Setting rules for regular group party.

[CandDinCo 69]

Through SLS and a couple meet and greets, my wife and I have put together a core group of 10-12 lifestyle friends. Usually, everyone wants to hang out at our house because it has all the amenities most people go out for. Well stocked Bar with beer on tap, pool table, karaoke stage/dance floor with all the lighting and sound, swimming pool and hot tub out back. (Not rich. Just know how to build stuff I can't afford to buy.) There is a room off the bar for more intimate interaction.

 

We have some loose, honor code type of rules. The #1 rule is NO DRAMA. I won't have that in my home and it's an immediate lifetime ban.

Rule #2. Contribute something to keep the bar stocked. Don't have to drink what you brought, but it's too expensive to let everyone drink for free.

Rule #3. No judgment. Everyone is there to have fun, and more likely to get naked if they feel comfortable. (I sang karaoke naked on a lark one night. Talk about feeling vulnerable)

 

Last night, after a party, someone suggested setting us all up as a club or group. They all agreed that it is more fun in my setting than any other they have played in. Mostly due to rules 1 and 3.

 

So the question is, if we set ourselves up as a closed party or group, what other rules should I put in place? The first that comes to mind is a vetting process for new people. I want to be certain that they won't cause issues with the first 3 rules. Not sure how I would do that.

Other potential problems are scheduling and privacy. My wife and I have jobs and late nights are sometimes a problem. Sometimes we also need time to ourselves and don't want people thinking it's ok just to invite themselves over. Hasn't happened yet, just thinking ahead.

 

What other rules or potential problems should I be aware of?

[adamgunn 1,460]

You guys all like each other. They seem to appreciate and understand your first three rules. Congratulations.

 

The other rules you mention have merit. About other people being invited, it's your home, therefore it's your invitation. Just have an understanding that if a couple wants to bring another couple, they should run it by you. And certainly no one should drop by uninvited. You two should be the ones to control the operation of these 'rules,' not anyone else. To cede control is to lose it.

 

 

The other thing I'd be thinking about is 'theme nights.' Most 'groups' like these, or a party theme. They're a lot of work. Enlist other couples to be 'hosts for the night' - it will be their responsibly to put it together and such, all you two should do is relax.

 

Finally, who's going to do all the laundry?

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

I think that pretty much covers it between your already in use rules and adams suggestions. The only other thing is anyone violating any of the rules will not be invited back.

 

How do we get on the list?

[Numex 2,420]

Sounds like a great situation. You haven't mentioned anyone contributing cash to you for expenses. Just be careful that if you accept money it could be 1) income and/or 2) running a business. The first could be overcome by setting up a non-profit club. The second potentially has to do with your town's home business regulations. Hate to be a downer, but think about it before folks set up a bar fund or chip in for pool repairs.

[CandDinCo 69]

Sounds like a great situation. You haven't mentioned anyone contributing cash to you for expenses. Just be careful that if you accept money it could be 1) income and/or 2) running a business. The first could be overcome by setting up a non-profit club. The second potentially has to do with your town's home business regulations. Hate to be a downer, but think about it before folks set up a bar fund or chip in for pool repairs.

I actually did think of that. Mostly because of liquor laws and licensing rules. That's why everyone brings a bottle or a 6pack to leave behind whatever is left when they go home. No cash exchanged and not explicitly required. We have never told anyone they can't come over if they dont bring something. Usually, people bring something just so they dont feel like a freeloader.

[Ozzie+Harriet 84]

So the question is, if we set ourselves up as a closed party or group, what other rules should I put in place? The first that comes to mind is a vetting process for new people. I want to be certain that they won't cause issues with the first 3 rules. Not sure how I would do that.

 

Tell people to not say anything to anyone without first talking to you and giving you whatever information they can give you. If the information is not very informative, they don't know those people well enough. Make a very clear rule that no one is to bring anyone that you have not given explicit approval to bring.

 

Other potential problems are scheduling and privacy. My wife and I have jobs and late nights are sometimes a problem. Sometimes we also need time to ourselves and don't want people thinking it's ok just to invite themselves over. Hasn't happened yet, just thinking ahead.

That seems easy enough. Tell people to wait until you schedule a get together and you invite them over. Also, since you seem to be the defacto soiree host, ask people on a rotating basis to come early and/or stay late to help with preperations and cleanup.

[PSULioness 857]

We don’t have an official club. Our parties, at least the ones we attend, are based around the college football season. We are grateful for our friends that always invite us to stay at their house. Most of our parties are there. I think we travel the furthest and we always are trying to think up things to bring for both our hosts and our tailgate. A stop at Costco to pick up all sorts of chips and dips. A case or two of craft beer. The one thing that everyone waits for is our real bagels from a real bagel baker. There is plenty of beer and booze from others and all sorts of tailgating food. We are the only one to bring bagels and cream cheese. Lox from Costco must be a delicacy to our friends. It’s an ongoing joke.

I know that there are those that don’t chip in. Nothing is said to them. We just talk about them lol.

I usually stay to clean up. I always offer to put the towels and sheets in the washer.

My mom taught me to always offer help.

[Fitlakecouple 451]

Lioness: You should consider inviting couples from the opposing team - we're from the Big Ten!

[PSULioness 857]

Lioness: You should consider inviting couples from the opposing team - we're from the Big Ten!

 

It’s funny. We have had a buckeye or two.

[Fitlakecouple 451]

It’s funny. We have had a buckeye or two.

 

Our favorite couple are Bucks but Go Blue!

[njbm 2,872]

We don’t have an official club. Our parties, at least the ones we attend, are based around the college football season. We are grateful for our friends that always invite us to stay at their house. Most of our parties are there. I think we travel the furthest and we always are trying to think up things to bring for both our hosts and our tailgate. A stop at Costco to pick up all sorts of chips and dips. A case or two of craft beer. The one thing that everyone waits for is our real bagels from a real bagel baker. There is plenty of beer and booze from others and all sorts of tailgating food. We are the only one to bring bagels and cream cheese. Lox from Costco must be a delicacy to our friends. It’s an ongoing joke.

I know that there are those that don’t chip in. Nothing is said to them. We just talk about them lol.

I usually stay to clean up. I always offer to put the towels and sheets in the washer.

My mom taught me to always offer help.

 

People always remember generous and helpful guests. We try to bring a gift (bottle of wine) for house party hosts, more wine for the guests and a dessert or appetizer.

 

PSU Lioness, if you are anywhere near NYC, Zabar’s on the Upper West Side has the best lox and smoked fish on the planet. No connection to us, we’re just happy customers.

[PSULioness 857]

People always remember generous and helpful guests. We try to bring a gift (bottle of wine) for house party hosts, more wine for the guests and a dessert or appetizer.

 

PSU Lioness, if you are anywhere near NYC, Zabar’s on the Upper West Side has the best lox and smoked fish on the planet. No connection to us, we’re just happy customers.

 

Zabar or Barney Greengrass were in my neighborhood growing up. H&H Bagel. Funny thing we were just on the East Side and went to Ess-a-Bagel and I have to say Asians found where great bagels are.

In N.J. we have some good bagels too. As for lox we go to Costco for Brooklyn lox. The price is right and the crowd loves it. Don’t know if it goes with the hamburgers, ribs and sausages that others bring. Hate to complain but the Italian bread in Central Pennsylvania isn’t the same.

Most people chip in but always there are those who don’t.

[njbm 2,872]

Lioness, you are on the cutting edge of bagels and lox. You are right that most people contribute, but some do not. People notice. We want to be helpful.