Dealing with rude/snobby people in the lifestyle?

[Emt 91]

I was recently discussing body image issues with a friend of mine who said he was insecure about being overweight when he goes to gay sex parties where nudity was required while present. I asked for more info and he said that people make rude comments. I was a little surprised by that, since it seemed to cruel and only moreso being more vulnerable while nude. He said "they can be a bunch of catty bitches!!" referring to some of the others in attendance.

 

Is this something to be concerned with at clubs and house parties in your experience? If so, how is it effectively dealt with?

 

We accept that we won't match up with everyone, but when people go out of their way to be jerks... what responses are most acceptable within the lifestyle?

 

Thanks!

[njbm 2,873]

My wife is in terrific shape. I am on the husky side. We are over 60, look younger. Of course, the better one’s shape, the better one will do. But, there is every size and shape participating. I have never heard anyone openly critique a body.

 

As I noted in a very recent post, we get rejected a lot by couples who we think are compatible. I wonder why, but there is no way to know. It could be a beard, brown eyes, or once, a woman fled from me because she said I looked like her former husband. I tend to take it personally, my wife could not care less. She has the better philosophy.

 

There will be a ton of attractive people who will play with you. My thought is that the rejectors don’t know what they are missing. They can read your future SLS certs and suck it!

[Emt 91]

Wait...SLS "certs"? What's that like "eats pussy like it's his/her job!" or more along the lines of "successful encounter"?

 

Our concern is no longer whether or not we will find anyone to play with. For the purpose of this thread it's knowing what the proper response is if the "no thank you" isn't so diplomatic and is blatantly/unnecessarily rude?

 

Thanks!

[njbm 2,873]

No one has rejected us rudely yet. The woman who fled because I looked like her ex-husband came closest.

 

We find SLS certs sometimes funny. It’s a challenge to write without too much kiss and tell.

[Emt 91]

No one has rejected us rudely yet. The woman who fled because I looked like her ex-husband came closest.

 

We find SLS certs sometimes funny. It’s a challenge to write without too much kiss and tell.

 

Ok, so it's a casual review of sorts....kinda like positive feedback on ebay. I get it. Still, it would be great to have a badge that says all of your sexual talents.

 

It's good to hear you haven't encountered any bullying/rudeness in the lifestyle. Easier to relax and enjoy that way. While my wife is somewhat more timid, I have absolutely no problem grabbing that bull by the horns. But if such things aren't needed, again, it'd be much more preferable not to need to have defenses up which just creates distance/barriers.

 

Thanks

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

Rarely (if ever) will people be that rude in the L/S. There's so many things that are needed for two people to be attracted to each other...even more for four people to be attracted, but I've never heard anyone say it was because someone was overweight (or unattractive or anything else). Usually if a couple isn't feeling any attraction they usually just say that they don't feel it or that they just aren't a match. It's just rude to say something more personal and so totally unnecessary!

[Emt 91]

Rarely (if ever) will people be that rude in the L/S. There's so many things that are needed for two people to be attracted to each other...even more for four people to be attracted, but I've never heard anyone say it was because someone was overweight (or unattractive or anything else). Usually if a couple isn't feeling any attraction they usually just say that they don't feel it or that they just aren't a match. It's just rude to say something more personal and so totally unnecessary!

 

This is good to know and seems like it's being reflected in several replies. That's excellent! As I said, allows us to lower our guard easier on that social level.

 

Thanks!

[Emt 91]

Wanted to come back to this. As we've started to familiarize ourselves with SLS, I've gotta say, the amount of rudeness, even within the profiles themselves, is pretty remarkable. I can appreciate discrimination on a multitude of levels in order to achieve a desired result. But some of the shouting and comments people include seem to be solely for the purpose of putting people down. Ironically, these also seem to come from the profiles of people that have traveled all over to different LS events/resorts and have an overall great deal of experience so I'm a bit confused by them.

 

Now from the few responses in this thread, it seems like people are not typically this way in person at LS events...which is certainly a good thing that we're hopeful to experience.

[lcmim 1,082]

Ironically, these also seem to come from the profiles of people that have traveled all over to different LS events/resorts and have an overall great deal of experience so I'm a bit confused by them.

 

People who brag a lot., in almost any venue are those who are the least secure in themselves and have a need to belittle others to keep themselves from appearing small.

 

This was true in grade school and is true in business, why not in the LS also?

 

I am not talking about people with truly interesting stories that fit into a conversation. I speak of those for whom the stories ARE the conversation.

 

The more people brag about all the things they have done. The greater the distance we create between them and us.

[luv2was 117]

... People who brag a lot.... .... I am not talking about people with truly interesting stories that fit into a conversation....

Hey... If it's a fact, it ain't bragging. ... :-o ...

:">

... But yeah... there are chumps everywhere. Separating the wheat from the chaff is an ongoing process.

 

to Emt:

Rude behavior seems to be more socially acceptable these days. Just that many more people, so the odds are better that you will run into one. I agree that the percentages are probably about the same across the population (rude vs. polite), but as usual, the buffer that the internet provides seems to embolden some folks to be more unkind.

 

My guess is that as you get more face-to-face contact with folks, you will more quickly recognize who you want to spend your time with.

 

As for how to deal with Rude / Snobby folks in the LS, it is about the same as everywhere. (Again?)... My favorite nugget on the subject is:

 

“Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.”

― Mark Twain

[adamgunn 1,460]

Are you going to run into "rude, snobby" people in life, in the LifeStyle? Of course you are - that's part of it.

 

The question is, how are you going to respond. You know the proper answer - smile, say something nice, then vacate the area and let the other person irritate someone else. Anything other than that will wind up making you look bad.