Remembering my first

[PSULioness 847]

Three years ago I had a life changing experience and it was remembered by the friend who changed it. She sent me a bottle of wine, a rose, a chocolate penis and wonderful card with a beautiful handwritten note.

Three years ago after meeting my friend at a Rutgers-Penn State football game and the weather turned cold and snowy icy I stayed with my friend and her guy friend at a hotel. It was an innocent invitation I thought. To this day I don’t know how I allowed things to happen. It sure changed my life. What started as a cuddle by my friend ended up as my first experience with a girlfriend. I think what certainly changed my life was having sex with her guy friend. It was the guy that made me admit to my boyfriend what I did. Even though it was the girl friend sex that was what was the new thing I never thought of before, it was the cheating with a guy that made me tell. It was my admission that led to my marriage I am sure.

[adamgunn 1,460]

PSU, I remember reading your posts from three years ago - has it really been that long? At first I thought you were confused and perhaps a bit reluctant to admit your burgeoning sexuality, but interested in how it would turn out. How your attitude has changed!

 

Congratulations on your anniversary.

 

And . . . Go Buckeyes!

[PSULioness 847]

PSU, I remember reading your posts from three years ago - has it really been that long? At first I thought you were confused and perhaps a bit reluctant to admit your burgeoning sexuality, but interested in how it would turn out. How your attitude has changed!

 

Congratulations on your anniversary.

 

And . . . Go Buckeyes!

 

Three years, and a cold day in NJ. This weekend the game is in Happy Valley and I’m sure it will be cold again.

 

Yes I had plenty of questions after that day, sexuality and guilt were just a few. Looking back I still have some questions and I’m sure in the future I’ll be talking to a shrink with the same questions I now only admit on here. To me it’s funny that I came to strangers for answers and didn’t listen to most of you. A few were encouraging most said don’t play with people in my everyday life. Little did I know three years ago that so many of my girlfriends in school were doing this. Was I just naïve? I always thought I had street smarts.

 

Don’t think I can agree about your last line. We Are.....

[njbm 2,871]

Watching Rutgers football may have distracted you, thus resulting in out of the ordinary behavior.

 

Hope you have enjoyed your journey!

[padoc 1,703]

Adam is right a lot and I agree with him often. That last sentence, not so much. We ARE!!

And Lioness, Mrs Doc and I have enjoyed reading your story as you progressed from guilt to shared decadence. Good for you!!

[Numex 2,416]

A very interesting thread that you have started. If I may ask...

... I think what certainly changed my life was having sex with her guy friend.

Why is that? Certainly your boyfriend at the time wasn't the only guy who you had slept with; was it that she was open to sharing her man with you?

 

... It was the guy that made me admit to my boyfriend what I did. ..

Was it that he insisted, or that to you sex with the guy required disclosure, but if it had only been with her you would have kept it a secret?

 

... It was my admission that led to my marriage I am sure.

Please expand on this. Is it that your husband generally likes your sexually open attitude, or specifically that you have sex with other guys? (For me it's both with my wife, we started with her just playing, but after we married.)

 

Thank you for your posts and your insights.

[PSULioness 847]

Numex I could have any of the above posters answer your questions because they are the ones who have guided me through the beginnings and my choices.

 

1. I was monogamous at the time of my first contact. No I wasn’t a virgin. The guy with us was a stranger and I allowed things to happen.

 

2. My guilt was I allowed another man to be intimate with me. I can’t answer if I would have told my bf about being with my girlfriend. I may have.

 

3. My then boyfriend actually left me when I confessed my infidelity. He didn’t accept what I did. It took time to convince him that my confession was an act of love, the love we had for each other. What we went through was very complicated and tears were shared.

[TricianMike 772]

Happy Thanksgiving

I too enjoy reading of your experiences and love that you always turn any negative into a positive.

First experiences should be remembered as positives and the awakening of sexuality. Unfortunately planned firsts sometimes don’t live up to expectations. Unplanned firsts can be hit or miss. What I truly enjoy in your journey is how close you are to your friends.

Enjoy your ongoing journey and new experiences.

I’ll be cheering on your team.

[couplers 4,640]

.. My then boyfriend actually left me when I confessed my infidelity. He didn’t accept what I did. It took time to convince him that my confession was an act of love, the love we had for each other. What we went through was very complicated and tears were shared.

It must have been quite a journey from you feeling guilty for having had sex with your friend and her boyfriend, and your future husband's sense of betrayal being such that he left you, then to getting married and sharing your mutual sexual adventures.

 

Can you point to what it was that turned that initial tearful situation around and brought you back together? There are relationships where one partner cheats, then it is forgiven, but with you two, you actually embraced nonmonogamy and made it part of your marriage relationship. How wonderful! Was it that your husband realizing that you enjoying another man and woman didn't diminish your love or desire for him? Or was it a turn-on for him? (The jealousy I have seeing my husband with another woman has not gone away, but it has become an addiction for me.) Or was it an offer to allow him to participate in the play? It is fascinating that you two have so much love, trust and understanding that he encourages you to have a play friend stay with you when he is out of town. You two are a lesson for us all.

[PSULioness 847]

We drove home after our team won, they are saying bad weather. Home games are done for the year. Being we live hours away I will miss my friends.

 

I have explained what happened three years ago. My then bf had no idea what went on that first time. I called him and told him I was staying with friends because of the snow. He said it was smart because it was icy on the roads. What happened that night I should have kept a secret. I didn’t. I told him, we had a fight. Short story he left, I cried. I begged. I had friends help me convince him sex can be separate from love. After they convinced him our life changed. Having two friends in bed with him was one of the most difficult things I ever watched and I couldn’t show my horror. I urged him to do more and more. I had to prove to myself something that I wasn’t really sure about. Even me having sex with my friends made me cry, I cried while enjoying. My whole life I was told how wrong all this was.

Not getting into all the talk we had after that time, we did have deep conversations. Religion, I have religion but not religious, morality, I’m moral but who made these rules. Isn’t religion man made? It evolved to make people behave by rules others made. If you think the rules came from something else then how come those rules keep changing from politicians?

Many on here sent me private messages. That helped. Some of you are great and gave me strength. Some just wanted details of the sex, I didn’t answer. Advice I thought about and shared with my husband. I didn’t take all the advice. Some advice was from older and would like to think wiser people. Very few on here are my age and I just tried to apply others’ experiences to mine. We even met someone from here. That was a very hard thing to do. I’m smart enough to know how bad that could have gone. I know that couple is most likely reading this post. They were the first total strangers we met. At first it felt wrong even though they are a great couple.

The other real hard thing to do was having sex with our friend. At first I did it to prove something to my husband. Sex is just for fun. I think he was testing me at the time. Looking back at that first time I think it just brought us to the next level.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

Been there, done that. Not only is religion man made (why do you NEED to go to a special building and have special people tell you what your God wants and says, and then charge you admission?), but so is monogamy.

 

https://www.patheos.com/blogs/lovejoyfeminism/2015/03/monogamy-isnt-biblical-its-roman.html

 

I don't remember, was your boyfriend at the time your husband now?

[adamgunn 1,460]

Gold, the article states towards the end, "Christianity is monogamous not because of anything the Bible says but rather because the Romans were monogamous." There's a problem there, because the Romans *weren't* monogamous.

 

Married people of both sexes had affairs, participated in orgies. Divorce was easy to come by, and was often contracted for political reasons. From a historical angle, the article was pretty much bullshit.

[EastInWest 1,524]

Gold, the article states towards the end, "Christianity is monogamous not because of anything the Bible says but rather because the Romans were monogamous." There's a problem there, because the Romans *weren't* monogamous.

 

Married people of both sexes had affairs, participated in orgies. Divorce was easy to come by, and was often contracted for political reasons. From a historical angle, the article was pretty much bullshit.

 

I've only skimmed the article, but while you're correct and every respectable household had slaves for that, it's also technically true that the Greeks and Romans both considered legal monogamy to be a hallmark of their culture separating them from the barbarians. I think Augustine himself referred to monogamous marriage as "the Roman custom".

 

It's primarily Paul that took it even further and actually suggested everybody stop having sex outside marriage altogether. The early Church tapdanced around that for a good thousand years. It seemingly wasn't until well after 1000 that keeping a concubine was listed as grounds for being denied communion, and Germanic Christian kingdoms kept passing laws acknowledging the practice for centuries after that.

 

At first I did it to prove something to my husband. Sex is just for fun.

 

Those free-ranging conversations about what sex is and what we think our bodies are for have actually been one of the most fun and rewarding parts of this for me and Mrs. E. I'm glad you guys have had such a transformative experience.

[PSULioness 847]

I think this says it all about religion

 

“The Bible is a collection of 66 books written by 40 authors over a period of hundreds of years.”

 

So who made up the rules? Big Brother?

 

You can believe what you want just don’t tell me how I should live.

 

Stories written and rewritten and then changed by others to fit their story.

Adam and Eve? What year? 5800 years ago or 10 million years ago. Abraham sacrifice his son? No, only kidding, just cut his dick. Oh you can die and then come back or are you still waiting for that to happen? Hey I have a prayer that asks for forgiveness of page after page of sins I might have committed even though I have no idea what half those sins are. Or maybe just be forgiven by eating a cracker in silence.

Ok, I swear there ain’t no heaven but who do I pray to to keep me out of hell.

 

Goldco. Yes my boyfriend became my husband. Did we get married because religion made the government have these rules?

[adamgunn 1,460]

East, you said, "the Greeks and Romans both considered legal monogamy to be a hallmark of their culture." Yeah, but . . . I'm sure that a sociologist writing of today would say that monogamy is a hallmark of American society. Yet the prominence of adultery in our society, along with the divorce rate and habits of swingers such as ourselves would suggest to that author perhaps the 'hallmark' isn't the truth in practice. We share our predilection for non-monogamy with the Romans, methinks.

 

PSU, sorry to hijack the thread. Sorry your Nittany Lions aren't playing this week. . .

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

Yes my boyfriend became my husband.

 

I know that you broke up but I didn't know if you were able to later come to an understanding. Glad you were able to overcome and succeed together.

[PSULioness 847]

I know that you broke up but I didn't know if you were able to later come to an understanding. Glad you were able to overcome and succeed together.

 

We got back together Christmas 3 years ago. After plenty of talking we progressed and then married. We love each other very much. I would like to think we would have been married by now even if swinging didn’t happen.