What is a hotwife?

[BlueStagg 57]

What does hotwife or hotwifing mean? Is it a wife having sex alone with other guys, but only with her husband's knowledge and approval each time. Or does it mean a wife who can have sex whenever she wants without her husband knowing even though he in general approves?

 

I think you'll get a different answer wherever you look.

 

I consider my wife a hot wife. She can pick a guy to fuck but I get to watch/join in. Solo play is not in our cards right now. I only fuck her

[EastInWest 1,524]

I would submit that if it requires his approval each time, it's closer to a stag/vixen type of play.

[adamgunn 1,460]

Here is my definition which I hereby propose as the 'official' definition: “A hotwife is a woman in a committed relationship who has non-monogamous sex with the knowledge of her husband and his permission, either tacit or implied. In order for an event to qualify as a hotwife event, the husband does not simultaneously engage another female.”

 

Notice that the idea of cuckoldry, where a husband is humiliated is not part of the definition. It doesn’t mater if the man is a ‘cuckold’ or a ‘stag.’ (Yes, those deserve definitions of their own.)

 

Note that the husband’s participation is not part of the definition. The hotwife could go solo, she could be watched by her husband, or the husband could participate in a threesome or gangbang.

 

Nor does it state how many partners the woman might have, or what sex they are. If a woman has one encounter with a partner with the knowledge and permission of the husband, she is (or has been) a hotwife. If we wanted to to account for that, I suppose we could substitute ‘is actively participating in’ for the word ‘has.’ Of course, then we’d have to define actively participating. If the woman hasn’t had non-monogamous sex within the last year, is she still a hotwife? How about ten years? If anything, it has to do with her intent, as in, ‘yeah after is over, I’ll get back into it.’

 

Nor does it state when the husband has to know about it. It could be before the fact, it might be some time later. And yeah, now we have to come to agreement on what is ‘reasonable.’

 

The words ‘in a committed relationship’ is meant to disqualify any woman who is separated or divorced.

 

Yes, a woman in a committed relationship but not technically married is still a hotwife, at least according to my definition.

 

The second sentence, “In order for the event to qualify as a hotwife event, the husband does not simultaneously engage another female,” is meant to state boldly that foursomes or moresomes where the husband screws a woman does not make his wife a hotwife; that’s swinging (but not the official definition of that word.) I’m not sure that’s the best way for the thought to be stated, but it’s the best I can come up with at the moment.

 

I’m sure there will be a couple of comments on this . . .

[cplnuswing 4,713]

adamgunn said:

I don't think there's any difference in the definition of 'infidelity', whether she's cheating or the husband knows. Swingers simply don't often care about it.

 

I'll have to disagree with the statement that swingers have a different idea of what cheating is and don't often care. I know for us at least, if one is doing something the other other doesn't know about or hasn't already agreed to, we would consider it cheating.

[EastInWest 1,524]

Cpl, that's not what I said, that swingers and vanillas have the same idea of cheating. It's obvious there's a significant difference in our attitudes.

 

What I did say is the definition of infidelity is the same in either case. From Merriam-Webster: "the act or fact of having a romantic or sexual relationship with someone other than one's husband, wife, or partner." When cheaters screw around, it's infidelity. When swingers screw around, it's infidelity, *by definition.*

 

And then I said, swingers don't care about it, vanillas do.

 

Of course, dictionary definitions change.

 

The word itself is clearly rooted in loyalty, faithfulness, and truthfulness: fidelis. There's a strong case to be made that if everyone is on board, it's not infidelity as the word was intended, even if it's how it is in common usage.

[adamgunn 1,460]

East, respectfully, I see your point. I would agree that swingers are not *unfaithful: not adhering to vows, allegiance, or duty.* Swingers should have talked it out, agreed to their own guidelines. Even if they promised fidelity at their marriage, they've decided to modify their vows.

 

But *infidelity* has a specific meaning, a *definition*. The activities that swingers engage in are contained in the definition of the word; i.e., when swingers play (assuming they're married,) infidelity occurs. I'm certainly not saying that's a bad thing - in fact I think it can be a very good thing.

 

And while, yes, sometimes definitions change, I doubt the definition of infidelity has changed in decades, and I don't see Merriam-Webster rewriting it anytime soon.

 

Words do matter.

[EastInWest 1,524]

And while, yes, sometimes definitions change, I doubt the definition of infidelity has changed in decades, and I don't see Merriam-Webster rewriting it anytime soon.

 

Words do matter.

 

I don't disagree. It's just that I used to screw a divorcee back in my single days and once jokingly brought up a spitroast.

 

I wasn't even serious, but she went ballistic. "Adultery, the Bible, etc."

 

I should have known better than to even joke about it, because she wasn't exactly an adventurous vanilla partner, either. In fact, I'm 80% sure that's why her husband made an exit.

 

Regardless, it would have been many things, but not adultery. People have a way of retrofitting these words for their emotional needs until jerking off in the shower is infidelity.