How do we fit in at "da club"?

[Tittyfuck_her 15]

Hi, we're a married couple in our early 40s, just starting down the path. We've attended a couple of parties at the local swingers club. I'd say normal attendance is over 100. Dance floor, music, BYOB, some private rooms in the back. We have noticed and have been told by other swinger duos online that the club seems click-ish and cold. In the small talk I've made there with a couple dudes, it hasn't been unpleasant, just doesn't go anywhere. It seems many people there have known each other for years and we are largely ignored. My wife gets her share of attention online and frankly, we're more interested at this point in her having a little fun than me. I think it would be easier for both of us to ease into the LS at a club, instead of meeting a couple one on one at a bar or restaurant.

 

I know I'm not the only one to observe this. We've heard it from others who've been to this club. But then you read the same about other swinger clubs too. Is it just a matter of making the first move or is this a thing? If it's a thing, what's the code? People barely look at my wife and she's very attractive. What should my expectations really be?

 

Thanks.

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

Some clubs are like this. If making the first move doesn't work (and making ANY move is the first move, you'd be surprised how many couples just become wall flowers and can't figure out why they don't get any attention), then try a different club. ALL clubs are different and you won't know if they suit you until you go. As for expectations, we always say to go with the expectation of having a great sexy time with your wife...anything else is a bonus. But you can't score if you don't play the game...Good luck and let us know how things go for you both.

[Tittyfuck_her 15]

Some clubs are like this. If making the first move doesn't work (and making ANY move is the first move, you'd be surprised how many couples just become wall flowers and can't figure out why they don't get any attention), then try a different club. ALL clubs are different and you won't know if they suit you until you go. As for expectations, we always say to go with the expectation of having a great sexy time with your wife...anything else is a bonus. But you can't score if you don't play the game...Good luck and let us know how things go for you both.

 

Appreciate the advice. Neither one of us are socially awkward people, but I think there is a little hesitancy in the sense that we assume most of the people there have been in the LS for years and are well-experienced. But I think your advice about a different club may end up being the solution. I had thought that myself, but wanted to get some more feedback.

[Guest]

We may have had a bit of this on our first visit to a couples club. Actually, we're not sure whether it was them or that their overtures were just too subtle for us. A few couples stopped by and said hi or even briefly talked. Then, suddenly we realized that most had gone to the playrooms. We talked about leaving but my husband talked me into going to the playrooms to see what was going on. A lot way. So, we found a room with several beds, one empty and made love ourselves. It was hot, watching others and knowing that they were watching us. Before long, a gentleman asked if he could join us and I said yes and bingo, there we were, and the night continued. On later visits, we learned to watch the crowd more closely and head to the playrooms a bit earlier, when we saw others doing so. Some match-ups occurred early in the evening during drinks, dance and conversation, others formed as you were entering the playrooms.

[Tittyfuck_her 15]

We may have had a bit of this on our first visit to a couples club. Actually, we're not sure whether it was them or that their overtures were just too subtle for us. A few couples stopped by and said hi or even briefly talked. Then, suddenly we realized that most had gone to the playrooms. We talked about leaving but my husband talked me into going to the playrooms to see what was going on. A lot way. So, we found a room with several beds, one empty and made love ourselves. It was hot, watching others and knowing that they were watching us. Before long, a gentleman asked if he could join us and I said yes and bingo, there we were, and the night continued. On later visits, we learned to watch the crowd more closely and head to the playrooms a bit earlier, when we saw others doing so. Some match-ups occurred early in the evening during drinks, dance and conversation, others formed as you were entering the playrooms.

 

Good info, thanks. The club I'm referring to has several small play rooms in the back that are barely comfortable enough for four people honestly. Perhaps that's part of the issue. But this is very helpful. Thanks again.

[Guest]

We have always had fun at the on premise clubs. We have never approached it like going to a bar and trying to connect with another couple and going from there. You are right that there are informal groups and couples that live at some of these places like they are part of the furniture. What I do is assume that we aren't going to meet anyone and I initiate sex on my husband. I never waste time on the dance floor. In the common areas like the bar, I'll let my husband sit and I stand and do a little people watching to see if there is any returned curiosity. One of the problems at these clubs is that there are many couples there that are just voyeurs and like a racey night out, they'd never approve of swapping. And they are difficult to discern from the rest. There might be a lot of flirting going on, but that's as far as it goes. Some are soft swappers and we don't do that. Unfortunately people aren't wearing tags or warning labels. So, I'll just make myself available and always always give my husband a blow job at the bar. That does several things...it brings some attention and it also lets people know we are there to play. Can't count the times that it has caused a chain reaction at the bar and there will be a lot of pretty cocks sticking out of pants getting sucked and traded. It's definitely a conversation starter. Then we go, get naked and troll the rooms. We don't approach this like we are looking for besties or life long friends. Nor are we looking for the perfect couple. You need to get that out of your mind right away in this lifestyle. It all works out in the long run and some great sex is shared. So, we find different places to fuck...the beds, chairs, whatever. I'm pretty vocal so again we get attention and without any formal mating ritual, someone wants to join in. At this point everyone that needs to know, knows were available and some will want to take a turn. We have left after making a connection that we would continue later on couples dates, but never have gone to a club looking for the perfect match.

[adamgunn 1,461]

FullSwapCLT, the way you work the clubs works for you, and you should keep doing it the way you want.

 

My wife and I have a different way of doing it. We get to the club, my wife goes into a room and puts on sexy clothing, it varies from night to night and theme to theme. We circulate. We dance, often other couples will join us and we'll start dancing as a foursome then two twosomes, if we like them. (My wife and I have developed hand signals to let each other know one of us isn't interested.) If we find a couple that seems interesting, we'll ask if they want to get a drink, we'll head to a quiet corner and discuss things. If we're on a wavelength, we'll begin talking about taking it to a room and any rules they might have. (Ours are simple. No mean no, condoms for PIV.) We may head into a room with them.

 

If we don't feel good after the conversation, we'll say thanks but no and head back to the dance floor. Or maybe the jacuzzi, it's amazing how many people we meet when we're naked and relaxing.

 

If we've been there for awhile and it doesn't look like any couples are happening, I'll give my wife a signal, she'll start hunting single men for MFMs. And failing that, there's always the option to head into a room by ourselves.

 

I would say out of ten nights we're at the club where we haven't prearranged a meet, seven times we'll find a couple, two a single guy and we'll 'strike out' only one time. And striking out isn't that bad an option.

[padoc 1,704]

Both approaches work and we've used each of them successfully at one time or another at Tj's, DJ's TPA, Pleasure Garden, Saints and Sinners, Players, Trapeze and Desire. The key it to recognize that you're not looking for friends or the perfect couple. You're looking for playmates for an hour or an evening who are reasonably attractive to you both. Approaching people in a friendly fashion is a big part of the selection process. Dressing sexy, the occasional direct teasing flash or some pretty obvious sexual interaction between the two of you lets others know that you're there to play. Adam's success ratio is very close to ours and on the few nights we didn't play with anyone else, we always have each other and Mrs Doc is hardly a consolation prize

[Guest]

It is true that many things might work, but I do believe that a practical approach will extend into dating outside the club scene. For example, when I was divorced and eventually set out to find a partner. I guess I would call it a LTR or more, I was inexperienced and I had given the night club/bar scene a try. I thought why not, I am attractive, so I would head out all dressed up with the idea that I was going to find Mr. Right. Ha! How naive. And at the expense of seeming crude, I would go home frustrated and find anything I could to cram up my poonani and thrash around in my bed. Yep, I got off, but that's not the same as having an excited man between my legs. And I was in my sexual prime. I came to an agreement with myself that I would just start going out to get laid and viola, I was having some fun, getting the sexual satisfaction I wanted. Mr. Right came along another way. What I am trying to say is that finding the perfect partner is wickedly hard as a single person...for two to find the perfect couple...good luck with that.

[GoldCoCouple 4,068]

One other thought: Seeing a new couple at a club...the 'regulars' never know if it is just a couple of thrill seekers checking the place out, a couple where one of the two didn't really know where they were going, a couple that isn't ready to swing, a couple that thinks that swinging may save their doomed relationship, or a couple that has talked about this and is emotionally ready and secure enough in their relationship to be successful with swinging. After several visits, that ice may be broken, but nobody wants to take the risk of drama. You need to show them that you are a couple that's ready for this and is going to be drama free.

[westcst 15]

As a single male at a club I see all matters of approach. I travel a lot so I will frequently stop in to check out "new" clubs. All different but similar. I am polite, friendly but I know the excitement I am looking for. The bar and dance floor seem to be where some people will meet. I was at a club recently where a good portion of the couples seemed very to themselves but then again I am a single guy. I do find the play rooms to be more direct in that I guess when people are naked they may be less small talk...who knows. Everyone is different but in general most I meet in the LS are laid back...being friendly and conversational is a great opener and if there is an interest you know pretty quickly. Good luck.

[Mlw 7]

Hi. How do you fit in? Just be you! 

 

We know when someone is trying to hard and it comes across fake. Judt be yourself and expect nothing but to have a good time with your wife. 

No expectations= no disappointment. Live in the right here right now and enjoy what you have instead of wasting time thinking about what you dont.

 

You'll see... itll all come together

 

Xoxoxoxo

[RockNCpl 71]

As a new couple to the scene, I will say it can be difficult to read the lay out. Luckily,  Mrs R is a social butterfly and loves to dress very provocatively when we go to the club. The one place we're have found the best way to stay conversation is to be around the billard table. Every time I have gone to rack up, someone has asked if wanted to play couples. Doesn't always lead anywhere, but, always gets the ball rolling. 

 

The 3 times were have gone,  one we met a couple then went to a room with them,  once we chatted with a couple quite awhile, parted ways and met up with them again at the group bed. And another we played with a couple that we met in the group room. So, it can happen many different ways. 

 

As everyone else had said, just focus on enjoying yourselves and see what happens.