Interest Began w/ Swing... Now more Poly

[luv2was 117]

For my whole adult life I have always leaned towards non-monogamy... I just did not know how to label it.

 

Back around 1991, as I made my first foray onto the Internet (via CompuServe), I discovered the Swinger Lifestyle culture. Oh, My! What a revelation! (I also discovered the whole "Naturist" culture then, but that is another story.) I dabbled on Swinger sites (mostly AFF) for about a decade or more.

 

It is only more recently (about 2014) that I "discovered" the term "Polyamory". It took me about 2 years to fully warm-up to the idea, and identify myself as "Polyamorous". Only in the last year that I have really tried to understand it. And only in the past few months have I found a local "Meetup" group for this cultural phenomenon.

 

I have mostly been doing research on the web, and listening to Podcasts on the subject to get myself better educated. Sometimes I think that it all makes perfect sense. Sometimes it seems terribly complicated.

 

What is your experience?

[kittyswinger 260]

I think I'm wired to be non-monogamous too. From swinging, I progressed to poly but I do consider myself part of the LS up to now.

Not being aware of the ls at first, I started as a serial monogamist, that is having bf after another. Since I can't find a person who I really connected with, I decided not to commit to anyone for a while and just dated around. I later learned this is called solo swinging. Then I met a guy who became my bf and introduced me to swinging via aff. I tried a few 3somes only because I'm too picky with strangers. Then he invited some of his work colleagues for a house party with swinging on the side of those willing. It was a big house with a pool. I met there my current SO. I allowed him to take me several times in different places inside the house during the party, while blocking the others with excuses. He joked to my bf if he could apply to make me his gf too. My bf responded that he could try if I approve of it, why not! He took it seriously and I really liked him. We shared many interests, ideologies, and hobbies. It turned out my bf was not wired for emotional nonmonogamy and could not deal me having another bf, so we broke off.

I moved in with new bf and raised a family. After sometime, we decided to try swinging or the LS anew. Since we belive we have a solid foundation, we allowed each other more freedom to explore. I could date alone or separately too. In a mini-gb I arranged (only 4 persons, incl myself), I met the person who later became my bf and poly with (Vee, me being the hinge). Bf is single and wanted me to be his forever partner within my circumstances (and would like that we raise a family too in the future). I call him bf in writing just so to identify that SO is the one I live with, but I love both of them same way.

The two are very different but with excellent qualities. Bf is the masculine stereotype and we are very compatible sexually. He is a powerful sexual partner, aggressive and adventurous, yet very caring and chivalric. SO is the cultured type and he energizes in me the love for philosopy, the arts, and other aesthetic things in life.

We practice the parallel polyamory style because bf prefers that our relationship, including our sexual activities be independent with SO. They know each other and is ok with the arrangement. This is a bit challenging for me as like, I live in 2 different worlds, 2 households and 2 separate sets of social circles that I wish will never intersect at some point. I have to juggle my time between the two places in a week.

Since our sexual lives are independent and private from each other, after sometime, bf asked if we could try swinging occassionally to which I agreed. I struggled with this emotionally at first because the concept of parallel poly is new to me and I feel guilty of swinging with SO not being in the loop. But I realized that swinging is part of a couple's sexual activities. And from every respect, me and my bf is now a couple in our parallel relationship. His family and friends recognize us too as such. And so be it!

This is how I got into swinging, then into poly, and then into both poly and swinging again!

[kittyswinger 260]

On 3/10/2020 at 1:56 PM, kittyswinger said:

 

As an update to my continuing adventure into the poly and swinging Ls, the pandemic and stay home arragements is changing the dynamics of my parallel relationship. Instead of being relieved of the relaxation of distancing rules happening around us, it brought me more conflict emotionally.

 

During the start of the work from home orders, I have to bounce back and forth between 2 households to be with my Bf for a few days to keep him company (in a nearby city) and come back to my home where me and my SO lives. My worst fear of being stuck in one place came when my Bf showed flu-like symptoms. It only lasted a few days but his family doctor advised us to self isolate for at least 2 weeks to make sure those people whom we will have contact with will be safe. I called SO about my situation and he advised me to stay with Bf as the doc advised for the safety of our child too. After about 2 weeks, we got access to a test which turned out to be negative and stayed for another week to be completely safe.

 

It was the first time that I was away from SO for 3 weeks and the longest time I have been with Bf.  Our max for a long weekend getaway was only 4 days.  On the first week, we acted like our normal selves but on the second and through the third, it was like we crossed a new threshold in our relationship. We felt like newly married spouses on honeymoon. I have experienced NRE before with him but this is different. When I was about to leave Bf on my way home to SO, he boldly invited me to live with him permanently for a change and just visit SO on weekends. He knew this was a no-no conversation as i always rebuked him in the past when he say this in jest. I was also surprised by myself that I just remained silent. I was crying as i drive home. I hope the feeling will pass soon, otherwise, the dynamics might change.

[couplers 4,614]

On 3/10/2020 at 12:56 PM, kittyswinger said:

a house party with swinging on the side of those willing. It was a big house with a pool. I met there my current SO.

 

On 3/10/2020 at 12:56 PM, kittyswinger said:

In a mini-gb I arranged (only 4 persons, incl myself), I met the person who later became my bf and poly with (Vee, me being the hinge).

It's nice that you met the two loves of your life while swinging; everyone already knew what it was all about - love without monogamy.

 

 

On 3/10/2020 at 12:56 PM, kittyswinger said:

The two are very different but with excellent qualities.

Same with us.  David is the muscular engineer, Red the lanky artistic type.  It amazes me how they get along, including sharing a woman (me) at first, and now three women.

 

 

On 3/10/2020 at 12:56 PM, kittyswinger said:

This is a bit challenging for me as like, I live in 2 different worlds, 2 households and 2 separate sets of social circles

I can understand that being a challenge.  My challenge is that everything is all mixed up, including the children, but I love it.