Newbies playing with newbies

[dazanconfsd 84]

So, the wife and I have played with 4 couples to date. We started in November (I don't wan't to count that one but it counts) with friends, luckily we are still friends, but bad things happened and took a bit to get beyond it. We have played many times in the last 3 months with just 2 couples, well really most of it was just one of the couples. You get to know likes, dislikes, boundaries inside and out. We hung out as vanilla friends almost as much as we played. Last week we played with a new couple we had been talking to since January. They talked about being out of the LS for a bit and wanting to come up, but things kept getting in the way (they are over an hour away, we met online but the wives kicked it off astoundingly well) They finally make it up and we hang out for a while getting the feel for everyone. We go to the bedroom and play, first with our own partners, then each others partners (she seemed hesitant having fun with it at the same time. Hard to explain, just a feeling I guess), then back and forth etc. After a while we have a full swap, not to finish (nerves with a new couple and what not) Afterward they hit us with "you're our first".....

 

Anyone ever have this happen?

 

Us being as new as we are (stupidly) assumed they were just going to tell us their boundaries if we found any, we were prepared to do the same (we have very few, but will follow anyone's). They knew ours. We don't think we took it to far, but she was.. I don't know, kind of quiet and reserved, as they were leaving. They said they had fun and want to come back up for another try, and we are both on board with it, but we would have handled the entire situation differently if we had know they hadn't played with another couple before.

 

Anyone else ever have this happen?

 

Anyone experienced have any advice for changes in our behavior, or how we view this with our limited time playing?

 

I know we will be asking more questions from now on. Their account was over 1.5 years old and they had played with a female friend of theirs before(where the "haven't played in a while" comment came from) but, come to find out, he never had sex with her in the past. So this is the first woman she has seen him have intercourse with. I am hoping that is all this is. We value our relationship first and theirs directly after. We don't want to be involved with causing waves.

 

TLDR: Had sex with couple we assumed was experienced, we ended up being their first couple and we feel awkward about it.

[ViSexual 1,008]

You know, I'm thinking that you might invite them here. Just message them and, first thank them for everything and mention that you had found a website when you were that new and that it had given some great advice. In doing that, if they do join this site, they'll probably read your nice post in this thread and be happy they found you and your wife.

[dazanconfsd 84]

Funny enough, because we only play locally and not at clubs, I invite every couple we play with here, and we both make sure everyone is good with their partner. We have talked to them many times since last week and they are on board, so I don't know if it is the first time "different than I expected" or something else. It feels like they were in a weird spot and aren't anymore (which we are very glad about). It was just that they, like I said, seemed less than comfortable while doing things, and we don't want to put anyone there. You know, the whole "if you aren't enjoying it, or are going to regret it, then why would I want to do it" thing. I do appreciate the compliment ViSexual. We are trying to be better, for everyone, every time.

[padoc 1,703]

They want a rematch. You must have done somethings right so don't over think this.

[adamgunn 1,460]

Well, they made the choice not to tell you they were LS virgins - that's on them. You guys seemed to play well together, and it's obvious from your writing that you (the male) were sensitive to the other females mood.

 

The first time with anyone is bound to have some 'discovery' parts; in fact, that's one of the joys of swinging. You handled it well, I'd say.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

They were (especially the wife) feeling unsure about how things were between the two of them since this was their first time with a full swap. They were able to talk it out and discovered that everything was okay and are now ready to move forward again. Almost everyone is concerned the first time they open Pandora's Box, but if they can talk it out and have a great relationship they find out that it wasn't as scary as they feared and their relationship is as strong as ever.

 

Sounds like with them sharing limited information, you still did fine.

[dazanconfsd 84]

Thank you for all the comments and especially the insight. I was feeling that it was all okay after they started talking about coming back up to "hang out" again. Just in the moment when you catch a vibe, it can stick and make you over think. I just now remembered, she tried to shake my hand on the way out the door as well(after they told us we were their first). I just waved it off and gave her a quick hug, I am a hugger anyway, but she seemed kind of standoffish at the time. He has been flirting with my wife like crazy on the phone and it's pretty hot (we share our convo's), but her contacting and saying they want to come back did alleviate some of my worries.

[ViSexual 1,008]

Hey again,

I'd suggest that when they come over the next time, let your wife and the husband go at whatever pace they feel right. But you might just treat the wife like you would a good friend and let her be the one to make the moves. Let her be in charge of the pace. I think it will give her more confidence and comfort.

[lcmim 1,083]

Hey again,

I'd suggest that when they come over the next time, let your wife and the husband go at whatever pace they feel right. But you might just treat the wife like you would a good friend and let her be the one to make the moves. Let her be in charge of the pace. I think it will give her more confidence and comfort.

 

If this were me, the only thing I would add would be to verbalize that this time she is setting the pace, just so she does not read you as being suddenly standoffish.