Different wants

[SteelRidge 19]

My wife has a little exhibitionist streak and I'm happy to oblige. We are planning to go to a swingers club to fulfill her fantasy. For me, I want to pleasure another woman. She knows what I want as we have decided to have a 100% open communication policy and also a policy of mutual consent.

 

I'm hoping that us being at a swingers club will open her mind a little to the possibility of me fucking another woman. When we go to this club to fulfill her fantasy we will have pretty strict rules for us and I'm not going to sneak around with another woman.

 

Is there anything else I can do?

[enhancer 1,585]

If you are asking how your wife being a little bit of an exhibitionist can be turned into you having sex with another woman I don’t have any answers for you.

 

If she is an exhibitionist you would probably have an easier time talking her into being with others then you being with others.

 

Also someone showing off a bit for others is a whole lot different then someone having full sex with others. Not even in the same ball park. If the whole purpose of you being okay with her being an exhibitionist is for you to get some strange I am thinking you might just end up disappointed.

 

If you want to have sex with others then you should be talking about the two of you swapping with other couples. At least then you would be on equal terms. Not to mention finding women to play with you alone isn’t going to be an easy task.

[NC_Seniors 518]

SteelRidge,

 

I -- the male half -- agree with enhancer. Your wife being an exhibitionist might mean that she wants to get topless -- or even completely naked -- and walk around the club that way or put on a show on the stripper pole. It might mean that she wants to have sex with you while other people watch. And it just might mean that she wants to have sex with another man while you -- and maybe other people -- watch. But it DOESN'T necessarily mean that she wants to watch you have sex with another woman.

 

Nowhere in your post did you say that she's actually OK with the idea of your being with another woman, but you hope that being at the club will push her over the line. That's almost certainly NOT gonna happen!! I think you're more likely to end the night not only disappointed, but maybe even angry, that your wife got to fulfill a fantasy and you didn't than you are to end it having been with someone else. And even if it does happen, you'd be using her fantasy to get what you want, which is eventually gonna lead to anger and resentment on her part ... that's not a good place to be. Your being with other women is something she has to want for you, not just something you want for yourself. The two of you need to talk more about this because swinging really *is* a team sport!

 

Finally, one thing that *every* experienced swinging couple will tell you is that when you go to a club for the first time -- or even the 101st time -- you need to go with ZERO expectations other than to enjoy the sexy atmosphere and each other. You can read about our first time. We haven't taken a poll, but we suspect that's a far more common experience than what you're hoping for.

 

PS We sent you a Private Message a couple of days ago ... get back to us at your convenience. Thanks!

[padoc 1,703]

Steel, pushing for more right off the bat is a REALLY bad idea. Your wife has opened the door just a bit. Push even a little and that door will slam, likely forever. Stick to her rules and her comfort level the first time. Afterwards, discuss what you both saw, what you both enjoyed and what turned each of you on. Then, if there is a 2nd visit to the club discuss and agree upon the rules before you go and then follow up as before. Very few people get to jump into swinging with both feet. Go at her pace or go at your peril!

[SteelRidge 19]

If you are asking how your wife being a little bit of an exhibitionist can be turned into you having sex with another woman I don’t have any answers for you.

 

If she is an exhibitionist you would probably have an easier time talking her into being with others then you being with others.

 

Also someone showing off a bit for others is a whole lot different then someone having full sex with others. Not even in the same ball park. If the whole purpose of you being okay with her being an exhibitionist is for you to get some strange I am thinking you might just end up disappointed.

 

If you want to have sex with others then you should be talking about the two of you swapping with other couples. At least then you would be on equal terms. Not to mention finding women to play with you alone isn’t going to be an easy task.

 

I'm fine with just fulfilling her fantasy. I'm not trying to set up some quid pro quo, sorry if sounded like that.

 

I guess my question is what can I do to make her more comfortable with the thought?

 

I've thought about swapping but as of now she is not interested in other men.

[SteelRidge 19]

My wife is not OK with me being with another woman. She has said she might be able to give her consent, but I don't want her to do that just because I pushed her to.

 

I don't plan on going to the swingers club with the expectation I'd be screwing some other women. No, much the opposite, I plan on focusing my time on pleasing my wife. It'll be super fun and erotic to make out and fuck each other around other people.

 

We'll see what comes of it, expectation except for the above, and even that we may get cold feet.

[Bluespruce1 706]

This was a huge part of my journey. Our first experience in a club ended in a full swap. It was a great couple but honestly the sex wasn’t so hot, but it was fun. What I really loved and what kept me coming back was the fun and flirtation. I loved picking out outfits that would temp and tease. I liked showing bits and being able to provide some limited access. I want men to want to see more but on my terms and when i’m ready. I like to see their face when they finally get to see all of me. I find the exhibitionism as much of the rush in the club setting as the eventual sex that inevitably happens later.

[MrandMrsA 76]

Go in with rules AND boundaries. Rules are non-negotiable during play. If you have a rule to not fuck another woman, then you don't change that no matter how much you both want it that night. Boundaries can be renegotiated during play and give flexibility to push comfort levels. Maybe a boundary is no kissing, but if you click with someone you both like you can renegotiate. This will help her feel safe knowing what you won't do, but leaving some flexibility and excitement for what is possible!

 

"Never leave regretting what you did, leave regretting what you did not do!" It's easier to fix the later than it is to fix the former.

[SteelRidge 19]

Go in with rules AND boundaries. Rules are non-negotiable during play. If you have a rule to not fuck another woman, then you don't change that no matter how much you both want it that night. Boundaries can be renegotiated during play and give flexibility to push comfort levels. Maybe a boundary is no kissing, but if you click with someone you both like you can renegotiate. This will help her feel safe knowing what you won't do, but leaving some flexibility and excitement for what is possible!

 

"Never leave regretting what you did, leave regretting what you did not do!" It's easier to fix the later than it is to fix the former.

 

Thanks for the advice, I.e. rules and boundaries.

[Guest]

In addition to what members have said above, which are good considerations, you both need to be absolutely honest with each other before going anywhere. Taking her to a couples club will most likely yeild a different result then taking her to sex club that includes single males. Her being an exhibitionist, showing her stuff to other men, you may find that exciting. But, when another guy has intercourse with her, you may feel jealousy whether you are just watching or with another woman, during or after the event. Take baby steps.

[GoldCoCouple 4,066]

My wife has a little exhibitionist streak and I'm happy to oblige...Is there anything else I can do?

 

If only there was a photo section here on the board where she could be exposed...oh, wait, there IS.

[SteelRidge 19]

In addition to what members have said above, which are good considerations, you both need to be absolutely honest with each other before going anywhere. Taking her to a couples club will most likely yeild a different result then taking her to sex club that includes single males. Her being an exhibitionist, showing her stuff to other men, you may find that exciting. But, when another guy has intercourse with her, you may feel jealousy whether you are just watching or with another woman, during or after the event. Take baby steps.

 

No doubt. Lot to think about.

 

Thanks