Chatting with Couples Online

[Roxysbayou 20]

This stems from the Who Does The Talking Thread.

 

When you talk to another couple, do you find that there is a difference in the tone of the conversation when talking to the female half than the male half?

 

For instance I have been chatting with the female half of a couple for a few days, she seems fun loving and someone that I wouldn't mind getting to know better. But I spoke to her hubby for the first time last night and I got a whole different feel from him. He was more to the point, wanting to see more pictures, more down to business. Not much chit chat.

 

Now I am not so sure that I would want to get together with them. I realize that everyone is different, and that it's hard to find a couple and all four members be completely happy.

 

What has been your experience with this?

 

Roxy

[Elusive BiFem 70]

Same exact thing happened to me once, Roxy. Female was friendly, outgoing, and gave a sense of honesty and openness.

Later, when I spoke with the male...just the total opposite feeling. Left me feeling chilly and I never wanted anything else to do with them. - EBF

[Brit_Pair 62]

Again, we've experienced the same thing, with the male half being much more direct, wanting to exchange photographs (usually of the two women), wanting to be specific about the details of what we'd done, and what we wanted to do. The woman was much more subtle, and, as a result, far more sensual.

[stangme 15]

We as a couple tend to have a little differnt problem. I (the male) tend to make most of the contact with other couples up front. Most of the time I am speaking to the female member of the couple. I usually have no problem chatting with them and tend to develop a repor up front.

 

The problem usually comes when I ask (and sometimes beg) them to talk to my other half. I don't know what the problem is but females in general seem to have issues talking to her. Well as you can imagine this leaves her feeling pretty left out of things. She doesn't feel like a part of anything and sometimes thinks that the people are only interested in me. This of course does wonders for her self esteem.

 

Anyone have any ideas why this seems to have become a pattern?

 

Stang....

[jcbicouple 24]

We have, quite often, noticed a difference when chatting with the male or female half of a couple. We try to make it easy on those that contact us. We're always together when logged into messenger, reading our e mail, etc. Everyone we talk to, gets to hear from both of us.

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

I've found that to be the case many times. Like you could be great friends with this couple if it wasn't for the guy.

 

We actually had a couple like that and there were several other couples where the female halves said the exact same thing. "Gee, we'd love to hang out with...., but her husband always gets in the way". He was a major hound (as in dog) and for him it was all about sex. There would have been no such thing as just hanging out with this couple casually... as long as he was around.

[Brit_Pair 62]

Originally posted by JustAskJulie

I've found that to be the case many times. Like you could be great friends with this couple if it wasn't for the guy.

 

We actually had a couple like that and there were several other couples where the female halves said the exact same thing. "Gee, we'd love to hang out with...., but her husband always gets in the way". He was a major hound (as in dog) and for him it was all about sex. There would have been no such thing as just hanging out with this couple casually... as long as he was around.

Dito Dito Dito Dito Dito Dito Dito

 

'Nuff said?

[JustAskJulie 2,595]

^bump^

[stangme 15]

^bump^

 

me!

 

Shawn

[lonesomedove341 15]

We have noticed this as well. Men are much more to the point and the women are much more subtle and laid back.

 

Amy

[Chris&Suzanne 204]

This is the male half talking here. It maybe because a man like myself just dosen't really know what to say. Many reasons, shyness, afraid to say the wrong thing,etc.

 

It is not ment to be offending.

[MoonLightKiss 28]

It could simply be because some men do not have alot of typing experience. We had this happen with a couple we are chatting with. They both were of the opinion that I was more open and honest, and my husband wasn't so they felt he was hiding something or another. I was talking to them one day when they asked me if we were sure we needed to be swinging, because my husband was coming across as shady. I understood their apprehension. I explained to them that I would discuss it with my husband and try to get back with them with an answer.

 

I talked to hubby, and found out why he does not chat much online. He simply feels that because he cannot type very fast that it would be a waste of time for him to try. He pecks at the keyboard with two fingers, while I can type very quickly, up to 70 wpm. I explained it all to the couple, and told them that he is more open during phone calls and in person, but that we did not want to make them uncomfortable so if they wished to call the chatting quits, we understood. They had a better idea.

 

The husband half of that couple called my husband. And they talked for over an hour, after which they were both surprised to see what difference there was between the man they thought they knew from chatting and the one they talked to on the phone. It fixed the apprehension they were feeling and helped my husband understand that no matter how slow you type, at least put forth some effort to communicate.

 

So now he tells them upfront he types slow please be patient. Problem solved.

[good times 991]

We have found this to be the rule, not the exception. That is why we aren't into to much chatting before meeting in person. I have found that their is really no way to get to know what a person is really like without meeting face to face.

[EvilMJ 65]

 

I talked to hubby, and found out why he does not chat much online. He simply feels that because he cannot type very fast that it would be a waste of time for him to try. He pecks at the keyboard with two fingers, while I can type very quickly, up to 70 wpm. I explained it all to the couple, and told them that he is more open during phone calls and in person, but that we did not want to make them uncomfortable so if they wished to call the chatting quits, we understood.

 

 

We are the same way, my husband can barely type and it takes a long time. It is up to me to do any chatting or typing on line. He is a very outgoing guy in person and is really great with the new and nervous crowd.

[Randies' 16]

Mr. Randies' here. I can guess that;

1) As a rule MEN don't type as quickly as some women, o.k. I will admit that.

 

2) MEN DO NOT enjoy engaging in the sharing of feelings.

 

3) WOMEN DO enjoy sharing feelings. Women seem to feel that that this is the way to live life.

 

4) Men are problem solvers not feelings exploiters. Men are normaly more mater of fact than women.

 

Men are stimulated with the visual, we need it.

 

Have the Men chat with the Men and the WoMen chat with the WoMen and all feelings will be good.

[WesternSwing 504]

I think my tone is quite the same whether I am chatting with a couple or just the one of them, unless it is just the male half of the couple, where the conversation seems to be more "guy" oriented stuff. But I wouldn't say anything to a wife alone that I wouldn't say to her with her husband present.

 

If I'm chatting with a single male that wants to meet us I do tend to be a little more direct though, maybe I get a bit protective.

 

I have noticed though that some do have a different tone to their chat depending on who they are talking with. A husband I have chatted with on and off with for a while IM'd me the other day and we chatted about common interests such as motorcycles. He was also IM'ing Mrs. WS at the same time, and since we work together we each know everything that is going on. With her he was much more about flirty and tease banter. I don't think he knew though that she tells me everything he said. It was kind of a turn-off for her because he was so different. It was like a double personality.

 

Mr. WS

[2jersey 16]

Mr. Randies' here. I can guess that;

1) As a rule MEN don't type as quickly as some women, o.k. I will admit that.

 

2) MEN DO NOT enjoy engaging in the sharing of feelings.

 

3) WOMEN DO enjoy sharing feelings. Women seem to feel that that this is the way to live life.

 

4) Men are problem solvers not feelings exploiters. Men are normaly more mater of fact than women.

 

Men are stimulated with the visual, we need it.

 

Have the Men chat with the Men and the WoMen chat with the WoMen and all feelings will be good.

 

We agree with Randies' views here - there are significant differences in the way males and females normally communicate. No need to elaborate.

 

When it comes to chatting online, we always arrange to have everyone present, males and females (we like to have a quick simultaneous phone call just to keep everyone honest). If the other couple desires, we will let the women chat privately (by phone) - but we have found that the couples who insist on this arrangement tend to focused on female bisexual play - so it has become a yellow flag for us.

 

Mrs 2j communicates with enough males in her business life that she understands and respects the differences in the way men interact, and she doesn't judge men harshly for being more concise and goal oriented.