Has swinging caused any problems in your relationship?

[GaHotNSexy 16]

Ok...My hubby and I are relatively new to this lifestyle although we have talked about it extensively and are sure of each others limits etc... We have played with only three couples and a few single males.

 

Recently I was on a different message board. (one for the club we have most recently gone too) and I have noticed that like 4 of them are talking about coming to the club "with their husbands before they divorced."... This concerns me a little... Mainly because not one of these 4 ladies will tell me what happened. I don't want to do anything to destroy my relationship with my hubby but i want to be able to explore and play. I don't want to badger them but being a woman too who goes to swinger clubs with my hubby I would just like to know why their relationships didn't work out and since they aren't willing to discuss that with me ( and i do not really blame them, since they don't know me from eve...) I am really wondering what happened?

 

Are there any of you ladies out there who have had serious relationship issues related to this lifestyle? Can this cause divorce? They have all expressed that it was somehow related to this lifestyle... so I am curious now if there is someone out there who can give me so advice.

 

I love my hubby with all my heart and i have found that no one can really please me like he can... It is just the thrill of the unknown that we crave.

 

Thanks for your help... feel free to email me directly if you want... gahotnsexy@aol.com

 

Monica

HELP

[Elusive BiFem 70]

Hi Monica and thanks for posting such an interesting question. I'm certain you will get quite a few responses over the next few days and I'll be interested, too, in seeing what others say.

 

I'm single, so my opinions aren't worth too much in this area. However, I think most of us know that some couples enter into swinging to "repair" relationship problems. Swinging isn't the answer to something that is already broken...or even something that needs just a little oil.

 

The relationships you spoke of that ended in divorce...I can't help but wonder if they weren't already headed that way. Unfortunately, because they were involved in the lifestyle, it is really easy to blame the lifestyle for the divorce rather than look at the deeper issues that may have been present before the swinging started. Kind of along the lines of saying that you found the object you were looking for in the last place you looked. Well, yeah...because you quit looking.

 

I think as you read the forums, you will repeatedly see that weak relationships grow weaker with swinging, while strong relationships grow stronger.

 

Just my thoughts....- EBF

[wrnakedru 38]

My first husband and I were in the lifestyle for the last eight years of our marriage.

 

Swinging was not the cause of our divorce. I don't believe it was even much of a contributing factor.

 

The problems we had in our marriage were there before we got into the lifestyle. They were the same problems that become insurmountable and irreconcilable to the extent we divorced.

 

If anything, I truly think the lifestyle extended our marriage for several years. We were soooooo busy all the time - we had two kids, he travelled with his job, I worked full time - and when he was in town we were at the club always on Saturday night - sometimes on Friday night as well - and often on Wednesday.

 

As the years went by, we were always there on Saturday nights if we weren't at a private party. We were doing quite a bit of "separate" activity by this time so our other evenings were taken up with that. We had made a good many friends together during these years and we enjoyed traveling and socializing with all of them together.

 

But eventually, the problems that had long been there became more obvious in even our lifestyle activities. And that was the beginning of the end - it didn't take too much longer for us both to recognize that fact.

 

If people think the lifestyle has brought about the end of their marriage, I think perhaps they are mistaken. I think the problems were there and for a while they deluded themselves into thinking this new adventure had cured them. But as it was with us, they will catch up to you eventually and you will not be able to deny the existence of them.

 

Keep your communication strong, keep each other foremost in mind, treat one another with kindness and consideration - and you should not find the lifestyle has a detrimental effect on your marriage. If either one of you begins to think there is a problem - step back immediately and take care of it. And be sure you are both okay about what is going on - always.

[Vjklander 138]

I don't think sharing pleasures with others has affected our relationship one way or the other, however, it has been good for each of us individually. It is nice that our sexuality and desireability are validated by others too. Most people expect their mate to want them, but it's reassuring when someone else does too. It is also nice to know that after a session of hot sex with others, we still are happiest to get back together. I pity the poor 'nillas, I really do.

J

[frenzb4sex 15]

Unfortunately, we are experiencing first hand the effects of the lifestyle that had spun out of control. Some friends of ours are filing for divorce when it was found that the female half of the couple had been having an affair with a male half of a couple they were friends with for quite some time. The nitty gritty details of it all was that she was meeting him unknown to either of the significant others, and this had developed into love.

 

I think that those that say that there has never been an occurrence with swinging in terms of ranging from a questioning of one's intentions all the way to extremely heated conversations in a couple's relationship is about as unrealistic as couples that "never" fight. For those that have replied that you are on the same page, I think it should be added that my assumption is that these people have been in the lifestyle for a while.

 

What I am getting at is that this question is needed on a sliding scale. For newbies, there is a much greater risk of it ending "badly" or fighting about the lifestyle. For experienced, seasoned pros, the likelihood is exponentially lower.

 

Lora and I have had our disagreements about the lifestyle, and every time it's ended in a positive outcome, because we have communicated openly. Hopefully we can always talk to each other with the idea of being able to understand and learn, rather than point fingers. And let's be honest, some times emotions do take over, but in the end we always end up stronger than ever. As we have gained experience, these disagreements now are few and far in between.

 

Tim and Lora

[Vjklander 138]

Sorry to disappoint you b4, but we have had fights about a lot of things, but never about our sharing pleasures or our relationship. Indeed, our relationship is the underlying foundation that allows us to work out all other problems. The couple you talk about didn't have a problem due to their swinging, it was due to her cheating. If it wasn't a swing partner it probably would have been someone from work or the local saloon. There are a lot of people around who are together but not in love, or are only in love with being in love. That is a weakness of the relationship regardless of lifestyle. We were on the same page on day one 6 years ago and we're on the same page now. Then again, there are few things we ever do that we don't consider the other when doing it.

J

[texasfans2003 16]

We have been swinging for about a year now. However, swinging has made our relationship much stronger. As I stated in our Introduction thread, swinging has enabled us to talk more openly and on a much broader and deeper basis than ever before.

 

To be sure, we have had disagreements even arguments regarding other couples we have met. But when we would discuss the situation, we realized that the problems were about limits. The other couple's limits would permit something we were not ready to allow at the time or maybe never. After evaluation, we determined that we were going to be true to the limits we have set for ourselves and are comfortable with and not let others sway us just for the sake of swinging with them. Every one of our disagreements have been about this. That may be the root of the problems of couples with a weak relationship. Besides poor communication, one party transgresses the agreed limits. If one could so easily transgress a set of agreed limits, they could also easily transgress the marriage or relationship and may have done so depending upon the transgression. An insecure relationship is easy to spot when talking to both individuals on the phone. That's why we insist talking to both parties on the phone before ever talking about setting up a meeting. But even then, we have been fooled, thus the disagreements.

 

As with frenzb4sex, our outcomes have always been positive. Our relationship has also become stronger because we feel that we can talk to each other about anything and not be rejected for our thoughts, opinions or feelings. My wife is the only person that knows everything about me (and I mean everything). Somehow she still loves me even with all my flaws. And I didn't even know I had any !!!!!(if ya can believe that, I got some swamp land for sale). For that reason, to me she is priceless and has no peer among women. No "friends", swinging or not, would be worth jeopardizing what we have together.

 

D and A

[windsor4fun2 130]

Originally posted by Vjklander

If it wasn't a swing partner it probably would have been someone from work or the local saloon. There are a lot of people around who are together but not in love, or are only in love with being in love. That is a weakness of the relationship regardless of lifestyle.

 

This has been our experience also. We know a couple that recently split. He was involved wife the wife of another swinger couple. That was just ONE symptom of their problems.

 

It is not possible to say that swinging hasn't, and will never ever be the sole cause of marital problems but if you look at swingers that break up (not that there are a lot)you will find that swinging itself was not the cause.

 

Jesse

[GaHotNSexy 16]

I just wanted to say thanks to you all for shedding a little light on this subject for me. I can see where it could be dangerous to either partner if things are not properly discussed and out there so that everyone knows what is going on and not just wondering what you are thinking. I think we are gonna be fine. It sure does seem to have brought us closer. The funny thing is this... Sex with others is so fun and you always feel so horny for this person or that person but in truth... or in our case... no one knows how to please me like my man. It is so much fun to let others try tho and oh so erotic for us both. I think that just knowing we are going to play gives us an extra boost as we go the the day sometimes..

 

That couple that was discussed about where the wife was cheating with the couple they swung withs husband are headed for trouble... If they stay in the lifestyle how can they swing with others and have complete confidence that the other is just there for fun and then back to the one he/she loves?

 

I didnt think I would be able to handle the thought of my man with another woman but I was extrememly turned on by the fact that he wanted to share me. When it got right down to it... I wanted to share him too... Just the thought was turning me on extensively. Now we are stil new in this but in the same sentence I can say that I feel good about it this far and I think we have a lot of exploring to do and this is a very good thing for us both. I feel like if we always do things together (and this is our one and only limit thus far) always then we should have no problems.

 

My question I guess is this... Do others swing seperatly. ?It seems more like that would be an open marriage and not just swinging. I dont want to think he would be meeting without me or I would be meeting without him. Is this a common practice??

 

Thanks...

 

I am so full of questions lol...

[texasfans2003 16]

The first limit we established was that "we do everything together". We might share with others in separate rooms if that is their preference(it happens to be my wife's preference too). Everything we are to others, we are as a couple. We are accepted as a couple and we accept them for the same. We will have nothing to do with couples who would want to play with only one or the other of us or be friends with one and not the other. We respect them though if that is something they are comfortable with but swinging separately is just not within our limits.

 

Throughout the contacting, meeting, getting to know you and playing phases, we always commuicate. "What do you think about this couple? What did you do that was fun or different?" In fact, we tell others that they can be assured that we will defintely talk about them (between ourselves only) and that we EXPECT them to talk about us in the same way. We encourage the communication that way as well as telling them that we always communicate.

 

D

[Maus-Katz 16]

We also established, from the onset, the rule that we are to always be together in the same room. We feel that this lifestyle is one that we are involved in TOGETHER and all aspects of it are to be mutual experiences. Perhaps it simply a way to nip potential jealousy in the bud, but we think it'll work for us and keep everything open between us.

 

M

[bear_n_bunny 43]

GaHotNSexy's experience is rather similar to ours, in that Bunny always says that, while she enjoys playing with other guys, no one does it for her like I do. Also, we have never had any arguments over our swinging activities. Of course, we talked everything out ahead of time so we knew what the ground rules are to start with.

 

We have known of couples who ended up divorced, but by all accounts the causes had nothing to do with their swinging. Not that it sometimes isn't claimed by one or the other that swinging was the cause. When I first got into swinging, it was with an ex-girlfriend. We were into swinging (at house parties) for about a year, and a good time was had by both of us. I eventually broke up with her, for reasons that had nothing to do with our swinging activities, although she later claimed it was a contributing factor, and that she had said she wanted to stop, etc. However, the truth was, SHE was the contributing factor in my calling off the relationship, and she even continued to swing as a single female afterwards, and certainly never said a word about stopping when we were together. The moral to the story is that swinging is sometimes used as an excuse for a split, but if you dig into the matter, you will find out that it was something else (or several somethings) that cause the divorce.

 

 

 

Originally posted by GaHotNSexy

I just wanted to say thanks to you all for shedding a little light on this subject for me. I can see where it could be dangerous to either partner if things are not properly discussed and out there so that everyone knows what is going on and not just wondering what you are thinking. I think we are gonna be fine. It sure does seem to have brought us closer. The funny thing is this... Sex with others is so fun and you always feel so horny for this person or that person but in truth... or in our case... no one knows how to please me like my man. It is so much fun to let others try tho and oh so erotic for us both. I think that just knowing we are going to play gives us an extra boost as we go the the day sometimes..

 

That couple that was discussed about where the wife was cheating with the couple they swung withs husband are headed for trouble... If they stay in the lifestyle how can they swing with others and have complete confidence that the other is just there for fun and then back to the one he/she loves?

 

I didnt think I would be able to handle the thought of my man with another woman but I was extrememly turned on by the fact that he wanted to share me. When it got right down to it... I wanted to share him too... Just the thought was turning me on extensively. Now we are stil new in this but in the same sentence I can say that I feel good about it this far and I think we have a lot of exploring to do and this is a very good thing for us both. I feel like if we always do things together (and this is our one and only limit thus far) always then we should have no problems.

 

My question I guess is this... Do others swing seperatly. ?It seems more like that would be an open marriage and not just swinging. I dont want to think he would be meeting without me or I would be meeting without him. Is this a common practice??

 

Thanks...

 

I am so full of questions lol...

 

Two of the couples we play with regularly do play alone on occasion, with their respective "boy/girlfriends". However, everyone knows everyone else in these situations, and they all know when it happens, etc. I just discussed this with Bunny, and we are in agreement that this sort of arrangement is an "open marriage" sort of thing, and not swinging. You swing as a couple, with another couple; going off and boffing someone else one-on-one with your partner's knowledge and approval is an open marriage, or whatever other term one might care to use.

 

This sort of arrangement is by no means unknown in swinging (that is, couples that swing but also have some kind of open marriage arrangement), but I would have to say that the majority of swinging couples do not go this route.

 

-- Bear

[djjwp 129]

First marrage split up due to wife going out alone w/o me. She wanted to play but when with another couple, she wanted seperate rooms and when he came down, same room but I could only watch. Then she took off for a weekend without me completly and would not fill me in on what she did.

 

My advise is this based on what happened to us...

 

Never do ANYTHING without his knowledge and keep him in the loop. If he is OK with you out alone and then asks what happened, be open, honest, and leave nothing out, make him part of the experance as that is what he wants even if he could not or would not be there at the event.

 

Never deny him access to you while with another if he wants it. You two are a couple and the other is extra. When the night is over, you still go home with him.

 

TALK IT OVER AND OVER AGAIN until you are both on the same page and have a 100% clear idea of what you BOTH want. Your best bet is as easy as can be... Be as open as a book, frank and honest with each other and listen to what each of you want. As long as you do that, you should not have any issues.

[robnbarb 41]

Hi, we are new and just want to jump in.

 

This is my wife's major consern, and to a certain degree mine as well. I told her very honestly that I did not want to lose her cause of this and she agreed, I think that is the main thing that is giving us cold feet at the moment.

 

We have both had marrages that ended with affairs of our spouces, so that is a bit touchy as well. But we already have set up the "always together" rule right off the bat to avoid things like mentioned above.

[WesternSwing 504]

Unfortunately, we are experiencing first hand the effects of the lifestyle that had spun out of control. Some friends of ours are filing for divorce when it was found that the female half of the couple had been having an affair with a male half of a couple they were friends with for quite some time. The nitty gritty details of it all was that she was meeting him unknown to either of the significant others, and this had developed into love.

 

In my mind affairs and cheating have different definitions (both of which are destructive to a relationship). Cheating is say, being out of town, picking someone up in the lounge at the Holiday Inn and having sex. Cheating is nothing to do about love, but purely lust.

 

To me, affairs are falling in love with someone other than your spouse, which usually leads to sex. It's not about sex, but rather emotion. Affairs usually occur because this someone else is providing something that their spouse is not, or the person perceives their spouse is not. Such as the other person makes him/her feel better about themselves in a manner their spouse doesn't. Affairs don't happen because someone is just horny. They happen because someone is lonely and has a void in their being that this other person fills. It sounds like this couple falls into that category since it has been going on for some time.

 

Swingers are just a susceptible to this as others, but I think less so because it takes the "cheating" end of it out because you're allowed to have sex with others. I think Swingers are less likely to have "affairs" since they communicate so much better with each other that those "voids" are recognized and filled by their spouses.

 

In my first marriage, my wife was having an affair. It was because this other guy said the all the right things and she was unhappy in aspects of our marriage, such as I worked too much and she felt ignored and we were out of touch with each other. She worked with him and during the workweek, they spent more hours together than we did. The sex happened because she fell in love with him, she didn't fall in love with him because of sex. Our sex life was great, it was in other areas our relationship was lacking.

 

I think that for swingers the causes of divorce are caused outside the bedroom (money and other relationship issues). If the marriage is strong and all emotional needs are being met inside the relationship, sex with others will not pose any threat to that relationship. If it does, then there are deeper problems than just sex.

 

I can say for me that swinging has deepened our relationship because I used to put too much emphasis on the role of sex in the relationship. Yes, good sex in an important part of the relationship, but it is not THE relationship. Take sex away and you are left with the actual relationship, the communication, loving, compassion, sharing, understanding, friendship, etc. Swinging has made me realize how great all those things are in my marriage and what a wonderful person I am married to. And, unless those things are missing, there will never be another person that can take my place in or out of the bedroom, in her head, heart, and nether regions.

 

Mr. WS

[Mike and Jan 20]

OK, just a word from experience...,

My wife and I had experiences with five other couples back in the late seventies and early eighties. Mostly good but a couple of not-so-good ones. I loved it but each time she had real remorse afterwards and finally just said no more.

[akamgaxoxo 25]

I really do feel that my hubby and I are on the same page...with swinging and our general lives together. We built our relationship on being open and honest and being on the same page on pretty much everything. So for some it is hard to believe that there are couples out there that do not fight....and we really don't. I guess we like to say that we are two peas in a pod...as cheesy as that sounds!

 

Also, we have not had any serious issues together in regards to swinging. To us swinging would not be a cause for us to break up, because wayyyyy before that happens, we would quit swinging and get professional help or whatever is needed to get us back on track with one another.

[intuition897 2,179]

This is an older poll, but I voted on it anyhow. I voted that yes, it had caused many arguments to arise but that we are still together. I wanted to elaborate on that a bit. We weren't arguing about swinging; we were arguing because swinging highlighted pre-existant problems. These were things that we needed to get worked out anyway, and swinging was the perfect way for us to sift through the crap and find out what the REAL roadblocks were. So I'm a big fan of swinging. It's done nothing but help.

[DBL D 120]

I voted that we are on the same page, but it should actually be the "same book". I'm a few chapters ahead of her but she's catching up fast! facelick

 

Male D

[Jamie&Kieth 36]

Guess my husband are wierd ... we simply love each other and our love continues to grow ... nothing like morning sex with my husband after a night of group sex ... just doesn't get any better.

[fun4two 15]

since we started swinging we have been on the same page...but if something comes up we talk up about it and the same thing if something goes wrong...communication is very important in the lifestlye...i think since we joined the lifesylye we have grown togather more enjoying each others interest and experiances....the key is to talk,talk and talk...always set your limits if you have any....because as you swing you will have more limits popping up..and sometimes limits end up being broke...and make sure with your partner that everything is ok with what has happen... we meet with couples that have almost the same interest and limits set..makes for more enjoyable times...honesty is very important to us if that was ever broke i dont think we would swing anymore until we have fully fixed what went wrong...

[knc7275 16]

We are very new to the lifestyle and really are just learning about it right now. This thread has been very informative. The "always together" rule will probably be the way we go. Quite honestly we haven't even discussed any "rules" yet. I'm beginning to realize how important they are, thanks!

[telly2 15]

weel, there wasn't really an answer for us in this poll, we had much grief in the beginning with the green monster {jelousy} but have since worked thru all of that and have been going strong in our relationship for the past 8 yrs.

I think we all have stress in the beginning , but as the relationship grows in the lifestyle, it does get easier.

[Guest newbie tuesday]

We're new to the lifestyle and we've had a few problems starting out. But I guess that's to be expected judging by the posts from the veterans.

 

After our first experience with another couple my husband and I talked about it and I was stunned how different our takes were. (we don't full swap, just girl/girl, same room and play with your own partner -- this was something that was not negotiable as far as I was concerned)

 

While we both thought it was very fun and very erotic, he admitted he felt it was sort of depressing not to be able to interact with the other woman who was so close to him. He found it hard not to think, "if only". He knows what my boundries are and accepts them but he had to admit it was kind of a drag not to be able to go further.

 

This was about the last thing I wanted to hear! I had thought the whole thing was incredibly erotic and hadn't had the least interest in the husband of the other couple. The whole time I was with the other woman I kept thinking how hot it was that my husband was watching this and I couldn't wait to get him involved (with me while I was with her). I had a great time with her and was very attracted to her but my thoughts and emotions were all about wanting my husband. Apparently, (at least some of) his were on how hot she was and wasn't it a bummer he couldn't play with her (because I set the limits).

 

So I was pretty crushed to hear he wasn't sharing my feelings. Which of course would be impossible because we're two different people so we couldn't possibly have identical feelings about a particular event. But for me it had been such a stretch to do this and it had been so great, only to find out that for him it fell short of the ideal.

 

We've talked and talked about this and he completely agrees that I get to set the boundries and he'll respect them. But. I can't help but wonder if this will be a problem for us down the road. I don't see myself ever wanting to full swap (of course, never say never, I'm completely open to whatever changes feel right and natural). Will he grow bored with the look don't touch policy (really who could blame him?) and just watching me with others while he plays only with me? If so, it's a deal breaker for me. I'm not prepared to do things I'm not comfortable with because that's what he needs. And I'm not prepared to stand in his way if that's really what he wants so... and yeah I'm going a long way to borrow trouble...does that mean divorce?

 

I doubt it. I always think we could find a way to be together but the first misstep did give me pause. I'm not prepared to give up on the lifestyle. I really want to try to make the lifestyle work for us and still keep our marriage strong.

[chp_thrill 15]

newbie tuesday, think of it another way, you both like cheesecake, there is plenty there for everyone. Only you get to eat it, you eat you fill and say wasn't that great. Oh only I can eat "this" cheesecake. I know you are hungry, but didn't you really really like watching me eat my fill? Sure there are leftovers, but you can't have any.

 

I'd tend to get a bit miffed too.

Whatever works for both of you.

[vicodinwizard 17]

We didn't answer the poll, because of a missing choice.

 

We have had some problems, but worked through them with open communication, and trust. We have also grown together and learned in the process.

[nottieme 18]

Wow this thread was started over 10 years ago.. Reading up a few I'm really curious how things turned out for poor newbie tuesday's husband though the site has been waiting for email confirmation from her since 2006 so we are not likely to get an update

[Playingnow 39]

Our problems has not been the result of what my wife or I have done or what others have done with us. We were at a private party that not knowing the relationship, our host invited our daughter and her friend. Both my wife and I were in a room with a couple others when our daughter walked in not knowing it was us or that we were even into swinging. That led to some hardships between us and her. Actually caused us to stop for a long time.

 

We smoothed things over with her but as far as swinging, we rarely have any fun anymore. My wife said she just can't get into the mood after the commotion our daughter caused.

[rainbowfox 20]

Well, I thought I would join in here, although I just usually read and not post at all. I ‘was’ in the lifestyle a long time ago and have a lot of stories and memories of the participation(s) I had over the years.

 

I’m almost 80 now but was active when in my 30's and on. As an avid people student, I saw a lot of the kind of issues that have been spoken of in these posts on this poll.

 

Without getting into any personal details, I can speak with some authority on this topic.

I won’t say ‘swinging’ caused my divorce since it didn’t. What it did is uncover a long hidden personality trait that became the root cause of the divorce.

 

I feel that anyone who gets involved with this lifestyle should FIRST address this common personality trait individually and, especially, TRUTHFULLY. It’s what I call my “look at yourself in the mirror” moment/exercise. One MUST be absolutely honest with themselves first about all the characteristics that make them up -and- essentially, what and why they want to engage in the lifestyle. While it may seem simple, it is not. It requires deep searching and full frontal examination of why one wants to swing. For most men, it may be no more than, simply, “I get to fuck a lot of women”. What those men may not realize is that his partner also “gets to fuck a lot of men”. I, personally, witnessed at least two occasions where the male came upon his wife/girlfriend/partner coming to full climax with someone other than him. In both cases, the male ‘freaked’ out and pulled her up and dragged her off and away/out from the party. In several instances, I saw women break out in tears when they witnessed their man fucking their brains out and climaxing with another woman. From what I have read on this site, a lot of that has changed in this current day; men (and women) are turned on by seeing their mate reaching the fullest height of a sexual encounter. What a marvelous, open way to share!

 

Only after this personal cauterization can one hope to honestly communicate with their partner when exploring the lifestyle. But, trust me, if it has been an honest search for one’s personal position, the melding of the two of you is a LOT easier.

 

The personality trait (you thought I’d never get to it, didn’t you) is – INSECURITY!

 

Insecurity within oneself leads to all sorts of problems; the largest one being JEALOUSY. But beyond jealousy, insecurity can erode and undermine all aspects of a relationship. And it doesn’t have to be overt (and usually isn’t); it can lead to snide remarks, unnecessary questions, probing insinuations, long stares, ominous pauses and silences, and outright frostiness. If challenged, there is instant denial and backpedaling. Often, as in my case, it doesn’t come into major play until there is a perceived threat to the relationship. But once it is exposed and out in the open, it seeps everywhere into the crevices of daily interactions. And just as water seeps into cracks in rocks, freezes, and bursts the rock; insecurity can fracture the strongest relationship.

 

I realize that many social standards and mores have changed since I was active in the ‘scene’ and some of the conflicting issues that were prevalent in my time have become more passe in current climates. The younger set is more aware, and accepting, of ‘hooking up’; a casual sexual encounter; in my time referred to ‘a one night stand’. I think this is much better for the individuals involved as it lessens the likelihood of emotional involvement between swinging encounters. What made individuals gravitate to each other, fall in love, and make a lasting commitment to each other can endure such minor ‘bumps’. Having their own ‘history’ of ‘hooking up’ makes a more secure acceptance of the casual sex of swinging.

 

Once actually in the ‘scene’, the couple can encounter situations that would never occur in other ‘normal’ social settings. Those can trigger unknown insecurities; “is he bigger than me?”; “are hers bigger than mine? (a threat only if the man is a ‘boob’ man)”; “is she prettier than me”; the list of questions one can generate from insecurities is endless (you can fill in your own here). Only those who are secure in themselves and the relationship can withstand those inevitable thoughts and worries.

 

I’m very sure that the majority of those who answered the poll with comments have already made those ‘mirror’ exercises themselves and have reached a plateau with their mates so they can openly enjoy their swinging encounters; each couple in their own way.

 

Sex, as we all know, is one of the major driving forces of our lives; shared without reservation is the peak of the lifestyle.

 

So, bottom line, know yourself, know your partner, keep your heart open, and enjoy their pleasures.

[pacpl4fun69 17]

We have enjoyed the experiences with very little downside. Three elements we both agree on have helped not found in all relationships. Strong communication, trust among all involved, and progressing at mutually agreed upon pace. The intent is to enhance our own relationship first and be fun people with those we interact with.

[LustyDesires 22]

Actually to be honest..

 

Swinging actually brought us extremely closer!

 

Ironically, when we took a break from it due to our schedules and whatnot, thats when we have started to drift apart!

My wife has recently quit her job and has gone back to school to further her career, so that takes up most of her time, and i am working fulltime and spend my free time pursing my dreams, so swinging has since been put on hold for us..

 

The truth is, it kind of sucks! Because we rarely have sex with each other if at all these days..

When time permits, i think its safe to say we will both be looking forward to getting back into the swing!

It definitely brought us closer and made not only our communcation open up more but it really opened up more intimatcy between us!

[rainbowfox 20]

Of course, (not meaning to be a wet towel/blanket/loincloth, etc), if swinging had caused a major rift, we're not likely to hear about it here. If it ended the relationship, neither partner is likely to post it here; if they re-visit at all. So we may only see the opinions of those who either survived any problems (or had no problems) and flowed into the lifestyle more easily.

But it would be interesting if those who knew of couples who had major problems, even to the point of a breakup, would post their observations here. NOT to be a discouragement but to share experiences observed of others who ran into trouble - for whatever the reason.

I'll even kick it off - I had thrown a major weekend party (long ago) and had about a dozen couples in attendance. Remember, this was a long time ago when swinging was not as widely popular as it is now, and couples were more of the closet style of swinging. I had made accommodations throughout the house for a more 'private' form of swinging. Anyway, the party was a great success (in spite of some sunburns from water skiing) and Sunday came around. As they were leaving, two couples left together and, to our surprise, they swapped partners and drove off. We found out later (small, tight circle) that the guy of one and the girl of the other were not that enamored of the lifestyle and were off on their own. We never saw them again. The other couple stayed in the 'scene' for another two years then they had problems (girl didn't like it - lied) and they split up. The guy tried to continue as a single but, at that time, singles were not as welcome then as they are now (sorta) so he kind of drifted off.

So, I'm sure there are other stories out there.................

[SwingSetWife 444]

Of course, (not meaning to be a wet towel/blanket/loincloth, etc), if swinging had caused a major rift, we're not likely to hear about it here. If it ended the relationship, neither partner is likely to post it here; if they re-visit at all.

 

I've shared my story in other threads if anyone cares for the details, but yes, swinging caused major problems in my relationship and even though there were other problems that brought about the end of that relationship, I "blame" swinging for the bulk of it. we spent much more time fighting about swinging than we did any actual swinging. We were able to repair the relarionship and Without getting into a long story ( bc I just don't have the time right now) we are still swinging but doing things better this time.

 

 

You have to consider swinging just like you would anything else. Discuss the pros and cons. Each other's wants and needs. And not let fear drive it.