People. #rant

[MadlyInLuv 94]

So we are about a year and a half into this, and we still feel like we are beginners because people suck. We have had a total of 4 experiences between two couples (all soft). The first couple was at our trip to Hedonism on back to back nights that I documented elsewhere here on this forum. The second couple went well and we saw them a couple times over a couple months before they kinda drifted off to other experiences I suppose.

 

Other than that -- it's been ridiculous. Let's set aside the dinner dates where the couple just wasn't a good match chemistry wise, or the occasional crazy person that we figure out prior to any play. Those are to be expected and it's part of it.

 

We have now, on several occasions, met with couples for dinner and it went extremely well. We then begin chatting regularly on KIK and make plans a few weeks out to meet for a play date. Then BAM! The day before they bail out and we never hear from them again. This latest time it was the MORNING OF the date when a sudden 'emergency' came up after a few days of chat that seemed off.

 

We try to select couples that we are attracted to, are no drama, and seem to swing somewhat responsibly (not just hopping from person to person but making sure they are being as safe as they can). This is beginning to seem like too much to ask. It's absolutely maddening. I would start to suspect that we are ugly or something, but we always have super enthusiastic chats for days after the dinners.

 

These people are literally wasting a month of our time chatting and then just vanishing before the play date! I mean :mad: And it's happening multiple times!

 

How do you people ever actually SWING?

[Newandnaughty 3]

Couldn’t agree more! Some people love the build up, the kik chats, the drinks meet up, then I guess nerves kick in. We had 2 dates set up for our vacation. Posted on SLS hot date 2 months in advance and had plenty of replies. Really liked 2 of the couples so we made plans, one Friday and one Saturday nights. Keep in mind this is a quick Vegas weekend, Friday-Monday. Send message to Friday couple before we take off, have a response when we land, sorry we’re not feeling well. Send message Saturday morning to the other couple, nothing. Another around dinner time, nothing. Turned down probably 50 offers over the span of the listing. Our next step is gonna be clubs and meet & greets. Figure once “the regulars” start seeing our faces over a period of time they’ll be more welcoming. Not saying anybody is rude but let’s be honest, new faces come with questions. Are they jelly, are they drama, are they a hot mess and so on. Good luck as you press forward!

[Newandnaughty 3]

Just a quick tidbit on something I didn’t mention. We chatted with both couples almost daily via kik for over a month leading up to our trip. Got to know each other a bit. Pics, lots of chat, where we’re meeting up, times we’re meeting up, what we’re all gonna do to each other. Husbands and wives had separate accounts so it wasn’t a kid rubbing one out to boob pics, all seemed genuine ??*♂️

[cplnuswing 4,713]

We chatted with both couples almost daily via kik for over a month leading up to our trip. Got to know each other a bit. Pics, lots of chat, where we’re meeting up, times we’re meeting up, what we’re all gonna do to each other.

 

I wonder if that was the problem, sort of got too familiar and then the new had worn off before it even actually happened? Another risk is for people who just want to play swinger from a safe distance instead of actually swinging, then that's kind of opening the door to that. Nothing wrong with it, can be a lot of fun, but maybe in the future move it quicker toward actually meeting in person to see if there is any attraction? At least that way, you won't feel like you've wasted your time or been led on. Just a thought.

[Newandnaughty 3]

Very good point, where’s the point when chatting often becomes too much chatting? Never really looked at it that way. Kinda our thing to chat up new people we’re planning on meeting up with, just trying to get a read on them and convince ourselves we’re not meeting up with Ted Bundy. We’ve had good luck with great nights and bad luck with no shows. It’s a hit or miss hobby, hopefully everybody out there has good luck and a great night with your next one!

[padoc 1,703]

We have run into this on occasion and have found that the adage about "strike while the iron is hot" definitely applies to swinging. Some people like a vestige of spontaniety even if you're all on board with playing. As time passes, interest sometimes wanes or people have 2nd thoughts or third or fourth thoughts and occasionally, another couple just beats you to the punch and you become kind of old news. I think Mad that in the future, you shouldn't drag it out. Meet, decide, play in relatively short order. There is plenty of time to chat afterwards in a relaxed and naked pile of bodies. In fact, we've often had more fun and better conversation after sex than in the run up to sex.

[Guest]

Just a random bit of advice but personally I'd not suggest meeting people for "Dinner"

 

I mean you mentioned in your post that you have met a few couples and had meals with them, however in my experience this can go horribly wrong and just end up costing you time and money. When I first began exploring this lifestyle we would arrange to meet people for food and drinks only to sit down for food and figure out we didn't like the person within minutes.

 

That actually within 5 minutes of meeting them we figured out we didn't like them / didn't match with them at all but then was locked into a two hour dinner date. I remember one couple specifically, as we not only arrange to meet them for dinner date and drinks but without 5 minutes of sitting down it had become 100% clear that the male of the couple was basically a rude / pushy / aggressive person who could have easily been described as a dick head or angry thug.

 

Within only minutes of sitting down he said "Are we going to fuck now or what?" which he said in a very angry and pushy tone. When we politely declined and explained we don't have sex on a first meeting he became visibly upset / angry and began shifting around on this seat / tutting / looking like he wanted to hit people. We had just ordered food and ended up sitting there for nearly two hours trying to speak with this couple that we had no interest in whatsoever, in fact to me it seemed the guy had spent half his life on drugs and the other half aggressively lifting weights in prison.

 

We were really happy to get out of there! From that point we decided to only meet people for a "Quick Coffee"

 

That way if we do NOT like the person we can quickly finish a cup of coffee and make our excuses to leave, where if we DO like the person we can sit there several hours and drink 3 or 4 cups of tea or coffee if we wanted.

 

I always quickly learnt that "Chatting" for weeks or even months on end is a total waste of time.

 

There are generally some things you can look for when speaking to a person, and that counts for single people or even couples, for example:

 

1) Meeting: If you chat with someone online for 1 week and within that week they make 0% attempts to arrange a meeting with you. Do not suggest meeting / do not ask when you are free to meet / do not enquire what days and times are best for you to meet, then they probably never will meet you. Someone who is serious about meeting you / having sex with you will usually be more open to the idea of meeting, THEY will suggest meeting quickly, they will ask when your free, let you know when they are free to meet ECT.

 

2) Information: Someone who is serious about meeting will often offer up information about their life, for example they will tell you the general area in which they live / will tell you a rough idea of their working timetable / will discus how they would travel to meet you / what hotel they would use / and begin disclosing their do and don't list. If the person doesn't seem to share such information with you and is very defensive or avoids lots of questions then they probably won't end up meeting you, or sleeping with you.

 

3) Phone Number: Generally people who are actually looking to meet up will usually give you their phone number or alternative contact details within a week of chatting. If you ask for someones phone number and they constantly say things like:

 

"We would like to get to know you better first"

"We would like to chat in here for a few months first"

 

Then generally int he long run they won't have any real intention of meeting you.

 

 

4) Nervous Partner: In many cases when you speak to a couple you will end up speaking to the male of the couple, if that man begins to say things like:

 

"Well my wife is really really nervous about all of this"

 

"My wife has kind of agreed we just need to figure out the specifics"

 

"I'm going to discuss all of this with my wife soon"

 

"My wife is really worried about me been with another women"

 

Then in a lot of cases the guy has hardly even spoken to his wife and it will be many months before his wife is even ready to attempt such things.

 

 

The other thing you have to be very careful about is not been placed in a man's WANK BANK!

 

 

I have noticed this various times with couples, but basically sometimes you will get a message this is very highly sexually charged. The message will speak 100% about sex. The man will discuss things such as:

 

- What he wants to do with your wife.

- How he wants to fuck your wife.

- What clothes your wife will be wearing when he fucks her.

- What sexual positions he wants to try.

- Begin speaking about your wife and his wife fucking as you watch them.

- Begin making comments about how your wife makes his dick hard.

 

Much of this will be in question format, for example the guy will say.

 

- If I was there right now would your wife suck my hard dick?

 

- If I was there right now would your wife feel comfy with me giving her anal sex?

 

- Would your wife like our two dicks in her mouth and would she swallow both our loads?

 

- Can you send more naked pictures, you have more pictures of your wife's pussy?

 

In many cases all this will be is a man looking for "Dirty Talk" and furiously masturbating to your replies. That he will knock out a quick wank and then go quiet for a few days before you get another sexually charged message that just wants to discuss sexual subjects so he can get another thrill wank from your reply.

 

 

OVERALL:

 

If a person doesn't show any interest in meeting within the first 2 to 7 days of chatting then they probably won't end up in bed with you

[Guest]

This happens but I suspect more so if you are restricting your activities to soft swap stuff. THere seems to be two problems with that, one is that it is not a well defined term, i.e. mean oral with some but not with others, and I think that narrows you down to a much smaller percentage of actual swingers, and if you are focused on couples, that number is small to begin with.

[Bluespruce1 706]

We have been disappointed numerous times - you just move on. We met a couple out last week - things went well and they came back to our place. We paired off and thing got moving. I started working on him immediately as I was really attracted, my husband did the same and was taking care of his wife. Within a couple of minutes she was on top of him and grinding away. I asked him if he was ready for me - his cock was ready to go and he asked if I could continue sucking his cock while he watched his wife. I figured what the hell, so I kept going. When she had her first orgasm, he ejaculated as well. His cock got soft so I kept working on him and he was done. He wasn’t interested in me at all so I ended up joining my husband and his wife. Not what I was looking for at all, but what can you do...

[Billygoat 443]

This is a regular experience for newbies who are gently testing the waters or have limited contacts in the area.

 

Everyone is different and have areas they have not explored and as a result limit themselves or have apprehension going in....cautiously....not yet knowing what to expect.

 

Expectation is everything. It’s a battle but try not to have much anticipation and expectation going in. Most of the LS lifestyle, events, meets, clubs and private parties are more social with a possible extra twist...or added experience.

 

Also you and your wife/GF/SO a lot of open and frank conversation. Desires, fantasies, likes dislikes, willing activities....and no go areas/activities. It needs to be a two sided both participate conversation. You now if there are reservations if one of you is doing all the talking, commentary, decision making and “rule making”. That would be a bad sign. You will most likely learn more about each other....and have some really hot experiences between yourselves.

 

General thoughts to help you along:

 

1. It will always be about the two of you. Start and keep talking.

2. Learn each other’s likes and dislikes.

3. What new experiences do you hope to bring to reality?

4. Learn your area, what is available.

5. Chat is....chat...remember what it is. Limit expectations....high failure/disappointment.

6. Limit travel unless it is a open event/meet n greet (most often only social) a known club party (social with the possibility of hooking up) or a private party/house party that is known (open to attend) and go knowing that this could very well be just social for you the first time...or a few times.

7. Run away from....meet to play dates, must play parties, must be naked parties, must play with host parties, pictures required (via net) before accepted (another reason to attend events, meet n greets, open parties or clubs)

8. This is social with an extra possibility.....so attend and be social. Engage, talk, meet people. Talk about stuff (not religion, politics or explicit sexual needs/desires or how great you are in or out of bed). Just like you were at any other party or event. Let it unfold from there.

 

Only travel for events/parties you can attend surrounded by others. If a hotel meet or private party/club out of your area always get your own room. That is your safe spot.

 

Know each other, know where you are going and about the event.

 

Until you are both sure and comfortable do not engage. You always have each other. No extra activity/experience is far better then a bad experience.....every time.

 

We have years of experience, hosting parties and events, helping singles and mostly couples with thoughts and direction as they start there adventure. Feel free to contact us here if you have questions......

[Numex 2,419]

What you describe sounds like regular dating in both a nonsexual and sexual way, as well as swinging. My wife and I agree that we are lucky to have found one another, and our swing group, but it took a lot of sifting.

 

.. I asked him if he was ready for me - his cock was ready to go and he asked if I could continue sucking his cock while he watched his wife. I figured what the hell, so I kept going. When she had her first orgasm, he ejaculated as well. His cock got soft so I kept working on him and he was done...

This exact same thing happened to us before our closed group formed! Fortunately, I was able to get hard again soon enough to get my wife off and the other wife followed up with some good cunnilingus. We subsequently played with them again a couple of times, but made sure he was in my wife's cunt (and no oral) before I got inside his wife. It was better, but not good enough to continue seeing them.

[MrandMrsA 76]

 

3) Phone Number: Generally people who are actually looking to meet up will usually give you their phone number or alternative contact details within a week of chatting. If you ask for someones phone number and they constantly say things like:

 

"We would like to get to know you better first"

"We would like to chat in here for a few months first"

 

Then generally int he long run they won't have any real intention of meeting you.

 

I whole heartedly disagree! A lot of info can be gleaned from a phone number.

 

We have only given out our number twice.

Once, on a second play date when the guy lost his phone with our pictures on it.

 

Second, to our now dear friends, only after we had been to each other's home, and met each other's families. A VERY high level of trust.

[luv2was 117]

MadlyInLuv said:

So we are about a year and a half into this, and we still feel like we are beginners because people suck. .... We try to select couples that we are attracted to, are no drama, and seem to swing somewhat responsibly (not just hopping from person to person but making sure they are being as safe as they can). This is beginning to seem like too much to ask....

 

In the general scheme of things, perhaps it is. The more restrictions you have, the harder it will be to "hook-up".

 

One of the most common messages I have seen on this BBS is to "not go into the LS with a lot of expectations". (i.e. Your chances for disappointments tend to match your level of expectations.)

 

Try to arrange face-to-face meetings sooner, rather than later. You will learn more in 3 minutes of a meeting, than you will in 3 months of texts, emails, etc.

 

I am reminded of the famous "Peanuts" quote by Linus:

 

"I love mankind, it's people I can't stand."

 

 

[NC_Seniors 518]

How do you people ever actually SWING?

We started on our LS journey last (2018) Thanksgiving. For four months, we met couples for lunch/dinner/drinks .. nothing panned out. We also got stood up twice. Finally, we had our first swap with another couple at the very end of March. They reached out to us on SLS. Since then, we've played with four other couples, *all* of whom we met for the first time that very same night at clubs or house parties. So at least in OUR case, the way we've managed to swing is by just going to the places where the swingers are. Note: we realize this works only if you have ready access to clubs and house parties.

[40andfreaky 16]

I really like kasidie for that reason. The meet and greets have been where we’ve met people. We’re about 1 year in and only recently had a true swinging experience after a meet and greet. It’s great to meet people face to face and then if you like them you can exchange kik info and profile info. The meet and greets give you the opportunity to make friends, learn about other events, learn more about the lifestyle and the lingo all with no expectations.

[lcmim 1,082]

I whole heartedly disagree! A lot of info can be gleaned from a phone number.

 

We have only given out our number twice.

Once, on a second play date when the guy lost his phone with our pictures on it.

 

Second, to our now dear friends, only after we had been to each other's home, and met each other's families. A VERY high level of trust.

 

I am amazed that the phone number issue keeps coming up.

Why not have a Google phone number or a number on Magic Jack, or number garage etc. that is JUST for LS friends?

 

Yes someone could research them as well. Then again who can not get a hold of license plate registration numbers I am guessing nobody parks their cars two blocks from a motel or a party.

[Twilighttap 168]

We are more comfortable, and therefore more turned on, with people we have spent time getting to know and knowing we’re a match. This usually leads to playing with old friends most of the time. Anyone couple we meet online that immediately pushes to meet and play without exploring what we both like, wants a phone number and is generally impatient/pushy is off our list so generally slow going for us in cyber world.