No oral sex in this lifestyle?

FlGatorGuy · October 9, 2019

Hi all, first post here, as I'm sure you can tell.

Married guy here, mid 40's, married for almost 20 years, with her for 7-8 years before that. We've had some preliminary minimal conversations about this LS. I'm interested, maybe, although not sure if it'd be more hotwife or swinging - maybe the former. So I'm currently reading a lot and will bring it up every once in a while, trying not to be overbearing about it. But it seems like a really good group of people here so I thought I'd ask....

Anyway, my wife does not like oral sex. She's really never done it for me, which is a huge bummer, but something I've just kinda learned to live with. Although it depresses me. And she will let me do it to her, although she pulls me up after a min or two. I have asked her and she just says she doesn't enjoy it and has never had an orgasm from it anyway.

So I'm wondering, it seems every one here is pretty down with this activity. I'm just thinking ahead wondering how something like that would go with someone else. I think probably as long as its stated up front, but gotta think it'd probably push quite a few people away?

couplers · October 9, 2019

... We've had some preliminary minimal conversations about this LS. I'm interested, maybe, although not sure if it'd be more hotwife or swinging - maybe the former...

If by "hotwife" you mean letting her have some fun the way she wants before her having to deal with the complications of you playing with another woman, then yes that's a great way to start.

... my wife does not like oral sex. She's really never done it for me, which is a huge bummer, but something I've just kinda learned to live with. Although it depresses me...

If she's a good sex partner otherwise, don't complain and certainly don't be depressed. As a woman, I will do oral on a guy whenever he wants, but more than half the time he's putting his dick in my pussy without it. And even when I do suck one of my guys, after a short while they "can't stand it anymore" and want in my pussy. Rarely has a guy wanted me to do oral on him until he came in my mouth. I don't think it's because I'm particularly bad at oral (or my pussy's particularly good), because I see the same with Lora and Clair.

... And she will let me do it to her, although she pulls me up after a min or two. I have asked her and she just says she doesn't enjoy it and has never had an orgasm from it anyway..

Now that I don't understand. Perhaps she just likes the sensation of your dick better and prefers to get off that way. Since I can orgasm several times in succession, I like it as foreplay and as post penis-in-vagina fucking. And it is the essential part of our lovelife among Clair, Lora and me.

... So I'm wondering, it seems every one here is pretty down with this activity. I'm just thinking ahead wondering how something like that would go with someone else. I think probably as long as its stated up front, but gotta think it'd probably push quite a few people away?.

A few, perhaps, but not "quite a few."

shy_couple · October 10, 2019

We are a soft swap couple only so would be a deal breaker for us.

Numex · October 10, 2019

We are a soft swap couple only so would be a deal breaker for us.

I guess I don't understand soft swap. It includes oral? I thought it was only playing with tits and ass, no genital touching.

padoc · October 10, 2019

We define soft swap as kind of the adult equivalent of the "heaving petting" most us did in high school. You remember, the back seat of a car or her parents basement where you did pretty much everything short of penetration because she was "saving herself". I recall that some of those sessions were really, really hot and ultimately involved oral and orgasms. Billy Joel was only somewhat right about Catholic girls. They might have started late and did not go all the way but OMG, some of those girls had incredible skills (especially one particular Central Catholic cheerleader!!).

October 10, 2019

Yes there is oral sex in this lifestyle. We've been full swapping for 13 years now. Don't know about soft swapping...that would be too frustrating for me. I love to suck a man off with some benefits. I prefer to get strongly penetrated and laid first. At least get off a couple times before I suck and swallow a lover. Even just when fooling around with my husband and he is in the mood for me to give him a nasty blow job, I am selfish and want to get off first. A few years ago on the way to the airport, I gave my husband a blow job in the car and let me tell you, I had a hot frustrated poonani on the flight and had to take care of myself in the lavatory. Since then, I carry around a mini vibrator in my purse and if a blow job is the only thing we can manage in a situation, I can get off too. Regarding women not liking to give blow jobs, that's not uncommon. We have dated couples and one of the joys of a few husbands is getting the pleasure of my mouth and letting go in it after an evening of screwing.

lcmim · October 10, 2019

I guess I don't understand soft swap. It includes oral? I thought it was only playing with tits and ass, no genital touching.

In our case it means no blood, no scat, no genital penetration below the waist. Everything else legal is on the table outright or at the very least open for discussion.

kittyswinger · October 10, 2019

Anyway, my wife does not like oral sex. She's really never done it for me, which is a huge bummer, but something I've just kinda learned to live with. Although it depresses me. And she will let me do it to her, although she pulls me up after a min or two. I have asked her and she just says she doesn't enjoy it and has never had an orgasm from it anyway.

So I'm wondering, it seems every one here is pretty down with this activity. I'm just thinking ahead wondering how something like that would go with someone else. I think probably as long as its stated up front, but gotta think it'd probably push quite a few people away?

Either she is too sensitive down there that it sores easily. Or it maybe some sort of religious conditioning she had before. There are traditions that consider oral sex as yucky or too sinful or loathsome. She has to deal with it first before jumping into the LS. (Otherwise, the LS will damage her psychologically later on).

But if it is just a personal preference of her (it doesnt excite her) or a form of mysophobia/germaphobia, you can pull it off by just stating it up font to your potential playmates (without mentioning the phobia thing, if ever). There are many other sexy things to do, without doing oral. :-)

adamgunn · October 10, 2019

Most couples engage in oral foreplay in the LifeStyle. If you are looking for foursomes, the fact that your wife won't go down and doesn't enjoy oral performed on her will be a detraction to some people. If you are getting close to meeting someone, I'd divulge that information. Some people will, of course.

As far as guys go, you should be able to find someone that will agree not to go down on her, and won't expect her to go down on him.

Best of luck, keep your questions coming.

couplers · October 10, 2019

.. Billy Joel was only somewhat right about Catholic girls. They might have started late and did not go all the way but OMG, some of those girls had incredible skills...

As a Catholic girl raised by strict parents and who went to Catholic school, I thank you. Remember too, Catholicism says no birth control. That's how I got an early introduction to being bum fucked until I got the pill from Planned Parenthood, which I had to keep well hidden.

The sex ed we got in Catholic school (separate for the boys and girls) was very much about biology and not much about sex. That's why even now when having sex I think about how the guy ejaculating in me will be leaving a living part of himself swimming around inside for a few days. It's exciting knowing that usually there are living parts of two or three men in me at a time.

Baconheads · October 10, 2019

I guess I don't understand soft swap. It includes oral? I thought it was only playing with tits and ass, no genital touching.

My old GF and I would do soft, which to us meant any/everything short of penetrative sex of the genitals. We kept that to ourselves. We likely would have found the right couple for full swap sooner or later but we were in no hurry.

Other definitions of "soft" are touching with hands only or simply being with your own partner in the same room or bed with the other couple.

We did all of those things at various times and had great fun whatever we did.

SW_PA_Couple · October 11, 2019

My wife and I know many people active in the lifestyle who do not engage in oral sex. Do not hesitate to search. You will eventually find the people who fit your style.

PeterJ · October 11, 2019

My old GF and I would do soft, which to us meant any/everything short of penetrative sex of the genitals. We kept that to ourselves. We likely would have found the right couple for full swap sooner or later but we were in no hurry.

Other definitions of "soft" are touching with hands only or simply being with your own partner in the same room or bed with the other couple.

We did all of those things at various times and had great fun whatever we did.

In evaluating the profiles of prospective play partners, it’s important to understand – as Baconheads notes – that “soft swing” can mean very different things to different people. For sure, it means there won’t be vaginal penetrative sex between the non-partners. Beyond that, soft play can range from light petting with close on through oral sex between non-partners. When you see that in the profiles of a couple who look compatible, one of the first things to determine is what their definition of “soft swing” is.

Numex · October 11, 2019

My wife and I know many people active in the lifestyle who do not engage in oral sex...

That's because, from what I can tell, you've been around so long that you know everybody in the lifestyle.

shy_couple · October 12, 2019

That’s our version of soft swap and involves lots of oral.

machiavel55 · October 12, 2019

Hi all, first post here, as I'm sure you can tell.

Married guy here, mid 40's, married for almost 20 years, with her for 7-8 years before that. We've had some preliminary minimal conversations about this LS. I'm interested, maybe, although not sure if it'd be more hotwife or swinging - maybe the former. So I'm currently reading a lot and will bring it up every once in a while, trying not to be overbearing about it. But it seems like a really good group of people here so I thought I'd ask....

Anyway, my wife does not like oral sex. She's really never done it for me, which is a huge bummer, but something I've just kinda learned to live with. Although it depresses me. And she will let me do it to her, although she pulls me up after a min or two. I have asked her and she just says she doesn't enjoy it and has never had an orgasm from it anyway.

So I'm wondering, it seems every one here is pretty down with this activity. I'm just thinking ahead wondering how something like that would go with someone else. I think probably as long as its stated up front, but gotta think it'd probably push quite a few people away?

Why would you choose the hotwife dynamic....don't you want to have sex with other women?

October 12, 2019

When we decided that we would try swinging, first one to be MFM, we made of list of the rules at my insistence. It included me not giving oral sex to the other guy. We had that first one, spent a couple of hours in the bar catching up, etc., we knew the guy but just somewhat. Once we got up to his hotel room, is was a good 3 minutes before I broke that rule. Not only did I suck him and then back in forth between his and my husband but in the end, I ended up swallowing it all from him. Struck that rule off my list. My point, it’s better to go with her list and let her change it as she gets into the flow of things, or the excitement of them.

Shore2Please · October 12, 2019

In our group all the women do oral. How would I feel if someone didn’t? I don’t know because it hasn’t happened. My husband and I don’t have rules. Oral sex has always been part of any sex I’ve had since having sex.

couplers · October 14, 2019

... My point, it’s better to go with her list and let her change it as she gets into the flow of things, or the excitement of them.

Words to live by, true in sex and everything else.

Numex · October 15, 2019

In our group all the women do oral. How would I feel if someone didn’t? I don’t know because it hasn’t happened..

All the men will eat women, and all the women suck men in our group of couples, but one woman is a pillow queen, she'll take oral from other women but won't dive into pussy herself. The other women are good with it.

.. My husband and I don’t have rules..

Same with us. It is impossible for my wife and I to cheat on one another because nothing is cheating.

njbm · October 15, 2019

We understand that soft swap includes oral sex, but not penetrative sex. If I learned that a potential swinging partner would not perform or want oral sex, I would be disappointed. It has happened.

Kimasianwife · December 6, 2019

As a Catholic girl raised by strict parents and who went to Catholic school, I thank you. Remember too, Catholicism says no birth control. That's how I got an early introduction to being bum fucked until I got the pill from Planned Parenthood, which I had to keep well hidden.

The sex ed we got in Catholic school (separate for the boys and girls) was very much about biology and not much about sex. That's why even now when having sex I think about how the guy ejaculating in me will be leaving a living part of himself swimming around inside for a few days. It's exciting knowing that usually there are living parts of two or three men in me at a time.

I was raised Catholic also and know what u mean. for a week or so I was only giving blowjob's because I wasn't brave enough to let me other than hubby inside me. But this one guy I met had me do horny telling me he wanted his seeds to swim in me. Telling me I was beautiful that my husband was an idiot for cheating. So I told him to do it. The sensation was wonderful. The exact thought that another man put his DNA in me

Chris&Suzanne · December 6, 2019

No oral sex, that is the only thing I'm good at. My wife is really good at everything.

couplers · December 7, 2019

We understand that soft swap includes oral sex, but not penetrative sex...

If he can put it into her mouth, what about her bum? Can a finger go into her vagina or bum?

NewSw · December 8, 2019

It is necessary to leave the partner according to his desires only, and it is good to specify what he likes and what he does not like and it is not necessary sex oral to swingers Not everything is necessary. For example, anal sex may not happen sometimes, and it may change in the future, who knows

NewSw · December 8, 2019

We are a soft swap couple only so would be a deal breaker for us.

Sorry, but is a soft swap that does not include sex oral ?

adamgunn · December 9, 2019

New, the rules for soft-swap from couple to couple vary a little; you should be clear on the rules for yourself and the other couple before the foreplay starts.

The most typical pattern is anything is allowed, except penetration of the penis in the vagina or rectum; oral is allowed and encouraged. It's not unknown for a man to come in the other woman's mouth, but again it should be stated beforehand that this is okay; or at least a very clear, "I'm coming," so the woman can back away.

Numex · December 10, 2019

.. anything is allowed, except penetration of the penis in the vagina or rectum; oral is allowed and encouraged. .

For me at least, getting a blowjob from a woman is much sexier and intimate than putting my dick in her ass. And watching my wife suck another guy off is much hotter for me, especially when he cums in her mouth and she makes a big deal of rolling it around and swallowing. Putting his dick in her rectum is just too mechanical a thing to watch.

Baconheads · December 10, 2019

New, the rules for soft-swap from couple to couple vary a little; you should be clear on the rules for yourself and the other couple before the foreplay starts.

The most typical pattern is anything is allowed, except penetration of the penis in the vagina or rectum; oral is allowed and encouraged. It's not unknown for a man to come in the other woman's mouth, but again it should be stated beforehand that this is okay; or at least a very clear, "I'm coming," so the woman can back away.

The other side of the "soft" spectrum would be same room no touch, voyeurism and exhibitionism only.

enhancer · December 10, 2019

We look at no oral the same way we look at no kissing! No thanks. I am sure there are others that might not care though. Better to let people know before play time is planned I would think.

adamgunn · December 10, 2019

Bacon, unless there's touching, it's hard to see where the 'swap' comes in . . .

Thegreyarea · December 13, 2019

The other side of the "soft" spectrum would be same room no touch, voyeurism and exhibitionism only.

Wouldn’t that just be parallel play? I mean if there’s “no touch” then there would be no swap. Hard to have a soft swap if nobody’s swapping.

Baconheads · December 14, 2019

Okay, technically that would be called "soft swing" if there was no touch. Still part of the spectrum of swinging or group sex. IMHO

Thegreyarea · December 15, 2019

Okay, technically that would be called "soft swing" if there was no touch. Still part of the spectrum of swinging or group sex. IMHO

I guess technically you can call it whatever you want. I’m not trying to yuck anyone’s yum, it’s just some of the stuff I see sometimes perplexes me. We’ve just got some weird messages the last couple days and it makes me wonder what some of these couples are actually thinking. That is all. Return to your regularly scheduled programming.

couplers · December 16, 2019

Return to your regularly scheduled programming.

... already in progress.

Sophy · December 16, 2019

No oral sex will be a showstopper for us.

Anon321 · December 16, 2019

I can't even imagine my buddies faces if I told them my GF wasn't going to suck their cocks anymore. Cutting out oral is huge.

Thegreyarea · December 17, 2019

I can't even imagine my buddies faces if I told them my GF wasn't going to suck their cocks anymore. Cutting out oral is huge.

Not really the same situation. You’re talking about cutting out oral. In his case, there’s no oral to begin with. Both situations have the same result though. Nobody’s getting a bj. I’m sure you might find someone who just detests oral sex as much as your wife. Hang in there. Stay positive. Your search may take a little longer but you’ll hopefully find what y’all are looking for.

Numex · July 29, 2021

On 10/9/2019 at 10:27 AM, FlGatorGuy said:

We've had some preliminary minimal conversations about this LS. I'm interested, maybe, although not sure if it'd be more hotwife or swinging

On 10/11/2019 at 11:48 PM, machiavel55 said:

Why would you choose the hotwife dynamic....don't you want to have sex with other women?

Hotwifing is the way we started. First, it puts the woman in complete control choosing what to do, who to do it with, when, how, and whether her husband is there or not. Second, it reassures her that her husband is not suggesting swinging for his own selfish reasons. Third, it's less complicated and easier to arrange (most women have their choice of whoever they want to fuck, no worriesaboutothercompatibilities). Fourth, once she's happy, she will show her gratitude.

Numex · July 29, 2021

On 10/12/2019 at 3:42 AM, Guest said:

it’s better to go with her list and let her change it as she gets into the flow of things, or the excitement of them.

?

Numex · July 29, 2021

On 10/12/2019 at 6:13 AM, Shore2Please said:

Duplicate post.

Edited July 29, 2021 by Numex

ROCKlandCpl · July 30, 2021

Still being new, isn’t oral part of all sex? I don’t remember not having or giving oral sex during any sex. I can say there were dates in my early life when guys wouldn’t give oral but I have always started sex with a blowjob. I thought it was a prerequisite to sex. I know friends who won’t finish that way I have no problem cumming just from a tongue. I would think oral is expected in swinging.

Thegreyarea · July 30, 2021

Personally I’ve never had an experience where oral wasn’t involved. To me that’s part of foreplay as well as kissing. If a couple contacted us and they don’t kiss or engage in oral sex, it would be a hard pass. How do you warm up and get comfortable with someone without?

TricianMike · July 30, 2021

We have never met a couple where oral sex was in question, kissing is not always a thing. We have never been with a woman who won’t give a blow job but have met non-bi women who won’t do oral to a women. We have met women where I was their first.

Alura · August 1, 2021

On 12/10/2019 at 9:43 AM, Numex said:

For me at least, getting a blowjob from a woman is much sexier and intimate than putting my dick in her ass. And watching my wife suck another guy off is much hotter for me, especially when he cums in her mouth and she makes a big deal of rolling it around and swallowing. Putting his dick in her rectum is just too mechanical a thing to watch.

Mrs. Alura once said to me, "Why would a man want to fuck my ass when there's a welcoming juicy pussy right next to it?"

Numex · August 1, 2021

On 7/29/2021 at 7:50 PM, ROCKlandCpl said:

I have no problem cumming just from a tongue.

I have known/know women who can cum only by a tongue on her clit, never (or hardly ever) with a dick in her vagina.

Numex · August 1, 2021

38 minutes ago, Alura said:

Mrs. Alura once said to me, "Why would a man want to fuck my ass when there's a welcoming juicy pussy right next to it?"

I totally agree, but also understand the guys who like it because it's taboo and is tighter. Besides, someone has to put his dick in the woman's rectum during DP, and I confess that sometimes that dick is mine.

ROCKlandCpl · August 8, 2021

On 8/1/2021 at 6:55 PM, Numex said:

I have known/know women who can cum only by a tongue on her clit, never (or hardly ever) with a dick in her vagina.

I cum either way. Lucky I guess.

Numex · August 8, 2021

6 hours ago, ROCKlandCpl said:

I cum either way. Lucky I guess.

Same as my wife. I wonder if that is the reason she is so active with men and is bisexual? Strickly from my less than vast experience, I would say that less than half of women can cum regularly from penis-in-vagina intercourse. (Swinging/a new partner increases the percentage.) Over 95% can orgasm from diligent oral sex.

ROCKlandCpl · August 9, 2021

3 hours ago, Numex said:

Same as my wife. I wonder if that is the reason she is so active with men and is bisexual? Strickly from my less than vast experience, I would say that less than half of women can cum regularly from penis-in-vagina intercourse. (Swinging/a new partner increases the percentage.) Over 95% can orgasm from diligent oral sex.

Only half can cum? That’s horrible. It’s only recently that I saw people have sex in real life. I am pretty sure all the women came from the men. I have cum from every partner both men and women. I understand women can fake it, men can’t. My first swing was with a woman, she relaxed me eventually and I had a big orgasm and her husband gave me a few. Unless she was a great actor my husband gave her one.
Our friend couldn’t fake it, she squirts every time she cums, unless she faked that.
If the other women faked it they sure didn’t complain. They reacted like they were cumming.

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