How Long Did It Take Your Significant Other to Get Used to the Lifestyle?

[Pklon 62]

I wrote the same topic a few years ago, then disappeared along with a few other topic/post that I wrote. No really reason was given, unless there was and it was sent to my email but it was in my spam/junk folder.

 

I'm not sure if this is the right forum to post this, but I guess the mods can move it if they like, since it is similar to the 2 Sticky topic. So either way here goes. ( hope you all understand )

 

Many people who were in a previous relationship or even as a single that was in the lifestyle, later during there current relationship ask there husband/bf / wife/gf if they wish to try if and many of them like it and continue into it.

 

For me I was already into the lifestyle when I meet my bf ( now husband ) When I told him that I am a swingers and what I have done and i am not gonna stop. He accepted it and we started dating.

It took a good full year for him to get used to everything. Hardest thing for him was to be around other naked men while they were " playing " with me. Like I said it took a good year, like everything in life it all about baby steps.

[Numex 2,459]

My wife and I talked openly and freely about our past sex partners from the beginning - who was good and what we liked. So when I encouraged her to have fun again (separately) with two past lovers who she really enjoyed, there was nothing to get used to. They already knew their way around one another's bodies, and in my mind it was no big deal. A very easy start for us.

[Guest]

We had talked about swinging for maybe 3 months before it happened, initially another couple had invited us to join them but having not talked about it at that time, the immediate response was to say no. Our discussion led to the conclusion that if we ever were going to, the starting point would be MFM. Well, one evening, a total surprise but one happened somewhat impromptu. I have to admit that I totally enjoyed it from the start, even just the flirtation at the bar before we went to a room. Afterwards, my husband was quite supportive and encouraging. Well, 2 weeks later, we were at a resort bar and a guy started chatting with us and I got another one going. This time, David, my husband, suggested that I should let him know if I am going to take things in that direction and we established a signal that he could use, kind of a “no, not him” thing. After 4 or so, David encouraged us to try a local couples club that he had heard about, we did, and tried a swap. I enjoyed this, too but not as much as MFM. Since then, things have just kept moving forward.

[findinganswers 369]

I am the other spouse who needed to be convinced. She brought up the subject to swing with her best friend. I had all the doubts of why she would want this like was I not good enough in giving her thrills.

 

She and her friend worked together to get me to agree. Her friend and her second husband were swingers and didn’t hide that from her. After things progressed I had suspicions that she already joined them behind my back something to this day she says is absolutely not true. At this point it doesn’t bother me even if she did.

 

It took me three months and plenty of thinking to agree. Their planning had to be much longer.

 

The question posed is how long it took to get used to it, the simple answer is not that long. That first time went well maybe to well and that’s the reason I felt that I was the only one new to this. I had fear that I would not function but that quickly disappeared. I watched as they got down to oral and me watching stopped when our friend gave me plenty of attention. When my fully naked friend who I would say is attractive started playing with me my attention turned to her. With a pussy on my face it was hard to watch anything else going on. I only saw very little but heard familiar sounds from the others. My wife was enjoying and I was most definitely enjoying.

 

I had some getting used to but it wasn’t a long time at all.

[Numex 2,459]

... I had suspicions that she already joined them behind my back something to this day she says is absolutely not true. At this point it doesn’t bother me even if she did. . .

I solved that problem early on. I told my wife that if she wants to get with someone else, she can, no permission needed, no questions asked. It would be nice to hear about it, but not a requirement.

 

... I had some getting used to but it wasn’t a long time at all.

It all seems so amazingly natural and right.

[Idahocouple6969 294]

It didn't take us long at all...4 months? During that time we resurched and learned how to make connections. Went to a Meet and greet then out of state club. Had our first MFM with a lovely gentleman there and played soft swap with a couple that invited us to join them on a big bed in an open room. The next night at the club had a 5 some. Big puppy pile. Our favorite so far. (This was all just last week.) We have been married 30 plus years wish we had done this sooner. We are like teenagers with a new toy.

[findinganswers 369]

I solved that problem early on. I told my wife that if she wants to get with someone else, she can, no permission needed, no questions asked. It would be nice to hear about it, but not a requirement.

 

It all seems so amazingly natural and right.

 

My doubts were before we started. I now have no problem having her spend a night with our friends. I only enjoy the stories about her and her girlfriend and don’t need all the details outside of that.

Her girlfriend reciprocates spending nights with us and I enjoy watching them play with the extra benefit of playing with this really fine friend.

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

It didn't take either of us hardly any time to accept the idea...it took only slightly longer to 'get used' to the idea.

 

For both of us we were married before for over 20 years. Her husband brought up swinging (with friends which is where our strong feelings about NOT swinging with friends come from) in an effort to 'save' their marriage...it didn't. My ex would never even consider the idea of swinging due to the complete lack of trust we had...in fact, any time I went anywhere without her, she accused me of cheating on her. I was raised with a strong Christian upbringing, but I always seem to ask too many questions (and wasn't given very good answers). Why there was so much love in the world, we were 'forced' to limit it to only one person (our spouse)...unless we had children, in which we were limited to our spouse and children...oh, and our parents...and friends, etc (I know, different kinds of love, but isn't love love?). Was love and sex the same thing? (no) We can love others but can only have sex with one person? Also, in the old testament, having multiple wives was common place...why was loving and having sex with more than one wife okay then but not now. Roman bath houses were places where most people would go to 'bathe'...and have sex and this was okay? Why was sex something that was so fun and exciting limited to only one other person? At some point I was always just told 'because that's how it is' (shut up kid, you bother me...)

 

I wanted my next relationship to be based on trust and love so from the start honesty and full disclosure was installed as bedrock. We told each other about our entire sexual history as well as our sexual fantasies. She told me about how her and her ex tried swinging, and , surprising to me, how she didn't have a problem with the swinging part, but just that the relationship was just too far gone when they started. I told her that I didn't think love and/or sex should have limits imposed on them. She said that if I was interested in finding other people to have sex with, we needed to do it together...but I could take the lead in finding them. It took a few weeks to make sure that she was serious and not just saying it to 'appease' me. Then came the over-analyzation (something we both do), long discussions about rules and limits, and the trek of finding another couple that 'matched'. As we took each step, we found that most of our rules, originally set to keep us from damaging our relationship, were unnecessary because we trusted each other (trust is what keeps the 'green monster' away).

 

Okay, now I'm starting to ramble...Love trust and communication...and doing this together, made it easy to accept and enjoy. I know that there are some (most) people who just aren't 'wired' for this, but I think that it's because they don't place a high enough value on the love/trust/communicate part of their relationship. Only the few who have developed wings can ever fly about the rest.

[bbarnsworth 2,652]

For us, it was my wife who first suggested the possibility of two men massaging her at once, which started the ball rolling towards swinging. It took about four months or so of talking after that. We had two soft swap experiences, then an MFM that went ok but not stellar. We'd already agreed that we wouldn't judge the lifestyle from just a few encounters, but would keep at it a bit so long as nothing bad happened and just wait and see how things worked out. It was the fourth encounter that did it. I was happy in the lifestyle, my wife somewhat ambivalent. On the fourth encounter, my wife had a fantastic time. She just absolutely LOVED having sex with this particular man. We got in the car to go home, and she had this funny grin on her face. I said "Well? What did you think?" She said, "Ok, NOW I'm a swinger!" and we've been at it since. That was ten years ago.

[couplers 4,718]

It took my SOs zero time to get used to our form of the lifestyle. I was still having sex with Red my ex-fiance when I met David, who is now my husband. We started having sex too, but I didn't stop with Red. David was OK with it from the beginning. But it was I who took a couple of years to get my head around my husband having sex with other women, and even then I was the one who chose the women and it was part of me opening up to my Lesbian side.

 

Now with two other women having joined us to form our family, it seems totally normal, more natural than monogamy.