Pregnancy...what if?

[Jem 17]

A post on one of the other boards got me curious...

 

I know many couples on here do not do full swap, but for those that do...

 

Do you have any agreements on pregnancy? I realize that many/most couples that full swap are either surgically sterile or use birth control religiously. However, birth control is not 100% effective. For that matter, neither is surgical sterilization. It's very rare, but it IS possible to become pregnant while using the pill, Norplant, Depo, etc. correctly. Even rarer, but still possible is becoming pregant after a tubal or impregnating someone after a vasectomy.

 

So for those full-swap couples, do you have any agreements on what would happen should the unthinkable happen and the woman get pregnant by another man? Or should the man impregnate another woman?

 

Our agreement is that if I am pregnant it is my honey's child. No questions. However, things get a little murkier when thinking about the possibility of him impregnating someone else. What if she didn't agree that it was her husband's child? What if she pressed for a paternity test, etc.?

 

It is something that makes us nervous to think of. YES, we practice safe sex, but what if? When there is still the possibility that a woman who's had a tubal could get pregant...I realize surgical sterilization is about 99.9% effective, but what if you hit that .01% it is not effective for?

 

Anyway, just something we think about. Was wondering if any other full-swap couples had thoughts on the subject, or plans of what to do if the unthinkable happened to them.

[Stratecpl 19]

What would I do??? Shoot myself!!! LOL well no not really...but with 4 kids (Ron has two adult kids from previous marriage) and we have two together still little guys..and at my age 47 (and no menopause in sight..I'm still as potent as I was at 30..damnnit)..it's a scary thought..haha... I just tell the guys I'm with that if it happens THEY get to keep it! haha....Haven't thought about Ron and the other women..he's had a vasectomy....damn...thats a tricky one....humm... Ron's just gonna have to wear two condoms..double layer now...haha... and pull-out too ..and maybe..geez why'd ya have to ask that question..now I'm worried...LOL

 

 

Connie

[CindyB 20]

We have agreed that should I become pregnant while playing we will NEVER check to see whose child it is. It could only be from one of two men but it WILL by my husbands! Still, I am counting on that pill BIG TIME!

[LIZA 20]

In most cases it would be impossible racially that my pregnancy was my husband's child "no matter what". Just one of a number of reasons we never have intercourse with others...Not worth the risk and potential disaster!

[Jem 17]

Originally posted by CindyB:

We have agreed that should I become pregnant while playing we will NEVER check to see whose child it is. It could only be from one of two men but it WILL by my husbands! Still, I am counting on that pill BIG TIME!

 

That is pretty much what we have agreed to CindyB, as far as the possibility of me getting pregnant is concerned.

 

Where we have not figured out what we would do is if my honey got another woman pregnant. That would be much trickier, I think...what if she tried to go after him and make him be a father to the child? Even if she had said beforehand that she wouldn't? This possibility is what scares us. It scares us so much, in fact, that he has not yet had intercourse with another woman when we swing (I have with another man though).

 

Since your agreement with your hubby about the possibility of you getting pregnant is so much like ours, we were just wondering what you have talked about in the case of him getting another woman pregnant.

 

 

[CindyB 20]

Quote

Originally posted by Jem:

Since your agreement with your hubby about the possibility of you getting pregnant is so much like ours, we were just wondering what you have talked about in the case of him getting another woman pregnant.

 

That cannot happen. We only have threesomes with my husband's brother. It was my husband's idea. He and I were virgins when we married and about 6 months ago I took my brother-in-law's virginity. No fear of disease! It's a win/win situation. He's about half a decade younger than my husband and I so I call him my "young stud."

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Well despite the fact that I'm on the pill, I still always require guys to wear a condom... safe sex is about more than just the possibility of getting pregnant in my book. And since my husband has had a vasectomy, if I were to get pregnant the possibility of it being his would be very slim. It's hard to say what we would do if despite it all I did get pregnant... it's just a road we'd have to cross when we got there.

 

As far as what if he impregnated someone...well same story... he always uses a condom as well, despite the fact that he is surgically safe. So, again, the chances are very slim. If it did happen, another road we'd have to cross when we got there.

[CindyB 20]

It's hard to say what we would do if despite it all I did get pregnant.. it's just a road we'd have to cross when we got there.

 

I guess that is pretty much always the bottom line. Obviously you should take all of the precautions that you can. You have to decide that the pleasure and fun is worth the risk. If it is, then have a ball... literally! If it is not worth the risk then it's best to burn that extra energy baking cookies! And if you lose when you roll the dice then you make the best of that situation. We have all of the children that we want but if we had another we would surely love him/her and treasure the new life!

[SJDUO 15]

We almost ran into this problem a many years ago. We had not been swinging for a while and my wife was not on the pill. I have had a vasectomy. We were at friends home and things got a little erotic. One thing led to another and we ended up swapping. Then of course my wife was late. So this was a possibility we had to discuss. We quickly decided that we would keep this to ourselves and handle it together. Abortion became the first possibility. It would be dificult telling people that my vasectomy had somehow reversed itself but that was an option also. Fortunately nature finally took it's course and we were relieved. Of course since then we are much more careful.

[danc694u 19]

We just agreed...there would be no more !

 

Magg is fixed, and neither of us is ready for another child. Nor do we want another!

 

So if it did happen. It would most likely mean an abortion.

[wewantcpls 16]

I am getting fixed this Friday and hubby is getting fixed next month plus we are still using protection... so nope more babies here.

[Flori_DAMAN 26]

We have 5 teenage daughters, I've had a vasectomy and Tam has had a partial hysterectomy so cannot reproduce. We are a combined family with two older boys and a 2 year old grandaughters also.

 

However to contribute my opinion, to take a risk of pregnancy swinging is a pretty serious situation in my mind. But once again I tend to minimize the risks because they are mostly overblown. Aids, genital herpes, falling in love with swingers, yeast infections, running into stalkers etc. is just a matter of avoiding by using commonly known techniques and caution. My sexually active teen use the depovera or whatever it i called implant and it is pretty darn effective. Of course one out of a thousand or so will experience negative side effects but people buy lottery tickets by the gross to win and hardly one in a million actually gets even anywhere near financially independent doing that.

 

Don't take me wrong. The conversation is worth talking about thoroughly but remember that between the pill, DPV, rubbers, pulling out, oral sex, and soft swinging it just ain't gonna happen most likely.

 

If it does then deal with it.

 

I wouldn't lose any sleep over it. I have never known swingers to impregnate each other.

 

Swinging is a simple release from the tensions of everyday life. To be all concerned about everything that can go wrong would seem to have the opposite effect.

 

If you are fertile then do what is necessary. You can still have tons of fun being safe.

[SnittyKitty 16]

Maybe it's me, but the "deal with it" philosophy doesn't cut it for me on this. There are ramifications small & large that cannot be taken lightly.

 

Unless there are some extraordinary circumstances like being unable to have a child and this is the way for a couple to have a child with the consent of the other couple is just plain short of stupidity.

 

An abortion? There's a solution! A guy's solution. I'm not going to debate the moral implications of the subject here. I have to believe an abortion isn't an option for many couples here on the boards.

 

I read this thread and I'm dumbfounded by the comments. What couple wouldn't weigh the possibility. My wife cannot have a child, but I am; my sperm are still viable. I'm not prepared to have a vascetomy...my choice, but with my choice, I have the responsibility to do everything possible to ensure an accident doesn't occur. If I don't, this is not the hobby I need to flirt with.

 

That's common sense! Now, unless you want to get pregnant, the choice is obvious.

 

What person would NOT air on the side of caution? As for Jem's original scenario; I have to also believe despite every effort to take precautions, sometimes accidents happen. They do!

 

But nobody here is going to sell me on the idea you have your plan in place as to what you're going to do if it does!

 

Whether it's the "mother" or the "father", both must be in on the decision. To deny one or the other, goes against the very ideas of which why all of us do what we do.

 

To deny is no different than cheating or adultery.

 

You deny choice!

[LIZA 20]

Snittykitty-

 

If you got another man's wife pregnant during a casual encounter, would you honestly want to have her consult you on the decision of abortion, adoption or keeping the child? Would you want her to raise that child and know it was yours?

 

The way I see it, a married woman who is pregnant needs to make that choice with her husband since he is the one who will live with it, not the sperm donor who mistakenly impregnated her. I would hope most women who fully swap, especially those who do not use condoms, are prepared to have an abortion if they get pregnant. Or if they have the child, to have the good sense not to question its paternity. What good could come of that? Myself the risks and possible complications far outweigh the potential fun, so I don't fuck others.

[SnittyKitty 16]

Liza:

 

What you ask are very difficult questions; but I would be lying if I told you I could turn a blinds eye to the other woman's right to exclude me from any decision she makes. No man who had a sense of ethics or responsibility could!

 

Personally, my answer to you would be yes, I would want to be included in the decision.

 

Personally, an abortion is not an option. That said, I would not deny my wife or another woman's the right to choose. If the "fetus" is not my child, I would never tread on a woman's right to choose; however, if it were my child. I have the right to make that decision too!

 

You cannot "Monday morning quarterback" this kind of decision! Nor can you totally exclude the other person in such a decision!

 

We can debate the moral implications until hell freezes over; we all can! To deny the other person; their right is ethically wrong.

 

None of us go out with the intent to do something stupid or to be intentionally invictive, but accidents do and will happen. And rules sometimes do and will get bent.

 

I have enough faith in "me" that I wouldn't ever have to be put in a position to make such a decision. I think many of us do, but there are those out there that don't give a rat's ass who they stick their dick into and women that don't care either.

 

We ALL have a responsibility in this lifestyle. Not just women, but men too! We don't live in a perfect world, nor is everybody in the lifestyle perfect.

 

Liza, in principle, I would agree with you. My mind tells me that you're absolutely right; my soul and my heart tell me, I would want to be involved in the decision. There is no right and no wrong. It is a human decision.

[LIZA 20]

Well I am pro-choice, so abortion would always be an option for me if it ever came to that.

 

But to me, the man I am married to would have a right to voice his feelings on my choice. I personally would not want a second man involved with his opinions, emotions, guilt and fear! I think the humane thing would be not to say a word. Women get pregnant so unfortunately we are often in the position of having to bear the burdens on our own.

 

Once again this is a big part of why we remain "soft swingers"

[PA_RACERS 17]

I am also pro choice. It would be my husband and my choice. I don't think I would even let the other man know. Thank goodness I have my tubs tied and really don't have to worry about it much. If my husband were to impregnant another lady, I wouldn't want to know. But I also wouldn't stop him from doing what he wanted to. If he wanted to be in the childs life I would respect that.

 

Marsha

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

Snittykitty-

 

If you got another man's wife pregnant during a casual encounter, would you honestly want to have her consult you on the decision of abortion, adoption or keeping the child? Would you want her to raise that child and know it was yours??

The way I see it, a married woman who is pregnant needs to make that choice with her husband since he is the one who will live with it, not the sperm donor who mistakenly impregnated her. I would hope most women who fully swap, especially those who do not use condoms, are prepared to have an abortion if they get pregnant. Or if they have the child, to have the good sense not to question its paternity. What good could come of that? Myself the risks and possible complications far outweigh the potential fun, so I don't fuck others.

 

For once, Liza, I couldn't agree more.

 

Back before we were married my hubby was involved in a 3some with a married couple that he was friends with. The woman was using Norplant (the implant) but at some point she did get pregnant. It is possible that my husband could be the biological father of that child. We all know this is possible.. but the couple decided that they didn't want to know. They have never questioned the issue. They got divorced a few years ago and we thought the issue might come up then, luckily it didn't.

 

If I were to get pregnant in a swinging situation, we would know it wasn't my husband's (he's had a vasectomy), but we would not consult the other couple on the issue. It's enough that it would affect our relationship, why should it have to affect two? Abortion is an option for us, but I can't say that that is 100% the way I would go (right at this moment it probably would be), but I won't know until that situation comes up. If at that point I find that I am pregnant and decide that I actually do want a child... then I might decide to keep it. Whatever I decide, it's a decision I will make with my husband... and the sperm donor will have no say in the matter... nor will he know that he has donated sperm.

 

Let's not turn this into a moral debate on abortion though.

[LaylaSusanne 15]

WHEW!!! What a HUGE can of worms!

 

But something everyone should at least think about and discuss together.

 

I have had a partial hysterectomy, and can not have more children. Tom, however, is fertile, although he would need artificial insemination, according to a doctor. (but you know how wrong that can be sometimes)

 

Him having a vasectomy is not an option, because we DO want to have a child, with a surrogate, in the next couple of years. As a matter of fact, we want one very badly, and have been saving the money for both the procedure and the surrogate (nearly $50,00)

 

Which leads to the real issue..if he were to impregnate another woman. I don't know. It was something we had discussed. And at one time, when we were with the one and only SINGLE female we have been with, it was agreed between all of us that it would be an abortion. (a decision I had a hard time with, but I had to respect HER choice for her body)

 

Tom ALWAYS uses condoms, religiously. And also uses spermicidal jelly with them. So the chances are pretty slim. We only full-swap with 2 other couples right now, who we know very well, and we have all agreed as to what would be done in the event of pregnacy (it would be the husband's..no questions asked) But again, EVERYONE uses at least 2 forms of protection, if not 3 or 4.

 

But, what DID happen was that the single female (I posted about her a long time ago) DID e-mail me shortly after we ended the relationship claiming to be pregnant with Tom's child. She also was very cruel about it, reminding me I couldn't have children, and that she would "treasure the one thing I could never have...Tom's child" and also saying that Tom would now love her because she could give him a baby and I couldn't.

 

So, even with her being so cruel, my first thought was for the baby. I called and made her an appointment with a doctor, and Tom and I immediately went to see a lawyer about his parental rights. I was fully prepared to accept this child if it was his. And I knew that it did not mean he had any feelings towards the girl at all.

 

It turned out to all be a lie, she was not pregnat, only trying to cause problems. But it led to the two of us discussing this again with the clearer realization that it COULD happen, and that people may not always behave the way you expect them to, or the way they agreed to in the beginning.

 

So, you really DON'T know what you will do until you are faced with it. You can be very careful, and like Julie, I agree there is much more to be careful of than pregnancy. And you can, and should, certainly discuss it, and try to really consider all possibilities. But you will never really know until it happens.

 

Anyway, that's just my $0.02 worth.

 

Layla

[midwestcple4fun 15]

Hello all.

 

We have a question for all the swingers out there.

 

Has anyone became pregnant while swinging? If so, was there any doubt as to who the father was? Any stories to tell?

 

Just curious since we are new to this and overheard someone talking about it the other day where the girl was unsure who the father was since she had several boyfriends.

 

Thanks for the info. Private messages are also okay if you don't want to post in the chat forum.

 

P & C

[naughty A 23]

I "heard" a story.

 

Couple was swinging with friends - the condom broke.

the husband had had a vasectomy. the wife turns up pregnant.

she had an abortion but they all sat down and discussed it.

 

granted this story is one that I heard second hand but it is the more serious.

 

on a personal level.

 

We were with another couple and she got pregnant, her husband had also had a vasectomy. But they had no doubt that he, her husband was the father. (we had also used condoms with no mishaps) We asked them if they wanted to talk about it but they were quite sure. She did end up loosing the baby. but promptly followed that up with a tubal ligation. Actually I had completely forgotten this instance until now ... It was quite a few years ago...

[Vjklander 138]

I suspect it is one of those things that isn't talked about if it happens. But, it is a distinct possibility, and something that should be discussed a priori.

[OhioCouple 40]

Originally posted by midwestcple4fun

Just curious since we are new to this and overheard someone talking about it the other day where the girl was unsure who the father was since she had several boyfriends.

I have never known anyone in which this has happened to in the swinging environment, but I would have to guess that since the majority of swingers are in the thirty plus age groups they are either V-safe or have had tubals.

 

I would have to assume that those who are still in the child bearing years take the appropriate precautions in order not to become pregnant, which includes the use of condoms. Generally your mainstream dating crowd isn't as responsible about their sexual safety and you will hear more of one not knowing who the father is.

 

Lori

[naughty A 23]

Quote

Originally posted by OhioCouple

I would have to guess that since the majority of swingers are in the thirty plus age groups they are either V-safe or have had tubals.

 

I don't find that to be true at all - I'm 34 and have been in the lifestyle since my mid 20's - most of the people I have met are in my same age range, I'd say more than half of the people attending clubs are still in their child bearing years. Granted most women are on the pill or the couple practices some other form of birth control, but very few have gone the surgical route yet.

 

Quote

I would have to assume that those who are still in the child bearing years take the appropriate precautions in order not to become pregnant, which includes the use of condoms.

 

ABSOLUTELY, but accidents can happen.

 

come to think of it I even know couples who had stopped full swing and were only doing soft swing while they were trying to conceive.

 

have to agree on the fact that swingers do take precautions and have thought out the risks more thoroughly than your avg. person.

[PaulKing 18]

I would hope that couples are on the pill if they are of child bearing age. The condom, with a failure rate of about 35%, is like playing Russian Roulette.

 

In a Swing situation the condom failure rate can be even higher as you have little control of the lubricants being used. Whipped cream, for example, 'rots' latex in under five minutes.

 

I have been swinging for more year's than I care to mention and have never known of a single case. but that is not to say it never happens.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

This topic has come up in a couple of different forms here. Both in the "do you still swing if you get pregnant" and "what if you weren't sure who the father is?" type questions. I've listed some links below for both.

 

Pregnant Wife - should we still swing?

 

Swinging While Pregnant

 

Help I'm Pregnant

 

Condom Breakage.. A little Spazzed

[darmok 15]

What would you , man or woman, do if you got pregnant or got someone pregnant in a swap scenario? Not all birth control is 100% effective. Also don you think that if this is going to be a long term lifestyle that the man should have a vasectomy? I did and its great What r the opinions out there ?

[bill&sabrina 22]

We have decided that if I were to get pregnant the baby would be accepted as our own. If Bill was to get another woman pregnant we would not be so arrogant as the expect to be told about it happening. Where is the rule stating that men have to be told about it? However if told that Bill had gotten a woman pregnant we would take as much responsibility as we were allowed to give. And if it happens we are not going to regret it. We feel that couples that full swap should be prepared for this possibility.

Sabrina & Bill

[windsor4fun2 130]

Accidents do happen. If you participate in full swap you must be prepared to accept the risks as well as the pleasures. If my wife got pregnant we would assume it was mine. Unless there is a compelling medical reason to find out for sure I see no reason to do otherwise.

 

Jesse