Is this a bad situation?

[supralover79 15]

So my wife have done some swinging for the last couple years. Not an all the time thing. Anyhow I loved the fact that I could watch her with someone else and totally trust her. We had met a couple awhile back and did full swap. All had a great time. Of course when we started we set rules. One of those rules was no one on one communication with opposite sex. Well this guy would message her in and off and she’d always tell me about it. The other day he did and she told me. She told me everything about the conversation EXCEPT a part that was inappropriate. When I confronted her she said she didn’t purposely not tell me. Of course that is a lie considering she literally told me about everything else. This really bothers me as it is breaking a rule we had from the start. That and the fact she didn’t tell me about it. Should I be worried or am I overreacting? I should mention the other part that really bothers me is that in the inappropriate comments it was referencing the 3 of them with no mention of me. Him talking about what he’d like to do to my girl and his, and my wife talking about what the 3 of them had done.

[adamgunn 1,460]

Well, it seems you're in a pickle.

 

Addressing your communication with your wife, I think the two of you need to sit down and figure out what's up. Be kind to her, you may be overreacting, but you two have to figure this out.

 

About the other couple. He blatantly disregarded your wishes by texting your wife. I wouldn't play with them anymore.

[Sawman 84]

It's OK to be annoyed at this violation of the rules. This is a good time to restate the boundaries and move on. As for texts etc. from the other guy, he needs to understand that is out of bounds. Did he understand that? This is grounds either for a thank you, but no thank you, or one more chance. This sort of nose in the tent by a camel suggests he might not be a good fit.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

We have that same rule but the penalty for anyone violating the rule is you get kicked to the curb. He violated the rule and regardless that you like this couple, they should be finding that they are suddenly in the gutter. Find another couple that knows and obeys your rules.

[Chris&Suzanne 204]

If that happens my assumption the guy will cheat on his wife. Take it from there.

[Ozzie+Harriet 84]

I'm pretty rigid about that sort of thing. If you set down rules, and the rules are agreed to, there is absolutely no excuse for breaking one, no matter what, period. Mistakes are never mistakes. They are intentional deceptions.

[Paranoyd 15]

I'd let my wife chat with and about anything and anyone. I tell her that her conversations are her business, but she knows to let me know when it goes too far. Its never really been an issue and when she tells me if things get out of hand, we were able to solve it quickly.

 

I definitely feel there are different levels of "swingering" and perhaps you, your wife and the other male are on 3 separate ones?

[southdenvercpl 24]

I am assuming that when you set this rule the other couple was involved? It is a bit confusing because you said he had messaged her a couple times before. Did she inform him that he shouldn't be doing that? If not I couldn't really blame him for doing it again as he probably thinks it is OK, especially if your wife is reciprocating. If he knows that you are totally against then I can see there being a problem, but it sounds like you two have a good connection with this couple, so it is up to you two if you believe this is enough to end the relationship.

 

We personally do not have this rule. We both enjoy our one on one interaction with the couple we see regularly. Most times we will share our conversations and pics we send and receive. That in turn usually leads to us naked all over each other, so their is definitely a benefit! LOL Your wife may like this interaction with him and could be she is just getting more comfortable with him. Comfort leads to better sex in most cases. She is probably hesitant to tell you because she might think you will overreact. What are your reason's for not allowing one on one conversations?