Just not attracted to someone

[PSULioness 827]

Call me Shallow. I don’t know how to deal with a situation. I don’t know how to say No even though I should never do things that make me uncomfortable. Much of our play is with a group from my school days. People I knew at school and friends of these friends. Some parties are larger than others and the people do change from one party to another.

My problem is that there is a person or persons I don’t find physically attractive. I don’t find the person a bad person and I know that person is a good person. Good personality, fun to be with, just not attractive to me. This person is part of a couple and I know the person plays with others. It’s not like I am taking one for the team as someone once posted.

I don’t know how to handle saying no without upsetting everybody. When there are more people I can usually get lost in the crowd, it’s when I am with a small group. It is giving me Agita. My husband says just excuse myself if I’m approached. Go to the bathroom or say I need a break.

[GoldCoCouple 4,064]

You're not shallow, just not attracted to someone. If they approach you, think back to high school...just tell them that you like them, but not in 'that way'. Just tell them the truth and it almost always takes care of the problem. Since they haven't approached you yet, maybe they are thinking the same thing about you. Don't stress on something that may never even happen and know if it does, a simple 'I'm not interested' usually will take care of it.

[TwoFunTexans 103]

We've told people straight up we weren't interested in playing when we could tell they weren't going to stop trying. The first time was nerve wracking like you describe but we simply said we want to be friends but we don't want to play. They thanked us and never approached us in that way again and we did stay friendly afterwards. Don't be mean just honest.

[PSULioness 827]

You're not shallow, just not attracted to someone. If they approach you, think back to high school...just tell them that you like them, but not in 'that way'. Just tell them the truth and it almost always takes care of the problem. Since they haven't approached you yet, maybe they are thinking the same thing about you. Don't stress on something that may never even happen and know if it does, a simple 'I'm not interested' usually will take care of it.

 

I just reread my post, I omitted that I have been sexual with this person on a number of occasions. They have more than approached me and I just went along. That bag of Doritos is already open. I can’t say something that would hurt because that’s me.

[enhancer 1,582]

You are not shallow in any way for not being attracted to someone! The people that throw that word around when they are rejected should not be in the lifestyle in the first place.

 

You like everyone are the only one who should decide who you do and do not want to share yourself with. If people can’t respect that they are not worth any of your time. Your husband should support that in every way he can.

 

Having to go hide in the bathroom to avoid someone is not fair to you and can’t be a whole lot of fun either. Simply say I am not interested in you in that way and that should be the end of it. You are not a piece of meat that anyone can use just, because you are in the lifestyle. You are a woman and you have the power in this game.

[TricianMike 767]

About 5 years ago when we started Mike and I were going to a party of a few couples and saw pictures of the people going to the party. We knew that based on looks one couple was not for us. We almost didn’t go.

You say you had sex with them before. I think I would just suck it up even if I agree that you control your body and shouldn’t do anything you don’t want to do.

I’ve read many of your posts and I’m reading you are always pleasing everyone. Your first time you gave into your friend which is fine. Maybe you wanted to experience a woman deep down inside and then you allowed her boyfriend in you. You allowed your husbands friend in your bed because your husband wanted it. You were pressured to let your vanilla girlfriend in your bed when you first said no.

My take is you are a pleaser who puts others first.

Lioness you sound too smart to allow others to dictate who you are with. You need to take control. You know you do or you wouldn’t ask.

[padoc 1,701]

I want to expand a bit on what Tricia said. We were at a party a few weeks ago, in the group was a couple that Mrs Doc thinks the husband is very sexy, me, not so much with the other wife. They wanted to go find a room with us. Mrs Doc was VERY enthusiastic. I decided in a split second to go along.

 

My decision was based on several factors,

1. We like them both.

2. We see them out and about at parties and m&g's and even at our publix.

3. My wife was really in the mood and the other couple is adamant that they always play together.

4. While I was not overly attracted to the other wife, she is a nice woman and in effect, she offered herself to me.

So, we found a room, Mrs Doc had a good time and the other wife and I had a nicer time than I anticipated. We too opened the Dorito bag so if we see them at another party or a club, I'd go along again. With swinging there is great sex, good sex, or comfortable sex. For Mrs Doc it was great, for me it was comfortable (I worked really hard to make it at least good for the other wife ). In the bright light of the following Sunday morning, we had a nice time, I didn't take one for the team, I didn't unnecessarily reject or hurt another person and my wife and I got laid. All in all, not a bad outcome.

[ToeDippers 83]

I read this post and it made me wonder how Mrs. Toedipper would handle this problem. I thought she may have handled a not great looking male at a party the same as Lioness did. She never mentioned it to me but I felt she took one not to ruin someone else’s party.

I needed to ask. I qualified my inquiry and mentioned the male who I thought would have turned her off. She to be honest, I hate when she says that, that she did not complain because she saw I was having fun at the party. She went along with playing when he approached her. I should have been with her to make sure she was fine with the contact. I blame myself for not protecting her. She said she handled him the best she can. We are both still learning how to handle situations. Her handling included or should I say did not include sucking. She said she got him hard and put him in her. She said she couldn’t suck that guy. She fucked him and moved on.

If we are going to go to more parties we also have to learn how to move away from those that don’t interest us. When there are only a few couples it takes nerve.

[njbm 2,863]

Very hard to say no or to take a pass, but it’s a skill to develop. Sometimes we go to house parties, we see nothing developing, we go home. But to say no to someone, we have yet to think of a way to do it without hurting feelings.