Gf wants to swing... I'm not too sure

[Jose302 15]

Couple in our early 30s that's been dating less than a year. My gf is very sexual and very curious. We have great sex... both feel like our sex together is better than we've had with anyone else. We both like to experiment in the bedroom and as time goes on we are trying more things.

 

In the past she has played with other women because she was curious. I know she has a desire to go to a swingers club, find a couple and play with the woman while we have sex. This includes kissing her, touching her or if they want to eat each other out. I've never been in a relationship with someone in that situation so I'm not sure how I'd feel. I'm not sure if it necessarily really turns me on, but I dont really have a problem with it. Beyond that tho, I'm not really comfortable with much else. I dont want another man touching her or her touching another man. I'm not interested in touching the other woman either.

 

If we were just fucking and not in a relationship then I'd probably be ok with it. But being a relationship, it seems more difficult to think about her being intimate with another man.

 

Its not that I'm afraid she'll leave me, but how does someone have sex and not start forming an emotional bond with that person? That's human nature. At least that's how it feels to me.

 

Anyways, going to a swingers club at this point is mainly to make her happy. It isnt something that I'm pushing for or something that hugely turns me on. But part of me feels bad about it. I'd like to be like some others guys on here that want to see their wife or gf have sex with other guys while having sex with other women. But for whatever reason I'm just not comfortable with that idea yet. How does one get themselves to that point? Maybe if we were married for years and were extremely comfortable with each other, I wouldn't really have a problem with it. Sometimes I think we're still learning about each other and not at that point yet. I dont think she feels that way, but I do.

 

I want to make her happy so I'm fine going and having her play with a woman. When talking about it she wants it to be random - shes not interested in socializing or getting to know the couple ahead of time. I dont know what is normal protocol. Is finding a random couple at an event ok?

 

Also, how do I make sure my gf knows how I feel without sounding like I'm just super jealous or controlling? Maybe someday I'll be more comfortable but I'm just not there yet. How do we set our boundaries with each other but also set boundaries with whatever couple we meet? How specific do we need to be? What if someone gets carried away in the moment? I want my gf to explore but I dont want my boundaries to be crossed either.

 

Any advice for a newbie would be great...thanks

[GMOFLEISURE 221]

Talk through everything you feel with her. & more important listen carefully to her, ask questions if you are not sure.

 

Heres my other thought. You have known this woman just six months? Hardly long enough to know her well, or her you. There are many things that can sink a relationship, some less pleasant than this. From what you say she is very sexual, adventurous, & I'm guessing she is going to try all this with or without you. Talking her out of it may not stick for long, and leave her frustrated. My other recommendation is you give it a try. Be adventerous, experiment, find out the truth about yourself/her/and if this might be for you or not. If it does not work out then its time to move on. If it does - have fun...

[JandKinBoise 858]

Welcome Jose. This is a great place to learn about swinging. In your situation, I think I'd define it as sexual exploration. Your gf is going to do this. You may or may not be the guy on her arm at the time.

She wants the experience to be with a stranger. One reason for that is trying to avoid a bond. She is comfortable with a club, same thing. She is looking for sex toys with a pulse.

She way or may not be happy with just a woman. Experience tells me that sexual desires tend to escalate in the beginning. You may end up seeing her with another man. Be ready to not enjoy that. No advise on how to handle that one.

It may be a rough ride but ya know what, fuck it. All you can do is learn. And get hurt, expect that going into this as I'm sure you are fully aware. Pain fades, you're young. Regrets suck.

[adamgunn 1,460]

Welcome, glad you're asking questions. It seems at this point that you two are testing boundaries, that's good. Let her know you're uncomfortable and go ahead and talk it out.

 

The mojoupgrade.com quiz may help you out - both people take it and it helps you see where you have shared sexual desires.

 

Best of luck.

[Numex 2,420]

... My gf is very sexual and very curious. We have great sex... both feel like our sex together is better than we've had with anyone else. We both like to experiment ...

One of the reasons for that is her experimentations and other guys she's had in the past.

 

 

... We both like to experiment... I know she has a desire to go to a swingers club ...

Another experiment in her sexual development.

 

.... I want to make her happy ...

Then just let your fine woman who has developed so well take the lead.

 

... I dont want another man touching her or her touching another man...

Your entitled to your doubts, but remember that you want to make her happy and flourish.

 

...

 

If we were just fucking and not in a relationship then I'd probably be ok with it. But being a relationship, it seems more difficult to think about her being intimate with another man ...

That's why it is all the more important to give her the gift of being able to lead the way.

[padoc 1,703]

Your relationship is young and you sound young and relatively inexperienced. Your g/f wants to move in this direction,you should find a way to wrap your head around it and do it together, willingly, playfully and as a full partner with an open mind. If you don't, she'll eventually explore this stuff without you. Or, she'll dump you in favor of a guy who WILL join her sexploration. Maybe swinging isn't for you, but you'll never know until you give it shot but it has to be a sincere shot or she'll know and think less of you.

 

We were a bit more than a year into our relationship the first time I saw my wife boinking another guy, I was a bit troubled by it but watching her WAS very, very hot (like porn would be it you knew the players). Plus, I was getting one hell of a blow job from the guys naked and very skilled wife. We had an hours ride home from the club afterwards. We talked non stop all the way back and made clear to one another that it was "just sex". When we got home, we stripped off in the garage (smoking was permitted in clubs then so our clothing smelled), took a shower together and then had amazing reclamation sex and we've never looked back except to remember the erotic times we've shared.

 

16 years later, we're still firmly together and still playing with friends. As I've said before. swinging is not for the faint of heart but if you can get past your own insecurities and the societal and religious mores we grow up with, you could be in for the time of your life.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

This is one (of many) reasons that some couples don't play with younger, not committed couples (as in not married or in a LTR). Too much chance of drama, especially since you are sort of being dragged into this. One hard rule we have is to never move faster than the slowest member is comfortable with. It sounds like you are not comfortable at all. It also kind of sounds like you are more 'committed' to this relationship than she is. Start with the two of you really talking. Then maybe send her this way so we can get her view on what is going on. You have plenty of time, there's no need to rush. Pump the brakes and realize that you should be moving forward together, as a team.

[Lionheart72 2,190]

I know she has a desire to go to a swingers club, find a couple and play with the woman while we have sex. This includes kissing her, touching her or if they want to eat each other out. I've never been in a relationship with someone in that situation so I'm not sure how I'd feel. I'm not sure if it necessarily really turns me on, but I dont really have a problem with it. Beyond that tho, I'm not really comfortable with much else. I dont want another man touching her or her touching another man. I'm not interested in touching the other woman either.

 

That's fine but make sure she understands that and, if you do end up playing with someone else, make sure they understand it too.

 

Its not that I'm afraid she'll leave me, but how does someone have sex and not start forming an emotional bond with that person? That's human nature. At least that's how it feels to me.

 

It really depends on the person... but what is important here is how you feel. If you are the kind of person for whom sex equals emotional bonding, that's fine. Understand that not everyone is like that. Some of us can, and do, view sex as just a physical activity - like jogging - which doesn't require any kind of emotional attachment. Others absolutely require and form emotional attachments. Neither if Right or Wrong, Good or Bad... both simply are. Be true to yourself.

 

I'd like to be like some others guys on here that want to see their wife or gf have sex with other guys while having sex with other women. But for whatever reason I'm just not comfortable with that idea yet. How does one get themselves to that point? Maybe if we were married for years and were extremely comfortable with each other, I wouldn't really have a problem with it. Sometimes I think we're still learning about each other and not at that point yet. I dont think she feels that way, but I do.

 

I don't know that you necessarily get yourself to that point... I never had to. I was always wired for swinging. Maybe, someday, you will feel ready for it, as you say. Maybe you won't. The vast majority of people aren't really cut out for swinging and that's ok. What's important is to be true to yourself and make sure your girlfriend really understands how you feel.

 

I want to make her happy so I'm fine going and having her play with a woman. When talking about it she wants it to be random - shes not interested in socializing or getting to know the couple ahead of time. I dont know what is normal protocol. Is finding a random couple at an event ok?

 

Perfectly normal behavior at a lot of swingers clubs. Not necessarily easy to do but perfectly normal.

 

Also, how do I make sure my gf knows how I feel without sounding like I'm just super jealous or controlling? Maybe someday I'll be more comfortable but I'm just not there yet. How do we set our boundaries with each other but also set boundaries with whatever couple we meet? How specific do we need to be? What if someone gets carried away in the moment? I want my gf to explore but I dont want my boundaries to be crossed either.

 

Communicate, communicate, communicate.

 

Sit down and talk to your girlfriends, calmly and reasonably. Tell her what you have told us here. Share your insecurities, your fears, your concerns, your hopes, your needs. Be completely open and honest about what you think and feel.

 

If you decide to move ahead with swinging, discuss what is ok and what is not ok, talk about your boundaries. Be as specific or as general as you and she need to be to be comfortable. Don't assume anything. When you meet another couple, be clear, open and honest about your boundaries. Just tell them, up front, what is or isn't on the menu.

 

If someone get's carried away... talk about it. Discuss it, calmly and openly. Don't freak out. Don't get angry. Just talk about it.

 

The keys to swinging are communication, honesty, trust and respect. It's not easy... and it's not for everyone. It might not be for you. Be honest with yourself and honest with your girlfriend.

 

My $.02, for whatever it's worth.

[Baconheads 432]

Your girl is a rare gem. I hope you're open minded enough to make it work. In my 50's I regret the things I didn't do rather than the things that I did that went south.

[Numex 2,420]

... I regret the things I didn't do rather than the things that I did that went south.

A great observation.

 

A man is better off with a woman who likes sex too much than not enough.