What is The One Most Vital Thing?

[Guest]

WHAT IS - THE ONE MOST VITAL THING

 

Hey folks, Sun & Moon here (AKA Cliffy) bringing you another epic sized post regarding the world of group sex.....

 

Target Audience: People who are either NEW to this scene, or CURIOUS about finding out more. Its will especially help younger people and couples who are considering this lifestyle.

 

Subject: Well over the last 25 years (since I began this journey) I have often heard people asking questions like:

 

“What is this most vital thing in swinging?”

 

“What is the one most vital thing in this entire lifestyle?”

 

“What is the most vital aspect of exploring group sex?”

 

“What is the one thing that will help me the most?”

 

In fact there are various ways of asking this question, but basically it boils down to one question.

 

“WHAT IS THE ONE MOST VITAL THING?”

 

Well after 25+ years experience in this lifestyle I am going to TELL YOU.

 

In fact what I am about to tell you is NOT ONLY the most vital thing in all of this lifestyle, but it is also.....

 

Your biggest chance of success.

 

The one thing that will improve your chances of swinging more than anything else in the world.

 

In fact what I am about to tell you is something I wish I'd have known 25 years ago.

 

Okay......

 

Now when you ask people what is the most vital thing in this entire lifestyle, the usual answer are:

 

1: Communication

2: Patience

3: Trust

4: Loyalty

5: Good Relationship

 

However I can now confidently say that ALL of those answers are WRONG!!!!

 

Wow Sun & Moon is making some big claims. However I assure you that I'm not making any claim, in fact I simply stating a 100% honest fact.

 

Now for some people this may even sound like “Hippy Bullshit” but I assure you every word that I'm about to say is true, in fact when people ask me......

 

What is the one most vital thing in the lifestyle?

 

Then I will smile at them and simply say......... YOU ARE!!!!!

 

That YOU are the most vital thing in this entire lifestyle, in fact you are the fuel / you are the catalyst / you are the very driving force behind this, and please believe me in this life YOU are your best chance of success, you in all respects are the gold, the jewels, and much more.

 

Let's look at the TOP 5 answers above.

 

1: Communication: Okay so who is preforming this communication?

 

2: Patience: Okay so who is it that needs to patient?

 

3: Trust: Okay so who is going be giving this trust?

 

4: Loyalty: Okay so who is going to be giving this loyalty?

 

5: Good Relationship: Okay so who is going to be 50% responsible for this relationship?

 

In all questions the answer is YOU!!!!!

 

You will be the one communicating, you will be the one learning more about communicating, the one who needs to be patient, the one who is partly responsible for building this good relationship that can actually handle things like group sex.

 

THE MAGIC BULLET

 

I have found over the years that people come onto swinging forums with all sorts of questions, and that many of them are almost looking for the golden bullet / magical answer / the one thing they must do to secure threesomes or group sex in their relationship, and sure they ask questions like:

 

“How can I convince my wife to swing?”

 

“How can I make swinging work in my relationship?

 

“What is the secret to making this work?”

 

“What is the one magical thing I can do to make this work?”

 

“How can I magically create trust, patience, communication in my relationship?”

 

They come expecting to find an easy answer, they come expecting for a simple magical cure or even magic bullet that can solve all their issues and simply make this work.

 

My friends..... YOU ARE THE MAGIC BULLET!!!!!

 

You are in all respects the most vital thing and your very best chances of success.

 

Please understand I have been involved in this lifestyle for well over two decades now and if I could turn back time and give myself one bit of advice then I'd let myself know that......

 

“The entire key to threesomes and group sex is within YOU not within anyone else. That in this subject YOU matter more than you think”

 

That the very BEST thing you can do to improve your chances is NOT to figure out ways to convince your wife to swing / is not to search the internet looking for some magical answer / is not to trick or nag your wife into trying this subject.

 

In fact the very best thing you can do, the thing that will improve your chances more than anything else on this entire planet, is to simply..... IMPROVE YOU!!!!

 

 

WHAT THE HELL DOES ALL OF THIS MEAN?

 

Well it means various things.

 

A) TOP ANSWERS: Okay so we already know that “Swinging” is going to require certain things such as communication / patience / trust / loyalty / ECT.

 

Okay so let me ask you these questions:

 

Would you say your communication skills with your partner are good enough? Have you ever actually studied or researched how to have better communication skills? Have you specifically thought about the communication skills needed for this subject?

 

Okay then lets say that you improve yourself, over the next few years you actually study better communication skills, you read a few books / watch loads of YouTube videos / you perhaps even sign up to a local group that teaches better relationship communication skills.

 

Within a year or two your communication will have improved dramatically, and as a result your chances of making swinging a happy, workable, long lasting subject in your relationship will have just risen an awful lot.

 

 

B) HUMANS: Well its sad to say but basically you humans come with problems :P

 

This is no big surprise but the vast majority of people basically come with a list of problems, you know meeting someone these days is like meeting a Gremlin, they come with instructions, problems, baggage, scars and much more.

 

Lets list a few things that commonly affect men and women around the globe:

 

Anger issues / abusive past / drugs / drink / violence / lying / low self confidence / low self esteem / low self love / historical issues / sexual hang ups / body hang ups / paranoia / criminal activity / controlling partners / bad work situations / income problems / debt problems / sex addiction / sexual abuse / emotional abuse / physical abuse / bad communication / bad relationship skills / fear / ECT.

 

I don't know this list could probably contain 2000 things, maybe more.

 

Now at this stage I'd like to look at some quick EXAMPLES:

 

1: ADAM – Is a man in his early 30's and he would like his partner to consider group sex, however its fair to say Adam has a temper, in fact like a lot of guys Adam sometimes loses his cool, sometimes he shouts at his partner, argues with her, and he is not proud to say this but he has even threatened her with violence a few times, and sometimes his partner has said she feels scared and like her life is been controlled.

 

Now at this stage ADAM actually admits this to himself, he looks inside, he realise that its HIM causing the problem, that its not his partner or anyone else that he needs to focus on.

 

With this in mind Adam fires up the trusty “Google” and he orders 10 books about controlling anger, several weeks later he signs up for an anger management course, and within a month has even had an initial appointment for therapy related to his anger.

 

Within the next year Adam reads some books / watches a stack load of videos about controlling his anger / reads plenty of forums and websites / and despite it been expensive he even presses on with therapy and sure a year later his chances of ever making group sex work have just shot up by 50%, because now he treats his partner much better and its really taken the pressure off the relationship.

 

2: BEN: Is a guy in his 30's and he wants his partner to consider having group sex with him, however in reality Ben's life is fairly dominated by social issues / social phobias / low self esteem / low confidence / low sexual confidence / and various other issues.

 

Now at this stage Ben can piss, whine, and moan looking for this magical way to make his girlfriend have group sex, OR like above he can look inside himself and actually start worrying about himself, that he can actually IMPROVE HIMSELF.

 

He can read books / websites / videos / and even take groups or therapy aimed at understanding these problems he has and healing any that can he healed. Now a year or two later Ben's chances of ever making a threesome work in his relationship have just tripled.

 

3: CHRIS: Is a guy in his 30's but sadly Chris has totally awful communication skills, during conversations people generally don't like Chris very much because he often comes over as rude / pushy / arrogant / controlling.

 

In fact Chris isn't meaning to be this way, in fact Chris has no idea that his communication is so bad, that the words he chooses, and how he speaks often offends people. Now at some point Chris is confronted perhaps by his partner, someone at work or even a friend.

 

In this light Chris decides to improve himself, over the next year he studies all he can about better / safer / healthier communication, and sure enough with a year or two his relationship has improved, his work situation has improved, his friendship situation has improved, and his chances of ever making group sex work have dramatically risen, all because he is now a lot easier to talk to.

 

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If your following me then you could say......

 

Your best chance of success in this lifestyle isn't nagging your partner into trying / isn't some magical answer that will solve all your problems / isn't somehow tricking your partner into trying this subject, in fact the very best thing you can do is simply.... IMPROVE YOU!!!!

 

In fact something I don't like hearing in today's world are things like:

 

“This is me, either like it or f**k off”

 

“This is me and I'm not changing anything for anyone”

 

“This is me and my issues and why should I change”

 

Would you rather someone say.....

 

“Hey this is me, I'm not perfect but I'm here, I'm happy, willing to learn, willing to improve myself, willing to change my life if needed, willing to adapt and take ownership of some of my flaws”

 

Guess its funny because if someone says to me.....

 

“This is me, either like it or f**k off”

 

Then there I be f**king off down the road.

 

This type of thing effects both men and women, but to use a man as an example some men often think things like......

 

“Why should I change for my wife. I am the man. Why should I change for a women. Why should I listen to a women's advice. I'm not having a women bossing me around”

 

The same for women would be;

 

“I'm not a yes women. I'm not letting him control me. I'm not changing shit for anyone”

 

This kind of dig your heels in “I will never change” attitude doesn't do much for me. In the space of an average lifetime you are going to have to change / your going to have to move house / change jobs / end and start relationships / and face a whole load of problems.

 

Would you rather not change and adapt to handle these problems, or are we just going to stand here with you headbutting a wall whilst screaming I'll never change, because your to proud or whatever.

 

 

WHAT I WOULD DO:

 

If I could go back in time and be that young man again, that new couple just learning about the world of group sex, then honestly I'd have taken a GIANT STEP BACK from almost everything I did, for example.....

 

I'd have not been on the internet reading posts about how I can convince my girlfriend to swing.

 

I'd have not been speaking with my girlfriend about this, or even obsessing about it all.

 

I'd have not been pushing to make this subject happen.

 

I'd have not ran into this subject before I was even ready.

 

In fact what I WOULD DO instead is......

 

I would:

 

Communication: Study communication skills heavily, this would include your everyday communications skills / relationship communications skills / romantic communication skills and much more.

 

Empathy: I'd study the subject of empathy, how to show empathy better, how to be a more understanding partner.

 

Active Listening: I'd study active listening and how to provide my partner with a better and more relaxing environment just by learning to listen to her properly and acknowledge her desires.

 

Anger: I'd study anger management, not because I am overly angry but I do have my moments and as a man its my responsibility to keep my anger in check, so sure I would study anger as a subject. This could include triggers to anger, de-escalation tactics, and simply how to control angry situations better which could come in handy in this lifestyle.

 

Man: I'd actually study how to be a better man, and in doing so I'd not just be listening to other men rambling on about the been the alpha male and improving your game with women, but instead would be a lot more interested in what women was saying about that subject. But sure I'd study been a better man for my partner, been more open, showing more integrity, giving my partner a better relationship.

 

Self Confidence: In fact this could be called self confidence / self love / self esteem but sure I'd study it all, I'd begin to understand my weaknesses, my social downfalls, and would begin learning better ways and repairing any damage so that I can be a healthy person moving into a relationship.

 

Boundaries: I'd study how to set proper boundaries in a relationship, how to be friendly but firm, how to protect yourself and your personality or boundaries are attacked.

 

Relationships: Sure I'd actually study the hell out of relationships, I'd read relationship advice books, relationship websites, forums, films all geared up to give positive advice and ideas. I mean please think of this as learning to be a mechanic or learning how to be a web developer, this is part of your life and you need the skills to handle that, same as you do a relationship.

 

Abuse: I'd actually study domestic abuse on some scale, I'd look into things like verbal abuse / emotional abuse / psychological abuse / physical abuse / and even the effects of historical sexual abuse and things like that. This would have equipped me much better and allowed me to stop those early signs that I was dating an abusive person, or potentially picking an abusive threesome friend. I'd also stop myself from dating women who always spoke badly about other people, who constantly spoke badly about people behind their backs, ECT.

 

Body Language: I'd study body language on a fairly in depth level, and begin to understand the principles of body language and how to notice if someone is nervous / if someone is lying / if someone is hiding things / and would put this to use when meeting new people.

 

Dominant: This is a MUST but I'd research how to be more dominant in bed, I do not mean violent / aggressive as such, I simply mean dominant. The biggest female fantasy world wide is been with a dominant man, but the subject goes a lot deeper than you think, its not just about been a little more forceful, its about what you say / what you want / your will / about taking control but in a safe but dominant manor, sure I'd learn a lot more about the biggest female fantasy.

 

Desperate: I'd actually study the subject of desperate guys, the type of guys who act desperate / say desperate things / simply make themselves sound desperate for love, affection, sex or whatever else. The type of guy who say “I love you” after a week, the type of guy who wants to move the girl into house within a month, the type of guy who lavishes the women with gifts and pays for everything. I'd learn about this subject and then make sure I wasn't doing any of those behaviours.

 

FEAR: I'd research various types of fear, and any related to me. This could include fears like: Fear of abandonment / fear of rejection / fear of cheating / fear of emotions / fear of social situations or whatever other fear you have. In this case I'd want to know why I have this fear, what I can do to heal this fear, manage this fear better.

 

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Honestly this list could go on.......

 

It could include anything from learning how to be more alpha to learning trust building tactics in relationships, anything from learning better hygiene practices to getting therapy and handling those childhood demons or whatever.

 

THE RESULT:

 

Well honestly if I had done that then by my mid 20's I'd not be chasing girls or swinging, in fact they would be chasing me!

 

Lets look at another EXAMPLE.

 

ADAM – Honestly this guy is foooooked up.

 

This Adam guy in a man in his 30's and he wants to swing, however he has LOADS of personal problems, however he decides to heal and tackle some of these problems, so Adam.....

 

Anger – He gets help for his anger issues and starts studying how to solve them. Well done Adam your chance of ever making swinging work have just risen by 10%.

 

Drugs & Drink – Adam has serious issues with drugs and drink, however he gets help and begins studying how to cut down and quit. Great your chances of group sex ever working in your relationship just went up by 10%.

 

Fear – Adam has spent most of his life in a anxious wreck about relationships because when he was younger a few women cheated on him and he has been left paranoid and controlling at times, however he vows to solve these problems and gets help. Well done chances up another 10%.

 

Self Confidence – Adams self confidence is really low due to issues he suffered as a child, however he decides to get therapy and really look at this situation. Well done his chances of group sex ever working in his life just went up by 10%.

 

Communication – Sadly Adam's communication skills are not great so he begins to improve them, begins to study them. Well done another 10% chance added to the total.

 

Relationship Skills – You could say Adam's relationship skills suck so sure he begins to improve them. Oh look another 10% chance added.

 

Okay......

 

Just in the few things above Adam has now increased his chance of making threesomes work by like 60% and ALL he has done is improved himself.

 

He hasn't asked his wife for threesomes / hasn't begged and grovelled / hasn't shouted or argued about group sex / hasn't jumped on the internet and began looking for ways to convince his wife to swing / in fact all he has done is improved himself and his chances have risen dramatically now.

 

If Adam continues this path of self growth / self improvement then within time women are not going to look at Adam and see a pathetic scared little boy who is desperate or comes with social issues, instead she is going to see man who has confidence in himself, a man who has integrity, good communication skills, a man who has actually studied how to show empathy, but is also fully capable of keeping his own boundaries and even been dominant in bed.

 

Suddenly Adam is a lot more popular with the ladies, in fact suddenly Adam's girlfriend is now in a much happier relationship, she now feels more secure / safer / more trusted / just happier all round / she feels respected / listened to / she has more respect for Adam now and sure this new power, this new happiness is what leads to things like group sex working and lasting in your relationship.

 

 

YOUR ISSUES:

 

This is perhaps a tough situation as honestly the vast majority of people (me included at times) find it incredibly hard to look at themselves and admit their own issues, they find it even harder to do something about them, and really this is your key to either failure or success.

 

They say most people have 3 or 4 problems that they are aware of, and maybe 2 or 3 problems that they don't even realise they have.

 

If you want a simple exercise to complete then when you have the house alone for a day, when your sitting alone with an entire evening to spare then grab a note pad and pen.

 

Be honest with yourself and write down every problem you think you have. During this process write down the problems other people say you have, even if you don't agree. For example if 3 or 4 people have called you bossy then write it down, if 3 or 4 people in your life have called you untrustworthy then write it down.

 

If you know your aggressive, if you know your moody, mean, hostile at times then sure write it all down, and once you have written it all down then write next to it, what your going to do about it?

 

These issues are specific to your life / past / and your situation, maybe your single but you know you have a fear of been rejected, or maybe your married but your wife is always upset because your such a messy person, okay slam them on the list and decide what your going to do about them.

 

I guarantee you now that if you look at / work on / maybe even solve some of your own issues then NOTHING ELSE in this world will increase your chances of group sex working more than that.

 

There is no magic trick / no magic bullet that will just make this work, in this situation YOU are the magic that makes this work, you are the fuel, the catalyst, the entire engine. If you were a car then sure each step you take to improve yourself is simply filling your tank with more fuel, better fuel, healthier, cleaner, more positive fuel that will take you forward.

 

It can be really hard to look at your own issues, it can be really hard to admit that you can be a nasty person, that a good few people think your a dickhead. That sure its dam hard to look at ourselves in a negative light, but if you can be honest with yourself, if you can identify your weak points, if you can better yourself and begin filling that tank with better more powerful fuel then sure nothing else in this world will impact your chances of group sex working more than this.

 

Please understand folks I am NOT saying you need to be PERFECT.

 

In fact lets look at this point.....

 

WHAT IS THE AIM?

 

Well your aim here is to make sure that YOU can walk into a relationship and that you can be a healthier / more confident person who has handled some of their baggage and issues.

 

That you can walk into this relationship and be a happier person, a more secure person, that you can provide your partner with a happier relationship, better communication, better empathy, that outside the bedroom you can treat her like a princess because you have the communication skills, the relationship skills to make her feel loved, wanted and cared about, however in the bedroom you now have the skills to treat her like a dirty little whore because your now the dominant one.

 

The aim here is to make sure YOU walk into such relationships and situations with the confidence and skills to uphold your boundaries, to stop and manage your own anger, to understand and handle any fears be that anything from jealousy to fear of abandonment.

 

The aim here is to teach yourself the skills that are needed to have a happy, loving, fun relationship, to have a healthier relationship, and that relationship actually been strong enough to support things like group sex as a team.

 

The aim here is to give you certain abilities, certain knowledges that will help you make better choices, that will help you detect those early warning signs of a toxic or abusive person. To help you communicate all of this in a much better, safer and healthier way.

 

 

WHAT NOT TO DO?

 

Looking back now I'd say the one biggest mistake I made was looking OUTWARDS rather than looking INWARDS and realising that its me that matters, my actions that will bring me the best chances of success.

 

However what do I mean by looking OUTWARDS?

 

Well I mean blaming other people / other things / other factors for my problems, for example men often come on these forums saying things like.....

 

“If my wife would just agree to swing then I know she would like it. Its my wife's fault for saying no. Its her fault she is ruining my sex life. How can I convince my wife to do this. I need to convince her because she is the problem, if she just said yes then we could do it. How can I trick her into doing this subject, because she won't listen to reason”

 

How can I make my wife do this?

 

How can I convince my girlfriend to do this?

 

How can I convince my partner to do this?

 

All of these things looking OUTWARDS.

 

Its someone else's fault, its that reason over there that is stopping this happening, when really if I was looking INWARD then I'd have been improving my chances of swinging working more than the questions above.

 

I mean think of it this way, if asked everyone on this website now how.....

 

How I can convince my wife to swing?

 

Then even it got a 1000 replies then do your really think someone is going to give you this magic answer. That your just going to walk into your house and say this magic thing to your wife and she is simply going to say.....

 

“Oh yeah, didn't think of that, okay we can fuck whoever you want”

 

“Oh yeah I mean sure now you said that one magic sentence we can now be swingers”

 

Do you think that is going to work?

 

Okay so instead of me wasting my time asking how to convince my wife to swing, if I instead used that time to study “Active Listening” then within a month my wife is looking confused, she can't put her finger on it, something has changed but what?

 

For some reason she feels better around me, for some reason she just feels really comfy talking to me of late, she just feels so much more relaxed and like she is actually been listen to, that even just an hour with someone really listening about her day or issues at work really helps.

 

That I have improved myself which in turn has benefited me / my relationship / my partner and pushed me a step closer to having the secure and loving relationship that can support things like group sex.

 

I find in this subject that looking OUTWARDS rarely seems to help, that blaming your problems or looking for solutions based on external factors rarely seem to help, some more examples would be.

 

“If we could just go out there and meet the right women to do this with”

 

“If we could just meet the right guy to join us”

 

“If we could just find the right couple that we clicked with”

 

But again if you had improved your communications skills, your self confidence, your relationship skills then sure you would be out there meeting that girl or guy, you would be out there chatting with better matched couples, ECT.

 

Lets say someone comes on this forum and says.....

 

“We just can't meet the right person to do this with”

 

It would be easy to say.....

 

“Oh well, go out, be friendly, chat with more people, it will happen”

 

However with some people its more a case of saying.

 

Can you go out or do you have social issues? If so learn to heal them.

 

Can you be friendly, have you ever studied how? If not do so.

 

Have you ever been taught better communication skills? If not learn them.

 

Think about that... If we could just meet the right person.

 

Do you even have the skills needed to meet this person?

 

 

This is perhaps a harsh reality but say for example a couple began to trying group sex, yet after meeting 10 or even 15 different couples they simply found every couple turns away from them within a matter of week, and they come online saying.....

 

If we could just meet the right person?

 

Looking outward for the solution when the problem obviously lays with them. Maybe the husband comes over as aggressive or pushy when he speaks, maybe its bad communication. Maybe its bad hygiene / low self confidence / been to desperate / but there is some problem driving people away from this couple, and in this case it they look INWARD they perhaps can find that problem and take actual steps towards solving that problem.

 

I guess what not to do is always look outwards for solutions to your problems, start by always looking inwards. I mean is it JUST than you can't meet the right person, or actually does your communication skills or self confidence actually need work which will allow you to meet this person, don't always look at other people or factors as been the problem, instead look inside and solve your own problem and the right people will come running.

 

Perhaps another thing not do is go into relationships with an unhealthy view of what a relationship really is. For example some people view relationships as two people coming together as one, sharing one life, sharing one set of views or rules, and honestly this is NOT the case.

 

In fact you are TWO septate people and the relationship is simply the thing in between you both that you share. This means your partner doesn't always have to share your views / doesn't always have to agree with you / is allowed to have different views than you / is allowed to disagree with you / just because your in a relationship it doesn't mean they have share all your views.

 

 

REASONS:

 

This is a funny area that is perhaps not directly related, however one thing I'd also suggest that any new or curious people to this lifestyle do is to understand your own REASONS for wanting this group sex subject, because honestly not all of them are very healthy. That as part of this looking INWARDS process, this act of self improvement it helps if your truly look at your reasons.

 

Now we would all like to jump up and say, because SEX IS FUN!!!!!

 

Well yeah sex is fun, however in many cases the real reasons people get into this subject are things like......

 

A) Sexually Abused: They were sexually abused as a child and its created some unhealthy views or feelings about sex, for example people who have been abused often view sex as friendship, or sex as a way to get friendship or to be liked.

 

B) Not Enough: Many people get into this lifestyle because at the core they simply do not feel like they are enough for their partner sexually, that basically if a man with a bigger dick could just fuck my wife then she would sexually satisfied because surely that's what she wants from life right, big dick.

 

C) Cheating: Its also fair to say a lot of people get into this lifestyle because they have been cheated on in the past. This can take various forms, for example they were cheated on years ago and now view swinging as a way to STOP cheating, they will think about remarks such as:

 

“My partner would have no reason to cheat if we could just fuck other people together”

 

The other version of this is that they got cheated on years ago and sure they we really upset, they were heart broken at the time, in fact they did and said some really stupid things back then. Now however two years later they suddenly find they are not angry any more, in fact suddenly the thought of their partner fucking someone else really turns them on.

 

That sure two years ago when their girlfriend fucked another guy he was heart broken, now after the shock has worn off the thought of actually seeing his girlfriend bouncing up and down on another guys dick drives him wild.

 

D) Social: In some respects this isn't a bad reason, I mean what's wrong with been social right? Well sure I agree there is nothing wrong with been social, however a lot of couples can find themselves in the rut of basically having NO FRIENDS, or very few friends.

 

However please don't panic its perfectly normal, in fact our lives are kind of set up in a really bad social way. That in most peoples lives they attend school and are surrounded by people, they maybe attend college, university, work placements and again are surrounded by people.

 

This is the young part of their lives, in fact you might be surprised to know this but they were actually really popular at high school, they had loads of friends, they went out partying, they got drunk, maybe even experimented with sex and drugs.

 

Then all of a sudden BOOM they leave education and shortly after end up with a job / house / bills / responsibilities / and after working basically 5 or 6 days a week they are knackered. Friends drop away from them / friends move away / friends are also to busy working and wit their own lives.

 

Its very easy for a couple to end up with very few friends, or at least friends they even see any more. This person, or couple can sometimes view swinging as a great way to meet new friends, where in reality if they tried they could probably do that without fucking anyone.

 

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This list could again go on.......

 

I can't list every reason on the planet but its fairly clear some of them are not what you would expect, that actually understanding YOUR reasons for really wanting this will perhaps help you make better choices in the future.

 

I am not saying your reasons are WRONG, I am just saying understanding them puts you in a much better position, and will allow you to adjust your thinking or behaviour.

 

I'd strongly suggest searching Google for “Reasons Why People Swing / Reasons Why People Have Threesome / Reasons Why People Have Group Sex” and you might be surprised to find some dark reason of your own in there, some reason you didn't really understand until now.

 

Look at those reasons, understand them and then decide if this is right for you, or rethink your plan based on this new information. I mean if you look at the “Not Good Enough” reason, that some guy simply thinks he isn't good enough for his partner so wants some guy with a huge dick to fuck her instead, would you say that is a good enough, healthy enough reason to take your life on some highly complicated group sex adventure.

 

I don't know is your feelings of “Not Been Good Enough” worth risking your entire marriage over, does your wife even want to fuck someone else, does she want a bigger dick. This again can be a difficult process but its worth looking into your reasons and adapting from there.

 

 

 

OVERALL:

 

My honest answer after 25+ years is that YOU are the most vital thing in this lifestyle.

 

That this lifestyle is NOT about sex, about finding that right person, about convincing your wife to swing, in fact this entire lifestyle is more about YOU as person.

 

If you are a grumpy / moody / aggressive man what is the chances your wife will swing with you in a happy, successful, long lasting way?

 

If you are a happy man who has taken measure to control his anger and be pleasant then what are the chances your wife will swing with you now?

 

This lifestyle isn't about other people, its about YOU.

 

If you are a friendly person, if your willing to learn more about communication, if you have improved yourself, put yourself in that healthier position to handle a relationship, then sure your chances of group sex even working are a 1000 times higher than before.

 

If someone tells you communication is the most vital thing, then understand its not. Understand that YOUR ability to communicate is the most vital thing.

 

If someone tells you trust is the most vital thing, then understand its not. Understand that its your ability to give trust and to be trustworthy.

 

That in ALL ANSWERS its is YOU who is the most vital thing.

 

Honestly if you improve yourself, if you look at your flaws / accept your problems / look at your weak points / face your demons then it will not only help your life dramatically in the long run, but nothing else on this earth will increase your chances of group sex more, and by group sex I mean this been a happy, successful, fun part of your relationship, on a ongoing basis.

 

I think for many men the answers are usually staring them right in the face.

 

Adam says.....

 

“You know guys for the last 5 years my wife has done nothing but nag at me saying that I'm lazy around the house, that I drink to much, that I never listen to her, that I have bad communication skills, you know I just can't figure out what's wrong with her, and she isn't even interested in watching me bang other women in threesomes, the bitch”

 

Bad communication, drinking, been lazy start solving this shit, start looking inward and suddenly any chances of threesomes and group sex are going to rise as a result.

 

You know in this life you are your best chance of success, and yes sometimes you even act as your own worst enemy, but also as your best friend, the person you know the best, that in your life you are the most vital thing, the best thing you can improve.

 

That basically anything you do in this life.... You are going to be there for.

 

Every step you take, every conversation you ever have, every time you take a shit, YOU are there for these things. In your life everything comes from you, that you are there experiencing it.

 

In your life you are the ONE CONSTANT.

 

The person we date can change / the road we walk on can change / the country we live can change / but the one thing that will ALWAYS be with you no matter what.... Is YOU!!!!

 

In which case what is the most vital thing?

[Fitlakecouple 451]

For you, the most important thing might be brevity. A basic paragraph structure usually consists of five sentences: the topic sentence, three supporting sentences, and a concluding sentence.

[njbm 2,901]

Sun and Moon is angling for a book contract.

 

With all due respect, I think most people are here to read brief comments.

 

Brevity is the soul of wit.

[certero 28]

It was long but alot of good information. Thanks.

[padoc 1,704]

The sound bite generation wouldn't get past the 4th sentence. I lasted a bit longer and then rolled my eyes and went on to something else. You can only dazzle the people with bullshit for so long.

[Numex 2,459]

Great post Sun&Moon (unfortunately there's no like button on the mobile version), but the same can be said the other way around - it's not about you, it's about her. You, by your actions and inactions (patience) make it about her.