Newbie needs some sagely advice: Dry Spells in the LS

[WeRblk2curious 26]

Hello all, and as always thanks in advance for the advice.

 

Question for the group: How do you deal with Dry Spells?

 

Case in point: Currently, our situation within the lifestyle has changed. Where we started off as a "play only together couple",

as of late it has now morphed into a "Play separate, occasionally play together couple" as my wife has of late been

meeting males, that are part of couples we know from our clubs and KIK groups, and having playdates with them.

The wives, unfortunately have been either not interested or have their "dance cards full" and thus are per-occupied with other

playmates ( and we have had one wife that says she just isn't interested in men of color).

So lately, I've been in a dry spell and my wife has enjoyed many play dates without me.

 

I have been putting in effort to strike out on my own and find some single female playmates, but the single women

that I've gotten friendly with are either working two jobs and don't have time beyond a casual meet and drink, or

ok with just sexting and flirting, but never sealing the deal.

 

My wife worries that if things continue on like this, that I will grow to resent her as she is enjoying the LS

and getting more out of it than me right now. I remind her that the LS is a female driven entity, and that

unfortunately, I am at the mercy of just trying to find a single female / hotwife, etc who (a) is into Men of Color

and whose sexual tastes match mine ( i don't partake in 420, I'm not into being dominated, or being anyone's slave thank you)

 

I've increased my profile exposure by going onto doubledate, Pernals, and Bumble, but I'm paying to chat and getting no results in my area.

 

How do any of you deal with the Dry Spells?

[adamgunn 1,460]

"My wife worries that if things continue on like this, that I will grow to resent her"

 

A very realistic concern. I'd listen to her.

 

I don't know what your impetus was to start seeing other people solo, but I might consider scaling back on that and going back to swinging (i.e., foursomes) or (if you're into it,) MFM threesomes.

[njbm 2,872]

"My wife worries that if things continue on like this, that I will grow to resent her"

 

A very realistic concern. I'd listen to her.

 

I don't know what your impetus was to start seeing other people solo, but I might consider scaling back on that and going back to swinging (i.e., foursomes) or (if you're into it,) MFM threesomes.

This. Play together.

[WeRblk2curious 26]

Thanks for the responses thus far.

 

The impetus, unfortunately had to do with the fact that for whatever reason in our area, finding a perfect fourway match has been D.N.E. Difficult, and most if not all meet and greets have ended with either meeting couples that play separately, or single guys. Most single girls in our area are into POLY, or are just "hunting" for girls for their husbands to share with. We so far have one irregular couple we play with ( and even then they are like a 85 to 90%, but not 100% match) and so we end up in the short end of the stick. Most of our online friends

( in other cities) in the LS tell us that Oklahoma is not the NORM when it comes to the LS and they are SHOCKED at what we deal with here.

 

Trust me, when I discuss Oklahoma with other LS online friends, it makes ME scratch my head, and I live here....

[padoc 1,703]

Four way matches are hard to find. If you two are 85-90% comfortable with a couple, count it as a win and enjoy it.

[WeRblk2curious 26]

Thanks Padoc. We do. Unfortunately, since the couple is much younger than us, and they have two kids, and the husband drives Trucks for a living, we only get to play once every six months.

Trust me, we like this couple a lot, and when we do get to see them its is wonderful. But, we are trying to find more matches as twice a year isn't our frequency speed. lol.

 

thus our current dilemma. Not to mention, they have also talked about the possibility of moving two states away, if the wife finds a teaching job that will pay more.

[njbm 2,872]

You guys need a few lucky breaks. It is exactly like dating. A lot of false starts. Maybe you need to rethink how you meet people, try other ideas. Can you take a weekend in Dallas, go to Colette’s swing club?

[WeRblk2curious 26]

It’s in our to do list, hopefully this summer.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

Four way matches are exponentially harder than a two way match, but they ARE possible. You just need to keep investing the work to find it. It may take awhile...it may not (but it probably will). The results are worth the effort, however and you already know the result if you don't keep looking (you won't find anything). You just have to keep moving forward...we wish you the best of luck.

[Erik13 157]

We are in the exact same situation. I have been playing with the same girl for a year, with no other options, while my wife has had several new partners.

[shy_couple 459]

No new advice. While 4-way matches are tough, swinging separately the odds are in her favor. Single women are in High demand (unicorns) while you can’t swing a dead cat without hitting a single male.

 

For us, we only play together and don’t play with half of a couple with a hall pass, male or female.

[WeRblk2curious 26]

Thank you for all the responses that have been given! it is, as always, wonderful to know that others are going through or have experienced what you are going through.

 

I think at this point in our lives, my wife is leaning more to being poly, as I've said, she has started to have more play opportunities than I have, and has her pick and choose of different guys, both single and married playing separate, to chose from. I on the other hand, have continued to look under every rock and crevice, and don't seem to be having any luck. Our one play couple we have been with for a while has cooled somewhat, with the advent of Spring and approaching summer, filling up their time with other obligations ( as we've been told, we don't know for sure). So here of late, I've started to move my focus to other pursuits, not quite giving up, but if laundry, housework, the gym, taxes, and car repair need to be done, I just....seem to fall into doing that then trying to force connections that aren't there.

 

We've attended a meet and greet recently & I got to meet some nice couples and ladies, but after 4 or 5 rounds of beer pong, ( and I don't like beer) it was kind of just

where I found it was time to go home and go to bed. The wife met and turned down many requests from other males at the party, because she didn't find any of the guys attractive.

 

So I guess the next question I should ask is this:

 

How many couples here who had started as Swap Couples eventually ended up going to Separate Play / Open or Separate Play / Poly?

Is this par for course in the Lifestyle, or is it more just a recent thing?

 

I can certainly say that being in the "lifestyle" isn't as easy as we had originally thought.

[padoc 1,703]

If swinging was easy, everybody would be doing it! We started more than 15 years ago and are still playing and having fun. We are both comfortable with the other playing alone but honestly, Mrs Doc would much rather be naked in a group with her choice of several men over the course of an evening.

 

As we have evolved, we've found that we're OK with separate room play at party's too. We've never wandered off alone at a club, except when she wants to ride a sybian or make use of the glory hole room.

 

Speaking of clubs, are there any nice on premises clubs in OKC? If so, you two should go on whatever night is couples night. As a "new" couple, you'll garner a lot of attention. Plus, there is the exotic factor as well. In all the clubs we've visited in Texas, Pennsylvania, Maryland, DC, and Florida, we can count on 1 hand the number of black couples we've met. You're a relatively rare pair which should also get you some attention. Clubs tend to be a bit clique-y at first so I'd suggest you make 3-4 visits in a relatively short time span. The more often you're seen together and seen as a friendly and playful couple, the more accepted you'll be and the more action you'll generate as a team.

 

If there is nothing in OKC, I know there are a couple of nice, upscale clubs in Dallas. Don't get discouraged, there is plenty of sexy fun to be had. We can assure you, had we seen you at our regular club (2-3 times a month) when we lived in Pa we'd have been open and accepting of a friendly approach.