Is this an insult?

[njbm 2,871]

We opened our pictures for another couple. I’m 5’7”, 185 lbs. at age 61. Not an Adonis or marathon runner, a little heavy, but not horribly so.

 

We opened our pictures for a couple where the woman is 5’8”. The husband said they don’t want to meet because the wife likes men taller than her and “in good fit shape.”

 

I’m not saying that I am in good fit shape, but is that a polite way to decline? Is it me or is that harsh?

 

I said “be careful, I take kick boxing lessons. No problem, your call.” He didn’t get it. I may be short and fat, but they may not meet my intellectual criteria.

[Emt 91]

We opened our pictures for another couple. I’m 5’7”, 185 lbs. at age 61. Not an Adonis or marathon runner, a little heavy, but not horribly so.

 

We opened our pictures for a couple where the woman is 5’8”. The husband said they don’t want to meet because the wife likes men taller than her and “in good fit shape.”

 

I’m not saying that I am in good fit shape, but is that a polite way to decline? Is it me or is that harsh?

 

I said “be careful, I take kick boxing lessons. No problem, your call.” He didn’t get it. I may be short and fat, but they may not meet my intellectual criteria.

 

I can't comment on their etiquette as it applies to the LS because we have no basis for comparison (are inexperienced). However, it seems like their comment hurt your feelings/pride a bit. I'm curious to see what others with experience think.

 

Personally, I like the idea of just saying "no thanks" in as polite a way as possible. We don't need details/reasoning. In this case, I can't say I'd respond any different from you in regard to finding it rude. Just say "no thanks"...don't pick on our weight!

[njbm 2,871]

I think “we are not a match” does the job. To point out that I am shorter than the woman and that I am not in good fit shape is hurtful. When I poked fun at the husband for being harsh, he didn’t get my sarcasm. Obviously, not the couple for us.

 

I have given taller, fitter women some interesting experiences. I am sensitive. Onward and upward!

[dazanconfsd 84]

The way I see it, their loss. I agree it was a little harsh. I am in pretty good shape, my wife has a few extra pounds. We don't care much about HWP, some people do, but if we see something she can't stand, or I can't we just say, "sorry, we don't think we are a match. Best of luck and take care". Unless it is a rule we can't follow like today, we had to, very unfortunately, turn away a couple because we aren't ok with separate rooms. They understood and wished us luck. I don't see a reason to be rude or overly assertive on something that can't be helped.

[njbm 2,871]

The other couple blocked us on SLS.

[Jane1902 476]

At least you didn’t have sex with them and then find out they lack tact.

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

People often forget that the lifestyle is, at its core, an arena for social interactions. Grace, manners, and style matter. (So do Oxford commas, but that's a topic for another site. ) There is never a second chance to make a first impression. Rejection is an art form. There are three general approaches. First, the neutral rejection: "We are not a match, best wishes for success in the journey." Second, the negative rejection: "My wife likes tall men with cocks at least 10" long and really thick."

 

The third rejection, the one that leaves the other party feeling good about themselves, that is where skill and experience come in. One of the simpler ways to do this is to claim vulnerability to the others' strength, e.g. " You two seem like a great couple! Truthfully, we are older and have less energy than we used to--where we used to start a party at 10 pm, that's about the time we go to sleep these days. Thanks so much for reaching out, but you two seem like much more than we can handle these days." Now that's still a "no", but leaves the other party feeling good about themselves.

 

You will find your own styles. What we have learned is that people remember all three types of rejections. Since the LS community is fairly close-knit, the probability that you will encounter the other couple again somewhere is fairly high. It's a near certainty that you will encounter another couple who knows that other couple. A reputation for being kind and sensitive to others' feelings amounts to goodwill in the LS (and, for that matter, in vanilla life). Given a choice, most people would rather get to know -- and perhaps play -- with others who are kind and sensitive versus brutish and self-centered.

[padoc 1,703]

Perhaps they were just being honest. Maybe they are one of those couples who look in the mirror each day and say, "Wow!! We're so f*****g hot"!! If that's the case, in their view, you didn't meet their stated standards and they told you so, bluntly. We wouldn't give them or their response another thought. We've kissed more than a few frogs over the years and this couple probably qualifies.

[njbm 2,871]

I think that Fundamental Law has book potential. Or at least a user’s guide. Spot on, thank you.

 

We have used the “we’re too old for you” line, with sincerity.

 

Does anyone remember George Costanza’ break up line from Seinfeld “it’s not you, it’s me” to soften the blow.

 

I do think that we lucked out to not meet these arrogant asses. Can you imagine they pass over people because a man is 5’7” and she is 5’8”? I understand the fitness desire, but her body picture was not toned or buff. We never saw their face pictures, which could be another story.

 

Sorta on a bad streak meeting on SLS. Looking forward to April Bliss cruise.

[njbm 2,871]

Very true that the lifestyle is a small community. If we say no, we realize we may see these people at a small party. We ran into a couple that inartfully rejected us at a small hotel party. A little awkward, we said hello, were superficially friendly, socialized with others.

[findinganswers 369]

SLS is weird in that you are looking for a couple with only one thing in mind, SEX. For us we need to find someone that is attractive to us. Not everyone is an Adonis or a centerfold. We definitely aren’t a Hollywood couple. There needs to be something that attracts you to a listing. You must allow the other couple the chance to agree that you are someone they are attracted to. I remember when I was in HS and we all knew this one girl was “easy”. I just couldn’t do it. She turned me off. Friends joked about putting a bag on her head.

 

Very little personality comes out in an online listing. You only get one first impression. We have been guilty of passing on couples based on pictures. We have also had private messages with couples who turned us off. It hard to tell someone you aren’t interested when they keep pursuing.

 

To answer you, yes it was an insult. Think about it as a blessing, do you really want to swing with someone who has no care to how you feel? He most likely wouldn’t care how your wife felt during sex.

 

We find that our very few meetings from SLS have been nice, not great.

[njbm 2,871]

True, it is difficult to discover the qualities we are looking for from a SLS profile. We’ve met people at house and hotel parties with whom we’ve had fun. But if we just saw their SLS pictures/profile, we might not have been attracted. Their personal characteristics outweighed their appearance.

[hasanth 19]

ask Mr. alura,

[GMOFLEISURE 221]

Move on, its not with much thought. I'm turned down in messages several times a year. Thinking about it more than a minute is a waste of time. Maybe there is a lesson learned from a 'No' but if its not obvious then dont worry about. I'd much rather be reading new profiles or chatting on a forum than obsessing over a declined offer.

[Alura 2,774]

ask Mr. alura,

 

"Look to the next sun, not the last," Monahseetah, Beloved Woman of the Wutapiu Band.

[HotEllie 87]

I agree that the response was more specific that what was probably necessary.

 

Perhaps the other couple has been asked "why" in the past when declining a meeting, and decided to proactively address that question.

[Wornsilver 219]

(So do Oxford commas, but that's a topic for another site. ) I was just going to hit the site and call it a night, but your comment had to generate a comment from me--yes, commas make a difference.

 

BTW, the rest of your response was on target, too. People remember kindness and slights. They remember when they gave a gift and never got a response, let alone a thank you.

[M1F2KTJ 473]

We opened our pictures for another couple. I’m 5’7”, 185 lbs. at age 61. Not an Adonis or marathon runner, a little heavy, but not horribly so.

 

We opened our pictures for a couple where the woman is 5’8”. The husband said they don’t want to meet because the wife likes men taller than her and “in good fit shape.”

 

I’m not saying that I am in good fit shape, but is that a polite way to decline? Is it me or is that harsh?

 

I said “be careful, I take kick boxing lessons. No problem, your call.” He didn’t get it. I may be short and fat, but they may not meet my intellectual criteria.

 

Everyone has their preferences. I'm sure you do to.

 

What I/we do is to just not reply to people we are not interested in.

 

Yes. I know. Ive heard it before on here. Not replying is not rude. I consider it to be polite.

 

I wish more people would handle rejection and move on. My thinking is if they get angry at a non reply they seem to be demanding a sexual encounter. Are those the kind of laid back friendly people you desire?

[Ozzie+Harriet 84]

We opened our pictures for another couple. I’m 5’7”, 185 lbs. at age 61. Not an Adonis or marathon runner, a little heavy, but not horribly so.

 

We opened our pictures for a couple where the woman is 5’8”. The husband said they don’t want to meet because the wife likes men taller than her and “in good fit shape.”

 

I’m not saying that I am in good fit shape, but is that a polite way to decline?

 

No, it's not really polite, but if they aren't aware of how they come across in a conversation, you probably can't expect them to be any more self-aware in bed. As for whether or not it's an insult, I was once told that feeling insulted is a choice. It took a while for that to sink in, but if you try to remember that, eventually, you'll see things like that for what they are: Impolite people being impolite. That's about them, not you.