Newbie needs some sagely advice: People and Hidden Agends

[WeRblk2curious 26]

( as of October 5th, we will no longer be newbies and offically will be at the 2year mark of being in the LS, so I will refrain from using the "Newbie needs ...." title in the postings lol)

 

Good Morning / Day all!

 

So my topic for today: People and their Hidden Agendas, or why can't people in the LS just state what they want?

 

So last night was our first test of seeing if we could do play solo, as the wife had a date with BF of a couple that she had interest in for a while. They have been talking through FB Messenger, and hit it off well.

So, Yesterday they planned a date by were she would go to his place ( about an hour away), cook dinner for her, and he would let her shoot guns on his property. Then if they felt like it go dancing later on.

 

So we set our rules and discussed with the BF: no drinking for her ( as she is terrible at night driving and drinking and driving for her at night has had bad consequences) and that we are condom mandatory. Call first if plans change or fall through, call or text upon arrival and departure. He lives in rural part of the state about an hour from us, and about an hour from Tulsa, the next big city.

 

So the Mrs. goes out and has the date, leaving around 1pm yesterday.

She texts her arrival about an hour later, all good.

 

Around midnight I check Find My and it says she has gone to Tulsa.

So i figured they must have went dancing as sure there are Dance clubs in Tulsa.

 

About 4am the wife finally makes it back home.

Mind you she did text when she was on her way, so no worries.

I asked if she was ok to drive she said sure.

 

Upon arrival at home I ask her to unpack the date and tell what went on, just checking in.

 

So:

 

She lets me know that the date started as planned, that they had shot the guns and then he made her dinner.

They talked and discussed lifestyle stuff and experiences. Since they had walked the length of his property

she decided to take a shower to get cleaned up and that led to afterwards her getting a massage from him,

which led to them having play time. He didn't abide by our Condom Mandatory rule, and she didn't do

a Condom Check, as she said " i got lost in the moment".

 

As they were having dinner later, the girlfriend of the BF shows up. Well we both know that the GF leans

heavily Bi-sexual, and is quite known for "hunting" girls within our circle of LS friends.

So the GF suggest rather than going dancing, that the three of them go with another lady friend of hers to an LS Club.

So they all four go to an LS club. The GF tells them "oh this club is known for Girl Gangbangs and we should see one tonight". So they go to the club and my MRS, who's never seen a Girl GangBang is intrigued.

So they end up meeting a few other LS female friends from our circle, & the Group goes into a playroom.

Well according to the MRS., the BF and her start playing, and then it ends with the BF leaving the MRS in the playroom with the other ladies and she ends up in the Girl Gangbang as a participant!

 

So, of course when I finish hearing the story, my only and one reaction is: Why did they have to lie? Why not just tell you that was their agenda from the beginning? the MRS of course is appalled at my reaction, and doesn't believe they intended to enact this from the beginning.

 

And yet all the signs to me are there....

 

My question for the group is three fold: 1. My gut says this is what it was. Am I wrong in thinking this? 2. How far do I push this in the fact that rules were broken, and how, if i should, spread the blame on this one? 3. What should I do as far as the LS friends? Cut them off? Out them for their behavior? Just never see them again.

 

This LS stuff will drive you crazy if you let it......

[Jane1902 476]

No more solo play. Forgetting the condom mandatory rule is a deal breaker for me. Your wife is at fault here too. I have never had a problem speaking up and reminding someone. Of course the other male knew but conveniently forgot at the moment. BS. The other female showing up and going to the club sounds pre planned. This level of dishonesty isn’t worth the conversation with them, I would just move on.

[adamgunn 1,460]

Yeah, obviously this guy doesn't respect your wife, and your wife was caught up in the moment. If I was you, I'd tell your wife I wasn't interested with her playing with him anymore.

 

I will say I respect the vast majority of swingers, they are truthful, honorable people. I wouldn't paint too broad of a brush just because of this one group of assholes.

[Napoleon 230]

Your wife is lying and bullshitting you.

[WeRblk2curious 26]

Thanks Adam Gunn. We plan on touching base today over this as soon as kids are out the house in about 30 mins.

[WeRblk2curious 26]

Thank you all for the advice given. I will approach h this cool and collected and see if we can resolve this.

[GoldCoCouple 4,063]

The date should have ended at the 'oh, I forgot the condom' part. Over and out, never to return again. If you can't play by the rules, you can't play at all.

[Fla-swing99 136]

This will be a response by both Mrs. & Mr Fla.

First we want to say we are sorry to hear your first time trying the solo thing did not go well for you. We feel that when it comes to LS events/things you really do want and hope for any and all “Firsts” to be a good experience so you can fairly determine if it’s something you both want to continue on with.

From what it sounds like Mrs. Fla and I both feel you had a great start by taking the time to communicate with each other as to what your rules and boundries are. It’s our opinion that a large majority of things we read here on this board could have been avoided and/or resolved if only everyone did that one thing that we both feel is so crucially important for you and that is to completely and honestly communicate with each other so both people are comfortably on the same page with things.

 

First, the “ooppss, I forgot a condom” on the BF’s part is completely irresponsible and most likely intentional. It sounds like it was made very clear as to the intent of them getting together. When you know you are going to meet someone with the intent of having play time, having a condom is paramount for the protection of both parties. Mr. Fla goes a bit further, he says that it’s very common for many guys to use the oh gee, I forgot a condom excuse with the hopes that the female will accept that and move forward without one. Unless we are mistaken, it sounds as if they played without protection. That being said, I would be pretty confident that this was not the first time the BF has used that excuse in order to get away with not having to use one exposing him to a greater risk. That should be concern for both of you now.

 

Next, the BF’s girlfriend just happens to show up? We suspect it was not by chance especially given the fact that you said she is known for “hunting” other women. Now your wifes date just turned into a threesome. Date plans changed which should have led to a phone call/text letting you know which is what she agreed to. Mrs. Fla says that maybe your wife found herself in an uncomfortable position and did not want to be the “kill-joy” of things. Then it just so happens that the GF wants to go to a LS club known for girl gangbangs. Then they met with some of your other LS friends. We are both curious as to why one of them did not at least give you a call to ensure all was ok.

 

We are not going to be so rude as to say your wife lied to you but, she does carry a large amount of fault here for not sticking to the rules you two agreed on. If she did lie then that is something only you can decide after talking things out with her. We both feel that there were simply too many things that suddenly changed on the spot from the original plans to be simply by chance. At some point, based on your agreement with your wife you should have received a call or text at a minimum. Either way for the BF did not have enough respect for you both to have a condom. We both agree, it should have been a deal breaker right from the start. We do not think you are wrong in you thinking. It really does seem as if there was a hidden agenda on the BF’s part, as well as some of the others, which as you mentioned, is frustrating to us that people won't be upfront and honest from the start. They work on the I would rather ask for forgiveness the for permission theory. Thats not a good theory to go by.

 

Our suggestion is to sit down with your wife and the both of you have a good healthy open and honest conversation about what happen and how it made you feel as well as why she did not stick to the rules and boundries you two had agreed on. Also, it would certainly be worth a conversation with your other LS friends to at least find out what their mind set and/or intention was. Based on what they tell you, you can then decide if you should cut them off as you said.

 

Sorry for the novel of a response but both Mrs.Fla and I wanted to try and cover all the bases here. We will end it with this simple suggestion….Communicate, communicate, communicate. We truly believe having the right communication will resolve probably 99 percent of many issues. Good Luck..,.

[padoc 1,701]

Would somebody please explain exactly what a "girl ganging" is???

[WeRblk2curious 26]

Would somebody please explain exactly what a "girl ganging" is???

 

Its a "girl gangbang". I went back and re-read to make sure I spelled it right and it was.

A girl ganbang is just what it implies: a Couple of females are the "agressors / bulls" and a female

who is the "target" are gangbanged, usually by females with talented hands, lips or strap-ons.

In the case of my wife it was all three, from what I was told.

[10thBadger 25]

On 9/29/2019 at 10:17 AM, WeRblk2curious said:

( as of October 5th, we will no longer be newbies and offically will be at the 2year mark of being in the LS, so I will refrain from using the "Newbie needs ...." title in the postings lol)

 

Good Morning / Day all!

 

So my topic for today: People and their Hidden Agendas, or why can't people in the LS just state what they want?

 

So last night was our first test of seeing if we could do play solo, as the wife had a date with BF of a couple that she had interest in for a while. They have been talking through FB Messenger, and hit it off well.

So, Yesterday they planned a date by were she would go to his place ( about an hour away), cook dinner for her, and he would let her shoot guns on his property. Then if they felt like it go dancing later on.

 

So we set our rules and discussed with the BF: no drinking for her ( as she is terrible at night driving and drinking and driving for her at night has had bad consequences) and that we are condom mandatory. Call first if plans change or fall through, call or text upon arrival and departure. He lives in rural part of the state about an hour from us, and about an hour from Tulsa, the next big city.

 

So the Mrs. goes out and has the date, leaving around 1pm yesterday.

She texts her arrival about an hour later, all good.

 

Around midnight I check Find My and it says she has gone to Tulsa.

So i figured they must have went dancing as sure there are Dance clubs in Tulsa.

 

About 4am the wife finally makes it back home.

Mind you she did text when she was on her way, so no worries.

I asked if she was ok to drive she said sure.

 

Upon arrival at home I ask her to unpack the date and tell what went on, just checking in.

 

So:

 

She lets me know that the date started as planned, that they had shot the guns and then he made her dinner.

They talked and discussed lifestyle stuff and experiences. Since they had walked the length of his property

she decided to take a shower to get cleaned up and that led to afterwards her getting a massage from him,

which led to them having play time. He didn't abide by our Condom Mandatory rule, and she didn't do

a Condom Check, as she said " i got lost in the moment".

 

As they were having dinner later, the girlfriend of the BF shows up. Well we both know that the GF leans

heavily Bi-sexual, and is quite known for "hunting" girls within our circle of LS friends.

So the GF suggest rather than going dancing, that the three of them go with another lady friend of hers to an LS Club.

So they all four go to an LS club. The GF tells them "oh this club is known for Girl Gangbangs and we should see one tonight". So they go to the club and my MRS, who's never seen a Girl GangBang is intrigued.

So they end up meeting a few other LS female friends from our circle, & the Group goes into a playroom.

Well according to the MRS., the BF and her start playing, and then it ends with the BF leaving the MRS in the playroom with the other ladies and she ends up in the Girl Gangbang as a participant!

 

So, of course when I finish hearing the story, my only and one reaction is: Why did they have to lie? Why not just tell you that was their agenda from the beginning? the MRS of course is appalled at my reaction, and doesn't believe they intended to enact this from the beginning.

 

And yet all the signs to me are there....

 

My question for the group is three fold: 1. My gut says this is what it was. Am I wrong in thinking this? 2. How far do I push this in the fact that rules were broken, and how, if i should, spread the blame on this one? 3. What should I do as far as the LS friends? Cut them off? Out them for their behavior? Just never see them again.

 

This LS stuff will drive you crazy if you let it......

Badgers wife,

 

The fact that she was not drinking and she still let him have her without a condom even though that was your main rule. I would be pissed off just because of that. That means she did not give a damn about the rule that both of you have. That could put you and her in jeopardy. I will put that all on the wife because she knows better and she understands what they did she just doesn’t want to admit it. Maybe I’ll just stay in control of myself so much and others are so loosely controlled within themselves. But there is no way  that she didn’t understand that he didn’t use a condom and didn’t stop him when she figured it out. If she is not upset about this fact. She wasn’t upset about anything about tonight. You being a husband you should be totally upset with your wife because she let you down  in the biggest way