How do you say no?

[fwblondon 19]

My Wife and I have been in the LS for 5 years, we have been to lifestyle clubs and met play partners online. We have always been kind and courteous to anyone that we aren't attracted to whether it is online or at a club. If we chat online and decide the attraction isn't there we are honest then wish them the best telling them the attraction isn't there. For the most part it has been well received.

 

At the clubs when we have been approached and one or both is not interested, we usually say we are just watching and enjoying each other tonight. Our question is in regards to our first hotel takeover event in Feb at valentines in niagara.

 

We have no expectations to play but we can't say we are just watching and then possibly have them see us playing with another couple. It is obviously easier when it's not face to face and we have been told to just say no thank you.

 

We don't like hurting others feelings but neither of us would ever take one for the team. We understand that a 4 way attraction can be tricky. Any suggestions other than No Thank You or is that simply the best thing to say?

 

We appreciate any advice!

[padoc 1,703]

Unless they're totally repulsive we'd say something like "we're meeting friends later" or if they're doable but you're hoping for an upgrade we'd say something like, "we're probably going to the group room in a bit, maybe we'll see you there". No sense burning bridges unless you have to.

[Guest]

We use the "waiting on friends" if absolutely necessary. However, we do communicate with signals if one of us is interested. Taking one for the team is not a problem for us. It works out in the long run and honestly, we have both been pleasantly surprised after misjudging someone. Our experience with hotel takeovers has been mixed...mostly frustrating. I think many couples have no intention to share and are just there out of curiosity and having a "racey" night out. When it's good, we haven't had to worry about looking over the fence to see if there are better options. There is plenty of time to share with more than one couple.

[njbm 2,871]

Hotel takeovers not a successful format for us.

[fwblondon 19]

We are going in with no expectations and if we end up only playing woth each other we will be fine with that too. We have met some couples that are going so it should be a fun time. Waiting on friends is a good one, thanks for that suggestion. There will be so many things to do there that we can use that if needed.

[Guest]

We use the “we’re meeting someone else a litle later” and just “not tonight, maybe another time, but tonight would be a waste of your time."

[SW_PA_Couple 4,024]

not tonight, maybe another time,

That part you should go with. But be ready to stand firm as you might occasionally get the retort, "why not?" To that a simple "sorry" should be sufficient.

[Fitlakecouple 451]

There are often plenty of opportunities to ease yourselves away from a couple well before you get to the point of the "Do you want to play" question. Remove yourselves, go to the bar, say you are going to look for friends, etc. Most people wiill get the hint. Those that can't pick up on the subtle social cues probably need to hear "no thank you". And, if they are obnoxious enough to put you on the spot by asking "why?"; you might as well tell them.