When a lifestyle friend walks away.

[Roliin75 53]

We all have lifestyle friends, some who are closer to us than others. What happens when there is a misunderstanding and the friend walks away (claiming forever, he's done, finished, forget his name). Trust me, I don't know really why he feels this way over something pretty stupid and petty. This friend even intially texted that it was a stupid argument and we should forget it, followed the next day by a "I'm finished with this friendship forever." No clue...But we have seen him behave this way with other "friends" in the past. This was directed at both myself and my wife. He and I had a very ridiculous argument over something really stupid, not lifestyle related.

 

Question is, how do you ever feel confident that someone will keep private things private? We share so much of ourselves with lifestyle friends that we would never share with others. We have tried to reach out but he refuses to respond so we can't even discuss anything.

 

Has anyone ever been in a situation with a very close lifestyle friend who freaks out and walks away? Not exactly sure how to handle this or what to think.

[adamgunn 1,460]

I believe the vast majority of people are 'ethical.' One of the things that ethical people do is keep the secrets they are entrusted with - and certainly, being in the LifeStyle is a secret. So, particularly since this person was at one time a good friend, the chances are he'll keep your secret. There's no guarantee of course, but you your reputation should be safe.

 

What can you do? Other than telling him that he's welcome to make contact with you in the future, that you won't harbor grudges, not much.

[Napoleon 230]

I never had any friends in the lifestyle. My short time swinging was to get sex, not make friends with anyone. With that being said, I'm extremely judgmental and cautious how I go about choosing friends. I'm very private and protective of my personal life. Those inside my personal life(friends, family, assiuvtes, lovers) understand full well that if they cross me they won't be a part of my life anymore.

[Fla-swing99 136]

My husband and I had a vanilla friend who was a female. Eventually we talked to her about the lifestyle and she was interested in seeing what it was like. We had numerous FMFs with her and we all shared a lot of intimate moments and secrets. Now mind you, this was a female I, the wife, had known for years as our kids played sports together, so we knew a LOT of the same people NOT in the lifestyle. Everything was going great and all of a sudden one day out of no where she stopped talking to us. We tried to reach out numerous times to say hello and find out what happened, if we did something wrong or why she stopped communicating with us with no luck in any reply.

 

I guess the real truth is you NEVER know if someone is going to keep your secrets and keep things private, you can only hope that since they were in the LS just like you are, that they will keep that part of their life to themselves. We all like to think our privacy is a priority with whoever we are with, but we also have to remember that we are all adults and none of us are doing ANYTHING wrong. The lifestyle is a choice, and just because some people don't agree with it or don't understand it doesn't make it wrong for those of us who are in it.

 

We personally don't think you have anything to worry about and that your secret is safe with him. Just try not to stress over it too much, as there is nothing you can do to change his actions.

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

My wife and I have, in fact, "freaked out" and walked away from lifestyle friends. It happened for the same reason that we would have walk away from friends who are not lifestyle. The chance that we would feel vengeful and purposefully reveal a secret would be just about equal. As for the little secret-not-such-a-secret of being a swinger, would not be engaged in swing if we believed that the revelation of the fact would do us serious harm.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

You let them walk. At the same time, let them know that you will still be there for them, but there's really nothing you can do to stop them, just let them know that you will still be around.