and fuck?" might be a bit abrupt, though.

 

I would be remiss if I didn't relate our sole bad experience.

We were staying in a hotel in Amarillo, Texas, when we met an attractive California couple at the swimming pool and invited them to dinner at The Big Texan, one of the few places I know where one can order bison or rattlesnake.

 

They were friendly, didn't object when Laura arranged the seating with her next to him and his wife next to me. We laughed, joked and exchanged suggestive body language. When Laura unleashed the Big Question, however, the woman clammed up and didn't say another word. We made the drive back to the hotel in silence and never saw them again.

 

Alura

 

Wait...I get that the woman clammed up...but what did the guy say/do??

 

Note to self, NEVER share a vehicle with a potential swap unless everyone is on the same page BEFORE the ride. This is good to know!

 

Thanks for sharing that!

 

Personally, we've had similar experiences with vanilla friends for years!!! We'll be joking, my wife or I take it to a sexual level, and everyone else acts like they're in grade school.

[Alura 2,774]

Wait...I get that the woman clammed up...but what did the guy say/do??

 

Note to self, NEVER share a vehicle with a potential swap unless everyone is on the same page BEFORE the ride. This is good to know!

 

Thanks for sharing that!

 

Personally, we've had similar experiences with vanilla friends for years!!! We'll be joking, my wife or I take it to a sexual level, and everyone else acts like they're in grade school.

 

Good Question, EMT! The husband remained friendly. Laura read him as hot-to-trot, as it were. She knew from his body language that he wanted to kiss her, but without his wife we had no interest.

 

Good point on sharing a vehicle. Fortunately, we drove because we knew where The Big Texan was located. I guess we could have left them there but it never occurred to us.

[Emt 91]

Good Question, EMT! The husband remained friendly. Laura read him as hot-to-trot, as it were. She knew from his body language that he wanted to kiss her, but without his wife we had no interest.

 

Good point on sharing a vehicle. Fortunately, we drove because we knew where The Big Texan was located. I guess we could have left them there but it never occurred to us.

 

Thanks for the follow-up!

 

Situations like this and their dynamics really interest me because this could very well happen to us in the future! However, since my wife and I discussed swinging and have continued to do so since last month, we are more focused on being up front (when we feel it's safe to do so) about the purpose of our socialization...or at least what our thoughts are of the other person/couple. So whereas a traditional friendship/intro may start off with talking about jobs, sports, politics, etc...expressing our attraction would be more effective I would think. And this seems to be a popular premise in the lifestyle...to start out by complimenting others on their clothes/hair/looks and then the dialogue progressing from there.

 

While I'm not sure how long ago this happened to you, at least nowadays in the age of Uber/Lyft, there's more options for not getting stranded if things don't work out.

[Alura 2,774]

I was fortunate, EMT, to have a wife who had degrees in Psychology and Communication. Laura had studied Body Language in depth. Therefore, she had an uncanny ability to read people regardless of their words. It was at least twenty years ago, probably longer, but we would never have left a couple at a restaurant when we brought them there.

 

One can also use body language to gauge another person's interest. Smile into their eyes, look at their lips and back to their eyes. If a person looks at your lips in turn, and smiles back, he is interested in kissing you. In that case, Laura got positive readings from the husband but I didn't from the wife. Because we weren't likely to ever see them again, she took a chance. Unfortunately, it wasn't to be.

 

As I wrote somewhere above, I thought I'd tell this story because I didn't want anybody to think I was saying it always works to ask Laura's "magic question." One has to have a reasonable guess that they won't be offended.

[Emt 91]

I was fortunate, EMT, to have a wife who had degrees in Psychology and Communication. Laura had studied Body Language in depth. Therefore, she had an uncanny ability to read people regardless of their words. It was at least twenty years ago, probably longer, but we would never have left a couple at a restaurant when we brought them there.

 

One can also use body language to gauge another person's interest. Smile into their eyes, look at their lips and back to their eyes. If a person looks at your lips in turn, and smiles back, he is interested in kissing you. In that case, Laura got positive readings from the husband but I didn't from the wife. Because we weren't likely to ever see them again, she took a chance. Unfortunately, it wasn't to be.

 

As I wrote somewhere above, I thought I'd tell this story because I didn't want anybody to think I was saying it always works to ask Laura's "magic question." One has to have a reasonable guess that they won't be offended.

 

I like to think in my tenure I've gained an ability to read people as well. One thing my wife and I are working on is our dialogue and signals to each other. Key phrases and words so that if we get into a situation where we are sensing things, we can communicate it to the other covertly as not to (hopefully) offend anyone. But like you say, sometimes you just take that chance and roll the dice with the question.

 

Thanks

[Sawman 84]

A smile at the supermarket is a long way from "are you a swinger too." If she sees her again she can engage in retail dating conversation such as, "do your kids let you buy Lucky Charms?" If it goes to coffee she can see how the stranger responds to comments like, "my husband and my boyfriend are leaving me alone Saturday morning."

[Napoleon 230]

For safety reasons I'm respectful but very reserved towards strangers.