Help with Next Steps

[Scrogg11 15]

My wife and I spent a week in Vegas recently. We attended a topless pool on Tuesday and she wore the smallest bikini I had ever seen her in and took off her top into the day some.

 

We have talked about threesomes, swapping before, and talk about it during sex as well. Before our trip the subject of the Green Door came up (swingers club). Long story short they don’t serve alcohol and I thought that my wife sober would never go.

 

We ended up going Tuesday night both still a little drunk. There was nobody there so the guy gave us a free pass for later in the week. Thursday we had the same routine. Topless pool, followed by dinner, a strip club, and then headed to the green door. When we got there we stayed in the public area. We began making out and she got completely naked and we fooled around. There were about 8 people watching. Mostly single guys, and she loved it. Afterwards we went to the couples area watched people and then had sex while people watched us.

 

All of that is great but what is our next step?

 

She says she thinks women are sexy and during the private dances at the strip clubs I find this to be 100% true about her. But the next day she acted like she regretted what she did. I’m not begging her and only talking about it if she brings it up. She talks about how threesomes would be fun but she wants me to only want her. But also says she thinks it would be fun for her and another woman to give me a bj. I told her how I would enjoy watching her be with another man, just to make sure she didn’t think this was gonna be one sided.

 

It seems she is fine with doing things with women or being with another man, but doesn’t want me to be with anyone and that will keep us from doing anything. I am having trouble figuring out how she went so far in Vegas yet seems like in her mind it can only be a once every so often thing.

 

I am open minded and believe being able to talk and set boundaries is the key to it all. How should I handle this?

[Lionheart72 2,191]

How should I handle this?

 

The short answer: communication, respect, honesty.

 

Talk to her about the experiences you had, how they made you feel and what you hope for. At the same time, respect her limits and don't push. If you try to get her to move more quickly than she is willing, or do things she isn't comfortable with, it will not end well. So, listen to her as well... find out what she thought and felt about these experiences. Encourage her to be honest. Reassure her in a truthful way.

 

A successful swinging couple needs to have a strong relationship. A key for my wife and I is the unwavering knowledge that no matter who we have sex with and how much we might enjoy that sex, we're always going home to each other at the end of the night. She is the woman I want to spend my life with. Simple, and as complicated, as that.

[Numex 2,459]

... It’s seems she is fine with doing things with women or being with another man. But doesn’t want me to be with anyone and that will keep us from doing anything...

It may keep you from doing some things, but it won't keep you from doing any thing. You should be glad that your wife is willing to go this far already. Have fun with MFMs and her playing and don't complain, many guys would be thrilled to be in your situation.

 

 

... She talks about how threesomes would be fun but she wants me to only want her. But also says she thinks it would be fun for her and another woman to give me a bj. I told her how I would enjoy watching her be with another man, just to make sure she didn’t think this was gonna be one sided...

Do whatever it is that your wife is eager to do now and let her lead you to other places on your journey. Be happy that she's happy. (BTW, we started with my wife playing with two of her ex-boyfriends separately, alone. It was comfortable for all involved and now we do couples' swap.)

[adamgunn 1,461]

Early into a journey, we often think about what we've done and regret it just a bit. Not because anything 'wrong' been's done, just because we're opening our horizons and wondering if it's right. Then, after reflection, we decide everything's good and decide to take another step.

 

It sounds like your wife is adventurous and willing to experiment. Be patient, let her calm down and see where you want to go the next time. Keep all your options open. Good luck.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

Do whatever it is that your wife is eager to do now and let her lead you to other places on your journey. Be happy that she's happy.

 

^^ This. Just be happy about where you are now and let things develop on their own. It might stay where it's at, or as she gets more comfortable, her interests may expand. Trying to force things to go to another level before someone is ready for that never works out in the long run. Just be cool and enjoy the ride and see where it takes you, I'll bet you will be surprised.

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

In addition to what has been said above:

 

But the next day she acted like she regretted what she did.

 

Make sure she knows that you thought what you both did together was great and smoking hot and if she ever wants to do it again, you're in. It sounds like she is having a good time when it is happening, but later is worried that you will think she is a slut or thinking about being with someone else or thinking that you will think less of her. She need to KNOW that isn't the case. That it's okay to allow her fantasies to come out and that you won't judge her (she needs to know that she can 100% trust you).

 

I’m not begging her and only talking about it if she brings it up.

 

Keep talking about fantasies and how great it was that you went to the club or she was topless at the pool. She needs to know that you are interested and it isn't just her. Of course, don't make her feel that she HAS to do these things or keep pushing her hard to continue. Talk about it, trust each other, and be completely open and honest with her. If you only wait for her to bring it up, she might not because she is worried that you will think she is a slut or are thinking about being with someone else or thinking that you will think less of her. Honest, open communication, complete trust without judgement, and love...the secrets to being successful in swinging...or any great relationship. Good luck and let us know how things are going!

[GMOFLEISURE 221]

Beyond the communication/honesty recommended above I tell you not to rush things. Go to the clubs, be voyuers, be exibitionists. Fairly soon you will exchanging remarks with others, then find yourselves in conversations. Someone will as if you want to swing with them. If you are not ready just say so. Be polite and tactful, but casual among real swingers its not a big deal to be turned down. Clubs often these days have a web site with members profiles. You can look at those and get a idea what some of the others enjoy, or don't enjoy. Since you are enjoying public sex now its not a big step to same room sex with another couple or couples. The conversation will be more intimate than at the bar of the club, & you may be less inhibited.

 

Many couples never reach the swapping or threesome stage. They are happy enjoying the others sex & being exibitionists. They attend the demonstrations for sex toys BSDM & other club events. Relax, enjoy, and if the right couple asks be ready to say yes.