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I'm new to swinging but my boyfriend has been in the lifestyle for many years. He has a group of friends that's in the lifestyle but he had never played with them. We all had plans to go to a club and then back to a house to play, this was going to be my first experience. Me and my partner had agreed to only soft play as I was on my period (he showed me the text where he told everyone we would only be soft playing) so we decided to take E which he can not get hard on (he only can when it's just me and him privately) One of the guys approached me for sex and I didn't say no, we had sex twice that night with my partner watching both times. He was not able to have sex with any one because of the drug. When we got home we were able to have sex for hours. The next night we went to a club and I made out with a girl multiple times with him there but him not joining in. We had a quick session in club just me and him and then continued at home just us the rest of the night. I knew the weekend didn't go how he had hoped as he didn't not get to fully play with others. For weeks after he'd randomly mention that I "sabotaged" him that night by us taking E. Well it all came to blows the other night when he told me how upset he was that I broke our agreement to soft play only and by me having sex with somebody made him look like cuckold, which his is by no means, he's extremely dominant. And then told me how upset he was about me making out with the girl at the club because I was ignoring him. He said he had been casually bringing it up the past few weeks in hopes that I would figure out what I had did wrong and apologize. I got very defensive and tried to defend my actions, because Id never do anything to purposefuly hurt him and as it turns out the order of how things happened in my mind is not the order they actually happened. He told me that in 20 years of swinging he's never been made to feel like that and he's not sure if he even wants to anymore. I'm upset with myself because it never dawned on me that I had broken our soft play agreement or that making out with a girl in front of him would be rude. I'm struggling to understand why I didn't stop things at the after-party (I wasn't even attracted to the guy) and with hurting him so much. He said he knows I didn't intentionally set out to hurt him, but I know now my actions did and I don't know how to process all of this or understand why it never occurred to me that I had broken our agreement and that my actions at the club were rude and made him feel left out

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Probably not the best idea to do drugs before trying something for the first time. Not only are you learning on the fly, you’re concentration level will be way off. First time, maybe an honest mistake. Second time, not a mistake. An apology was owed and you didn’t want to admit that you were wrong. First rule, for my wife and I anyway, is trust and honesty. You broke it pretty good on your first attempt. I’d probably cook him a nice dinner, candles, good bottle of wine, the whole 9 yards and beg for forgiveness. Good luck to you both!

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Sorry, forgot to mention night 2. In your defense, the two of you agreed soft swap is cool, kissing another woman shouldn’t have caused any problems. My guess would be that after what happened the first night he is nitpicking.

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Yes, swinging under the influence of alcohol or drugs leads to drama.You were wrong in having sex with the other gentleman. I truly hope you apologized profusely for that, and you've decided that you'll never break your word to your BF again.

 

Hopefully, if you're truly contrite, he'll forgive you. I'd advise you to stop swinging until this settles out.

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... he told me how upset he was that I broke our agreement to soft play only and by me having sex with somebody made him look like cuckold, which his is by no means, he's extremely dominant...

Sounds to me like your boyfriend has issues. Swinging is supposed to be about exploring, pushing boundaries, and being happy when your partner finds some fun. He is controlling. Is he like this in other ways?

 

BTW, nice to see you found someone who played with you while on your period. I do it and my wife appreciates it when other guys will take her that way as well.

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Entering the life style is a challenge to everything you ever thought you know about life, morality, truth, relationships and love. The biggest test is communication. Forth right, honest, complete disclosure. The separation of sex, in any form from love and the definition of love is a journey. There are trials and hardships.

 

Many, singles and couples (singles have to be true to themselves....the LS is not a dating venue) usually will make rules that make them comfortable.....but mostly to control situations as they venture forth. To offer protective boundaries. Depending on experiences, occurrences and length of time in the lifestyle almost all rules will change.....many go away. Confidence, being self assured, self aware but mostly you achieve the best communication with yourself and your SO. Sharing not hiding. Discussion.

 

Drugs and alcohol tend to create more problems then anything else. Please think on that.

 

So talk this over at length between the two of you. Apologizes are in order. Try again.....

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Sounds to me like your boyfriend has issues. Swinging is supposed to be about exploring, pushing boundaries, and being happy when your partner finds some fun. He is controlling. Is he like this in other ways?

 

Respectfully, I disagree. Swinging is about sharing. It requires communication, trust and honesty. When a couple establishes boundaries, they should be respected. Swinging is not a license to break the rules. It requires a different, in many ways stricter, set of rules.

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To the OP... well, you messed up. As others have said, drugs and swinging is a bad combination. You need to work with your partner and try to resolve the issue.

 

That said, I think your partner should have been more forthcoming with his objections. He could easily have said something at the time, in both cases. He certainly should have said something afterward. Hinting and dropping subtle clues doesn't do it. He should clearly and honestly express himself... and so should you.

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Nac: Your relationship is not strong enough to be swinging. If he is so hurt by your actions, but he was unable to tell you at the time and was still bringing it up weeks later, well...neither of you should be swinging. Love, trust, and communication is the cornerstone for swinging. Until you have these three things built out of bedrock, any more swinging will only weaken the relationship.

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