First experience - Unexpected feelings

[JohnMalkovich 17]

Hey guys.

 

My wife and i are in our early 30's and have been together for 10 years and talked about swinging for a couple of months. We've been listening to podcasts and reading blogs, really excited about getting into the lifestyle.

We talked a lot about our comfort zone and neither of us expected to feel jealous or puzzled so we decided a full swop would be no problem but we'd like to stay together, with a good looking couple that we'd both approve of.

 

We attended a private party in a residential building. On the first floor was a bar and a room that felt a little awkward, like a school dance but no one was dancing. Only couples standing around talking to each other and a few in groups. No one approached us and we were stressed.

On the 2nd and 3rd floor of the building were large rooms where people were getting it on from early in the night. the plan was to find a beautiful couple (worth popping the cherry with), mingle and build some excitement and then possibly play with them, but no pressure.

After 2-3 hours and not a single couple had approached us, we approached 2-3 and had some stiff conversations that led us nowhere. we walked back and forth from the rooms and finally found our own spot in a open playroom and made out and went down on each other. My wife suggested we'd move over to the big bed. Honestly we were both a little afraid that nothing would happen the evening so this was kind of a panic move that we didn't plan..

On the bed i got very little attention but my wife was approached by 2-3 guys and 2 girls. She started making out with some guy and was soon sucking on his dick and then turned around and he started fucking her. While this was happening i was kind of left behind with my dick in my hand. I must admit i was a little drunk, and was probably not as sharp as if I were sober when trying to approach women on the bed, but i felt they weren't interested. My wife then switched to this girl, made out with her and ended on her back while the girl went down on her until she came. I sat by her back and massaged her while she was receiving oral. After she came we dressed and took a cab back home.

 

While all this was happening i was thinking, is this really happening and no one is interested in me?

Still i found the attention my wife was getting was hot but i felt left out and a little sorry for my self.

 

After the experience i felt bad about the whole thing. I think about it over and over again. I'm feeling lonely and afraid about my wife, not as secure about our relationship, and my self esteem is taking the biggest hit of my life.

I feel kind of bad thinking about her with the guy because i didn't get the chance to approve of him, and his wife kind of blew me off.

 

My wife tells me she feels bad about the night and gets the chills when thinking about it. We were both a little too drunk.

Hopefully she isn't just saying it to make me feel better.

 

After listening to podcasts and reading blogs i was expecting the experience to be "classy" social and sensual.

It was rather sleazy and felt like partaking in a porno. We're both pretty bummed out mainly because our expectations and hopes were far from our experience.

 

Am i super naive here?

Before the party i was rather worried about my wife than myself. Turned out the experience puzzled me more than her.

 

Are couples usually friendly and outgoing in parties and clubs?

Have you experienced self doubt after going to a party?

Are parties usually a little sleazy and feel like a strip club?

How much do you usually socialise in parties with people you haven't met before?

[njbm 2,871]

Sorry your first experience was less than stellar.

 

When you go to a house party, there is often a free for all motif. Your wife finds a partner or partners and you do, too. The problem for you, which is sometimes a problem for me, is that our wives are the belle of the ball and we are just another male. I have spent house parties in the living room eating coffee cake while my wife is taking on the whole party. A lot of interest in my wife, less so for me.

 

Just to keep it brief and direct, I have two solutions. One, at house parties decide who you would like to do and ask them. Keep in mind it’s a little like musical chairs. If you don’t ask, someone else will and you will be eating coffee cake while someone else is plowing your choice.

 

Plan B is to have you and your wife approach a couple in your league and have your wife ask them if they want to play( less threatening than if you ask). That way you both have someone to play with. We do that often and go individually after that, but at least we both get activity and don’t feel left out. Note that many couples have said no. Part of the game.

 

Plan C is to meet a couple at a bar or restaurant for a vanilla meeting. If all 4 want to play, make a play date at your home, their home or a hotel. Everyone should get to play. I like this format best. Quiet, focused, I know I will score.

 

Don’t give up. We have had some wacky episodes. Everyone in the LS has.

[njbm 2,871]

One other major point. I understand that people like to loosen up and drink. You were probably nervous and needed it. But drinking is really bad for male performance. And too much drinking is bad for women to have their wits about them in a party situation where consent is necessary. Your wife may do things that she wouldn’t do sober. This could be fun or it could be overwhelming. Just a thought.

 

As we knew more people, we have been able to go to house parties where we knew most of the people. Much more comfortable and I can relax knowing that no one is going to try anything wacky that my wife doesn’t want.

[padoc 1,703]

Swinging is just like every other couple activity in which you can engage. If you bowl, some nights she'll have a better score than you some nights, vice versa. She had a good night and you?? Hell, you got to watch. Actually, for a 1st experience, you two did well. You didn't describe yourselves but understand, swinging is generally a couples sport and a visual one. Perhaps your wife is more physically attractive than you? If so, go to the gym, get a haircut and work on your social skills. Swinging women basically call the shots in this hobby, something your first experience demonstrated clearly. Work a bit to become more attractive to the women around you and to be considered a "fair" trade. The best part of your story is that your wife established that she was attractive to both sexes. That's gotta be good for her. Be proud of her instead of jealous and take an honest look at yourself in the mirror and address whatever you need to to be your wife's equal in the attractiveness department.

[Thegreyarea 100]

It sounds like there was communication breakdown. Communication is very important. You gotta have a game plan and you have to have rules. It was your first experience so I’m sure you’ll learn just from your mistakes. Don’t be too hard on yourself though, it happens. Most of us had no idea what we were doing when we started.

[Butterboots69 15]

I can understand where you are coming from. My husband and I have been to two parties to get a feel for the LS and while we had fun with each other, the other people there ruined it for us. We had a few people that we tried talking to but for the most part, we felt ignored and we gave up the LS for a while. Now we only play with a couple of single people who are not in the LS. I think most people in this LS tend to be very cliquish and we really didn't have a good experience.

[adamgunn 1,460]

Butterboots, I'm so sorry that something happened that you didn't feel welcomed. Was it the same club both times?

 

At our club, we and many others try to welcome newcomers. In fact, the owners goes out of their way to introduce rookies to a few more experienced couples.

[Butterboots69 15]

They were two separate parties in different locations. We tried to get another invite to the first party we went to thinking maybe we just needed to come more often but they never invited us back. After the second party, we felt that we just don't fit in so we never went to another event again.

[Anon321 523]

This isn't that surprising. My GF and I go to a club by us and they have separate "rooms" which are just beds with curtains around them. The second we go up to a bed guys start creeping around and working their way in. Sometimes it gets a little too crowded with guys so I'll step back and just enjoy watching. Because there are so many more men looking for action I can see how someone can feel left out at these places. Occasionally there are women for me to play with but I never get anywhere near the amount of attention my GF gets. I think it's just the reality of these places.

[Thegreyarea 100]

They were two separate parties in different locations. We tried to get another invite to the first party we went to thinking maybe we just needed to come more often but they never invited us back. After the second party, we felt that we just don't fit in so we never went to another event again.

 

Maybe try a different venue. We’ve had more success with local meet and greets. They’re usually held at a local bar. It’s a good way to just get out and meet more people.

[Butterboots69 15]

At this point in our life, we rather play with the couple single friends we have made over the years. It seems that has worked out for us way better than trying to meet people at parties or on SLS.

[harryandmaria 20]

Our first experience was great for me and not the best for my wife. We talked a lot about it afterwards and realized what we’d do better next time: signals if we are into or not into the other couple, our limits and what we want. With the goal that next time would be awesome and I’d be really attuned to her enjoyment.

 

Some good advice here. Not being drunk as it was said will help. But communications before during and after is key with her and your partners.

[Eddiem 139]

John no you are not naive in anway. Many of us have experienced the same. Our first time was a simple 3 some with an old friend of ours (going through a divorce). Half in it was like me watching the two of them fuck. I felt odd the first time seeing him enter her and then her body react in a way that pulled him in deeper, a deeper connection and when she came, he came a bit later, tried to pull out, she pulled him in as he was finishing. I thought ok my turn... nope, tired good nite. I relived it over and over. We visited a club with a couple and after a bit your story was my story. She was the belle of the ball and I was some "dude"... Am i super naive here?

A:

Are couples usually friendly and outgoing in parties and clubs? Hard to say... like any party.. depends.

Have you experienced self doubt after going to a party? Yes everything from size of his x to length of their sex, volume of his cum etc...vs mine.

Are parties usually a little sleazy and feel like a strip club? Depends. Look EVERYONE is there for one thing nuff said.

How much do you usually socialise in parties with people you haven't met before? Like any party where we are new to most of the people.

[TwoFunTexans 103]

I felt similar starting out being that I'm not super assertive especially when we're playing with a group. What I decided works best is to just join in the fun. If the only partner you know is willing, start giving your wife some attention like suck on a boob, make out, or have her suck your dick.

 

When we play with people we know, this type of feeling never really hit me since there's an inherit comfort to knowing people and if they are receptive to you.

[older couple 132]

We have been to all kinds of swinger parties and events over the last 40 years. We have seen and done everything you guys have said here. It happens. And all of your advice and suggestions are great. One thing. My wife is a perfect 10. She has one of those rare magnetic personalities. She is one of those special people who walk into the room with her bright friendly smile and instantly the room lights up and everyone feels so good and fuzzy all over. You like her instantly. Then they look at me and say holy crap, what is that, shoot it quick. My wife knows this and she can and will take control over the situation because she is gifted that way. She pulls me into the circle and introduces me to the people with such smoothness, kindness and love. I have learned to follow her lead and learn how to blend in. I'm not jealous and I have great self-esteem. She could have any man in the world. I have seen her take on the most handsome, hung, healthy, studs in the world, but after 47 years of marriage and mother of our four sons, she chooses to go home with me.

[JohnMalkovich 17]

Hey guys.

 

Thank you very much for your answers. They are really appreciated and make alot of sense.

After reading your answers and listening to a couple of podcasts I feel better about the whole thing. When stepping outside of the good old comfort zone and opening up for new experiences new and unexpected things are bound to happen. We've discussed the night, what was good, what was bad etc.

We are now hooking up with a couple we found online and planning to meet them at a restaurant.

Perhaps that sort of an arrangement will suit us better. I won't go into a club or a party again with high expectations of getting some action and everything else is a failure.

[bbarnsworth 2,638]

We are now hooking up with a couple we found online and planning to meet them at a restaurant.Perhaps that sort of an arrangement will suit us better. I won't go into a club or a party again with high expectations of getting some action and everything else is a failure.

 

Best of luck!

 

I wouldn't have high expectations for this meet up with the couple either. Don't expect anything except to have a pleasant evening. If it works out that you swap with them, great. If not, great too. Also, don't drink more than 1 or 2 drinks

[GlicerinEBAG 15]

I remember the same unexpected feelings