Two or three times and done?

[njbm 2,871]

A lot of profiles on line talk about friends with benefits. We find that after playing with another couple two or three times, the sex becomes a little routine and predictable. We find the first and second experience exciting, then it usually trails off. Anyone else feel the same?

[Fitlakecouple 451]

A lot of profiles on line talk about friends with benefits. We find that after playing with another couple two or three times, the sex becomes a little routine and predictable. We find the first and second experience exciting, then it usually trails off. Anyone else feel the same?

 

We disagree. The more time we spend with our 'go to' couple friends, the more comfortable it becomes. We are more adventurous because trust has been established. We better understand each other's wishes and wants. More than a few fantasies have been checked off that were never going to happen on the first or second date/session. Seeing them again next week. Can't wait.

[padoc 1,703]

We agree with Fitlake (a fairly unusual occurrence!). We do enjoy meeting and playing with new couples but became VERY comfortable with one couple in particular. The excitement of a new couple was replaced by a comfort level that we have never achieved before while swinging. We too became way more adventurous, to the point where Mrs Doc was more than willing to play in separate rooms or even separate houses. Something that would have never happened on a 1st or follow-up meeting. Funny that just when we had given up on finding that kind of couple…..we DID. Its been really nice.

[TricianMike 772]

This from a thread we started a few months ago

 

“When we first started we enjoyed meeting new people. Not every couple was great but we had had an excitement of being with people we just met. Over time we made some great friends that we still enjoy playing with. Mike and I enjoy our friends and our friendships are not something we want to give up. It’s funny how much more we talk about our evenings of play when we meet a new play partner or partners. Our first reason for swinging was the excitement of new partners. I won’t call it a conquest though after we do meet a new couple there is an exhilaration after.

I would say our new meetings with new people are usually more satisfying for both of us.”

[Guest]

We’ve not gotten close with other couples, the exeriences have been kind of one and done, at the local couples club for the most part, certainly fun but not long term. However, we once met a group of 3 young couples, they had actually all met in the PTA, that played together and seemed so very close. We had watched them for 2 days in the resort pool and honestly, couldn’t agree on which husband was actually with each wife, there seemed to be constant rotation in just normal minute by minute interactions. Later as we got to know them, we learned for example that husband B travelled a lot. If wife B had a plumbing problem or other home emergency, one or both of the other husband would run over and take care of it and anything else wife b might need at the time. The ladies shared in soccer mom activities, etc. We were envious.

 

Similarly, twice when at Desires, we have met the group of 4 couples; these folks were our age or older but they had been swingers and going to Desires as a group for years. Unlike the other couple, they didn’t live in the same school district but were in the same region of the country, car travel distance so they had regular get togethers. And again, day to day at Desires we saw them in different permutations in combinations. On a particular day, wife 1 maybe have gone with husbands 2 and 4 on a sailing charter for the day, or off site for dinner. Again, the type of relationship many of us imagine we would love to have.

[findinganswers 369]

We have a great core of friends we play with. Any new people we meet are friends of friends and at time that circle widens a few degrees. At first I was hesitant to approach new people. Don’t know why I became shy. My wife and her friend were less shy and always welcomed a new face. I am now finding why, it’s exciting. I still have a feeling of nerves approaching and then once accepted there is such an excitement. I don’t want to give up the comfort of people we know and have now learned to relax and explore new experiences.

[njbm 2,871]

We’ve not gotten close with other couples, the exeriences have been kind of one and done, at the local couples club for the most part, certainly fun but not long term. However, we once met a group of 3 young couples, they had actually all met in the PTA, that played together and seemed so very close. We had watched them for 2 days in the resort pool and honestly, couldn’t agree on which husband was actually with each wife, there seemed to be constant rotation in just normal minute by minute interactions. Later as we got to know them, we learned for example that husband B travelled a lot. If wife B had a plumbing problem or other home emergency, one or both of the other husband would run over and take care of it and anything else wife b might need at the time. The ladies shared in soccer mom activities, etc. We were envious.

 

Similarly, twice when at Desires, we have met the group of 4 couples; these folks were our age or older but they had been swingers and going to Desires as a group for years. Unlike the other couple, they didn’t live in the same school district but were in the same region of the country, car travel distance so they had regular get togethers. And again, day to day at Desires we saw them in different permutations in combinations. On a particular day, wife 1 maybe have gone with husbands 2 and 4 on a sailing charter for the day, or off site for dinner. Again, the type of relationship many of us imagine we would love to have.

 

Be careful what you wish for. We’ve seen members of couples get too close to other spouses, leading to drama or worse.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

There are two schools of thought on this...there is the FWB camp and the NRE camp. Neither is right or wrong, just different. We are in the FWB camp. We want to get to know another couple and have a connection before we proceed. Others just want to be with a new couple a few times and then move on to the next couple. Different strokes for different folks, pick whichever is right for you and have fun!

[njbm 2,871]

What does NRE stand for?

[Wornsilver 219]

What does NRE stand for?

 

My guess is that it is "New Relationship Energy."

[couplers 4,645]

What does NRE stand for?

 

New Relationship Energy. It implies something that burns very hot for a brief period. Some believe that it leads to drama, others believe you should be happy that your spouse has a new toy to be fascinated with for the moment before it fades.

[JandKinBoise 858]

We found keeping it to 3 or 4 meetings and then moving on. More than that and guys were telling my wife how much better off she'd be with him.

[njbm 2,871]

We found keeping it to 3 or 4 meetings and then moving on. More than that and guys were telling my wife how much better off she'd be with him.

 

We have encountered men, rarely though, who are a little too romantic, clingy, attached to my wife. Limiting it to three and out keeps this to a minimum.

[EastInWest 1,524]

Other than the two couples we visit with regularly and the one single female, our experiences have all been "weekend-fling" type situations, usually one time only. It's contextual that she gets in a mood to do something daring and playful with me, and going out and flirting gets somewhere. We both feel that maintaining contact with those people after it's over would be more drama than it's worth. When she started out she needed people she already knew to feel comfortable, but now she's sort of come around to thinking that it's easier to be do something she still considers taboo with someone she doesn't have to deal with later.

 

So far we haven't had any difficult experiences with people trying to push for too much. We keep the direct communication with our regular partners same-gender. She works out with the single female and is sort of "gatekeeper" for those dates, which is a role she's found she likes. I'd say we've had more drama from the world of vanilla men she has never so much as flirted with than anyone she's given an orgasm to.

 

I suspect, but don't know, that most swinging is more of this kind of sporadic encounter than people maintaining lasting relationships. I'm sure 80% of what goes on in the world happens between people who never show up on forums or at clubs.

[M1F2KTJ 473]

A lot of profiles on line talk about friends with benefits. We find that after playing with another couple two or three times, the sex becomes a little routine and predictable. We find the first and second experience exciting, then it usually trails off. Anyone else feel the same?

 

Kind of like being married

 

Yes it's fun at first then it becomes less exciting. The only fix is to introduce new things. A little bondage play? Toys? The same things married couples do to keep things exciting. Like playing with new people.

 

Maybe it's time to move on to another couple.

[Numex 2,416]

We have encountered men, rarely though, who are a little too romantic, clingy, attached to my wife..

If my wife is ok with romantic, so am I, it's a turn on for me and nothing wrong with caring.

 

Early on my wife was a little disturbed/curious about all the texts and emails between me and another wife. She read them and said, somewhat disappointedly, "These are all about the museums and the theater." (My wife is happy when I don't drag her to those places.)

 

Swinging for us and our partner couples isn't solely about "same kind of sex, different person," it is doing things that we don't do (sexual or otherwise) with one another for whatever reason.

[cplnuswing 4,713]

We do enjoy meeting and playing with new couples but became VERY comfortable with one couple in particular. The excitement of a new couple was replaced by a comfort level that we have never achieved before while swinging. We too became way more adventurous, to the point where Mrs Doc was more than willing to play in separate rooms or even separate houses...Its been really nice.

This has been our experience too. We haven't totally eliminated either approach in favor of the other for the future, but there is a lot to be said for having this type of comfort and connection with another couple...it just allows you to go to different places and take things to a whole another level.

[Chris&Suzanne 204]

We like to be with one or two couples at a time. We find things more comfortable that way. Not looking for a lot of notches on our bed posts.

[venusshaw 123]

For me sex is hot as long as it is anonymous. The first few times are the best. We have become friends with many of them, but then the relationship becomes plain vanilla and sex goes out of the window with that person.

[fwblondon 19]

We see both sides. We both enjoy the chase that comes with pursuing a new couple. We have had a few experiences where after once or twice it wasn't appealing anymore. We currently have a girlfriend that we first played with together then her and I played solo 3 times.

 

We definitely needed a break but after the break all parties were charged up to play again. The comfort level we have is amazing and will likely last. Our first couple we ever played with 5 years ago we still see once a year and the sexual energy is great.

[Guest]

We enjoy the familiarity and intimacy. If they are as sexual and uninhibited as we are, they become a part of a circle of friends. We have parties and they are best when a group of 8-12 couples can get together with some frequency, and have a night or weekend of sex. The first time with a couple may be a little awkward or inhibited, but after the second time we know if they will become friends and lovers.

[Numex 2,416]

We enjoy the familiarity and intimacy. .

Yes, and the safety; the safety to go bareback, the safety to play alone, the safety to watch each other's children. The trust really moves the play along.

[fwblondon 19]

We enjoy the familiarity and intimacy. If they are as sexual and uninhibited as we are, they become a part of a circle of friends. We have parties and they are best when a group of 8-12 couples can get together with some frequency, and have a night or weekend of sex. The first time with a couple may be a little awkward or inhibited, but after the second time we know if they will become friends and lovers.

 

It really is nice once you break through that initial awkwardness and start to get comfy. We have enjoyed that with a few couples where the comfort level was so much better after the first few times.

[Wornsilver 219]

Oh, goodness. When you read these comments you might determine that swingers are as diverse as the population in general.

[Playman64 205]

For me sex is hot as long as it is anonymous. The first few times are the best. We have become friends with many of them, but then the relationship becomes plain vanilla and sex goes out of the window with that person.

 

Venus, you sound absolutely wonderful.

[venusshaw 123]

Thank you. Look forward to partake some of each other's hospitality - somewhere, sometime.

 

Venus, you sound absolutely wonderful.