Single female looking for advice

[NervousNewb 19]

Brand new to the lifestyle. Looking for a single male. This is proving to be a little challenging. Any I've spoken to have been very rude/crude. There seems to be a total lack of respect. My question is....are there any respectful single men on here or am I just wasting my time? Should I just stick to married men? Thanks.

[eruditesdw 29]

Sad to hear about the rude people. Many of us here are very respectful. The way it should be.

[Jane1902 476]

It’s not as easy as everyone thinks. On the sites like SLS there are plenty of fakes, flakes, and freaks to sort through. There are some quality single men, also cheaters too. Some just treat single women as an easy lay. Many will say what you want to hear just to get what they want. It does take time though to find a quality FWB. This is a great site for advice. Don’t put up with any bs. When I am interested in someone I suggest a public meeting clarifying I don’t play on a first meet.

[Numex 2,409]

... I suggest a public meeting clarifying I don’t play on a first meet.

Definitely good advice.

 

May I ask, what are you looking for in a single male? Is it just a sex partner to explore other aspects of the lifestyle, or a more serious relationship with swinging as one aspect? I would suggest more traditional dating services that allow you to hint at your liberal beliefs about sexuality, then when you find someone you live you can express your desire for nonmonogamy within a committed relationship.

 

Best of luck and keep us updated.

[luv2was 117]

NervousNewb said:

Brand new to the lifestyle. Looking for a single male. This is proving to be a little challenging....

I would not be surprised if the ratio of single men to single women on swinger sites is 100:1 (it may well be more).

 

As mentioned, there are a lot of posers.

 

Married players may look good, and work for some, but I personally will not go there (too much risk for severe drama). This is especially problematic if they are sneaking around on their S.O.

 

One of the primary aspects of a good, working, swinger relationship is open & honest communication. So by playing with a cheater you are off to a really bad start.

 

There are couples out there where one may give permission (a "hall pass") to the other to go out and play. These are pretty rare though. Perhaps even more rare than single women (a.k.a. "Unicorns") in the Lifestyle ("LS").

 

There are nice guys out there. They are just heavily overshadowed by all the jerks and rude men. You for sure have your work cut out for you (especially through date webs).

 

Swinger Clubs give great favor to single women, so if there is one nearby, that would be a good start. Be prepared for an overwhelming amount of attention though. One place to find a club listing is here:

https://www.swinglifestyle.com/swingers/clubs/

Clubs can save a lot of time by greatly reducing the number of posers, and cutting down on emails & chats.

 

"Date Web" sites like Kasidie, SLS, & SDC will have more options, but it can take a lot of time to separate the wheat from the chaff.

 

This BBS (SB.com) is a fantastic resource to learn from, and to get to know some active swingers. (It is not necessarily a "hook-up" site however.) Spend some time here, and you will likely be much better prepared as you enter the Lifestyle.

 

Enjoy the Journey

[NervousNewb 19]

Thank you so much for the information. I have been on sls for a bit, but am unable to read messages as I'm not a paid member. Will give a couple of those other sites a view.

[NervousNewb 19]

Definitely good advice.

 

May I ask, what are you looking for in a single male? Is it just a sex partner to explore other aspects of the lifestyle, or a more serious relationship with swinging as one aspect? I would suggest more traditional dating services that allow you to hint at your liberal beliefs about sexuality, then when you find someone you live you can express your desire for nonmonogamy within a committed relationship.

 

Best of luck and keep us updated.

 

I have tried the vanilla dating sites. They just don't work for the lifestyle. One night stands yes. But nothing real. It's all very frustrating to say the least.

[Numex 2,409]

I have tried the vanilla dating sites. They just don't work for the lifestyle. One night stands yes. But nothing real. It's all very frustrating to say the least.

Myself being such a man, happily married to a woman who has your attitude, and reading about all the couples here, I've got to believe that there is someone for you. A guy who will love you deeply and let you have sexual freedom. Keep looking and good luck; he's out there and will be lucky to find you.

[magnum 78]

Not all single men in the LS are rude, sorry to hear about the bad apples. I am a single male and would also like to find a single woman. It is not that easy as to find a single woman either. Let me/us know if you find a single male...good luck...

[M1F2KTJ 473]

Brand new to the lifestyle. Looking for a single male. This is proving to be a little challenging. Any I've spoken to have been very rude/crude. There seems to be a total lack of respect. My question is....are there any respectful single men on here or am I just wasting my time? Should I just stick to married men? Thanks.

 

Are you looking for a playmate or staymate? I feel bad that you have had negative experiences. Don't let that stop you from trying.

 

Single men might be looking for a staymate. Married men might be looking for no breakfast.

[padoc 1,703]

Swinging, under the best circumstances, is a challenge. If a single female is selective and grounded, she'll want a premium experience with swinging rather than the run of the mill pick up at the bar boink. That she can do evert Friday night. For the OP, you're going to have to weed through hundreds of single male profiles to find a good one or several good ones. There are some out there but you'll need a highly refined selection process and even with that, you'll still kiss a frog or two. It WILL be fun though so don't give up. Unicorns are unique and valued in this hobby.

[NervousNewb 19]

Thank you all for your replies. I've pretty much given up....at least for now. Still going to read the forums though.

[stapletone 16]

Similar situation. More curious than anything. Keep us posted

[EmilyMoore 20]

IF you met a lot of men you should understand that they are ready to say and do everything just to reach your body and satisfy themselves. Have you ever thought to try a 3some with a couple?

[magnum 78]

Are you looking for a playmate or staymate? I feel bad that you have had negative experiences. Don't let that stop you from trying.

 

Single men might be looking for a staymate. Married men might be looking for no breakfast.

 

Sorry to hear that you are having a hard time finding a good guy. Not all single men are jerks. I am single and would love to find a compatible single woman to "date".

[Numex 2,409]

.. Have you ever thought to try a 3some with a couple?

Great advice, especially if she's bi.

[couplers 4,614]

EmilyMoore said:

... Have you ever thought to try a 3some with a couple?

 

Numex said:

Great advice, especially if she's bi.

 

If I were back in time, young and single again, I would definitely seek out a couple. But when I was, I didn't know that I had such a strong Lesbian side, so I didn't know...

[kellimc 226]

I guess I don't understand why you are looking for a single male who is into the lifestyle. I've been swinging as a single female for quite a long time and avoid single men like the plague. I've always focused on couples and groups such as house and hotel parties. It has been wonderful and relatively uncomplicated. I suggest you try going single in the lifestyle for a while.

[Jane1902 476]

The OP specifically is looking for a single male, unfortunately she doesn’t give any more information. Some women navigate house and hotel parties fine. Personally I prefer to attend with a strong male partner, I have felt too much like a piece of meat. Some people prefer small groups. Some want ongoing partners, others limit that intentionally. On membership sites I have had better success when I review the profiles and initiate contact. When the rules changed to you need a paid membership to communicate my inbox filled with more unwelcome messages than I could bother with. I ended up deleting my SLS profile after enough, but $$$ from obnoxious members speak louder than educating users. I like to think that swinging sites give me an opening for hopefully open and honest people, but not always.

[kellimc 226]

Some women navigate house and hotel parties fine. Personally I prefer to attend with a strong male partner, I have felt too much like a piece of meat.

 

I understand exactly what you are saying. I encountered that sort of behavior at parties and meet 'n' greets initially, both from men and women. You just have to let people know immediately, clearly and sometimes forcefully that you will not accept that kind of behavior. You basically have to assert your dignity. It took only a couple of times before I got a reputation as someone who will not tolerate a lack of respect. Once that happened, the parties and gatherings became much more fun and pleasant. Some people will think you are a bitch, but that's OK. Those people don't matter anyway.

[Alex77 26]

I can understand the dilemma. My wife and I were both in the lifestyle and are now going to be going through the process of divorce (not because of the lifestyle, but because of other issues) and now I am in a little fear that I may hit the wall that some single guys hit due to the guys who are not in the actual lifestyle but are cheaters or trying to just get laid. To be honest I would have thought it would be easier for ladies that are in my situation, so I am curious to how this will work out.

[jajenn2006 15]

Good evening NervousNewB.

 

I am on sls as jajen2006, I am single although the name does imply otherwise. I know you are unable to view or respond to messages on that site. Check out my profile and if you like what you see, contact me. I am on kik as playfulja.

[goku714 30]

It's unfortunate that you have to experience rude patterns from people and I'm a single & open minded man willing to connect and meet with single and open minded women also but it's been pretty challenging to find people like that.

 

 

 

Keep you head & and your heart strong you're not alone on this journey.

[Guest]

Hi, I understand what you shared. I also know that you might never see this response because it has been so long. It is even like that when you are a couple looking for other couples. You have to be patient and aware and after weeding through most of the nut jobs, you'll find the right people. I have been doing this for a long time and have learned a lot. The red flags that come up and you just delete and move on. Most all of my relationships in my life have been with bi sexual open minded women. Being that I have the right attitude we have never had a issue. Some people don't realize that you can be deeply in love and at the same time love watching your partner being pleasured. It's just that most men are weak and insecure is most of the problem. Some women do it for their husband or boyfriend yet are held back or feel they have to hold back because they fear their partner will be hurt. So they hold back. But when they are with a guy --like myself-- that doesn't judge them at all and wants them to enjoy themselves and is willing to learn what ever he can to please her even more. they hold on to a guy like that. So hun, not everyone is an asshole in the lifestyles. Not everyone looks down on a women that knows what they want. I was with an awesome partner/wife as you can see. But as it is in life she passed and for a time I was in hell. But you have to move on just as she told me to. So after being with a awesome open mind like that it is like impossible to find a new partner, love that is free spirited. Maybe I never will but I'm going to keep trying. So hang in there and keep your options open. Take your time and just learn from the assholes that will pop up while you look for a intelligent cool partner to enjoy the freedom of this lifestyle. Hugs and Peace to you baby.

 

[Numex 2,409]

... It's just that most men are weak and insecure is most of the problem...

Thank you for your post. I totally agree with your quote above, which is why when I first broached the topic with my wife I had already decided that she go first, alone, with old boyfriends she liked and I would enjoy her having fun, holding back until she wanted me to do something. (At first she was eager for MFMs with them and me, then couples swaps.) It is also why I always recommend to men here wanting to get their wives involved in the lifestyle to let her do whatever it is that SHE wants to do first (alone with a guy, with a couple, explore with a woman) for as long as she wants. If you can't be happy with that, you're not ready.

 

My wife had previous lesbian experiences, but getting to couples swaps really lets her live that part of her life.

[Guest]

There are some good men but sadly for every 1 good man there are about 10 bad ones. Really it depends what your looking for from a man, just to fuck, to properly date, marry, be a swing partner, depends what your looking for really.

[GMOFLEISURE 221]

Brand new to the lifestyle. Looking for a single male. This is proving to be a little challenging. Any I've spoken to have been very rude/crude. There seems to be a total lack of respect. My question is....are there any respectful single men on here or am I just wasting my time? Should I just stick to married men? Thanks.

 

I've met women who found those, it took a lot of patience, searching, & communication. Recommend broadening your search across the venues.

[magnum 78]

I think I am a little late in this conversation. Not all single men are asses, I am single and have been playing with couples for several years, I am always open to meeting new playmates. I's be open to meeting new people if you are willing to take a chance on me. I have photos you'er welcome to check out. Cheers.

[padoc 1,703]

"Not all single men are asses" yet he somehow tries to hit on a woman who is on the site looking for advice and who lives about 1500 miles from him. That pretty much fits the perception the o/p and many others on here have of nearly all single males who try to convince all the rest of us that they're swingers. Thanks for the demonstration of how NOT to make a good impression.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

...I have photos you'er {sp} welcome to check out. Cheers.

I will respectfully suggest, esteemed member, that you post these invitations in the Personal Ads forum.