Just How Patient Are Most Swinger Couples ?

[soonerforever 17]

I know the unwritten rule for dating is or was (showing my age) third date...this is something my wife and I have discussed along with starting off just same room no swap to light soft swap...I don't know if or even when we might possibly be ready for full though.

A little history....we tried in the past at a club, but the men in a group of couples we went with became very pushy and was a big turn off--we had fully explained our feelings prior to going with the group.

Anyway we could be interested in more of a couple meeting or even a house party, but I think the club thing is probably out for now.

[lovefest04 701]

I'll think you'll find most folks understand 'pace'. I agree, look for a couple. Keep it intimate. Early on we kept some control of the pace by setting up specific situations that helped to keep things slow. Think of foreplay, but not after you're already in bed, foreplay in a broader sense. Date and have fun, be flirtatious, open, sexy and naughty. Dance, go to the beach, take a hike. Flash you partners, skinny dip in nature. That gets us going every time, but doesn't have to lead to sex. At the end of the evening or day if we've had our brain and perv centers tickled that's a good day and we'll wait for the sex for another time if that's what the couple wants. Be playful, this endeavor should be fun.

 

If the other couple isn't ok with that, then they are not a match. Move on.

 

That said swinging for us was and is like a kid in a candy store with $10. It's hard not blow the whole wad as soon as possible.

[ViSexual 1,008]

When I was single, and in the military in other countries, us guys frequented many places of prostitution because we weren't anywhere long enough to get to know gals to date.

 

Now that was fine for immediate gratification but I never, ever, enjoyed it as much as a real date.

 

When my wife and I tried the lifestyle, we both preferred getting to know potential partners first. I guess we both just enjoyed the flirting and all of the foreplay that went with dating, before playing.

 

For us, at least, the waiting was half the fun.

[couplers 4,717]

... Think of foreplay, but not after you're already in bed, foreplay in a broader sense. Date and have fun, be flirtatious, open, sexy and naughty. Dance, go to the beach, take a hike. Flash you partners, skinny dip in nature. That gets us going every time, but doesn't have to lead to sex. At the end of the evening or day if we've had our brain and perv centers tickled that's a good day and we'll wait for the sex for another time if that's what the couple wants. Be playful, this endeavor should be fun. ..

That is exactly like us when I finally got comfortable with hubby playing with another woman (after me being with my boyfriend two years already) and we started dating women that I chose. Sometimes it went for months, no sex, a minimal amount of flirting (they didn't know in the beginning we were open to hubby and possibly me having sex with her). Whether it led to sex or not it was fun, we never pushed, always paid, and we still friends with them regardless of the outcome.

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

We look at the first meeting (date) as just a chance to get to know everyone better and see if there is any 'spark'. After that first date (usually ON the first date), we will talk with the other couple about what their limits and expectations are. Whatever they say, that is what we limit ourselves to until told otherwise. If we are not willing to keep things to their limits, then we don't have a second date...we're not a match (and vice versa). If we are interested, then just kindness and decency says not to make them feel uncomfortable or pressured to do anything they don't feel ready to do. Lots of new couples (we were once new and had our own limits that, now, seem silly...but they weren't then and they were needed to make each of us comfortable with what we were doing) have limits that will either eventually be set aside or they usually will figure out swinging isn't for them. We want to find people we want to have as friends and pressuring them is NOT the way to build friendships.

 

Answer to your question of how many dates: as many as it takes. No expectations, no pressure, no problems, no drama.

[couplers 4,717]

... If we are interested, then just kindness and decency says not to make them feel uncomfortable or pressured to do anything they don't feel ready to do...

Indeed, kindness and decency are key in all aspects of life.