How to convince the wife that it's ok to love it

[Mike6216 34]

Some of you may have read my post "embarrassed newbie" over in first swinging experiences. If not, step over and read it to get all of the details. To make a long story short, we ended up having our first swinging experience a week ago with a couple we have known for years. It was completely unplanned and we didnt even know they were in the lifestyle until that night. My wife had the time of her life, I on the other hand, couldn't get it up. I know it's only been a week, but I am eager for redemption. I cant believe I let myself get so drunk that I couldn't perform on the night of my life. My wife loved it so much that it seems like she would be willing to try again, but she keeps saying "it was great. I enjoyed him and was really turned on watching you eat her out, but I'm not sure if we will ever do it again." I need a way to get my redemption without making her feel pressured. Should I keep bringing it up, or just continue with life and hope I get another shot before I go crazy?

A couple years ago, we had anal for the first time. My wife seemed disturbed for a couple days afterwards. She finally admitted that she loved it, but felt bad about loving it, if that makes sense. I kinda feel like she has the same feelings about this. She had a great time, but somehow feels dirty or wrong for participating. How would yall approach this situation?

On a positive note: We have had sex every day since this experience. Prior to that, I would say we averaged once or twice per month.

[Frank&Sera 28]

On a positive note: We have had sex every day since this experience. Prior to that, I would say we averaged once or twice per month.

 

There's your redemption right there. Use this time to enjoy each other and your recent experience together. Don't go rushing back to try and prove something, you'll just put added pressure on yourself.

[lcmim 1,082]

We have had sex every day since this experience. Prior to that, I would say we averaged once or twice per month.

 

While it is nice to please the other lady, and it is nice when your plumbing performs to spec, there is only ONE woman that you need to please. It sounds like you are doing that and that your body cooperates just fine with her. It would also be nice if she wants to go again.It is not essential.

 

Relax, the important stuff in under control. The rest will follow as it should for you two, whatever way it goes.

 

Attempts to micromanage on your part could easily go awry. Let the process unfold organically.

[Initwithher 40]

I believe you two had a great time just the way it was, reading that having sex 1 to 2 times a month versus every day,,,that’s the ultimate result of what you guys expect it , no?? Just leave it to that let things work at its nature,

My 2€

[Numex 2,416]

... She had a great time, but somehow feels dirty or wrong for participating. How would yall approach this situation?..

Be cool, don't pressure her, and most importantly, tell her that you love her. When the opportunity to do it or even talk about it comes again, don't push it, just let her know that she can do as she wants AND she can direct what you do as well. She will be most comfortable having total control. Perhaps she'll want a regular swap, or to play alone, or for you to play by yourself, or maybe just take a pass. Tell her you love her, give her control and she will move it along.

[Guest]

Make sure you are doing what she wants to do. My husband and I talked about it some after we were approached by another couple for some type of foursome, with bi women activity. The idea of some type of swinging raised my interest but not that particular configuration. I suggested that if we were going to try it, lets start with MFM. We did and after that first one, I was totally in.

[lcmim 1,082]

Be cool, don't pressure her, and most importantly, tell her that you love her. When the opportunity to do it or even talk about it comes again, don't push it, just let her know that she can do as she wants AND she can direct what you do as well. She will be most comfortable having total control. Perhaps she'll want a regular swap, or to play alone, or for you to play by yourself, or maybe just take a pass. Tell her you love her, give her control and she will move it along.

 

While we have followed this practice, because it makes sense to us, I do want to add a caveat for those with little or no experience who are reading this thread.

 

There probably will come a time,for the male partner, when there are needs/desires not being met, or anxieties being triggered.

It is essential that the male NOT keep his mouth shut in the effort to give his lady the lead.

 

Honest, transparent,and clear communication is important.

Your lady has no way of knowing unless you express yourself.

 

In our case, we were quite happily doing MFM. Initially I thought that I had no real desire for FMF. I have always been a one on one sort. After about a year in I started thinking that it might be fun to try. I kept my mouth shut. It festered for a few months until it started to interfere with enjoying the MFM. The chemistry was being altered.

 

I said something to my wife. She had noticed something , but was not sure.

Problem solved.

She still has the initiative. She still needs it.

It is better that the initiative is informed initiative.

[Thegreyarea 100]

You’re better off dropping it. You’ll likely turn her off to it if you keep bringing it up. What happened, happened. All you can do is put yourself in similar situations and hope for the best. Be prepared in case you do get another go at it.