Just starting trying to understand

[MD0704BS 24]

My wife and I have been talking about swinging for a couple years now. We had a really bad first experience that really turned us off of swinging for a while. We are starting to talk more about it and what exactly we are both looking for. With that being said my wife asked me what my fantasy would be. After much thought I landed on a couple thing fmf threesome and watching my wife give a stranger a blowjob. My wife’s first question was “why does me sucking off a stranger turn you on” and I could think of a reason why. Which then got me thinking about why it turns me on and that lead me here. So my question to the husbands that have done this is why does watching your wife blowing someone turn you on?

[adamgunn 1,460]

Watching my wife enjoying herself sexually turns me on. Whether it's with me or someone else. But I know my wife isn't all that into blow jobs. She'll do it, but she much more enjoys screwing the other guy. As a result, her giving a blowjob isn't much of a turn on to me.

[bbarnsworth 2,638]

Hello MD, and welcome!

 

(I've told this story a number of times on this forum, so my apologies for boring the people who've read it before )

 

When my wife and I started talking about swinging, we were concerned about a lot of things, one of which was "what if we don't have a good time?" We talked about it for a while and agreed it was kind of like dating; some of the people you end up taking to bed just aren't all that fun in bed. Some can be down right boring, and some relationships turn out bad. Swinging, as we've found out, isn't any different really. So, when we decided to try it, we decided that we wouldn't just do it once, if it wasn't great. We'd keep at it for a while with different people and if it still wasn't great, then we'd evaluate and maybe decide it wasn't for us.

 

The first few experiences weren't all that great for her. The first woman I played with was a lot of fun, and I really enjoyed her, but my wife didn't have as good of a time. The second experience was an MFM...she enjoyed it, but it wasn't great. The third experience was an MMFM. In that, there was one fellow who was just fantastic for her. She could not get enough of having his cock in her. The other fellow and I got our turns too, but primarily it was my amazing wife having sex with this one fellow. She made sure we were all taken care of; she didn't neglect either of the two of us, but she spent a lot of the time with this fellow's cock in her. When were done and leaving for the evening and had gotten into the car, my wife said to me "WOW! Ok, NOW I'm a swinger!" and we've never looked back. That was a wonderful experience for her, and really set the tone and bar for future encounters.

 

So, I would encourage you not to judge swinging by one experience, or even a few. Think of it just like dating. Sometimes you're going to have some not so good ones, and even bad ones. When you get a good one, your wife will be in total exstacy.

 

So my question to the husbands that have done this is why does watching your wife blowing someone turn you on?

 

When you find the answer, let me know Seriously, I've puzzled over this myself. I love my wife giving head to another man, and love watching her have sex with another man. I'm here home alone right, and just thinking about it massively turns me on. I can't explain it. I've never been able to explain it, and we've been doing this for ten years. I love watching another man penetrate deep inside my wife, hearing her sounds, watching her movements, and loving it to the fullest. I've given up trying to explain it; it defies all social logic, but it's the most erotic thing I've ever witnessed in my life. I remember an MFM where I was having sex doggy style with my wife while she was giving head to the other fellow who was standing next to the bed. It was intensely erotic! I just couldn't control myself, and had an amazing orgasm. After I was spent, my wife curled up on the edge of the bed and kept right on blowing the other fellow until he came in her mouth. Even with the afterglow of being spent, I was very aroused. So, when it happens just enjoy it and take it all in. It's a wonderful sight to behold.

[Thegreyarea 100]

Who am I to question why I love seeing my sexy wife sucking and fucking someone else? I’m a compersion junkie and love seeing her in pleasure. Giving blowjobs especially turns her on, how could I not like that?

[EastInWest 1,524]

This is probably my longest-lasting kink, and the one I asked her about first that got us started. I've always liked watching women give head, to me or anyone else.

 

I don't have an easy explanation for the appeal, but maybe it's a purely performative, pleasure-giving act. A woman giving great head is working entirely on someone else's orgasm. It's still a very intimate act but in a different way from intercourse, and a woman giving great head to a stranger can seem variously incredibly generous, fun-loving, and promiscuous. Fun-loving, sexual women in general turn me on.

[PSULioness 850]

I can’t answer the why but my husband says he loves watching me give him a blow job. He says I get this intense look on my face that’s different from what I have during sex.

[couplers 4,642]

... The researcher notice that the monkey observing someone eating a favorite food responded almost as powerfully as actually eating it, in their brains. In other words, observing something is almost as good as doing it...

This explains why there are so many food channels.

 

May I add, men like watching because men like watching sex, especially when it is live with the expectation that they will get some too. As a woman I find it much more exciting when it is someone (male or female) or both who I love, so I get a jealousy buzz. This happens a lot in our poly family situation where I have an emotional attachment to the other four. On the other hand, I have objective pleasure but don't get that jealous excitement when, say, Lora is fucking our mutual fuck buddy, or hubby gets a blowjob from his wife.

[Newandnaughty 3]

The point made is that observing a thing activates our brain in nearly the same way as actually doing what is observed

 

Absolute fake news. The majority of things that humans observe are things that they have never experienced.

[EastInWest 1,524]

Sandra here—This from my favorite scientist and female sex partner who has stripped me naked as if she were a pickpocket, Susan. There’s interesting research that started with monkeys. The researcher notice that the monkey observing someone eating a favorite food responded almost as powerfully as actually eating it, in their brains. In other words, observing something is almost as good as doing it. Sort of explains watching sports. Even a drama, we observe the heartaches and fighting without the risk of actually doing it.

 

It also explains porn. It also, partially explains, why someone enjoys watching their wife have sex. It’s almost as thrilling as the real thing, then there’s the thrill of being a voyeur. Blended together, in an environment where they do not have to be protective ; it’s another way to enjoy human sexuality.

 

This is not the absolute answer, but it’s at least partially correct.

 

Is this the mirror neuron thing?

 

Maybe relevant:

 

When I was a teenager, high school girlfriend and I would occasionally experiment by getting on singles chat lines and masturbating each other while we had phone sex. I'd say it was already apparent that we both saw monogamy a little differently. I already had an interest in watching and she knew that, but thought it was too taboo.

 

Either way, we "broke up" and went to an on-again-off-again status after she cheated. It was high school, we were in two different school systems, it was bound to happen that pressure to move on would build up and we'd grow apart somehow. Sucking off her ex the summer before senior year was the way that it happened.

 

She owned up to it immediately, the next morning, we had a big fight, that was that. I spent the rest of the summer with another girl, she dated around, but we'd still crash together from time to time.

 

So as this goes on, a few months go by, we're hanging out, the conversation turned to what actually happened, and one way or another, she ended up realizing I was hard and giving me head while she described what had happened. I felt like an asshole for getting off on it, she was masturbating furiously to it, and in some weird way we were bonding/reconciling.

 

After I came, she seemed OK for a minute then started crying. She was really upset that we got off on something she considered a gross mistake that had messed up part of her life.

 

For a long time after that we stayed in touch and had phone sex or actual sex talking about what we'd gotten up to with new partners. She always felt guilty after the phone sex once she was getting into a serious, but kept initiating it, asking me about women I was with or telling me what she'd done the night before.

 

How that worked, psychologically? I've got nothing for you to explain it.

[Newandnaughty 3]

Perhaps, but eating and sex aren't two of them. Truly, please look up the scientific method. You just don't sit back and make stuff up. Research is a process of the scientific method, publishing of results, peer review and replication of results by others. It is anything but fake news. The entire modern would is the result of the scientific method in full play, including the computer you're typing on, the road you drive on, and any medicine that cures you.

 

I can agree on engineering/technology (computers, roads, etc.) Formulating medicinal cures, absolutely the best science there is. The thing they all have in common is scientific proof. An opinion on the thoughts and assumptions of an animal that does not have the ability to communicate with the “scientist”, that’s just somebody that thinks their opinion is more important than yours. Peers? In that realm of “science” the peers (friends group) will swear by whatever their buddy says. Opinions are not science, regardless of perceived education level of the “scientist” giving their opinion. It’s a heckuva theory, but that’s all it is.

[AngelandTiger 364]

". I love watching another man penetrate deep inside my wife, hearing her sounds, watching her movements, and loving it to the fullest. "

 

CO-SIGN! TOTALLY turns me on maximally.

 

T

 

PS: I don't know why either.

[AngelandTiger 364]

This explains why there are so many food channels.

 

May I add, men like watching because men like watching sex, especially when it is live with the expectation that they will get some too. As a woman I find it much more exciting when it is someone (male or female) or both who I love, so I get a jealousy buzz. This happens a lot in our poly family situation where I have an emotional attachment to the other four. On the other hand, I have objective pleasure but don't get that jealous excitement when, say, Lora is fucking our mutual fuck buddy, or hubby gets a blowjob from his wife.

 

This is it for me too. That high is INCREDIBLE, and it is, exactly, a jealousy buzz.

 

T

[Newandnaughty 3]

Actually, peer review is pretty brutal. Sometimes it gets compromised, yet it's rarely a 'buddy' group and when it is, the truth typically comes out. Cold fusion was a great example. That's the thing about science, it often self corrects because it doesn't allow 'fake news' for long. Second, this was built upon seeing the areas activated when a monkey ate a peanut and then noticing the same areas lit up when he only saw a peanut being eaten. The suggestion was that observing something created the same neural activations as actually doing it, in regards to previously experienced moments.

 

Buddy, I was not expecting to have to outline an entire scientific process. It's a couple of lines on a board that I've written, that you've taken way beyond the pale and far past original context. I was just making a suggestion, your reasons for liking what you do, may be unique to you. I actually don't care. Though some days, people find it difficult to realize that in many ways, we're just higher primates with car keys.

 

You make a lot of claims about the scientific community, yet my sense is you haven't been anywhere near it for some time. How about we both get back to simply having sex with amazingly fun people ?

 

Cold fusion is not an opinion. What somebody observed when a monkey ate a peanut is. You’re going way to deep to try to prove an opinion to be science. If I piss in a monkeys face and it goes nuts, is the monkey allergic to urine? Is the monkey adverse to hot liquid? Is the monkey excited by the smell of the urine? 3 different scientists can come up with 3 different theories and they’ll all swear by their own, as will their lab buddies. How about the monkey just doesn’t like getting its face pissed on? Let’s try it 100 times and 100 “scientists” will have a 100 different theories. Dollars to donuts you’ll swear by however Susan sees it. See how that opinion stuff works?

[NC_Seniors 518]

Cold fusion is not an opinion. What somebody observed when a monkey ate a peanut is. You’re going way to deep to try to prove an opinion to be science. If I piss in a monkeys face and it goes nuts, is the monkey allergic to urine? Is the monkey adverse to hot liquid? Is the monkey excited by the smell of the urine? 3 different scientists can come up with 3 different theories and they’ll all swear by their own, as will their lab buddies. How about the monkey just doesn’t like getting its face pissed on? Let’s try it 100 times and 100 “scientists” will have a 100 different theories. Dollars to donuts you’ll swear by however Susan sees it. See how that opinion stuff works?

Newandnaughty — Exactly what part of “ Second, this was built upon seeing the areas activated when a monkey ate a peanut and then noticing the same areas lit up when he only saw a peanut being eaten” do you not understand? That’s an actual observation based on monitoring different areas of the brain ... it’s NOT an opinion. You sound like somebody who has no clue how science works, so you just might want to stifle yourself and do some actual research!!

 

https://www.zmescience.com/ecology/animals-ecology/monkey-brain-activity-syncs-watch-something/

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2018/03/180329095444.htm

[Fundamental Law 2,885]

Actually, peer review is pretty brutal. Sometimes it gets compromised, yet it's rarely a 'buddy' group and when it is, the truth typically comes out....That's the thing about science, it often self corrects because it doesn't allow 'fake news' for long.

 

True on all counts. Scientists are human. They are prone to self-deception, just like everyone else. The difference is in the nature of science: scientists accept that most beautiful theories are destroyed by an ugly fact.

[PeterJ 948]

One of the things I highly value about this board is the civility that most members show in their interactions with one another. Even when they disagree, they do so agreeably. Sadly, this thread is veering toward the disagreeable. One commenter has been personalizing matters. I think that’s a shame.

 

It’s nice when new folks join in the discussions here. They often bring fresh insights while addressing issues that are of interest to many members of the board, whether frequent posters or longtime lurkers.

 

Unfortunately, now and then people show up here and it appears to me their posts frequently are needlessly provocative. They get into quarrels with other posters. The good news about this bad news is that they don’t tend to stick around. I don’t know if the admins run them off or if they just move on looking for other places to joust. The important thing is they disappear from this board.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

Admin note - We've cleaned up this thread. Remember that's it's perfectly ok to disagree, not perfectly ok in an insulting manner. Also remember that it is rude to come into a thread someone else started and hijack it for your own purposes.

 

Back to the topic at hand, there's really nothing about seeing her give a blowjob that excites me any more or less than seeing her perform any other sex act with someone else. In short, I like it all

 

As to why that is, I think the main reason is the compersion thing, seeing her happy and having fun makes me happy. Is it hot in a porn sort of way, sure, but that's not really the primary thing for me.

[two4youinswva 3,068]

I don’t know if the admins run them off or if they just move on looking for other places to joust. The important thing is they disappear from this board.

 

They usually get bored and move on if they don't get too many bites. Sometimes they are promoted to "former member".

 

Your comments are appreciated.

[M1F2KTJ 473]

She looks so sexy doing it. She is my favorite porn star!

[Havoc_Tia 27]

She looks so sexy doing it. She is my favorite porn star!

 

Damnit you beat me to it...lol. I haven't had the pleasure of seeing my wife with anything but toys and myself up to this point. So I'll have to get back to you after it actually happens. But this is pretty much what started our conversations of swinging and now we are here.

 

For me, my wife is my favorite porn star. And as someone else mentioned earlier real, tangible interactions with the possibility of including you are really indulgent to the human mind. So while being able to get on the interwebs and watch dolled up actors bang is adequate for some pleasure, the vision of someone you know banging it out seems to cause a different more intense reaction. A semi provocative picture of my wife does more for me than a hardcore photo of my favorite actress/act etc.

 

I think for me it also comes down to her pleasure. Being able to see her get pleasure to her satisfaction is infinitely hot. Hearing her, etc. And not being involved means I can pay more attention to that and not be distracted by the sensations in my most sensitive areas. Which allows me to be more seduced and engaged mentally.

 

Lastly I just want to see my wife doing something she does well. And see angles that I can't see if I'm involved, especially when my eyes are rolled to the back of my head. It comes back to her being my favorite porn star and me wanting to see all of that porn.

[Ozzie+Harriet 84]

I don't think you need to explain why something turns you on and you may not really know why yourself. If something turns you on, it turns you on. You might find it interesting to think about why just to understand your own motivativations, but if anything, trying to explain it is probably a mistake. Trying to explain why you think the way you is a minefield you are not going to cross without blowing yourself up. It's a great way to make your partner wonder if she's "enough for you."

 

I have brought up the subject of swinging with prior partners and tried to explain what I thought was interesting about it and why. Explaining my way out of how that was understood as a negative reflection on her was always next to impossible. After a couple of those, I decided that trying to explain my own psychology to someone, even if I thought I understood it, was too difficult to explain adequately enough. If it turns you on, don't over analyze and don't try to explain it to someone who will over analyze it for you.