How to involve my husband in swinging?

[Kimasianwife 32]

Im 36 married 16 years with 4 kids and I recently have the desire to cheat. I told a friend and he told me about swinging. It's very interesting. Today I tried something and it seemed like guys weren't interested. But I want to get hubby on board first how?

[Fitlakecouple 451]

Im 36 married 16 years with 4 kids and I recently have the desire to cheat. I told a friend and he told me about swinging. It's very interesting. Today I tried something and it seemed like guys weren't interested. But I want to get hubby on board first how?

 

Pillow talk during sex is a good way to verbalize some of your fantasies and desires. A safe place to suggest how much fun another pair of hands might be for you both or a second cock for your pussy while you are sucking him. See if it turns him on or freaks him out. If you watch porn, maybe pick out a few titles that match your interests. And, don't forget what might be his fantasies. He will likely ask if you'd want to actually try some of those things. Go at his speed and don't push. Let him warm up to the idea.

[adamgunn 1,460]

Here is my standard, canned answer to this question:

 

I advise you to take the mojoupgrade.com quiz with your SO. You both answer questions independently about your sexual desires, then the site matches what both of you are interested in.

 

Even if your SO answers that s/he is not interested in group sex, this is a wonderful and non-threatening way to begin the discussion.

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

Cheating is and will never be swinging. Swinging is all about love, trust and communication. If any of the three are missing, it won't work. First step is to start improving all three...interesting side effect of that will be that once one thing improves, it will spill over to the other two. Make your relationship rock solid first, then start to move forward. That you are thinking about cheating is not a good place to start from. Once the relationship is strong, then start talking about your fantasies...in, and more importantly, out of the bedroom. Don't go any faster than the slowest of you is comfortable with. Set your rules and NEVER violate them (it damages the trust part). Keep talking and never forget how great it is that you have a partner that you can talk to about anything (especially this). Keep in mind that some people are just not wired for swinging, and trying to force them will destroy the relationship. If they can't do it, then they might never be able to do it and you need to be willing to honor their decission. With most guys, the sticking point is usually trust (aren't I good enough for her? Why is she wanting someone else? Ect.) Communication will improve the trust, and trust will increase the love. Take your time and enjoy the ride as much as the destination. Good luck, and don't try to force things.

[Guest]

We have sort of helped someone that was in a similar situation. I say "sort of" because they haven't fully embraced the lifestyle like we have. I had a family relation that was smitten over my husband. It was obvious and at large family parties she found her way to him always, and was too fresh when they danced together. I couldn't have cared any less, but I could sense that others were wondering why I would tolerate it. I finally just told her that she could fuck my husband...I had no problem with it. I offered to her our bed to do it in. But, she had the guilt of a cheater. Nothing happened except some petting, kissing, and under the table games. She confided that she felt guilty and would feel better if I fucked her husband. Well, first of all, he wasn't in on her plan and second, they did not know we were swingers at the time. It took several tries of getting him to go to bed with me. There was a lot of flirting going on, a lot of sexual innuendo, and we even took them to an adult theater after a dinner. I think that's when he got it in his mind that I was available and his wife was okay with it. I played with his cock in the back seat of the car, and asked him if he wanted to stick it in me. What sealed the deal with him was that I offered to swallow his release. His wife did not give blow jobs. She was fearful that he would cum in her mouth. She hated it. So, our first time we did it in separate rooms. He fucked me and when he was ready, I sucked and swallowed it for him. He loved that! And she was getting what she wanted in the bedroom across the hallway.

 

Did we convert them? Not really. We have swapped a few times since then, and he takes her to a swingers club to get her dose of strange cock. But, they really aren't swingers. They have an arrangement and it seems as simple as her getting laid and him getting his dick sucked.

[Numex 2,409]

... They have an arrangement and it seems as simple as her getting laid and him getting his dick sucked.

If it works for them, who's to quibble?

[Kimasianwife 32]

We have sort of helped someone that was in a similar situation. I say "sort of" because they haven't fully embraced the lifestyle like we have. I had a family relation that was smitten over my husband. It was obvious and at large family parties she found her way to him always, and was too fresh when they danced together. I couldn't have cared any less, but I could sense that others were wondering why I would tolerate it. I finally just told her that she could fuck my husband...I had no problem with it. I offered to her our bed to do it in. But, she had the guilt of a cheater. Nothing happened except some petting, kissing, and under the table games. She confided that she felt guilty and would feel better if I fucked her husband. Well, first of all, he wasn't in on her plan and second, they did not know we were swingers at the time. It took several tries of getting him to go to bed with me. There was a lot of flirting going on, a lot of sexual innuendo, and we even took them to an adult theater after a dinner. I think that's when he got it in his mind that I was available and his wife was okay with it. I played with his cock in the back seat of the car, and asked him if he wanted to stick it in me. What sealed the deal with him was that I offered to swallow his release. His wife did not give blow jobs. She was fearful that he would cum in her mouth. She hated it. So, our first time we did it in separate rooms. He fucked me and when he was ready, I sucked and swallowed it for him. He loved that! And she was getting what she wanted in the bedroom across the hallway.

 

Did we convert them? Not really. We have swapped a few times since then, and he takes her to a swingers club to get her dose of strange cock. But, they really aren't swingers. They have an arrangement and it seems as simple as her getting laid and him getting his dick sucked.

 

 

I've always wanted this and I think he may be coming around. I'm just not that attractive as most I thin it's cuz I'm Asian or something. That fact has me wanting to have men desire me more u know. Maybe I'm crazy. Even hubby doesn't want to sleep with any other girl than me which makes me feel guilty. But he send fine with me keeping it a secret.

 

Maybe u and ur hubby can couch us.

[couplers 4,614]

I've always wanted this and I think he may be coming around..

The best way to get the uninterested to become interested is for the eager spouse to say, "You go first, do what you want, I'll wait." It won't take long for him to enjoy it and ask you to join in.

 

I'm just not that attractive as most I thin it's cuz I'm Asian or something. That fact has me wanting to have men desire me more u know..

Don't worry, men definitely find you attractive. I'm not Asian, but I am thin, flat-chested with a cunt that I thought would scare men away, but turns out men (and women) are intrigued and love my body. You got to go into this knowing that you will have more guys wanting you than you expect and it is up to you to be choosy and manage the attention. It's OK to be a slut, but it should be on your terms.

 

... Maybe I'm crazy..

That's OK, we all are. Remember, it's your life to live and your body to enjoy.

 

... Even hubby doesn't want to sleep with any other girl than me which makes me feel guilty...

My husband was monogamous with me for two years while I slept with him and my boyfriend. He was patient until I understood. Swinging doesn't have to be symmetric for both partners, especially in the beginning.

 

.. But he send fine with me keeping it a secret..

I don't understand, please explain. Thank you.

[JessicaJamison 861]

On 11/30/2019 at 6:34 AM, Kimasianwife said:

Im 36 married 16 years with 4 kids and I recently have the desire to cheat. I told a friend and he told me about swinging. It's very interesting. Today I tried something and it seemed like guys weren't interested. But I want to get hubby on board first how?

We started with discussions of fantasies.  Make it a safe space, no jealousy allowed.  Be honest and open.  In the beginning I was the one against it, but I got over it and saw the fun in it.  

[GoldCoCouple 4,065]

Quote

I'm just not that attractive as most I thin it's cuz I'm Asian or something.

One trip to a swingers club will take care of this insecurity (BTW: insecurity is not sexy, it's confidence that is not matter what you look like). Swingers are not just the 'pretty people', but are a mix of what you would see at, say, the market (just imagine everyone at the market naked...some good, some not so good). We have seen every body type and appearance and for every type there is a match. Heck, you can take a look in the Gallery section here on the board for that matter. Just realize that 'pretty' is what is on the outside, but sexy is something that comes from within and doesn't depend on what the outside even looks like.

 

Step one: work on your self esteem. Step two: work on your communication with your partner. Step three: take the mojoupgrade.com quiz with your SO (as suggested by Adam Gunn). This is a GREAT way to start the conversation about both of your fantasies. Please keep in mind that swinging will not save a relationship: it only magnifies what is there. If things are great, it will make them even greater. If things are damaged, then it will make the damage more apparent.

[lovefest04 697]

On 11/30/2019 at 3:34 AM, Kimasianwife said:

Im 36 married 16 years with 4 kids and I recently have the desire to cheat. I told a friend and he told me about swinging. It's very interesting. Today I tried something and it seemed like guys weren't interested. But I want to get hubby on board first how?

Interesting responses here. Lots of good advice, however, I just can't get past this first line. Why do you have a desire to cheat? Be honest, be brutally honest with yourself.

 

Then begin the discussions with your husband.