Do People Ever Leave Their Spouse for Someone Else in the Lifestyle?

[Roliin75 53]

A friend knows that we swing and she asked me if this ever happens. I don't know of anyone personally, but curious to hear if others do. If you know two people who met because they swing, left their spouses and ended up together, did it last? I would be curious to know.

[Numex 2,417]

Even if it did/does happen, it's not uncommon in vanilla life either. Probably happens less with swingers because if they have crazy desires for someone they can act on it and get it out of their system rather than breaking up or cheating.

[Alura 2,774]

I met a lady from Toronto in Morocco who told me that she and her husband swapped with another couple. In the heat of the experience, she ended up with the lady and he with the man. Her husband was never able to get it up with a woman after that. I suppose it must happen, but I think it's very rare in Swinging. Swingers aren't looking for love; it's all in fun.

[PeterJ 948]

A friend knows that we swing and she asked me if this ever happens. I don't know of anyone personally, but curious to hear if others do. If you know two people who met because they swing, left their spouses and ended up together, did it last? I would be curious to know.

 

A married couple I know and have played with met through the lifestyle while married to others. I don't know if they divorced their partners so they could be together, but they have been together for many years.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

Does it happen: yes, but not when a couple is in a good committed relationship and has great communication. It usually happens when a couple is already in trouble and they are trying to swing to 'save' or 'spice up' a failing relationship. In this case, they are usually already looking for their next partner and once the NRE kicks in, they are out. Swinging magnifies a relationship. If the relationship is strong, it just makes it better. If it is weak, it usually just makes the weakness and flaws more apparent. Stable, loving, communicating, trusting swingers rarely have this happen (from our experience).

[cplnuswing 4,713]

We don't know anyone personally who ended up in that situation, but I'm sure it happens. Sadly, it also happens, often, through work, mutual friends, etc. so it is not a concern we had when we first started thinking about swinging.

[adamgunn 1,460]

Jim Bouton, a pitcher for the Yankees back in the 60s, started swinging with his wife and another player and his wife. They all found out they liked the others better, and completely swapped families. The story is told in Ball Four.

 

Other than that, never heard of it happening.

[padoc 1,703]

Search Kris Benson. He was a pitcher for Pittsburgh and the Mets in the 80's I think. His wife was a total knockout. He and a teammate and their wives shared a house spring training. Eventually Benson and his team mate traded wives. It didn't work out for either, proved a distraction in the clubhouse so one or both of the players were traded.

 

On a personal level, we knew and played with two couples years ago. After a time, those couples decided to become and exclusive 4-some which seemed to work for a year of so. Then they decided to split the 4-some and go their separate ways after the husbands swapped wives permanently. Last we heard, 1 new couple is still together, the other wife is now single but still swinging, the other guy dropped away completely. I think these two examples are kind of cautionary tales. This kind of thing seems very dangerous to a marriage and to play partners.

[Napoleon 230]

Yes. Happens all the time.

[bbarnsworth 2,640]

I don't know that it happens any more or less frequently than in the vanilla world. There's no data to back up any conclusions at all. I can see more reasons why it would happen more frequently in the vanilla world than in the swinging world, but then I am biased.

 

In 10+ years of doing this, we've only run into one couple where their relationship went south on contact with swinging. We met up with them, they seemed nice, my wife and the wife in the other couple went to a male revue together, things seemed to be going more or less fine. We didn't actually play with them. The wife in the other couple turned herself into a hot wife against her husband's wishes, and very shortly thereafter moved out and was having sex with a lot of different men. About a month later, my wife had sex with the (soon to be ex-) husband. He wasn't very good in bed, which might have been part of the reason for his wife's departure. Who knows. Regardless, their relationship was not on stable grounds to begin with.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

Keep in mind that over 50% of married couples break up, it only makes sense that some of those couples will also be swingers, but I think the number of swinger couples that split is substantially lower than average.

[padoc 1,703]

Thats our observation as well Gold.

[divenaked 325]

We personally know of one pair of couples where they swapped mates permanently and stayed together afterwards. We also know two separate couples where they brought in another female and after a period of time, approximately a year both times, the wife left the triad a the husband married the other woman. Both of these unions are still intact many years now, and one of the couples still swings.

[couplers 4,645]

In our case, no one left, we just added people.

[Numex 2,417]

Jim Bouton, a pitcher for the Yankees back in the 60s, started swinging with his wife and another player and his wife. They all found out they liked the others better, and completely swapped families..

Off topic, but some other 60s baseball trivia - who was the only baseball player to have a battery named after him? Al Kaline.

[PSULioness 856]

Off topic, but some other 60s baseball trivia - who was the only baseball player to have a battery named after him? Al Kaline.

 

I asked my Uncle who is a big Yankee fan, he said it was Mike Kekich and Fritz Peterson who swapped wives. I just checked, it was the wives who traded husbands, the kids stayed with their mother

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

Two observations that might bear on the conversation. First, nearly every LS couple of our ken has survived some substantial personal relationship challenge. They have experienced pain, loss, whatever and emerged strong enough to become part of the LS and be happy with. LS couples seem to understand what matters--and what's at stake--more than most vanilla couples we know. Second, once monogamy is no longer used to insulate fidelity, core values are exposed. Occasionally couples find that their values are more divergent --or at least have diverged--in ways that they could not see in the early heady days of romantic love. Such exposure happens in vanilla life as well. It's convenient to blame the LS for the divergence. In reality, the LS merely exposes the divergence differently than experienced in vanilla relationships. Either way, the relationship is either renegotiated, tolerated, or dissolved.

[Billygoat 443]

In our many years we have met more couples who met through the the LS and developed a relationship....living together or later married. Both were single at the time. Some stayed in the LS. some later left the LS.

 

We know of two instances where over time the swapping couples moved on to poly....then full swap of spouses one couple married the other lived together for several years then split. More instances of same sex poly relationship that kept both couples together cause the extended relationship.

 

But I’m talking literally a small handful of those compared to thousands of couples in the LS.

 

More instances but still a very low count of couples in crisis but use the LS to explore to “save” the marriage but in short order divorce....both usually leaving the LS.

 

My experience has been that all of these are in the single digit percentage points. Those with issues magnify those issues by being in the LS and leave to divorce.

[njbm 2,871]

Jim Bouton, a pitcher for the Yankees back in the 60s, started swinging with his wife and another player and his wife. They all found out they liked the others better, and completely swapped families. The story is told in Ball Four.

 

Other than that, never heard of it happening.

I think that was Fritz Peterson and Mike Kekich. Jim Bouton passed away recently and cannot defend himself.

[PSULioness 856]

People in all walks of life leave their partners for one reason or another. Don’t almost half of all marriages end in divorce? I would think many of those split ups are caused by infidelity, at least people in th LS are open about their sex with others. A bad marriage is not going to be saved by swinging.

[adamgunn 1,460]

Njbm, Jim Bouton tells the story in Ball Four on himself and yes, Fritz Peterson. Not sure what 'defense' Bouton needed.

[couplers 4,645]

People in all walks of life leave their partners for one reason or another. Don’t almost half of all marriages end in divorce? I would think many of those split ups are caused by infidelity, at least people in th LS are open about their sex with others..

Forget infidelity; I strongly believe that hubby loves Lora more than he does me. But he treats me as well as he does her, and much better than most men treat their wives. I don't know if he had to choose that he would pick her over me, but you know what? He doesn't have to choose. The issue just doesn't come up, except in my mind.

[Fla-swing99 136]

We have met a couple that was married for around 17 years. They were in the lifestyle together. The wife found an interest in a sm who is well known around our are in the ls and the couple has since divorced and the wife is now engaged to the sm.

[Fla-swing99 136]

We have met a couple that was married for around 17 years. They were in the lifestyle together. The wife found an interest in a sm who is well known around our are in the ls and the couple has since divorced and the wife is now engaged to the sm.

 

To be fair, my wife wrote the previous response and I feel she could have included a few other important details. First the couple we knew got started in the LS because it was suggested by the husband. He, from what we can tell, pushed the idea on to his wife. At first she was unsure but he assured her they have nothing to worry about because their marriage was a solid one. So, she agreed to "try" things and see how it went.

 

At first she was hesitant to full swap with other men however he was ready to full swap with other woman. Once she was ready for a full swap, she found that she rather enjoyed the situation with her husband however she found him to be, lets say, not as comfortable with her level of comfort while playing with other men.

 

It was our observation that he pushed for the idea thinking this was a way for him to play with other women and it not be considered cheating but that he was not ready or expecting her to take to things so well the way she did. It turned into a situation where it was ok for him to have fun and let go but he was not comfortable seeing the same thing with her and he became insecure and jealous.

 

As you can guess, things eventually caused enough of a problem that the marriage soon ended and for a short time she became a Unicorn and she was very happy to run with it till she met the man she is currently with now. Also, we later came to learn that thier marriage was not as solid as we all thought.