Do You Think Non Swingers Talk About Swinging?

[RockNCpl 71]

I don't mean in the sense of entering the lifestyle, just in general conversation. I know that Mrs R and I had never even mentioned the topic before we started talking about entering the lifestyle.

 

Reason for my question. I was having a conversation with a women I know through hockey, after a game. Very attractive, fun to be around and she absolutely loves Mrs R. They don't see each other often, but, they get along like you wouldn't believe. I was testing the waters to find out if she would ever want to come over to hang with me and Mrs R. Vanilla intentions, but, wouldn't be opposed to more. Talked about drinks, the hot tub and that we usually used the tub naked. Didn't bother her at all. I sarcastically (kind of) talked about her and Mrs R playing together in front of me, to which she didn't object. During this conversation, there was another guy tha,t we play hockey with, that was also present. He was apart of the conversation, not a third wheel. Here is where the topic question comes in. After I made the joke about Her and Mrs R playing together in front of me, he chimed in, directed at Her "you know, like swinging".  I noticed his comment but paid no attention to it. Rest of the conversation is kind of irrelevant.

 

After discussing the conversation with Mrs R, she pointed out that he brought up swinging. Then pointed out that we NEVER talked about it, even in sarcasm until we started exploring. That got us thinking....could they be?

 

I think we all know that once you start in the Lifestyle, your mind automatically starts to wonder who else might be.

 

Did you ever talk about swinging before you were actually interested in the Lifestyle? And what would you take from this comment from the guy? Could he and his wife be swingers? 

[cplnuswing 4,713]

I don't remember talking about it ourselves much before we got interested.

 

We have a friend that got remarried and his new wife became part of our vanilla social circle. She made my swingdar peg over since it seemed like every time we were all together, the swinging subject came up, and it was always her bringing it up, and she knew the right lingo. We always just played it cool on that and didn't participate much in those conversations. It was enough that me and mrs. cplnuswing suspected she might have some experience in her prior marriage, but of course weren't going to ask since we don't share that part of our lives with them and don't expect them to with us.

 

The mystery was finally solved when she eventually revealed that she had a close longtime friend who was a swinger who liked to share her swinging adventures with her.  So, that explains knowing the lingo, etc.

 

The "who's a swinger" game is sort of fun to play :)

[RockNCpl 71]

Thanks for that scenario..

 

8 minutes ago, cplnuswing said:

The "who's a swinger" game is sort of fun to play

 

It definitely is! ????

[PonderingCouple 58]

Well, technically we're not swingers; we haven't had a full (soft or hard) swap with anyone else, but we talk about it constantly; looking for the right couple and right time... adulting with little kids seems to be the biggest barrier at this time...

[RockNCpl 71]

14 minutes ago, PonderingCouple said:

Well, technically we're not swingers; we haven't had a full (soft or hard) swap with anyone else, but we talk about it constantly; looking for the right couple and right time... adulting with little kids seems to be the biggest barrier at this time...

We have 4 yo twin boys, so i understand where you are coming from. 

[Fundamental Law 2,903]

Given media coverage of swinging--and there's a fair bit because it makes for ratings--it seems likely that it comes up in casual/non-committal conversation. There is surely immediate consternation, righteous indignation, and generalized condemnation.  The question is what happens during more nuanced conversation when the topic resurfaces a day or two later -- meaning that someone has been thinking about it. At that moment, the couple is no longer "non-swinging" but "pre-swinging".  Whether they advance to become swingers is "to be determined". 

[Guest]

 

 

Yeah, I mean a lot of couples who are not swingers will talk about swinging, its a fairly common subject now, you see it on films / TV.

 

Lets say I meet a new girl some early questions to ask her might be things like:

 

“You ever tried a threesome”

 

“What's your opinion about threesomes”

 

That actually I'm talking to it with this women before having a threesome with her, in many cases before even dating her.

 

Regarding your friend I'd not read to much into them saying the word “Swinging” as its a very widely used term.

 

However if you want to test this theory with someone then sure mention the subject in friendly conversation and see how they respond. For example if this person begins talking about DP / DVP / cleaning up / and other swinger terminology such as MFF / MMF or whatever then you know they are potentially a swinger or want to be.

 

[bbarnsworth 2,652]

My wife and I talked about it only in the context of the fact that I had been briefly involved in it before I met her. She was rather put off by it, and felt I had contributed to a particular woman's cheating on her husband. Of course, it wasn't cheating as he was completely in the know about it, and he and I were friends.

 

Long before my wife, my then girlfriend and I talked a little bit about it, but nothing in depth.

 

I don't recall ever discussing the topic of swinging with any friends.

 

It's possible that the other guy and his wife are swingers. He at least knows about it. And yeah, once you're in the lifestyle you do start to wonder, and your "playdar" goes off on some comments that could be interpreted to indicate someone is a swinger.

[hasanth 19]

Yes, my girlfriend and I are not swingers, but we talk about it sometimes. Watching couple swapping videos together

[Guest]

Certainly sometimes.  We just watched the entire Madmen series and they touch on swinging there, even though the focus was on life in the 60’s.

[padoc 1,704]

When I was a young cop, my partner on the job took a weekend and went with his g/f to Platos in NYC. He came back and told me all about their experiences (you talk about all kinds of stuff on midnight shifts) and he suggested my wife and I go with them some weekend.  I mentioned it to my wife at the time but her religious upbringing prohibited her from even giving it a 2nd thought. Other than one very hot night on our honeymoon several years before, she would never entertain a suggestion to expand our sex life. So we never went. I occasionally would broach the subject with her but was stonewalled every time.

 

20 years later, I was dating Mrs Doc when we saw a tv news expose about Club Khama Sutra on South St in Philly. We checked  and found  CKS and about 4 other clubs we all within about an hours drive from our home. We talked about it for a week or so and then went to TJ's near Harrisburg. We were hooked. Within 2 months, we'd visited all four of the close clubs and then started to really expand our sexual horizons. By the time we got married 2 years later, there was no question that we would honeymoon at Desire.

[padoc 1,704]

I should have added that the above picture was taken just after someone had "boinked" the bride.  He did well too, look how relaxed she is! Boink the bride/blow the groom was pretty much the over riding theme of our honeymoon! We've been married since 2007 and we still talk about that week.

[Numex 2,459]

17 hours ago, padoc said:

... the above picture was taken just after someone had "boinked" the bride.  .

Sounds wonderful!

 

We didn't start our sexual adventures until after we had married, talking about our exes and the ones my wife had enjoyed sex with the most.  Her getting reacquainted with those was our start in the lifestyle. 

 

If only that discussion had moved along sooner, we could have invited those guys to the wedding to "boink the bride."  The guys didn't/don't know each other, so it would have been fun arranging two separate wedding day "boinkings " one before, one after the "I Do"s.  The wedding gifts. 

 

One good thing about today's more liberal times, especially towards women's sexuality, is that women aren't, or at least don't pretend to be, inexperienced virgins when they marry.  This likely leads to more discussion of her/their prior sex lives, what she/he likes and potentially nonmonogamy.  (That's what happened with us.)  The thinking being that her having sex previously hasn't ruined her, so why should more sex now with others be detrimental? 

 

It does seem to be not uncommon now for exes to be at weddings, so at least an unjealous attitude toward the past relationships seems to prevail. 

[PeterJ 960]

22 hours ago, padoc said:

I should have added that the above picture was taken just after someone had "boinked" the bride.  He did well too, look how relaxed she is! Boink the bride/blow the groom was pretty much the over riding theme of our honeymoon! We've been married since 2007 and we still talk about that week.

I’ve had sex with five women on their wedding nights. Only three of them were my brides. ☺️

[couplers 4,718]

On 3/29/2020 at 11:36 AM, PeterJ said:

I’ve had sex with five women on their wedding nights. Only three of them were my brides. ☺️

Only three were your brides?  That's more than enough wives.

 

The real question, however, is how many of your brides had sex with other men on their wedding day or honeymoon?

[PeterJ 960]

59 minutes ago, couplers said:

Only three were your brides?  That's more than enough wives.

 

The real question, however, is how many of your brides had sex with other men on their wedding day or honeymoon?

Brides were serial, not simultaneous. ☺️ First one was ten years, second one seven years and most recent one 30 years and counting. ? I’m optimistic that with this one “Till death do us part” will be literal and not simply notional. 
 

None of my three spouses had sex with anyone else on our wedding nights, but then again we didn’t attend swinger parties in the evening of our nuptials. My first wife did have (non-penetrative) sex with the then husband of my current spouse while I was in the same room playing with my current wife. But that was a one-off event, more than 40 years ago and there was no follow-up with current wife for about a dozen years (during which I had a whole second marriage, the wedding for which my current wife attended. Is this sufficiently complicated?)

 

My first marriage was casually but consensually non-monogamous. We talked about swinging, but in those days there wasn’t the current social infrastructure to facilitate it. We both thought it might be fun, but our lives were quite busy (she was a medical student) and we weren’t sufficiently committed to the notion to follow through. Early on in our relationship my second wife hinted at interest in swinging, but at that point I didn’t have much interest.
 

My current wife identifies as bi, but isn’t interested in casual sex and doesn’t believe she could manage a polyamorous lifestyle. (“If I fall in love with someone else and start having sex with them, it’s going to be bad news for you.” Okay, got it!) Thankfully, she is a generous and non-jealous soul and okay with me pursuing my variety of sexual interests, as long as the relationships remain casual. And as long as I always keep her fully informed. Which I do.
 

So, no, none of my wives had sex with anyone else on our respective wedding nights. But I will note that watching my first wife with current wife’s then husband remains one of the most compelling sexual experiences of my life. My wife is well aware that I would be more than eager to bring a third of either gender — or a couple — into our bed. I most often play with couples, mostly committed ones. I see how avidly the men tend to watch while their women and I engage, and I am just a little jealous. I would love to watch my own wife in that same situation. And she knows if she ever changes her mind I will do whatever I can to facilitate. Even if she wants the privacy of a one-on-one.

[couplers 4,718]

On 3/31/2020 at 1:30 PM, PeterJ said:

First one was ten years, second one seven years and most recent one 30 years and counting..

I give you credit: you may have given up on spouses, but not on love.

 

On 3/31/2020 at 1:30 PM, PeterJ said:

I’m optimistic that with this one “Till death do us part” will be literal and not simply notional. 

The actuarial tables make that more likely.

 

On 3/31/2020 at 1:30 PM, PeterJ said:

... My first wife did have (non-penetrative) sex with the then husband of my current spouse while I was in the same room playing with my current wife..

I like that.  Must make for some interesting reminiscence.  Are you still in touch with the "then spouse?"

 

On 3/31/2020 at 1:30 PM, PeterJ said:

... None of my three spouses had sex with anyone else on our wedding nights, .

In retrospect, do you wish one or more of them had?

 

Since my new husband and I were going off for a lengthy honeymoon, I had sex with my boyfriend (still part of the family) Red before the nuptials, and afterwards at the airport hotel since we had an early flight.  Actually, we had a threesome.

On 3/31/2020 at 1:30 PM, PeterJ said:

My first marriage was casually but consensually non-monogamous.

Can you please explain further?  How did it work out?

On 3/31/2020 at 1:30 PM, PeterJ said:

...  My current wife identifies as bi, but isn’t interested in casual sex and doesn’t believe she could manage a polyamorous lifestyle. (“If I fall in love with someone else and start having sex with them, it’s going to be bad news for you.” .

We're not interested in casual sex either, I've only had sex with five guys in my life.  Finding my Lesbian side is what really got me going.  The men in our family know that we women are more in love with each other (Christ, I mean we nursed each others children) than them, but they just go along.  They're happy.

 

I don't understand why your wife would leave you if she finds someone else who she likes.  She gets the best of both worlds.

On 3/31/2020 at 1:30 PM, PeterJ said:

So, no, none of my wives had sex with anyone else on our respective wedding nights..

Any non-spousal sex during any of the honeymoons?  Do you wish one or more of them had?  

On 3/31/2020 at 1:30 PM, PeterJ said:

... I will note that watching my first wife with current wife’s then husband remains one of the most compelling sexual experiences of my life. My wife is well aware that I would be more than eager to bring a third of either gender — or a couple — into our bed. I most often play with couples, mostly committed ones. I see how avidly the men tend to watch while their women and I engage, and I am just a little jealous. I would love to watch my own wife in that same situation. And she knows if she ever changes her mind I will do whatever I can to facilitate. Even if she wants the privacy of a one-on-one.

I can understand.  The first time a woman let me watch my husband have sex with her (several had sex with him but wanted to be alone) was incredible, increasingly so when I participated then did the Lezzie thing, then we both fell in love with Clair.

 

I hope your dream comes true, and I compliment you on allowing her to choose the situation. 

[couplers 4,718]

On 3/29/2020 at 11:36 AM, PeterJ said:

I’ve had sex with five women on their wedding nights. Only three of them were my brides. ☺️

Please expound upon the two brides who were not your wives.  How did you arrange such encounters?  Usually the stories I hear are of the "last fling before the ring" type, before the "forsaking all others" vow is made, not afterwards.  Any participation by the new husband?  Bridesmaids and best man?  

[GMOFLEISURE 221]

On 3/28/2020 at 6:08 AM, chiccouplexx said:

Certainly sometimes.  We just watched the entire Madmen series and they touch on swinging there, even though the focus was on life in the 60’s.

 

I clearly remember Swinging of all sorts in the pop media of the 1960s.  The cartoons in Playboy frequently joked about it.  "WifeSwapping" was the perception at the simplistic level, but even as a teen I heard threesomes, gang bangs, orgys, swinger parties mentioned, discussed, and joked about.

[GMOFLEISURE 221]

On 3/28/2020 at 6:08 AM, chiccouplexx said:

 

[Anon321 524]

We've had threesome with a lot of married guys and some of them have talked about it with their wives and others say it has never been brought up.  So it really varies.

[PeterJ 960]

On 4/2/2020 at 7:35 PM, couplers said:

Please expound upon the two brides who were not your wives.  How did you arrange such encounters?  Usually the stories I hear are of the "last fling before the ring" type, before the "forsaking all others" vow is made, not afterwards.  Any participation by the new husband?  Bridesmaids and best man?  

Both of these incidents occurred in the context of sex parties that followed an afternoon wedding. Both of the women and their new spouses were longtime swingers. 
 

The only scenario that even approached what you allude to was in the early 1970s. One of my college roommates married one of his med-school classmates and they asked me to photograph the wedding. (I had photographed his older sister’s wedding several years prior.) At the reception dinner my roommate asked if I would be willing to come to their hotel room afterwards to document their first married fuck. My wife and I had taken separate cars to the ceremony and I agreed to make those photos. But before the end of the reception they reconsidered. The hotel were they stayed for the night was right next to the Garden State Parkway and for years when I passed the hotel on my way to or from somewhere I would think about what almost happened on their wedding night. 
 

we’ve stayed good friends over the decades and once maybe 30 or so years ago the husband asked me how my then wife and I kept our sex life fresh and fun. I kinda blew off his query with some non-answer, but it did cause me to wonder just a trifle if they might be swingers. 

[Fundamental Law 2,903]

1 hour ago, PeterJ said:

 

we’ve stayed good friends over the decades and once maybe 30 or so years ago the husband asked me how my then wife and I kept our sex life fresh and fun. I kinda blew off his query with some non-answer, but it did cause me to wonder just a trifle if they might be swingers. 

"Wonder just a trifle"? Not only would we see that as a bid to open a conversation, but perhaps as a bid to something stronger.