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A question for the ladies... did you experience any negative feelings after first time with a male other than your significant partner? Feelings like guilt, shame or regret? If so, how did you reconcile them so you could happily move on and enjoy the lifestyle? I should add... I don’t mean if the sex wasn’t good... assuming it was a great experience.

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I had no regrets after the first time. I had not had sex with anyone but my husband since being married. It was very exciting being wanted and desired.

My doubt came the next day when sex in front of my husband was a different experience.

It ended up the first night was more real.

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From a husband´s perspective my SO I think she had a lot of emotions after. I think maybe a day or two later even moreso as she was very quiet. After a week we were back to normal. I think so of it came from the fact that it was mutual friend of ours and well by the looks of it she really enjoyed it after some reservations as she let her body go. Maybe embarassed...?

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My first such experience was as part of an MFM with my BF who later became my husband. I found the whole thing very exciting. If there was a negative thought afterwards, it was immediately so and was about what did he think of it when he actually saw me doing it all and enjoying it so.

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A question for the ladies... did you experience any negative feelings after first time with a male other than your significant partner? ..
Nope.

 

 

 

... feelings like guilt , shame or regret ? ..

It felt like something that I deserved. It was a feeling of empowerment that I was fucking them on my terms. Even more so because they both knew about the other and still wanted me anyway. At my request, they met. They were monogamous with me even though I didn't ask, probably because I gave them both as much sex and love as they could handle. In time we began relationships with other women because I wanted it, both because I am attracted to women and I wanted to be on the other side of nonmonogamy. It also freed me from my stifling religious upbringing.

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I remember having feelings of shame and guilt and it took me several weeks to get over it. Imagine the mixture of shock and guilt I felt waking up the next morning on the other guy's bed, instead of my partner's (we were in a twin bed suite). His constant reassurance that it was ok made me move on. The experience changed me though and made me more assertive sexually.

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... Imagine the mixture of shock and guilt I felt waking up the next morning on the other guy's bed, instead of my partner's (we were in a twin bed suite)... The experience changed me though and made me more assertive sexually.
I can see the difference between your first time experience and mine. I had just come off a breakup with my fiance (we were still in love) and was falling in love with a new man who became my husband. The experience od loving them both made me more assertive and more empathetic, eventually wanting my guys to be with other women, which opened up my Lesbian side.

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@couplers it is like a next level awakening

 

@alexandsandra that must be the true case as a hindsight. That was not the last time ?

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The emotional scare is the only thing holding us back from a MFM, but I can see it going down in the future.
The emotions actually turn out to be good feelings.
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I love the emotions I have during swinging.

 

In foursomes I get this lovely rush of adrenaline - pounding heart, dry mouth - when I realize there's a good chance I'm going to get a shot at this beautiful woman. The mystery of trying to find her g-spot or what turns her on. The sensations of having her perform oral on me. And of course the heightened orgasm with this new person if the sex is great.

 

It’s different for me in MFMs with my wife. The curiosity as she first approaches him in a bar, wondering if she’s going to be attracted. The angst - not jealousy - as they begin the ritual dance of seduction. The sense of pride as he undresses my wife and sees her naked for the first time. The sympathy for her as she has her first orgasms with him. And the sense of reclamation when the other man is done with her, yet lying nearby as I bring her to yet another series of orgasms.

 

Yes, the emotions of swinging are delicious . . .

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I did feel horrible. I was in a monogamous relationship and found myself in a threeway with a college friend and her friend. My first time with a female was an eye opener but letting myself be with a man who I just met made me feel like a cheater. With guilt I confessed to my then boyfriend. It caused friction in our relationship and chased him away. I felt I wronged my love. It took time to reconcile and we did and married. As a couple we have grown and realize that sex is sex. Sex is fun. Sex is respect. Sex is not always love.

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Really? How so? It’s just s giant leap of faith. I would never hold it against her we had a good time. She has stated she feels bad that I may never have a FMF because she just isn’t into women, I’ve told her it’s fine. Hopefully we get to the MFM soon. I think a foursome non swap same room would be a good measuring stick the first time, but she thinks that’s more nerve wracking then a MFM, which I kind of disagree. But, her choice.

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... I was in a monogamous relationship and found myself in a threeway with a college friend and her friend... It caused friction in our relationship and chased him away... It took time to reconcile and we did and married...

You have a wonderful husband who is very smart not to let this get in the way of seeing how great you are. From what I have read in your other posts, he is now glad that you took this step as well.

 

... sex is sex. Sex is fun. Sex is respect. Sex is not always love.
I'm not a Biblical person but every one knows the passage, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs." That is true of your husband. And you have written a thoughtful follow-on about sex.
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You have a wonderful husband who is very smart not to let this get in the way of seeing how great you are. From what I have read in your other posts, he is now glad that you took this step as well.

 

I'm not a Biblical person but every one knows the passage, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs." That is true of your husband. And you have written a thoughtful follow-on about sex.

 

You are right, I do have a wonderful husband. I would not have blamed him if he ran when I told him what I did. I had to think deeply as to what I would have done if the shoe was on the other foot. My shame was not for being with my gf, my shame was not only allowing but actively took a man I just met, into me. I had shame and guilt not because I had sex with a woman. I don’t know if I would have mentioned anything if it was just her.

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... I don’t know if I would have mentioned anything if it was just her.

It's funny how life goes. If you had not had sex with her boyfriend and had not told your boyfriend about your activity afterwards, you probably wouldn't be in the good place that you two are today. Your husband appreciates you for who you are, including the "mistakes" that you made. Put any shame or guilt that you have in the past.

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I still wrestle with emotions from time to time. Although my husband often gets amazing treatment from me ND another woman, I am often the one gettingNg all of the attention. We are often engaged in MMF and MMMF situations and there is no doubt that I leave the room much more satisfied. If I have two or more really fit or really well hung guys working on me, Ill sometimes catch a hint of what I think is jealousy and I don't know how to feel about it.

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On 5/24/2019 at 5:44 AM, kittyswinger said:

I remember having feelings of shame and guilt and it took me several weeks to get over it. Imagine the mixture of shock and guilt I felt waking up the next morning on the other guy's bed, instead of my partner's (we were in a twin bed suite). His constant reassurance that it was ok made me move on. The experience changed me though and made me more assertive sexually.

Why did you not go back to your husbands bed?

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On 6/27/2019 at 7:13 PM, couplers said:

You have a wonderful husband who is very smart not to let this get in the way of seeing how great you are. From what I have read in your other posts, he is now glad that you took this step as well.

 

 

I'm not a Biblical person but every one knows the passage, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs." That is true of your husband. And you have written a thoughtful follow-on about sex.

Badgers wife,

 

I know that if I would have Cheated on my boyfriend when he was in the military when I met him, he would not be my husband today. Because trust me on everything else that comes with trust, Would be broken. And he would’ve Not had married me.

 

I think her boyfriend and now her husband forgive her and I am glad for her. But some people are just not to forgiving type. I know if my boyfriend now husband would have cheated on me when we were dating, I would’ve never given him another chance to be with me. Even if he came to me and confessed that he did it and asked for forgiveness, I would except his honesty for telling me but I would’ve not forgiving him for cheating.

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10 minutes ago, 10thBadger said:

Badgers wife,

 

I know that if I would have Cheated on my boyfriend when he was in the military when I met him, he would not be my husband today. Because trust me on everything else that comes with trust, Would be broken. And he would’ve Not had married me.

 

I think her boyfriend and now her husband forgive her and I am glad for her. But some people are just not to forgiving type. I know if my boyfriend now husband would have cheated on me when we were dating, I would’ve never given him another chance to be with me. Even if he came to me and confessed that he did it and asked for forgiveness, I would except his honesty for telling me but I would’ve not forgiving him for cheating.

I guess it’s good the world isn’t so black and white then? You come with your sage judgmental wisdom for people that are are long gone. Keep fighting the good fight 🤨

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2 minutes ago, Thegreyarea said:

I guess it’s good the world isn’t so black and white then? You come with your sage judgmental wisdom for people that are are long gone. Keep fighting the good fight 🤨

Badgers wife,

 

I’m not saying that it was not good for him to forgive her. I’m just saying I know that in my case I would not be able to get forgive. I didn’t say anything hurtful.

 

Why would you take a horrible response to me when I was just saying something about myself and something that I would not be able to do?

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On 12/27/2021 at 2:25 PM, 10thBadger said:

I would except his honesty for telling me but I would’ve not forgiving him for cheating.

To my knowledge, no one in our family has ever cheated, i.e. had sex or an emotional affair with someone outside the family. I guess we're all too upfront about what we do.  But in any event, if hubby or Red or Clair or Lora (or I) were to step outside our family, forgiveness wouldn't be needed, just a discussion.  (Before we women took on a shared outside boyfriend/FWB because of the sexual need imbalance of three women/two men in our family who entered their 30s, we calmly discussed it all around and hubby and Red vetted Frank.)

 

To me there are much greater sins than infidelity, if one even considers it a sin.  The most important thing is that we all treat the children well and totally unselfishly, regardless of their biological parentage (I have an overwhelming love for the offspring of two people who created them, and who in turn I love and are my lovers.)  We treat each other with love and respect as well.  I am proud to be part of the family we have formed.

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Our first time was a mfm. We were both drinking and the subject came up and sounded fun to both of us. We called hubs friend who was handsome and well endowed. He was with us in  a half hour and was started playing around. I was naked in no time. The guys got naked too. After a lot of body kisses, the friend got between my legs and entered me with the biggest cock i ever had. It was marvelous and I came so many times I lost count. He put a huge load of sperm in me that night. The next day we felt guilty about it. The guilt lasted three days and then turned into hornyness. We were nervous because hub had vasectomy and we didn’t use bc. The risk of pregnancy made us both hornier. The guilt was gone and we were back to normal less than a week. 

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Guilt is SO overrated. Glad you moved past and let it go. It seems that there's a lesson for us all here. Move on, no regrets and stick together.

 

BY the way, did you ever repeat with his friend?

 

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2 hours ago, Lynn2000 said:

subject came up and sounded fun to both of us. We called hubs friend who was handsome and well endowed. He was with us in  a half hour and was started playing around. I was naked in no time. The guys got naked too. After a lot of body kisses, the friend got between my legs and entered me with the biggest cock i ever had.

Nobody ever has sex with the smallest cock they ever had. 
How about Sue’s husband and the men you went camping with. 

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17 hours ago, PJ&Lin said:

Nobody ever has sex with the smallest cock they ever had.

That would make a good thread.

 

I'll start!  It was Sam.  I still managed to cum, but only because I figured out how to rub my clit against him.  It would have been ok to continue, but he was an asshole overall and I just stopped seeing him. 

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12 hours ago, couplers said:
On 10/5/2022 at 11:56 AM, PJ&Lin said:

Nobody ever has sex with the smallest cock they ever had.

The rest of the story.  A small dick wasn't Sam's only shortcoming, but I learned a lot. 

 

After having married David while still having Red as my lover, I was full of myself. I thought I was a master of sex with men (not yet having discovered my Lesbian side) and believing that I could easily manage an expanded sex life. So I thought when I met Sam, found him attractive, and announced to hubby and Red that I was going to have sex with him as well. Well I did, and it wasn't fulfilling or even fun. The first couple of times were exciting, but Sam was a poor lover. He thought he was God's gift to women, just wanted me to blow him and fuck me in my bum, which was OK but anal alone doesn't make me cum, and he didn't care about my orgasms or satisfaction at all. On top of that Sam disparaged my husband (he didn't know about Red), saying that David must be sexually inadequate for me to let him fuck me, and a wimp when I told Sam that hubby knew about us and was OK with it.


I would complain to David how my fling with Sam wasn't working as I had expected, and what I was thinking that I needed to do to improve it. (I'm compulsive and goal oriented.) David gave me the best advice - that it wasn't my solely responsibility to make whatever I was doing with Sam feel right. It then became clear to me that I was taking credit for the two relationships that I had with Red and David being so great, when in reality it was their attitude and efforts that made everything work so well on every level.


My husband is a saint and the wise man in all of this.  I would come home, we'd have sex (because despite what Sam did I still needed to fuck my husband and Red) and I would complain about how badly it was going.  He told me it wasn't my responsibility to make this work, it wasn't a failure on my part, that I could end it.  He was right.

 

So instead of going to Sam's place, I got a really nice hotel room (with flower petals on the bed) on a Saturday afternoon and made Sam do sex my way, in my cunt, the positions I wanted and stay in me until I came several times.  Then I forced him to eat me out (with one gentle lubed finer in my bum) until I came again.  Then I got in the (really big, fancy) bathtub, had him wash me, and left.  I wish I could say I never saw him again, but we cross paths professionally.


After that, I knew what I had and turned inward toward Red and David as my future. It has been all for the best.
 

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On 10/6/2022 at 6:30 PM, couplers said:

I would complain to David how my fling with Sam wasn't working as I had expected, and what I was thinking that I needed to do to improve it. (I'm compulsive and goal oriented.) David gave me the best advice - that it wasn't my solely responsibility to make whatever I was doing with Sam feel right.

 

On 10/6/2022 at 6:30 PM, couplers said:

After that, I knew what I had and turned inward toward Red and David as my future. It has been all for the best.

An interesting perspective.

 

My wife Daniela and I always found it exciting to share stories about our past lovers.  Although she has a large number of stories where the relationships and sex she had was great, but there are more than a few were as you described - from where they just didn't click to it was outright bad.  Neither of us wants to dwell on those.  Unlike you, she was immediately dissatisfied enough, and not so goal oriented, to quickly move on.  It has also made her into a woman who is in love with her husband, me, but not turn inward.  She plays vigorously with the other men, and women, in our group.

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