Embarrassed newbie

[Mike6216 34]

So the wife and I just returned home from a weekend getaway with another couple. We have known this couple for somewhere between 8-10 years. Somehow after all of this time, we did not know they were swingers. We also found out that the couples they swap with are also couples that we have known for several years. I assume that the reason we never knew is because my wife is a sweet and wholesome girl, or I guess I should say, WAS sweet and wholesome lol. It all started like I'm sure a lot of encounters do, with shots of tequila, which moved to the hot tub, which moved the wives to get nude and make out, which then moved us all inside for a full swap. There I was in the middle of a lifelong fantasy of mine. A fantasy I had never revealed to my wife because of her "wholesomeness". Sounds great right? Well, there was one small problem. No, it wasnt premature ejaculation like I always assumed would happen in that situation, it was worse. Somehow, while experiencing the real life version of an imaginary scene I had masturbated to countless times, I was unable to get an erection. I blamed it on the alcohol, the expirenced couple blamed it on my nerves. How could it be nerves? I have literally dreamed of this moment for years. My wife should be the nervous one, but she had the time of her life on my best friend's dick (which is strangely hot as hell to watch.) The main reason I'm posting this is for some advice. Was it my nerves or the alcohol? If it was nerves, what the hell did I have to be nervous about? My wife was right there partaking in more than I was, so why be nervous? The main question is how do I get my redemption?

[NC_Seniors 519]

Male half replying here ...

Was it my nerves or the alcohol?

Yes!

If it was nerves, what the hell did I have to be nervous about?

Is that a serious question? Didn't you ever get nervous about anything else you had dreamed of doing? Going skydiving? Learning to drive? Your first cruise? Really REALLY wanting to do something doesn't prevent you from being nervous about it the first time you do it.

The main question is how do I get my redemption?

Get back on the horse and ride again.

[pusher6811 44]

Yes it was the alcohol and yes it was nerves. Alcohol is not good for erections and nerves like "is he bigger than me", "will I please the other woman", "will my wife have more fun with him than me"......all this plays into the situation......it happened to me on my first MFM with a couple, so exited and nervous I couldn't get it up

Like NC_Seniors said, get back on the horse! Don't give up. I set up a MFM erotic massage for my wife and it worked out great. Might want to think of something like that to get comfortable with another guy there. Check out my post I wrote on our experience. My wife had emotions on the experience but we worked them out.....remember, communication is vital.

[padoc 1,704]

This is NOT an unusual occurrence. I'll bet you get rock hard now when you picture your wife actually doing the fantasy you've had for years. Try it again. Next time go easy on the booze. There's a fine line between losing inhibitions and losing your erection. Once you figure out where that line is, you can get a buzz AND a woody. When you try again with this couple, I'd suggest separate rooms to start. You know that your wife is safe with your buddy. Go off with his wife to another room and you'll get a hard on that could drive nails. Once you get past that first hurdle, a whole world of erotic fun will open up for you and your wife. Let us know what happens next!

[Mike6216 34]

You are correct. Its something that will be locked away in the spank bank for years to come. And believe it or not, my wife actually looked at me at one point and asked "Do you need us(her and my friend) to go downstairs?" I said no because I didn't want to make her uncomfortable. All in all, it was a great experience. I was unable to maintain an erection which SUCKED, but i got my first taste of a double blowjob, tasted my first pussy in 12 years that wasnt my wife's, saw my wife eat another women's pussy, and saw my wife fucked by my best friend(the one thing I did not think I would like, but ended up being a huge turn on). We have talked about it very little in hopes to keep things from becoming awkward. We did discuss it for a short time the next morning. My wife's words were "I had a blast", "It was such a turn on seeing you with another woman", and "The main reason I have never wanted to do this is because I was afraid you would like the other woman more than me. Now that we did that, I see there is a difference in sex for fun and sex for love. I mean, sex with him was fun, but it could never match what we have together. I feel like it actually made us closer."

All that sounded great, but then she hit me with "It was great and I'm glad we did it, but I'm not sure if we will ever do it again." I need to figure out how to get my redemption without making her feel pressured. I think I would be fine with a one and done if I had been able to perform, but I cant let my only opportunity go down like it did.

[padoc 1,704]

Plan another evening with them, go easy on the booze and see where it goes. If your wife is adamant that it was a one time thing, you'll still have the visuals in your head. "but I'm not sure if we will ever do it again" leaves the door open. "not sure if" gives you both some wiggle room.

[Thegreyarea 100]

If the situation happens again be prepared. Viagra will help you unfuck yourself. It won’t help you get it up, but as long as you get it up, it will help it not go away. There’s a reason they call it “swinger insurance.”

[Numex 2,459]

You got somewhere around 3/4ths of what you wanted out of your fantasy the very first time - your wife fucked, she had a great time, and you enjoyed ("hot as hell to watch") - so that's pretty good. You can fix the one thing lacking with the advice above; it's much better than being in the situation where your wife hated the experience and doesn't want to do it again.

 

Tell yourself that if you can't get it up there's a backup plan, oral. Go into licking mode to please the other woman. She can do the same for you. Even a limp dick will blow with the right oral stimulation.

 

Meanwhile, I'd be fantasizing about the other things your wholesome wife might surprise you with. ?

[cplnluv1 874]

You are not the first man to have things not work. Nerves or alcohol are the main culprits. I have very willing and excited partners who just go limp. The first time I blamed myself for not being sexy. The other side I have had plenty of men that get over excited. Things happen.

[LaidBackFun 36]

It happened to me … it was because of over excitement as well. Just to much visual sexual stimulation.

[Numex 2,459]

... The other side I have had plenty of men that get over excited. Things happen.

The few times I haven't been able to go very long, I licked and was then excited enough to go again. Second, and sometimes third, orgasms for men can be difficult, little semen is produced, and somewhat painful afterwards (my balls and prostate ache for a few hours), but those second and third orgasms are some of the most intense of my life.

[JessicaJamison 864]

Be kind to yourself, I've seen plenty of guys have performance issues one night and be fine the next night.  I think it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy, you think you should be hard but your not so you start worrying why your not hard and then you're not focusing on the sexy woman in front of you your focused on fear and then you never get hard.  Just relax and enjoy the fun.  

[Anon321 524]

Not uncommon at all.  I saw a guy prematurely ejaculate with my GF after 3 seconds.  The next morning he fucked her for an hour.  One of my best friends was having a hard time getting an erection with her once.  She probably spent an hour an a half sucking his dick, rimming him, jerking him off etc to try to get him hard.  Eventually she did and he stayed hard all night.  You get used to all of it.