Looking for advice - wife wants to quit swinging

[Gandt11 16]

Before we had gotten into the lifestyle, I always had an issue with keeping true to a monogamous relationship. Finally we discovered swinging and that was a total game changer. I was no longer dishonest with my wife, we indulged in many things together and I had a new found passion. However, now my wife has decided she no longer wants to be a part of it and I couldn't honestly or happily continue on without her. Not to mention my new favorite fetish is cuckolding and ya kinda need the wife in the picture for that... anyhow, I truly feel like if we were to completely stop and never do this again, I would not be happy or feel completely fulfilled. But I can't lose or leave my wife, we have too much together and I love her so much. Any advice? Her reasons are because we never have time, our location is not the best, and she has found religion that obviously has rules against such acts.

[Guest]

Yeah its a very difficult position.

 

Firstly understand that you are NOT ALONE, in fact thousands of people (including me) have found themselves in very similar positions, where they strongly desire to explore sexually, and to explore the theatre of group sex with their partner, but sadly their partner has said no or had a sudden change of heart.

 

I'll not lie, in many cases there is nothing you can actually do to change sometimes mind, but at least you did get to try such things, at least you did get to explore some group sex, many people out there get married / buy homes / have children only to realise later that their partner has killed any chance of their group sex desires, that some people never even get to try this subject at all, so I guess be thankful that you did get chance to explore.

 

Anyway.......

 

1: Religion: You mentioned your wife has recently found religion, your profile also says you live near Las Vegas, so basically the USA so I'll assume the religion your wife has found is Christianity. Well my family are religious people and in all honesty the Bible (along with various other religious texts) has been dramatically changed over the years.

 

For example the Bible at one point did actually say that a man can have multiple wives / that a man can sleep with multiple women. However many years ago now the kings and priests of old needed men to fill up their armies, that certain wise men soon figured that if you put 1 man with only 1 women then more babies will be born, more babies equals more fighting men and bigger armies.

 

Sure some men would have 2,3,4, or even 10 wives, and often the majority of those women wouldn't even be pregnant. If you lived 2000 years ago and you had 10 wives, and all of those wives were pregnant how would you ever afford to feed yourself / your 10 wives / your 10 or 20 children? If however you give a man only 1 wife then chances are he will get her pregnant at some point, then about 15 years later their son was shoved on a little wooden ship and sent off to war in France or God knows where else.

 

During this period of time most of Europe was at war and plague swept across the lands killing millions of people, so sure kings and religious leaders needed someway to keep the population up, they needed someway to build bigger better armies, so sure the parts in the Bible about taking multiple women was removed and replaced with verses that say your only allowed to have 1 person / should only love 1 person / that sex with multiple people is a sin / that homosexuality is a sin because obviously soldiers are not born by two men fucking each other.

 

In fact some years ago now things such as swinging or threesomes was illegal in a lot of places, not however most countries around the world actually accept that sex between consenting adults is not illegal, that having a threesome is not illegal as long as no other laws are been broken, laws such as under age sex / rape / domestic abuse and so on. In many cases this is like saying....

 

"My country / government says its okay, but the Bible doesn't say it's okay"

 

To be fair a lot of the things in the Muslim Quran was actually in the Bible, the only real difference is that over the years Christian kings / priests / holy men have changed the Bible rather radically to suit their needs or modern times, where basically the Quran hasn't changed very much.

 

In reality the Bible did tell us to kill none believers, to take multiple wives, to slaughter the pagans, but over the years a lot of that has been changed / altered, some however still remains.

 

I guess its ironic that the Bible tells us to love our neighbours, but in reality we have spent thousands of years starting wars with neighbours!

 

I'm not saying argue with your wife about religion, but perhaps pointing out that the Bible wasn't always against such things may help a tiny amount.

 

 

2: Compromise: Maybe you could simply compromise, for example you could tell your partner that your happy to slow down the threesomes or group sex situation, but could you not have 1 longer term friend, that rather than looking for multiple partners you can meet 1 nice person and just play with them, maybe another Christian for example.

 

 

3: Honesty: Simply been honest with your wife may help, tell her how you feel, tell her that you love her dearly, but explain that cuckold fantasies are valuable to you, that you find it exciting, that you would hope you can find a compromise, ect.

[ViSexual 1,008]

It is a big boat and a lot of us have been in it. I've often said, "I don't want to cheat on my wife, I want to cheat with her".

 

But swinging, in whatever form, is something a person can't be forced, coerced, or manipulated into enjoying. You either do, or for whatever reasons, you don't.

 

My wife did, no matter what she might say now, enjoy our times with other folks. But now she's convinced herself that she didn't and there's nothing I can say that it going to change her mind. Like you, I don't want to end an, otherwise, good marriage of 47 years for my own desires.

 

The one thing you might do, that I have done, is to convince her that you would be more than fine with her letting go with another man, if she met someone she just couldn't resist. Keep her aware that you feel that way. And, with the remote hope that someday, somehow, someone, will get her back into the lifestyle you enjoy and miss, might keep you going.

 

 

And, every time you catch her eyeing some hunk you both see in public, remind her that she might good have him.

 

 

Just remember, 'hope springs eternal'!

 

 

Welcome to the SwingersBoard, and good luck to you!

[Lionheart72 2,191]

Tell her how you feel. Listen to how she feels. Don't try to convince her, change her, sway her or trick her. Just be honest and listen honestly. Go from there.

[Paranoyd 15]

I just joined the board due to an ongoing situation similar to this. I won't hijack your post, but you can rest assured knowing that you're definitely not alone!!