Newbie! Swing with friends?

[Hornywifeandhub 15]

How would we go about telling a friend that we want to swing? With them?? Very interested and want to do this, but I don’t even know how to bring it up. We don’t know our friends girlfriend yet, but we are good friends with him. Is it best to approach him first? Do I as the woman approach him and tell him I am interested and hubby is good with a mfm senario? This would be our first time

[adamgunn 1,460]

Are you ready to lose your friendship with this person if it doesn't work out? Are you ready to be outted to your community, including all of your other friends?

 

If the answer to both of these questions isn't 'yes,' don't do anything; let it go by. There's a great chance both of these things WILL happen.

 

If the answer is yes, simply talk to your friend, let him know he's got a shot. But since you don't even know the girlfriend yet, seems to me your fantasy is a little unrealistic.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

Search is your friend as there are dozens of threads about this, but short answer is:

 

DON'T DO IT!

 

No matter how good of friends they may be, they could also be SHOCKED at you bringing it up. Then if things ever so south (at that point or later), the likelihood of EVERYONE then hearing about what you choose to do in the bedroom and who or how many you do it with will become public knowledge...friends, FAMILY, coworkers will all probably know on top of losing these friends. Most people can't handle non-monogamy, lots of people will be surprised and insulted that you even suggest it, very few will welcome it and even fewer can actually handle it on a personal level, even less can handle it on a couples level.

 

It is MUCH BETTER to make friends out of swingers, than try to convert friends into swingers. Less risk and chance of problems later. The average person just isn't 'wired' for this (or everyone would be doing it). Granted, some couples have swung with friends and it has worked out, but some people have won the lottery as well. Don't take this risk. It isn't worth it.

[EastInWest 1,524]

I'm pretty sure experimenting with vanilla people for your first non-vanilla experience is going to be high-risk/low-reward.

 

I understand the appeal, but it's probably going to end in one explosion or another. There's a girlfriend who is an unknown quantity involved, too. If it was just a less complicated threesome and the interest from the third party was clearer, it might be different.

[Alura 2,774]

There are too many unknowns in your equation to take a chance, Horneywifeandhub.

 

The girlfriend is not an incidental part. If you want to try to put this together, get to know his girlfriend first.

 

My late wife always asked the question for us. Women are less threatening sexually. As you're becoming acquainted with a new person, ask questions that CANNOT be answered with "yes" or "no." Laura prefaced her inquiries with "How do y'all feel about... (whatever)?" It's sort-of an essay question.

 

When she knew the couple well enough, she'd ask, "How do y'all feel about mate swapping?" It is not an invitation, but much like all the other questions you've already asked. Listen to the answer. It it results in something like anger, or even discomfort, ask, "How do y'all feel about Rodeos?"

[the Nomads 78]

What the hell. I’ll deviate from the group. I won’t say Don’t do it. But other than that you do have to weigh the risks and rewards. There is usually a higher risk vs reward in this situation. We have played with friends and thankfully it has gone very well. I also understand why people are drawn to this scenario. On the outside it looks much safer. You think you know them and you have a good idea of what they will think. You probably feel that since you get along so well as friends it’s nothing but a small hop to playing together. Your perspective of sex as a fun physical passtime with no emotional attachment is not how vanilla friends typically see things and frankly for a lot of people in the lifestyle not how they saw it before they got into it. I know I didn’t see the two things as separate. Now if your friends already venture down aspects of that path such as voyeurism or exhibitionism or even openly discussing how things are going in the bedroom then it may not be as big of a leap but I certainly can’t answer that for you.

 

It’s whether or not you are willing to go all in based on a hunch about their feelings on the topic. We were but you get to make that decision.

[Numex 2,420]

If the guy turns you on and you're up for a challenge, why not? Since you haven't met his girlfriend yet, I assume that she's not yet significant for him, so no need to involve her now.

 

My suggested approach would be to simply say that you, the woman, find him attractive and for your husband to tell him that it is ok. What we found helped make it easier for all three of us was for the first several encounters not to involve me. We then went on to MFMs. Thereafter the three of you can discuss the best way to approach his girlfriend about becoming involved.

 

Good luck and keep us posted.