Who's lurking, who's posting, who's actually literally swinging?

[Guest 15]

At any givin time I've noticed viewing stats at single digits in any givin thread since joining this online community.

 

My question is more towards the lurkers , granted its a free site , but if you have logged in , why not share ? All these threads that are giving years worth of advice for you to read .....no pressure but ....it's kinda your turn to put a few words in writing about being a swinger ,or -> thinking about being a swinger in the year 2019.....just saying it's your turn to share !

 

It's not like you have a profile here and have to worry about it being a paid hookup site. It's pretty simple , be an avatar , talk freely , 40 somethings would be our most Interesting reads. Those are the best swingers years in our humble opinion.

 

With sincerity

Old people

[foxnhound714 18]

Been lurking as well just browsing hoping to make some friends.

[JandKinBoise 859]

Swinging is still a fringe activity. Joining in a conversation even as private as this site, can be seen as risky. The Swingers Board is basically a user written, guide to swinging.

There are many many men, probably most in their 40s, that are interested in swinging. Their wives are not. Here they can educate themselves and attempt to show the wife what she is missing. Who knows, it may even work sometimes. I would bet over 80% of the traffic here never registers or posts, just learning.

[cplnluv1 874]

Some people come to this site out of curiosity. Be happy that not all people post. Some just brag and have nothing to add to a conversation. I have seen posts that say hundreds read a post and only two respond. Then I see posts from years ago that get new insight from new posters. Some categories go dormant for months and then there is a bunch of new posts.

If you are looking for advice, post a question. Most likely someone can relate. Think of something interesting? Post it, others might find it interesting too. Have a joke? Share it, we all need a laugh. Do you have an experience you just have to share? Post it. Lurkers will read it, others will tell you their similar experience and others will tell you what you did wrong. Yes, there are always those on any board. Just remember to have fun, balance the advice given. Don’t get angry at people who give too much advice.

Welcome to a world of fun.

[lcmim 1,086]

At any givin time I've noticed viewing stats at single digits in any givin thread since joining this online community.

 

My question is more towards the lurkers , granted its a free site , but if you have logged in , why not share ? All these threads that are giving years worth of advice for you to read .....no pressure but ....it's kinda your turn to put a few words in writing about being a swinger ,or -> thinking about being a swinger in the year 2019.....just saying it's your turn to share !

 

It's not like you have a profile here and have to worry about it being a paid hookup site. It's pretty simple , be an avatar , talk freely , 40 somethings would be our most Interesting reads. Those are the best swingers years in our humble opinion.

 

With sincerity

The Nudist Swungers

Old people

 

WE lurked for quite a while while making up our minds. This sight and it many generous contributors acted as LS 101 through Graduation.

During that time the only thing we did was read and perhaps ask a question for clarification.

Listening in on the conversations here was one of the best moves that we made on the journey. Mouths shut ears open can be very profitable. The ability that this forum provides to do just that is of great value.

 

Once we thought that there was sufficient experience on our part we started to contribute.

[Bluespruce1 707]

I love sharing our stories, insights and experiences. Not sure if anyone ever listens, but sometimes it's just nice to share in an open forum with no judgement.

[Numex 2,459]

I always thought that the nonswingers were lurkers while the swingers posted.

 

 

..

There are many many men, probably most in their 40s, that are interested in swinging. Their wives are not. .

My wife had more initial interest than I did. We agreed that she could act on it with a couple of exes.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

One of things that we had the hardest time convincing ourselves to go through with in swinging? Registering on this site.

 

It was back when we were just thinking about it, and the specific bit of info we were looking for couldn't be found by just lurking around, so if I was going to get an answer to the question, I was going to have to ask it myself. I finally got up the nerve to do so, registered, posted a thread, got the answer, which led to something else which led to something else and then here we are today

 

For many their first real tangible step in swinging is registering online on a site, and the first steps are always the hardest to take! We would love to have our lurker vs poster ratio improve, but the best way I know of for doing that is for those of us that do post is to just keep doing what we're doing, the more the better, to show what a great community this is and how the more involved you are in it, the more you get from it.

[bbarnsworth 2,652]

For many their first real tangible step in swinging is registering online on a site, and the first steps are always the hardest to take! We would love to have our lurker vs poster ratio improve, but the best way I know of for doing that is for those of us that do post is to just keep doing what we're doing, the more the better, to show what a great community this is and how the more involved you are in it, the more you get from it.

 

There are probably a subset of the couples that come here who might think of actually registering as a slippery slope sort of thing. It's a little bit terrifying. So, they lurk and read and lurk and read trying to educate themselves. That can work of course.

 

For our parts, my wife loves this board because of all the help it gave us early on, and now because of something of the hilarious stories we read here, and the interesting experiences as well. But, she never posts. That's what works for her.

 

I vaguely remember reading something, and it might not have even been about this forum in particular, but the ratio of lurkers to posters was 10:1. That doesn't really surprise me.

 

And yes, this really is a great community!

[Lionheart72 2,191]

Nothing wrong with lurking. Reading and learning are valuable and worthy things, sometimes more than speaking. As with any good swinging event (or any event, really), everyone is welcome to participate in the way they desire, to the degree they are comfortable.

[bbarnsworth 2,652]

Absolutely nothing wrong with lurking......butt ...There are merit badge rewards for posting..

 

Getting the coveted *swingersboard addict* merit badge takes participation. the first merit badge reads as *just saying hi then proceeds to *active member...I think, but I am not sure of their order of achievement or how many there actually are.

 

It's a super secret club. You won't know what the admission standards are until you are accepted

[Newandnaughty 3]

Absolutely nothing wrong with lurking......butt ...There are merit badge rewards for posting..

 

 

I’m guessing my wife and I got into this lifestyle for the same reasons as most. Sex is one of the most fun things to do, why not make a hobby of it. However, not only can we explore our sexuality with multiple partners, we can also get a merit badge for it! I really hope vanilla people don’t find out about this benefit, they’ll all wanna do it ?

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

Already an eagle scout, but had I known that there was a merit badge for THIS I would have gotten it 45 years ago! Some lurkers come here just to see how the 'other half' lives and wish that they could join that other half (that's how I was when I was married the first time...wishing but knowing that she would NEVER EVER consider it). I learned from what I read and applied it when the marriage ended (yes, I tried before the marriage ended, but she had long established lack-of-trust issues) and now here we are! Never give up, never surrender, but even lurkers should try to say hello every once in a while, but it isn't a requirement. Enjoy your time and your stay here.

[adamgunn 1,461]

Well, I'll be the devil's advocate.

 

Lurkers, welcome on here. But if you don't have anything to add, I won't mind if you stay in the background.

[shy_couple 460]

Nothing wrong with lurking. Reading and learning are valuable and worthy things, sometimes more than speaking. As with any good swinging event (or any event, really), everyone is welcome to participate in the way they desire, to the degree they are comfortable.

. Agreed. We lurked quite a while before engaging in the forums. There is an abundance of information here. Many of our questions, interests, situations have been addressed. Heck, we recommend this site in other forums, through other accounts, and even talk about when asked how we got started.

 

I would rather see someone lurk, research, and get their questions answered instead of jumping in and blabbing nonsense becaus e the didn’t take advantage of the resource first.

[40andfreaky 16]

Didn’t know where to post this and since I’ve been a lurker for a while I figured this was my invitation.

 

I’m 40 and up until a couple of months ago my husband was the only person I ever had sex with. I was unhappy in the marriage, frigid in bed and ready for divorce. But then my libido changed and hubby didn’t want a divorce so he gave me a couple of hall passes to experience different guys.

 

Didn’t think I’d do it but I’m so glad I did. I’ve been liberated and now I want sex all the time. I was with 2 guys multiple times and so then we decided to swing.

 

Here’s the thing - I just wanna have sex. I’ve been with 6 guys now and see no sign of slowing down. But hubby wants to pull back because he isn’t having as much success with the ladies, even when we’re swinging. He’s been having performance issues and now I’m feeling really guilty but not enough to say let’s stop.

 

I feel bad and I feel guilty and selfish and don’t know what to do.

[luv2was 117]

... Here’s the thing - I just wanna have sex. I’ve been with 6 guys now and see no sign of slowing down. But hubby wants to pull back because he isn’t having as much success with the ladies, even when we’re swinging. He’s been having performance issues and now I’m feeling really guilty but not enough to say let’s stop.

 

I feel bad and I feel guilty and selfish and don’t know what to do.

 

This is supposed to be fun... and "feeling bad and guilty and selfish" is no fun.

 

If you've been on this BBS long enough, I suspect you have an idea of what is coming (in terms of replies here). This is a good topic to bring up though... so perhaps you may want to start a new thread for it, perhaps under "Swinging Situational HELP!".

 

So... for a quick response...

 

If you are not on equal footing with your spouse, then it will likely be a rocky road ahead.

 

He seems open to the idea of swinging, which in itself is a gift. Cultivate that.

 

I heard on the "We Gotta Thing" podcast the hosts mention (somewhat jokingly, but with a hint of truth) that for every hour you swing, you will spend 100 hours talking about it.

 

Good communication is the key. And that for sure is easier said than done... but if you can manage it, my guess is the sky is the limit.

[40andfreaky 16]

This is supposed to be fun... and "feeling bad and guilty and selfish" is no fun.

 

If you've been on this BBS long enough, I suspect you have an idea of what is coming (in terms of replies here). This is a good topic to bring up though... so perhaps you may want to start a new thread for it, perhaps under "Swinging Situational HELP!".

 

So... for a quick response...

 

If you are not on equal footing with your spouse, then it will likely be a rocky road ahead.

 

He seems open to the idea of swinging, which in itself is a gift. Cultivate that.

 

I heard on the "We Gotta Thing" podcast the hosts mention (somewhat jokingly, but with a hint of truth) that for every hour you swing, you will spend 100 hours talking about it.

 

Good communication is the key. And that for sure is easier said than done... but if you can manage it, my guess is the sky is the limit.

 

Usually it’s the woman who wants to talk but I’m tired of emotions and feelings. I just want to get it on without having to discuss what it meant or could mean or how I feel about it.

 

You’re right, I should cultivate his desire to swing but I don’t know how. I can walk into a room and have every guy and some of the women ready to go and that’s new for me. I’ve never felt sexy before or even sexual at all and now I do and I’d like to embrace it.

 

How do I embrace this new found libido and lifestyle if it’s not working well for my spouse? I love my husband and want him to enjoy it too. Do I really have to give it all up and go back to vanilla sex? I’m not sure I can and know that I don’t want to do I’m hoping there is some middle ground.

 

Has anyone else experienced this?

[luv2was 117]

... How do I embrace this new found libido and lifestyle if it’s not working well for my spouse? ...

 

I reckon there is no easy answer to this one. ... However...

 

You may want to check out the Podcast:

"Normalizing Non-Monogamy"

https://www.normalizingnonmonogamy.com/

Here are some episodes (from my notes) that you may want to try first.

NNM #64 - Molly + Greg - 190521

... Interesting story, about their evolving relationship.

NNM #57 - Catherine + Ray - 190409

... Catherine Scantlin (MS, LPC, RYT)... (and Husband Ray).

... (From WGT #41 & #54)

NMN #42 - Felice + Bill - 190101

... Swinging as relationship building.

NMN #37 - Elizabeth + Philip - 181127

... Good for new (Swinger) folks… (&/or) taking your time… (&/or) finding your own way… (&/or) especially if you have young children at home.

 

Another one that may be helpful is:

"We Gotta Thing" ... (WGT)

https://wegottathing.com/

I especially recommend the episodes noted above (#41 & #54, with Catherine Scantlin, who may be available to offer direct help).

 

I like the overall format of NNM better. Each episode is an interview with someone different, and the range is pretty wide. Hearing the experiences of others may help you find (at least some of) the answers you are looking for. Some of the stories are quite compelling, and definitely worth listening to.

 

On WGT the hosts mostly talk to each other, but occasionally have guests. Some of the topics are very insightful.

 

:-)

 

Listening to these podcasts may be something fun (& educational) to do together. It is easy to pause them for discussion, when something close to home comes up.

 

If you want more options, try this thread:

Podcast List....

[40andfreaky 16]

Thank you. I’ll check those out.

[SJBluebirds 195]

We mostly come to this website for emotional support as we seek new playmates on the paid profile sites.

 

While we had play-partners when we lived in the Bay Area of California, we moved to a Very -- VERY -- rural place in the great lakes region, where there's a dearth of suitable playpartners and we've come-up completely dry in our attempts to meet and play with others. (We think it's simply a matter of 'numbers', since we went from the SF Bay area with multiple millions of people nearby, to a community with fewer than 690 in the village, and 125K in the rest of the county.) And that's been going on for five years, now, since the move.

 

There's one nearby club, but it's the kind that gives swinging a bad name -- playing into all the negative stereotypes, what with the drug busts, fencing of stolen goods, and even rumors of murder-for-hire. I sh*t you not -- that's the 'classy' swing club nearby. We are absolutely NOT going to get involved in that scene.

 

And so, we're stuck playing the 'we like your profile' e-mail (now 'instant chat' -- what crap) game and posting "Hot Date" notices when we have a free evening, in hopes a couple we haven't seen yet might want to meet.

 

Hearing the success stories, the other stories of frustration in meeting others, and the general good levels of support and kindness, here. That's why we're here.

[40andfreaky 16]

Thank you. I can try that.

 

We actually used condoms a few weeks ago but not in the positive way you’re suggesting. I had sex with a guy and though I told him we used protection he didn’t believe me because I also told him I was a little high and he questioned my judgment. I think he was just mad that I had sex but I keep asking him - why say you’re ok with something if you’re not. Just be honest and we’ll deal with that.

[MrandMrsA 76]

@SjBlueBirds

 

Come back!!!

Or, maybe we should go back there as one of us is from a metro great lakes City and the other rural.

[SpinOX 24]

Hello everyone

We will comment on threads from to time, however we are looking forward to making our own thread one day.

[872016 29]

Been lurking (and learning) valuable things for a couple of years now. I'm not a swinger. My journey is a long story. To keep it short, the values I've learned here of transparent honesty, super clear communication and rock solid trust are serving me well.

 

Having hidden my internal wiring for 33 years of marriage and now having revealed and communicated it over the past two years has led to divorce. Our counselor and the two of us agree that we cannot be together without one of us compromising who we are at our cores. As this chapter winds down, I will employ these three key things in whatever my future relationship turns out to be. It may or may not be a swinging relationship but it will be entered into with these three things visibly up front.

[lcmim 1,086]

Been lurking (and learning) valuable things for a couple of years now. I'm not a swinger. My journey is a long story. To keep it short, the values I've learned here of transparent honesty, super clear communication and rock solid trust are serving me well.

 

Having hidden my internal wiring for 33 years of marriage and now having revealed and communicated it over the past two years has led to divorce. Our counselor and the two of us agree that we cannot be together without one of us compromising who we are at our cores. As this chapter winds down, I will employ these three key things in whatever my future relationship turns out to be. It may or may not be a swinging relationship but it will be entered into with these three things visibly up front.

 

I agree, it sucks.

 

BUT

 

You are on a good path if you maintain the ideas that you mention.

[872016 29]

Thank you lcmim and NudistSwungers for the support

 

It was actually a year ago May that I stated in a marriage counseling session that I was reading about marriages and relationships and love and trust and honesty and communication on this site and that there is TONS of solid gold info here.

 

My wife and the counselor both had collective heart attacks. The counselor then drones on about how she was worked with many people to overcome the “devastation” of swinging. My response was that she only sees the train wrecks. The successful relationships that I see here don’t pay folks like her by the hour to tell her how good their relationships are. She was not impressed

[bandj 23]

Been lurking for a loooooooooooonnnnnnng time, used it to educate my self and wife...but wife does not want participate at this time, maybe in future (she says)...I respect her wishes and I envy everyone who does enjoy this lifestyle...it must be difficult to find 4 people that like each other..or at least respect each other's boundaries...I haven't given up hope that she'll get motivated soon. Thanks for listening

[cplnuswing 4,713]

Thanks for posting and sharing your story. This site is for everyone, and we're glad be reading your posts!

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

We all had to start somewhere. That's what the site is for, to provide information even if you don't post. We're happy that we could help in some small way even though you haven't taken the next step (yet).

[the Nomads 78]

I tend to come in spurts.

 

I haven't been here in a while due to finding a tribe that is really resonating with me that is connected to one of the first podcasts I listened to. Between that and traveling across the country to our winter destination while meeting sexy people along the way its been tough getting back here and reading/responding to things. That being said I don't think I qualify as a lurker anymore.

 

Mr Nomad

[Idahocouple6969 294]

I'm the mrs.of our couple. I am a lurker. This where I learn everything. We haven't actually met a couple on line yet and "swapped". But recently went to a club and had our first MFM. Then later that night played side by side with another couple. Next night played in a pile with people. We love it so far. The talking with each other has us hot all the time.

[PnMinCT 25]

We are certainly lurking; occasionally posting; literally doing nothing but anticipating - but, Hey-Baby has been preparing (gym,etc.).

Gonna be one giant step for mankind, but we’re almost ready to do our part.

We are fortunate to have a very well established club near-by so taking that first step is (will be) at least manageable. I already feel for those who, like us, want to get started but, unlike us, reside in the hinterlands.

[bbarnsworth 2,652]

We are certainly lurking; occasionally posting; literally doing nothing but anticipating - but, Hey-Baby has been preparing (gym,etc.).

Gonna be one giant step for mankind, but we’re almost ready to do our part.

We are fortunate to have a very well established club near-by so taking that first step is (will be) at least manageable. I already feel for those who, like us, want to get started but, unlike us, reside in the hinterlands.

 

I'm sure it's difficult. I've heard of couples having to travel 200+ miles to find a couple to meet up with, much less find one they're compatible with to play. In New England, you have no such struggles; one town is just down the road from another, and the megalopolis from Boston to Washington has plenty of population centers along it through Connecticut. You are fortunate

 

On preparing for swinging by hitting the gym; understand, that's a good thing to do period, but in swinging understand that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Just put your best foot forward. If another couple finds you agreeable, then great. People judge themselves too harshly sometimes. It's what other people think of you, not what you think of yourself.

 

Good luck on the journey! Keep us posted Ask any questions you might have. We're a helpful bunch!

[RockNCpl 71]

We have been doing more lurking, but, for information, advice and guidance. We have posted on a few threads and started a few as well. Can't say that we are swinging yet, however, we are going to be attending our first club this weekend.

 

We have learned a lot from what we have read. Answers to questions we had and answers to questions were hadn't thought of. This is definitely a great site!

[Lee714 82]

How was the mfm? Did you do double penetration? (A fantasy of mine.)

[Thegreyarea 100]

For those couples out there talking about it, it’s a good start. I first brought up my fantasy of wanting to watch her fuck another guy 2 years before we got into the lifestyle. We watched all the episodes of swing on playboy. I had listened to several lifestyle podcasts for a couple years. I got her to listen to a couple about a year ago and that changed her mind. I was wanting an mfm and she recommended swinging. We’ve been enjoying mfm’s and fun with couples ever since. I didn’t find this site til after we started swinging and I don’t post a lot. It’s hard to keep up with here, sls, szc, Mewe, and kik and try to live a “normal” life too.

For newbies just getting in or those thinking about making the jump, I’d recommend finding a meet and greet group. We’re in one that meets once a month at a local bar. We have a private room at the bar with our own bar for the room. There’s usually about 25 couples attending. We’ve had good luck and met lots of great couples at these events.

[Kimasianwife 32]

Thank you. I can try that.

 

We actually used condoms a few weeks ago but not in the positive way you’re suggesting. I had sex with a guy and though I told him we used protection he didn’t believe me because I also told him I was a little high and he questioned my judgment. I think he was just mad that I had sex but I keep asking him - why say you’re ok with something if you’re not. Just be honest and we’ll deal with that.

 

What were u high on?

[fwblondon 19]

We recently found the board and have posted a little bit so far. Swinging has been amazing for our relationship but it took a lot of time to figure certain things out.

[Havoc_Tia 27]

New members here. Plan on being more active than lurker. Here to learn and interact. Some threads just feel like there is no need to say anything, especially as a couple just starting our journey in the LS.

[Playman64 205]

Havoc, Navy seals ?

[Havoc_Tia 27]

Havoc, Navy seals ?

 

What about them?