Confused, wife doesn't want me there with another guy

[lucky & unlucky 16]

Hello all. I have a question. My wife and I have started swinging. We have had one couple, not so good. Wife's blood sugars dropped causing her to almost pass out. So we left and got her what she needed. We then had a MFM and that wasn't good. The guy could not get hard, which made the wife feel down on herself. We then had another MFM. This one was great, everything went well. Then with my work we don't have a lot of time to play. We both can play alone as long as we tell the other. Wife has played with 2 other guys. We got really busy in our lives and stopped. Well a year and a half went by and things are slowing down in life for us. Wife has this one guy just joking and teasing the wife about playing. I told her that sounds like fun. The guy even said about a 3 some. The wife comes back yesterday and tells me that she doesn't feel right about this. She then goes on to say that she is not comfortable with me in the room, she says it's not natural. She said she didn't know how to tell me after the first MFM or couple. I asked if she enjoys the one on one and she said yes, it more natural and comfortable. I was just wondering if anyone else has had this happen?

[Lionheart72 2,190]

What's important is whether or not this works for you. If what your wife is suggesting sounds good, go for it and joy to you. However, if you're not comfortable with it (and it sounds like you may not be) you need to tell her that. Talk with her, be open and honest about how you feel and, by doing so, encourage her to be open and honest with you. Only then can you find the best path forward for you both.

[lucky & unlucky 16]

Oh I'm ok with her playing one on one. It is my wife that says its uncomfortable with me in the room when having a 3 some. She says it's not natural to have your husband watching.

[lucky & unlucky 16]

I don't know.

[Lionheart72 2,190]

Oh I'm ok with her playing one on one. It is my wife that says its uncomfortable with me in the room when having a 3 some. She says it's not natural to have your husband watching.

 

... but are you comfortable with that? If that's how she feels, you should respect it and not try to change her mind. If you're comfortable with it then it's all good but it sounds like you want her to change.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

Your wife is not the only person who has had a similar reaction. One of our early swing experiences was a house party. I went looking for her and found her in a room (door open) with a guy. I stood at the side of the bed and after a while she said to me, while copulating without interruption and with a voice that contained only mild irritation, "go find your own fun." I did. She does not characterize my watching as unnatural. She simply wants no distraction.

[udsarge 119]

Kinda hard to have a threesome if you are not allowed in the room!!

[lucky & unlucky 16]

I'm very comfortable with what my wife does or says. Where I get confused is she will talk about bringing a guy in to play with so we both can enjoy this. 30 min before we meet she says she can't do this. She can't have me in the room. So I go out to the wood shop and do some work. She comes out after telling me how good it was, and saying sorry she couldn't not go through with it.

[adamgunn 1,460]

I had similar situations to SWPA. Sometimes at a house party my wife would be in a mood to be with specimen X by herself. We both knew I'd have no problem having fun on my own, we'd split up and get back together later.

 

But . . . at clubs where the vibe is totally different we'd never split up unless something odd happened. For example, one time a wife wanted to take me into a private room (it was okay with her husband,) and my wife said sure; of course she had no trouble attracting a guy.

 

And we had our share of MFMs at our house, at his house, at hotels. In those situations, my wife never tried to exclude me.

[CandDinCo 69]

Where I get confused is she will talk about bringing a guy in to play with so we both can enjoy this. 30 min before we meet she says she can't do this. She cant have me in the room. So I go out to the wood shop and do some work. She comes out after telling me how good it was, and saying sorry she couldn't not go through with it.

 

And there is the problem.

 

If you are okay with this arrangement then all is fine. But I don't believe that is the case or this thread wouldn't be here. The common rule among swingers is that nothing happens without everyone's consent.

 

You need to tell her that you don't like being left out. If she loves and respects you, she will either start to include you or stop having other men.

 

If she continues in spite of your objections, then you know what she really thinks of you. At that point you can think about whether or not you want to end the relationship or accept your role as a cuckold.

[M1F2KTJ 473]

My wife, and her playmate, are more comfortable if I'm not there watching.

[Lionheart72 2,190]

I'm very comfortable with what my wife does or says. Where I get confused is she will talk about bringing a guy in to play with so we both can enjoy this. 30 min before we meet she says she can't do this. She can't have me in the room. So I go out to the wood shop and do some work. She comes out after telling me how good it was, and saying sorry she couldn't not go through with it.

 

Now I think I get it... the problem isn't her being with another guy. The problem is her changing the plan at the last minute.

 

If that's the case, I think that's what you need to address. Talk to her. Tell her that you don't like it when the plans change at the last minute, that you were looking forward to the event you had planned and you are disappointed. Don't try to compel, or guilt, her into doing something she isn't comfortable with. I would suggest instead suggesting that if she isn't comfortable with the MFM threesome concept, you just stop planning to do them. If she does want to try it, and backs out at the last minute again, cancel the whole thing... tell the guy that sometime came up and you can't meet, sorry for the last minute notice... then everyone's disappointed but I think that may help the conversation around how to really address this.

[adamgunn 1,460]

I agree with what Lionheart wrote, and I would add that if you're not cool with your wife playing by herself, ask her not to. You're as much a member of the LifeStyle as she is, you deserved to have your needs and desires taken care of as well as her.